Lunaloverxx
Joined 7th Sep, 2014 ·
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Okay, good premise, but I have a few suggestions. You need to get an editor as you have some problems capitalizing words, using past tense of some verbs (layed is not a word), forgetting to use commas, and misspelling a few words (single headedly is supposed to be singlehandedly). Another thing is that the backstory of the OC is too fast paced. You don't need to spell all of the guy's backstory in just one chapter. You can give small hints to make the audience interested. Overall, the premise is good, so I wish you good luck.
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Ok, First off thank you for leaving a comment and for helping me out cause this is my first story and I want it to be as enjoyable as possible. As for some of your suggestions I will try to find a editor so it will be more pleasing to read. For the back story of being to fast for my OC, well I didn't explain the WHOLE thing, but that is most of it so I do have some more backstory for my readers to find out. Just a heads up it is a little dark. Which reminded me I should add that tag. So from now on I will try to go at a slower pace. :)
It has promise and with an editor I think you can deliver.
I enjoy this but I might go back and read this chapter again to see if I can find anything you need to fix other then that it's a good story can't wait for the next chapter
good job
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Thanks
If anyone is wondering why I haven't been updating my story in a while its because I really don't know where to go at the moment. I will still continue the story I just have to plan it ahead a bit because with the first two I just winged it. So I am taking time to prepare and all that so I can actually update weekly.
Okay I'm good with Gore and all that good stuff but that last little bit draws the line and your next chapter depending on how it turns out will decide if I continue reading or not but this chapter was okay
This should be interesting. Just another nobility tell met. What will Happen? find out next time on.
LOVE IS PURE.