Okay, good premise, but I have a few suggestions. You need to get an editor as you have some problems capitalizing words, using past tense of some verbs (layed is not a word), forgetting to use commas, and misspelling a few words (single headedly is supposed to be singlehandedly). Another thing is that the backstory of the OC is too fast paced. You don't need to spell all of the guy's backstory in just one chapter. You can give small hints to make the audience interested. Overall, the premise is good, so I wish you good luck.

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Ok, First off thank you for leaving a comment and for helping me out cause this is my first story and I want it to be as enjoyable as possible. As for some of your suggestions I will try to find a editor so it will be more pleasing to read. For the back story of being to fast for my OC, well I didn't explain the WHOLE thing, but that is most of it so I do have some more backstory for my readers to find out. Just a heads up it is a little dark. Which reminded me I should add that tag. So from now on I will try to go at a slower pace. :)

It has promise and with an editor I think you can deliver.