The Grand Ballroom of Canterlot had been nicely restored since the previous year's disastrous Grand Galloping Gala. The decorative pillars had been repaired, the polished white floors showed no sign of the damage a stampede of clawed animals had caused, and the broken stained glass in the windows had all been replaced. The only thing missing was the statue of Princess Celestia; in its place was a new statue, one depicting Celestia holding up the sun and Luna holding up the moon. The ballroom itself was already full as Twilight and her friends entered. Ponies, gryphons, and others clustered around the myriad group tables laid out across the floor. Some milled around, others were nibbling at the buffet at the back of the room, but most sat with their groups, talking.
Twilight led her friends toward an empty table with an elegantly engraved name card reading ‘Twilight Sparkle and Group’. Rarity looked around appraisingly; the general tone was slightly dressed up, but not ostentatiously so. She drew a stylish-but-understated purple and white scarf from her saddlebags and looped it around her neck, drawing an arch look from Applejack.
"What?" Rarity asked, guilelessly. "A lady should always be prepared."
"I think it looks very nice, Rarity," Fluttershy offered, softly.
"Well, thank you," came the magnanimous response. "At least somepony here recognizes the value of looking their best."
"Applejack always looks her best!" Pinkie piped up, standing up in her chair.
"Well, thank you, sugarcube-"
"Because she always looks the same! Right, Applejack? Just like me! I always look the same so I always look my best, too!”
"Thank you, Pinkie," the farmpony said flatly.
Pinkie sat back down, cheerfully. "You're welcome!"
"She is right, you know, Applejack," Rarity said as she absently inspected her front hooves for cracks. "You could try varying your wardrobe a bit. If nothing else, you could certainly use a new hat."
Applejack, fuming, pushed her stetson back on her forehead. "There ain't nothin' wrong with my hat! 'Sides, you already made me another hat to go with that dress you made me for the Gala."
"You can't wear that hat!" Rarity exclaimed, beginning to fume herself. "That hat is formal attire to be worn with the outfit for which it was designed to the proper sort of events!"
"There ain't nothin' wrong with my hat!"
"Yes, there is!"
"Stop arguing!"
The shout drew some very indignant looks from nearby tables and some shocked ones from everyone else at the table. Fluttershy, realizing what she had just done, curled her hooves underneath her and hid her face behind her mass of pink mane. The table lapsed into an awkward silence for a moment before Rainbow Dash, who had been staring off into space, realised the discussion of scarves and fashion and looking one's best had died the death it so richly deserved. She leaned into the table, excitedly. "Oh! Right, so I never got to tell you all who else I saw on the list of competitors next to Twilight!"
Twilight's eyes went wide and she suddenly ducked down low in her seat. "Trixie!"
Rainbow Dash blinked in confusion. "What? Yeah, how'd you know, Twilight?"
Twilight hushed at Rainbow Dash and spoke in a whisper. "No, Rainbow, it's Trixie! She's right over there!" Twilight gestured with her hoof at a table a few yards away, through a break in the crowd created when one of the adjacent ponies decided it would be best to turn his back to the loud table next to him.
The table in question only had two chairs, one of which held a familiar, bored-looking unicorn. She was wearing a new cape different in design than the one she had lost in Ponyville with a matching hat sitting in front of her on the table. Different clothes or not, however, the crescent moon and magic wand cutie mark on her flank did not belong to anypony but The Great and Powerful Trixie. As Twilight watched, Trixie said something inaudible and made an offhoof gesture at her companion, a vacant-looking tan-and-brown earth pony stallion. He got up and headed toward the buffet table, leaving Trixie alone.
Rarity turned to look the direction Twilight was pointing then quickly turned back to the table, a hoof raised to hide her face. "Ugh, it is her," Rarity said in much the same tone she might have used if she were talking about a swarm of Parasprites. "What's she doing here? And dressed like that? Orange and green on purple, really."
"Well, she’s probably in the tournament. Why else would she be here?" Applejack said with a shrug. "Her friend there ain't competin', that's for sure."
Spike snorted. "Who cares? Twilight'll wipe the floor with her just like last time! Twilight can beat any unicorn with one hoof tied behind her back!" A sideways look from Rarity later, and Spike started sputtering. "I mean, at magic! Just magic! She's not half as beautiful, talented, charming..."
Twilight glared at the baby dragon over the tabletop. "Thanks a lot, Spike."
Spike looked between Rarity and Twilight and promptly bit down on his claw, silencing himself before he could dig a deeper hole. A friendly and comforting pat from Fluttershy did nothing to alleviate his embarrassment.
Groaning, Twilight sat up a little straighter, just enough to rest her head on the table. "How much longer until the ceremony starts?"
"Little while yet, sugarcube."
Another groan.
Across the table, Pinkie Pie suddenly stopped working on a ship-in-a-bottle and sat up straight. "I know what would cheer you up, Twilight!" she said, determination in her relentlessly cheerful voice.
Twilight pulled her gaze away from Trixie's back to look at the sugar-rushing earth pony. "Pinkie, I don't think the table's big enough to throw a party."
Pinkie Pie squared off her hooves for a moment as if measuring the space out by eye. "You're probably right. But I was going to ask if you wanted to play a game!" Pinkie reached under the table, and when her hooves came back they were carrying a folding chess set. "Ta da!"
Sitting up straight, Twilight stared across the table in bewilderment. "Pinkie, since when do you play chess?"
"I play it all the time with Gummy!"
Applejack grimaced and gestured across at the momentarily-forgotten Trixie. "You got any eight-player games there, Pinkie? Cause I think we've got company."
The entire table turned to look and saw Trixie glaring daggers right back. She got up and marched over toward the Ponyville table, leaving her friend alone with his thought.
"Oh, horseapples."
Stalking up to the table, Trixie threw her mane back dramatically. "Well, well, well, look who we have here." She sneered. "Those country bumpkins from Ponyville! Have you come to gaze in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie wins the Moonstone Cup?" She narrowed her eyes and scowled at Twilight, who was still slumped far down in her seat. "Or is Celestia's favorite student planning on making a spectacle of herself trying to show up Trixie again?"
In a blur of color, Rainbow Dash was out of her seat and hovering over the table, glaring down at Trixie. "Hey, Twilight's ten times the magician you are! Which of you got her dock handed to her by that Ursa, huh?"
"Rainbow Dash, language!" Fluttershy looked around furtively at the neighboring tables; the Table of Harmony was now awash in a sea of grumbling and indignant glares.
Twilight rubbed the bridge of her muzzle and sat up a little straighter, her ears twitching oddly. "Now, Trixie, I'm sure we'll both do our best and compete fairly. I'm glad to see you made it here too."
With a contemptuous snort, the belligerent blue unicorn reared for a moment, her front hooves kicking. "Talk all you want, Twilight Sparkle, but Trixie has been training! You may have defeated an Ursa Minor but you might as well drop out of this competition now because you won't beat Trixie a second time!" She settled back down, flipped her mane back again, and spoke a bit airily. "This is a competition for wizards, not librarians." She turned, swishing her tail contemptuously at the table as she walked back over to her oblivious companion.
"Why, that little... Come back here, you-" Rainbow Dash prepare to race after her and then squawked awkwardly as she was yanked back into her seat by her tail.
"Sit down, sugarcube. She ain't worth it."
The table once again lapsed into an awkward silence. Rainbow Dash had her front legs crossed petulantly as she fumed. Fluttershy was curled up on her legs again, while Rarity was looking away, trying her hardest to look as though she didn't know any of these crazy ponies. Pinkie Pie was hard at work on a crossword puzzle that she was discussing softly with Spike, and Twilight Sparkle had her head resting on the table, front hooves crossed over her muzzle.
A hush went through the ballroom and Twilight sat up again. Three beings were stepping up on the dais. First, the radiant form of Princess Celestia. She was accompanied by her usual retinue of barded guard-ponies who took up silent vigil to the rear of the dais.
Following closely behind Celestia was a wizened, hunched being stooped over on two legs, all grey and white fur with streaks of faded brown, draped in a purple dyed robe. It had piercing grey eyes and an elongated muzzle full of sharp, canine teeth that were nonetheless worn with age. Even from halfway across the ballroom Twilight felt as though this creature could see right through her. It was followed by two younger, stronger attendants that looked recognizably similar to diamond dogs but with black and brown fur speckled with white spots. They carefully lifted the robe away from the elder creature as it stepped on to the dais and took their own place to the rear, notably standing away from Celestia's guards.
Finally, the third being took the dais by itself with no guards or attendants. It appeared for all the world like an earth pony, as tall and strong as Celestia, all sleek lines and powerful muscle, vaguely feminine in an androgynous way. She had a bright green coat and a mane that faded from white to bright orange to red and finally to black at the tips. Her eyes were jade green and slitted vertically like a snake's or a...
Spike hissed, inhaling through his teeth. "Oh, wow, it's her," he said, barely audibly. Twilight could have sworn she saw him grow a bit taller out of the corner of her eye. This was Najstariot, then, the reclusive dragon queen.
The old, furred creature was to be the first speaker. It stepped its way to the front of the dais. "Good day." The wizened canine's voice was rough, scarred with age and harshly accented. Although the ancient creature spoke softly, its voice carried across the ballroom as if amplified. "And welcome. It is great honor to be here for three hundred forty seventh Moonstone Cup. My name Hadalsnan al-Dhi’b, king of Ghilan, leader of ghuls. For more than thirty generation my people and pony people and dragon people," al-Dhi’b said, his hands moving in broad gestures, pointing first at himself and then at Celestia and Najstariot, respectively, "come together to share knowledge and to compete in this place for honor of our homeland."
Al-Dhi'b continued speaking, regaling the thoroughly excited crowd with the wonders of ghul society. To hear the old creature tell it ghuls had invented everything from the wheel to matter transmutation. Twilight was astonished to find, as the speech/harangue went on, that even she was growing bored with the extended - and largely fabricated - ‘history lesson’.
A loud snore came from Rainbow Dash, followed by a yelp as Applejack kicked her under the table.
“...face responsibility as warders of earth with dignity and pride...”
“Hey, everypony,” Pinkie whispered, looking pensively at the crossword puzzle clutched in her hooves. “What’s a six-letter word for ‘giant fire-breathing lizard’?”
“...in friendship with dragon people, pony people, others...”
Resting her muzzle on her left hoof Twilight wondered if this is how other ponies felt when she lectured them.
"...meaning of tournament. Thank you again and welcome to Moonstone Cup."
Twilight shook herself out of her reverie and joined the politely restrained applause as Hadalsnan al-Dhi'b stepped back to the rear of the dais. Next, the dragon queen stepped forward, daintily; she walked with a grace and lightness that Fluttershy would have been hard-pressed to match.
"Good day, friends of all races," she began. Her voice could not have been more different than al-Dhi'b's. She was clear, mellifluous, with a hint of a deep thrum that lent a pleasant depth to her speech. Six words and everyone was awake and focused on the dais. "Welcome again to Canterlot and to the Moonstone Cup tournament. I trust everyone is full of energy and ready to give their all after my compatriot's fascinating and, dare I say, timeless speech?" A few chuckles ran through the crowd. "I will not keep you. As I'm sure you all know, I am Najstariot, empress of Ormsreich, and this will be my first time judging this tournament directly rather than sending a representative in... oh, goodness, so many years." She smiled fetchingly. "I do hope I wear my age well. It has been a pleasure to meet you all, and now I turn you over to our wonderful host, my dear friend Princess Celestia." The sound of clapping and stomping was riotous.
"She's amazing," Spike breathed as Najstariot concluded her extremely brief oratory.
The dragon queen stepped back gracefully and Princess Celestia stepped forward. "Hello, everyone," Celestia started in her usual understated, winsome fashion. "For those of you who don't know, I am Celestia, princess of Equestria, and I will be the third to welcome you to this year's Moonstone Cup. This tournament is a tradition going back over 700 years to the early days of co-operation between ponies, dragons and ghuls. This year's tournament is an extremely special one as it comes in the wake of two very important events: My sister, Princess Luna's, cleansing of Nightmare Moon and return to Equestria and the rediscovery of the Elements of Harmony."
Twilight sank into her seat again as Celestia gave a quick overview of the events of the past two years or so, in particular the ponies' battles with Nightmare Moon and Discord. To hear her tell it they might as well have happened one right after another, and in retrospect it felt that way.
Celestia went on to talk briefly about the tournament, having mercifully avoided naming any particular ponies in relation to the Elements of Harmony. There would be three phases; first, full bracket basic testing. The age brackets would be separated and sent to fields outside the Canterlot walls to demonstrate basic skills en masse: Power, accuracy of effect, fine manipulation, and some basic skills testing in transmutation, teleportation, object enchantment, banishing, summoning and personal augmentation. Twilight's ears pricked up at the last two; she had fairly well-rounded knowledge in the other areas but she had never tried summoning spells. Personal augmentation spells, as well, frequently felt like a waste compared to casting a Come-To-Life spell and letting something else do the heavy lifting. She'd be flying blind. Twilight squeaked softly and drew a concerned look from Fluttershy.
The second day was going to be direct "combat" with brackets made up of the top 10% of each group from day one. Magic duels only, the wizards themselves would be in no danger. This also eliminated the major physical advantage many of the non-pony competitors, in particular the dragons and gryphons, would have.
The third day would again be a short series of duels with the top two from each of the four age brackets from the previous day moving on to the semifinal rounds. This was usually where the less experienced competitors from the young adult bracket were knocked out of the running for the Moonstone Cup itself, but the gold medallion for the top competitor in the young adult bracket was almost as prestigious as the cup itself. Twilight had her eyes set there rather than on the almost certainly unattainable Cup. By and large, the grand prize ended up in the hands of the top competitor in either the Experienced or Sage brackets, all wizards over the age of a hundred with some of the most ancient Sages well over a thousand years old. The final day was reserved for the final match, and Twilight was more looking forward to seeing the magicians that succeeded in getting there than expecting to reach the finals herself.
Celestia wrapped up quickly as a buzz started going through the crowd; the reality of the situation, that the competitors would soon be lining up to begin the marathon to the Cup, was like electricity. "The first trials will be beginning tomorrow afternoon. Please everyone, relax, enjoy the buffet provided, and welcome once again to this year's Moonstone Cup."
---
The library of Canterlot had once been a second home to Twilight. It was one of the largest libraries in the world, maybe the largest, and was designed in the same style as much of Canterlot, all white marble columns and huge, open spaces with equally huge windows. As much as Twilight loved her library in Ponyville, the entire collection could have fit in a corner of the Canterlot library without even getting in the way. There was something to be said for having the collected wisdom of millennia at your hooves.
While Twilight’s friends had gone into the city to relax after the opening ceremony, Twilight herself had gone to the library for the afternoon. She had spent the time working her way through the library’s vast collection of magical texts and treatises, reading up on past Moonstone Cup tournaments and trying to fill in gaps in her knowledge as best she could. The afternoon wore on as so many did for Twilight, lost in books.
She looked up from a fascinating analysis of elemental summoning to see the last rays of sunlight fading through the library’s huge windows. Twilight sat back with a yawn and stretched then giggled slightly as her stomach rumbled loudly.
“Hungry?” piped up a familiar voice. Twilight turned and smiled brightly as she saw Princess Celestia standing next to her.
“Oh, Princess!” Twilight’s stomach rumbled again and she blushed in embarrassment. “Uh... A little, yes.”
Celestia smiled at her young student. “Well, dinner should be ready soon at the castle. Chef is preparing a lovely parsnip bourguignon for this evening and I’ve asked him to expect seven additional seats. After dinner, my sister and I can show you the quarters we’ve arranged for you and your friends. However, there is something I’d like to ask of you first.”
Twilight looked up at Celestia, worried. "Is there something wrong, princess?"
"No, Twilight," the day monarch said with a smile. "But there's someone who has asked to meet you, and I think you'll find this worth your while. If you'd rather go straight to the castle, of course, I'll send you to your friends and convey your apologies."
"Oh! No, that's alright, princess," Twilight said, her hunger and lassitude slightly abated by simply talking with her beloved teacher. "If you think it's important I'm more than happy to go. Who wants to meet me?"
"A friend of mine from long ago," came the reply. "Hadalsnan al-Dhi'b, the third organizer of this tournament. You saw him earlier at the opening ceremony."
Hadalsnan al-Dhi'b. The ghul king. Twilight's head swam. "O-of course, princess."
---
That evening, the sitting room of the library was nearly empty and silence greeted Celestia and Twilight Sparkle as they walked in through the archway. A single, hunched figure was sitting in a chair near a large fireplace. Celestia walked over to him, Twilight in tow.
"Greetings, your majesty," Celestia said, quietly.
Al-Dhi'b was old, older even than he had seemed during the earlier ceremony, grey through his muzzle and even on his paws. He turned his head ponderously and looked up at Celestia with a smile. "Pony Empress," he said, warmth in his raspy voice.
"Please, Hadalsnan, just Celestia. Princess, if you must."
Al-Dhi'b chuckled roughly as he rose to his feet. "Father always call you Empress. He remember days before Nightmare Moon."
Celestia bowed her head. "He was a good man. Even if our people weren't close until it was too late, he helped rebuild after Discord and Nightmare Moon. I'll never forget that."
"Good friend to pony princess, yes," the old ghul replied. "You good friend to him. He tell me. Always, he say, always help from Empress, and always be help to Empress. I tell young prince same thing. I make him learn Equestrian, too." He beamed. "My Equestrian, not so good. His Equestrian very good, he talk to Celestia way she deserve."
"Now," Al-Dhi'b said, turning to face Twilight with a craggy smile. "I meet hero pony, who save Luna, who defeat Discord. You Twilight Sparkle?"
"Yes, your majesty," came Twilight's choked response.
"You, your friends, do great service to world, not just to pony people." The withered creature leaned down in a bow and grinned in an oddly impish fashion. "Maybe I forgive you and other hero ponies for not paying attention at ceremony."
Twilight blushed. “I'm sorry about that, your majesty. I was trying to pay attention."
"So why not?"
"Well," the young unicorn said, uncomfortably. "I don't think everything you were saying was factually accurate, to begin with..."
Al-Dhi'b glared haughtily, his grey eyes boring holes in Twilight's. He drew up to his full height with the sound of cracking joints. When not hunched over, he was impressively tall, his eyes level with the tip of Celestia's horn. "I tell story of my people!" The old ruler thundered as he towered over Twilight. "Tell history! Ghuls once equal of any race in world! Once, all earth answer to ghuls! My father, earth his, just like sun and moon belong to pony princesses! He speak to earth, tell dirt to grow food, tell rocks to make gems! This fact! Ponies, dragons, gryphons, zebras, all owe debt to ghuls!"
"And you are still a proud and strong people," Celestia said softly.
The wizened old ghul deflated, the fierce gleam in his eyes fading. "No. Proud, not strong. Blood runs thin. Fewer pups every year. Earth no longer answers my people, just few sorcerers left. Some already lost, become...” He paused, grimacing. “Become animals. Stealing, eating filth, digging in dirt for gems that not speak. Call themselves diamond dogs." He sighed, slumping back down in his seat. He faced the fire, looking away from the two ponies. "Maybe two, maybe three hundred years, no ghuls left. Not much longer, no diamond dogs left. Young prince, last leader of our people."
Twilight looked stricken. The thought of a noble, ancient people reduced to the degradation of the diamond dogs and then to simply disappear... She had known, abstractly, that some ponies had been working with the ghuls to improve rainfall and soil quality in their lands and help fertility rates, but the idea that they were headed for extinction cut deeply. There was nothing like it in her experience. "Princess," she breathed. "Isn't there anything we can do to help?"
Princess Celestia turned her head to look at al-Dhi'b sorrowfully and said nothing. The old creature laughed, a raspy, dusty sound. "Silly young pony!" He said, harshly but without malice. "You think we never try? You think pony people, dragon people do nothing to help ghuls? My father, ruler before me, he see it coming. He ask for help from gryphon allies. He open formal negotiations and trade with Ormsreich and Equestria hundreds of years ago, gain trust, gain more friends and help. No use. Ghuls still dying. Hundreds of years, greatest minds working together. Ghuls still dying." He shook his shaggy head slowly. "No. Time for ghuls to go. Earth ponies, earth answer to them, now. More power in earth pony hooves than ever in ghul paws."
He took a deep breath and blinked away dampness forming in his ancient, grey eyes. "Time to move aside. World belong to younger races now. I tell story of my people so that pony people, dragon people, gryphon people all remember, we were here." He smiled thinly. "Good to meet you, Twilight Sparkle. You remember. You tell story when ghuls gone. You tell ponies who move to empty lands. You hero, people listen. You tell them, we were here."
Twilight blinked back tears that were threatening to run down her face. "It was good to meet you too, your majesty. I will."
"Come, Twilight," Celestia said, softly. "You should get some rest."
I wonder what Pinkie was knitting.
I wonder if this will end up turning out to be like Fluttershy's quiet game that was on here awhile ago.
45546 she was knitting a rainbow colored cupcake
45546
She's not making anything specific, she's just kind of knitting in general.
45546
Actually, she's knitting a Klein bottle
Ah, so there will be a real reason for Twilight to be worried during the contest and not just irrational fear of failure. Good.
ohhhhhhhh this is fun! can't wait for more to read
I wonder what's making the Ghuls die out
Interesting view of ponyverse indeed. That's a big bet but it kind of work for me, for now
Two little typos :
"First, the radiant form of.Princess Celestia." Too much dot .
"p4Personal augmentation spells, [...]." I think this doesn't belong to the text.
I can't tell you how glad I am to see new realms, new rulers, old races brought anew, it's all so incredible! You've got a heck of an imagination on you. You should be proud.
Aw, hey hey. D-don't speak like that. Y-your people are going to be fine. Twilight and the Other Elements will make sure of that.
... right?
An ancient race diminishing and leaving the land to the younger races...
Reminds me of the elves in Lord of the Rings
"The time of the Ghuls has ended...the time has come for the dominion of Ponies"
i know it's been a while since anyone commented, but does anyone else feel wisdom emanating from the old king's words?
I really hope newer generations come to appreciate history. I like to view the elements like paths we take, and i like to think i chose the path of Laughter and Magic(knowledge i use interchangeably) History and advancement is not appreciated enough at all.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
the polished white floors showed no sign of the damage a stampede of clawed animals had caused,
-Can animal claws even scratch up most types of stone flooring? I guess they could mar the wax, or if one goes with the idea that living creatures are harder compared to stone than they are IRL (cf Rainbow Dash cracking a cliff by crashing into it).
in its place was a new statue, one depicting Celestia holding up the sun and Luna holding up the moon.
-I bet Celestia was ESPECIALLY grateful the statue got broken then... Not that she probably really needed the excuse, it is her castle, if she wants to put some stuff in storage and have it replaced that is her/their prerogative. I mean MAYBE they have a budget minister who would raise a squawk in your version, but I like the idea of them being absolute in their power, but leaving lee-way (even democracy) at the lower levels to let competent ponies be competent and not make the populous TOO dependent on them.
She drew a stylish-but-understated purple and white scarf from her saddlebags and looped it around her neck, drawing an arch look from Applejack.
-I was WONDERING what she could possibly do to adjust her dress if it didn't match. Guess if more was needed Celestia would have taken them someplace to "freshen up" and informed Rarity of the evening's dress.
"Because she always looks the same!
-Indeed... although she did dress up for the GGG.
"Trixie!"
-Yeah, it was pretty obvious. I just find it interesting that Trixie has enough actual power and skill to get in. Maybe she has been training up?
Twilight hushed at Rainbow Dash and spoke in a whisper.
-Avoiding confrontation? Interesting given how they parted ways. Then again, trolls are trolls, even if you have the advantage of them.
The table in question only had two chairs,
-Still not making a huge number of friends I see... I wonder if the other one is a manager or trainer or something that she has a purely professional (if mutually or uni-laterally abusive) relationship with?
the crescent moon and magic wand cutie mark on her flank did not belong to anypony but The Great and Powerful Trixie.
-That is visible under the cape?
a vacant-looking tan-and-brown earth pony stallion.
-Doctor Hooves? And does she have him hypnotized, or is the vacant look just because he is cut from the same cloth as her fan-colt Snails?
Rarity turned to look the direction Twilight was pointing then quickly turned back to the table, a hoof raised to hide her face.
-Given the second fashion show she put on for Hoity Toity, I am surprised she doesn't illusion herself into somepony like Fleur De Lys... although that might only attract more attention and she might consider such things "cheating" when it comes to personal looks and thus not think in terms of using them or have much skill within her magical purview.
"Well, she’s probably in the tournament.
-RD already said her name was on the list...
A sideways look from Rarity later, and Spike started sputtering.
-Interesting to see Rarity encouraging him that much.
Pinkie Pie suddenly stopped working on a ship-in-a-bottle
-Guess I could see her doing that to help herself calm down and sit still since she may have some idea that there is something called "decorum" for these sorts of functions (Celestia may have explained a bit when the topic of "What went wrong?" came up at Pony Joe's after the GGG), even if she doesn't know what it is.
and when her hooves came back they were carrying a folding chess set.
-I was going to say that this seemed unusually insightful of a choice for Pinkie, but I guess picking the right games would be part of her area of study.
"Or is Celestia's favorite student planning on making a spectacle of herself trying to show up Trixie again?"
-"Trying" is, of course, the wrong word for her to pick for two reasons:
#1.) That wasn't Twilight's goal.
#2.) She SUCCEEDED.
Don't change a thing! You are writing Trixie well here. I also expect Trixie to wash out in the first round, but I could be wrong. She might be the target of cheating and Twilight will rescue her (again) or she might be the chief rival either with underhooved tricks or even legitimate skill since many people like to write her as very skillful, and, as I said, she could have been practicing up.
the Table of Harmony was now awash in a sea of grumbling and indignant glares.
-Nice ironic contrast...
"Now, Trixie, I'm sure we'll both do our best and compete fairly. I'm glad to see you made it here too."
-Very diplomatic of her.
"This is a competition for wizards, not librarians."
-Nice dig for anyone who DOESN'T know Twilight very well... "Librarian" is about third on Twilight's list, both in terms of time an value I should think. She is a Friend/Hero first (the Friendliness being the equivalent of ongoing combat training in her case), a researcher second (Ditto on the combat training), and a librarian third.
that she was discussing softly with Spike,
-Softly? Somepony MUST have clued her in...
elongated muzzle full of sharp, canine teeth that were nonetheless worn with age.
-Up until these phrases I thought it might be a multi-centuries old Star-Swirl the Bearded.
They carefully lifted the robe away from the elder creature as it stepped on to the dais and took their own place to the rear, notably standing away from Celestia's guards.
-Is it itself a Diamond Dog derivative?
Her eyes were jade green and slitted vertically like a snake's or a...
-Nightmare? Doesn't seem likely. Maybe a half-dragon...
This was Najstariot, then, the reclusive dragon queen.
-Ah, shapeshifted to fit in size-wise then?
My name Hadalsnan al-Dhi’b,
-Took me until here to realize that the other two names on the letter weren't just fancy titles you had made up for Celestia.
and largely fabricated - ‘history lesson’.
-Interesting... I guess Celestia is just being diplomatic by not making a big deal of it... I also can see lies being boring to Twilight.
“...in friendship with dragon people, pony people, others...”
-I see Pinkie Pie is being ironically oblivious.
Resting her muzzle on her left hoof Twilight wondered if this is how other ponies felt when she lectured them.
-Again, maybe you are having the characters overcoming their blind-spots a little too much.
Next, the dragon queen stepped forward, daintily; she walked with a grace and lightness that Fluttershy would have been hard-pressed to match.
-Interesting... I would have thought she would move with the grace of some sort of slow-moving industrial machinery. No jerks or sudden starts and stops, but only because the designers were thinking in terms of keeping everything TIGHTLY under control because they felt that any lack of such would be dangerous given the large forces and masses involved. Apparently she shares her grace with Celestia who is probably stronger than Luna, who can crack the ground with an angry stomp.
Six words and everyone was awake and focused on the dais.
-I see she equals or exceeds Celestia's charisma as well... of course, she still be evil. I wonder if you are basing this very directly on the school-heads from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"? I know that one of them was from a Viking sort of school that taught the dark arts, and another may have been one of those semi-succubi that Fleur (not Fleur de Lys... the humanoid who married a Weasley) was half genetically.
and the rediscovery of the Elements of Harmony."
-One suspects that Celestia knew where they were all along, but she is skirting the issue well.
The age brackets would be separated and sent to fields outside the Canterlot walls to demonstrate basic skills en masse: Power, accuracy of effect, fine manipulation, and some basic skills testing in transmutation, teleportation, object enchantment, banishing, summoning and personal augmentation
-Seems a little... pedestrian, it should be interesting enough however and I am fairly sure that there will be some style to many of the demonstrations if they are free-form rather than the judges assigning them (or if the assignments are creative enough).
Twilight's ears pricked up at the last two; she had fairly well-rounded knowledge in the other areas but she had never tried summoning spells. Personal augmentation spells, as well, frequently felt like a waste compared to casting a Come-To-Life spell and letting something else do the heavy lifting.
-Interesting... I could see Trixie beating her at summoning, but I would think that if she knew personal augmentation stuff she would have used it against AJ or RD... then again she might have known that even with her best effort she couldn't match them head-on. She also may have studied up in the interim. "Personal Augmentation" sounds like something she might decide was right up her alley.
Magic duels only, the wizards themselves would be in no danger.
-This doesn't seem to fit together. I suspect the default idea of "magic duel" in my mind may be different from yours.
This also eliminated the major physical advantage many of the non-pony competitors, in particular the dragons and gryphons, would have.
-This makes it make a bit more sense, but if the advantage was that of a fencer with better padding so the touches hurt less... it wouldn't be much of an advantage. We shall see what the form is... they might be trying to draw a rock to themselves, or (to steal an idea from "The King-killer Chronicles") trying to light a candle in front of their opponent while preventing the lighting of their own candle.
By and large, the grand prize ended up in the hands of the top competitor in either the Experienced or Sage brackets, all wizards over the age of a hundred with some of the most ancient Sages well over a thousand years old.
-I would think that the dragons wouldn't use the same numbers for their age-brackets. Ghuls give the idea of being equal or shorter-lived than ponies, but I could be very wrong.
The final day was reserved for the final match, and Twilight was more looking forward to seeing the magicians that succeeded in getting there than expecting to reach the finals herself.
-With a set-up like this I expect her to win the whole thing. It also occurs to me that the dragon in the first paragraph teaser would have been her opponent, not something she was being tested against (as per the "steal an egg" test in "The Goblet of Fire", which I still think was at least loose inspiration for this). I do wonder why flame breath is considered within the rules, and also why Twilight was angry enough to "evolve into Rapidash"... could be something as beyond the rules as not merely cheating, but pulling a pistol and shooting at the other competitors.
The library of Canterlot had once been a second home to Twilight.
-Going to cram on those last two subjects? Sounds like it should be fairly effective in her case. Not enough to do well in those subjects, but enough to keep them from torpedoing her overall score completely.
reading up on past Moonstone Cup tournaments and trying to fill in gaps in her knowledge as best she could.
-Well... that is a different approach than I was expecting... not completely useless, but I wouldn't think that would be as effective. Then again maybe the tests really are hard enough that even she can't improve her score in a single all-nighter.
She looked up from a fascinating analysis of elemental summoning to see the last rays of sunlight fading through the library’s huge windows.
-Oh... "fill in the gaps in her knowledge"... guess I misunderstood.
But there's someone who has asked to meet you, and I think you'll find this worth your while. If you'd rather go straight to the castle, of course, I'll send you to your friends and convey your apologies.
-I wonder who it is? Also, unless this is going to be a missed warning of treachery that the individual wants to ONLY give to Twilight(unlikely) I can't see her refusing.
"Hadalsnan al-Dhi'b, the third organizer of this tournament.
-Oh... that windbag? Not the sort of person I expect Twilight actually wants to meet. Still, from a Doylist perspective it should be useful to get the reader more info on the nature of ghuls, and Twilight being too polite to refuse could be a Watsonian explanation.
Twilight's head swam.
-Well, she may be worn out, but otherwise I would have expected aching in dread of having to talk to such a person rather than dizziness.
"Please, Hadalsnan, just Celestia. Princess, if you must."
-I wonder if she ever did go by "Empress" and if so, if it was she who changed, or the world (perhaps due to her influence)?
"Father always call you Empress. He remember days before Nightmare Moon."
-His grammar is a bit lacking. Can't be a lack of intelligence unless his people are more instinctive rather than scholarly about their magic or he probably couldn't be a leader of a race that leads the contest. Also, it seems she DID refer to herself that way at one time or another.
Even if our people weren't close until it was too late, he helped rebuild after Discord and Nightmare Moon.
-Too late for what? To prevent a war between the two nations? Also, I wonder how long you put between Discord and NMM?
"My Equestrian, not so good. His Equestrian very good, he talk to Celestia way she deserve."
-Ah... you can't teach an old dog new tricks?
"I meet hero pony, who save Luna, who defeat Discord. You Twilight Sparkle?"
-Or maybe their help with re-building was after Discord's SECOND defeat? Maybe the "world healing wave" from the Elements didn't extend quite as far as his influence had spread? Of course, the way I see it, Nightmare Moon didn't cause that much damage. She never seemed to be summoning armies of Shadowbolts or whatever, even by implication.
"Well," the young unicorn said, uncomfortably. "I don't think everything you were saying was factually accurate, to begin with..."
-Well, this should give a good hint as to if you intend Celestia to have twisted history, rather than just... allowing certain facts to slip out of the collective consciousness (such as the origins of Nightmare Moon).
He speak to earth, tell dirt to grow food, tell rocks to make gems!
-Ah... I have a roughly equivalent character in my own fanon, but he is still around and has more to do with bedrock than gems... he is also a much nicer guy that this guy seems.
“Become animals. Stealing, eating filth, digging in dirt for gems that not speak. Call themselves diamond dogs."
-Ah, I see...
"Maybe two, maybe three hundred years, no ghuls left.
-I wonder why the decline seems so inevitable? I don't think inbreeding is the problem, but it is possible. I wonder if the leaders are much longer lived than their people? Maybe you don't have even the diarchs as having unlimited days (unless slain).
She had known, abstractly, that some ponies had been working with the ghuls to improve rainfall and soil quality in their lands and help fertility rates, but the idea that they were headed for extinction cut deeply.
-Interesting...
No use. Ghuls still dying.
-I still would like to know the causes... maybe nobody knows...
Time for ghuls to go. Earth ponies, earth answer to them, now. More power in earth pony hooves than ever in ghul paws."
-So fate simply decided?
I tell story of my people so that pony people, dragon people, gryphon people all remember, we were here.
-Maybe the discrepancies were simply the difference between oral tradition and scientific historical study? In any case, I am liking this guy a lot more, although he still could be repeating lies so long he believes them. Doesn't seem like the sort to try anything underhanded with the competition though... I GUESS he could be secretly planning to try to nap the Elements (possibly requiring him to kill the current bearer) in hopes of giving them to bearers among his people who could (he thinks) used them to reverse the fates of the ghuls with those of the Earth Ponies.
You tell story when ghuls gone. You tell ponies who move to empty lands. You hero, people listen. You tell them, we were here."
-Unless he means that she should write a history book that will be read by ponies, or ponies live a lot longer than I think of them doing (we do have Granny Smith possibly being centuries old though) this doesn't make much sense. And Twilight would still have to be convinced that his stories were true... maybe she will talk about it with Celestia next chapter?
I will."
-Seems a bit too quick to be convinced, unless it was just that she figured out the difference in ways of recounting history.
Beautiful story building. I have been waiting a long time to read this story and am glad it was till in my favorites when I had time.
The opening ceremony section when Celestia explains the proceedings for each day sounded strange in past tense since the rest of the story is in present tense.
This is a pretty cool premise though. Enjoying it.
Well, you have my attention. Aside from massages and other things, worldbuilding has always been one of my Achilles' heels, and Al-Dhib's recount of his people in twilight has drawn me in.
When I read about how his race was going extinct, I literally felt like this:
Then, when he said that more earth power in earth ponies hooves, I felt just a tad angry at them.
Then I finally settled on this emotion:
Jeez man. I was expecting a fun story and so far had it. Then you hit us with the last few pages and I had tears. Wasnt expecting such depth.
But then to know you touched someone in just a bit of witing? It is a good sign. Excuse me while I dry my eyes.
This story has been on my Read Later list for a number of months, and only now am I taking the time to read through it. It's been, what, three chapters? And already I'm lost to the world's you've managed to build. You've easily earned yourself a fave.
Okay, Najstariot is suffering severely from a case of "look at my awesome OC with all the awesome colors and super-unique design that makes you automatically like her because she's awesome!" Excuse me while I . I bet all the bits in Equestria that we are looking at the ponified version of the dragon Twilight was about to face in the opener, which automatically suggests underhanded (underhooved?) dealings where these two OCs try to use the tournament to wipe out Equestria's strongest defenders and thus leave the nation vulnerable for domination.
Dainty, graceful, well spoken, friendly, respectful, loved by all? Yep, this one's evil to the core. We'll see how long it takes for her 'I'm an angel" veneer to crack.
Pardon me while I scoff.
Ah, so you're one of those types who believes all races can live practically forever, huh? Good to know; that's one headcanon difference that will no longer be in the way.
Can't place al-Dhi'b just yet. He could just be an old emperor on his way out. His son, on the other hand, might become an issue if we find he's in the tournament (and he probably is), and I wouldn't put it past him to be on the darker side of things for the sake of restoring his people's place in the world.
Also, Twilight's tears for al-Dhi'b? *yawn* Can you say 'needless over-emotion?' You overdid it there, and now I'm even less interested in the plight of the ghuls.
Last but not least: exposition. Not helping.
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Sorry if this is necroing, but a lot of fantasy settings allow for extremely acomplished mages to attain a dramatically increased life span, and sometimes even immortality. Certainly there wouldn't be enough to comprise a whole age bracket though.
Exposition so early on isn't a bad thing. It could have been handled better, but it's important to set the stage.
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Like I said, I generally decided not to let the age thing bother me. A little annoying, but not enough to really detract from the overall story.
I... halfway agree. It definitely could have been handled better, and I promise there are ways to set the stage without lengthy exposition. A little can go a long way if just the right tidbits are given in the right way. Exposition is a good tool, but like all tools one must know when to take advantage of it. I think it was a bit overdone here, that's all; like using a jackhammer on a screw.
Well excuse me, Trixie, do you have any idea who the heck you're talking to?! You're talking to Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic, personal student of Princess Celestia, and Celestia probably would not have picked Twilight unless she had a lot of magic. Twilight also defeated an Ursa Minor, whereas you, Weak and Cowardly Trixie, ran away with your tail behind your legs! At this point, you're just lying about how powerful you are. You're going to lose.
(was that too much?)
3844382 So true
awww an entire race on the brink of extinction that is horrible
45626 Probably edible.
Oh wow, I did not see this coming. Those were some major feels from al-Dhi'b.
*Shivers* The Hunger Games vibes are strong in this one! Get on with his head!
Oooo, that was so sad ;__;
45733 More than likely an actual Klien bottle rather than just a 3d representation of one.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+shriners+convention&&view=detail&mid=E313BD1E0FAE87CF2FE5E313BD1E0FAE87CF2FE5&&FORM=VDRVRV