Amarok howled, his eyes pulsing brilliant red as bolts of white energy arced from an outstretched paw. Twilight spun in midair, the energy bolts bending around her, crackling as they traveled along the surface of a powerful distortion field.
Twilight flew back and forth, up and down, dodging the energy bolts and answering with telekinetic slaps. Ghostly images of rainbows and cyan feathers danced against the oppressively cloudy sky. She giggled unsteadily as she watched herself effortlessly performing aerobatic stunts, holding up a powerful shield and lashing out with telekinetic strikes all at once.
Her horn glowed. Sparks spat from it, her hooves and even her mouth as the ground underneath Amarok glowed. The wolf flipped and was tossed into the air. He spun nauseatingly before his eyes glowed brightly again and Twilight's gravity spell failed. He snarled and reached out a paw, a long arc striking at Twilight through her shield.
With a shriek, Twilight felt herself dragged to the ground. Her wings sagged heavily as she landed and sank into muck. She splashed around, slicing her now heavy, metallic wings against the fen and sending up huge arcs of swamp water. I didn't have metal wings before, she thought, deliriously. Oh, my, this swamp is so messy.
A shriek, accompanied with a burst of green energy, tore its way from Twilight's throat as long, stiff vines ripped themselves from the ground on both sides of the field. The vines lifted Twilight out of the muck while also lashing viciously around Amarok's legs. "Yeah, we got him, Twilight!" Twilight shouted, exuberantly. She tried to lift into the air, but the stiff metal appendages twisting painfully at her spine stubbornly refused to move. With another shriek, more energy washed out from her horn over the metallic appendages. Her back felt painfully hot as the wings returned to their diaphanous appearance.
The wolf roared, and a wave of cold washed over the field. Twilight breathed a thin stream of green fire over the frost forming in front of her, but it seemed to do nothing against Amarok's spell. The vines froze solid and shattered under Twilight's weight, dropping her onto the rough, frozen swamp water. She stumbled to her feet just in time to raise a flickering shield in front of her, more of Amarok's energy bolts splashing harmlessly against it.
She lofted back into the air. Her horn glowed orange, sparks of myriad other colors spitting from her hooves, and a grove of apple trees seemed to simply appear across the entire field. She dropped back to the frozen earth, hiding within the illusory forest. She coughed and spat, something dark and unhealthy-looking spattering on the ice
A mocking laugh sounded from beyond the illusion. "I can still smell you, Twilight Sparkle!" Oh, no, Twilight! Twilight thought. It's okay, she told herself, smugly, and her horn glowed again. A smelly miasma arose around her, the stench of pony sweat and fear exuding from every square inch of the icy field. She squeezed her watering eyes shut and wavered unsteadily on her hooves, then began laughing madly.
"What is this?" Amarok's voice called out. For the first time, the wolf sounded unsure.
Heavy, rainbow-striped waves of telekinetic force began arcing from Twilight's horn across the field in random directions. A painful roar sounded, telling Twilight that her attack was successful. She lifted back into the air, doing a triumphant aerial flip, then fell back down into the illusion, dizzily.
"Oh dear, I think I'm going to be ill," she said, thickly, her head spinning. "No, you're not!" she protested.
Another roar arose from beyond the illusion. There was a crackle, and then white threads of energy ripped across the field, cutting the illusory trees apart. They dissipated into nothingness, leaving a shaky Twilight staring across at an enraged wolf. She yelped softly and her wings snapped together, bile rising in her throat.
Across the field, Amarok grinned. His paw reached out and a barrage of energy bolts arced forth. Twilight shakily raised her shield again, grimacing as the bolts struck. Oh no! a chorus of voices called out in her head. Her horn glowed brightly, and the responded with a salvo of her own, through the shield. Purple energy bolts, ephemeral apples, ghostly cupcakes and other things Twilight couldn't immediately identify assaulted the wolf, who hurriedly raised his own shield to counter. Twilight's body was aching all over, and she blinked to clear her watery vision.
When she opened her eyes again, the field was silent. Amarok was gone, as was the crowd in the stands. The sky was still and cloudless. There was no wind, no sound of insects or birds. Twilight stood unsteadily facing her friends, who stood in a neat semi-circle before her.
"What's going on?" Twilight asked.
Twi, we need to talk, Applejack said.
You're not feeling well, are you? Fluttershy asked, softly.
Twilight looked down at her pitted hooves. She felt sore all over, even injured, right down to the bone. Her horn was very hot and felt like it was developing cracks. She was sweating and her mouth tasted like acid.
"What's wrong with me?"
Pinkie jumped up on her rear hooves, waving her forelegs rapidly in a panic. Twilight, Twilight! Luna was right, this was really dangerous! You're hurting yourself and that big meanie-pants wolf is going to win! And you'll end up in the hospital! She dropped back to all fours, suddenly looking uncharacteristically serious. I don't want you to end up in the hospital.
"Wh-what do I do?" Twilight asked. "I can't give up now!"
That's easy, Twilight, Rainbow Dash said, grinning cockily. Just use up all the extra energy. That's what's hurting you right now.
Twilight stepped back, falling down on her rump. "But... But if I do that, you'll be gone. I need your help, everypony!"
Rarity stepped forward, leaning down with a small smile. But we aren't here, dear heart.
"Of course you are!" Twilight protested.
Uh-uh, sorry, Twilight, Spike said. We're just psychological manifestations of the energy you absorbed.
Yeah! Rainbow Dash said. We're mental constructs. There's only traces of us in all the energy you're holding in. Your mind is filling the gaps in and making us seem real. I mean, come on, she continued, grinning lopsidedly, would I ever actually say something like that?
Twilight frowned and looked down. "No, I guess not," she said. "I guess that means I really am all alone."
Now, Twi, you know that ain't true, Applejack said, gesturing broadly to the side. We're right there in the stands, rootin' for ya.
Glancing over at the empty stands, Twilight saw her friends suddenly appear, statues, frozen like the rest of the world. Twilight could tell they were rooting as much as they could. Luna stood sternly over them, one wing outstretched over the semi-conscious group, her eyes boring into Twilight as if she could will the unicorn to victory. Pinkie somehow found the strength to hold one hoof aloft, supporting a giant foam finger, while Rainbow and Applejack had their hooves raised together, supporting each other. Rarity and Fluttershy both wore small smiles and were clearly watching closely. Even Spike, who had curled up into a small ball and gone to sleep, had one claw outstretched with a raised thumb.
And we believe in you, Twilight. Fluttershy walked up and gently pressed her muzzle against the wounded unicorn's neck.
We gave you our strength because we're your friends and we love you, darling, Rarity said. The only way you could be all alone is if you refused to use it.
"But I am using it!" Twilight protested.
The world seemed to shift around Twilight. Nothing that she could see changed, but it was as if everything became muted, darker. As if the quality of the sun's light was somehow strained. Twilight watched in confusion as her friends - the ones that were just in her head, she reminded herself - shook their heads sadly.
Taking a step forward, Applejack looked at Twilight sternly. That's a lie, Twi. You've been lyin' this whole time.
Lying? What did she mean by that?
Rainbow lifted into the air, looking down at Twilight. There was nothing particularly odd about the pegasus' expression, but to Twilight she seemed to be leveling a dire accusation before she had even spoken. Why are you trying to lose, Twilight? Rainbow Dash asked, sharply.
Twilight dropped to the ground, sitting down heavily. "I'm not, everypony!" she protested. "I've been doing my best!"
The comforting pressure of Fluttershy's muzzle disappeared from Twilight's neck. You're not, Twilight, Fluttershy softly said into Twilight's ear. You know you're not.
Come on, Twilight, Spike said. Unlike the other ponies, his expression was not accusatory or sad, just disappointed in a way that cut Twilight deeply. When are you gonna stop playing around?
Twilight's expression grew angry. "I'm not playing around!" she shouted, stamping a hoof.
Then why, Rarity said, walking slowly around Twilight, haven't you used your real strength for this entire tournament?
Why didn't ya prepare proper? Applejack asked, her question trailing smoothly from Rarity's. Rainbow had to practically drag y'all to the library 'fore the semis.
Even Trixie did extensive research on her opponents. The other ponies had stopped speaking and were watching Twilight silently. The voice she heard now was her own. It was loud and pervasive, as if it came from everywhere. We've been copying spells. We kept ourselves from sleeping last night. We panicked instead of coming up with a plan for this match with Amarok. Why are we letting everypony else tell us what we need to do to win when we already know?
All of the pain in Twilight's body flooded back over her, and she whimpered. Her limbs were all on fire and her head felt like it was going to explode. Oh, Celestia, it hurt.
What did the princess tell us when she took us under her wing?
The day of the Sonic Rainboom. The day of the test to enter the School for Gifted Unicorns. Nightmare Moon, Discord, the hydra, the dragons, even the tournament, nothing had ever frightened her as much as her magic going out of control that day. Until the princess appeared and reversed the effects, all Twilight could see from inside the ball of wild energy was her family and her future being taken from her. And it was all her fault.
Shakily, Twilight spoke, her voice quivering in agony. "She... She said I needed to learn to tame my power."
The voice changed again. It was no longer Twilight, or any of her friends, and yet it was all of them at once. We've tamed it. Stop hurting yourself by trying to keep it reined in so tightly.
"But I could really hurt somepony!"
You're hurting us right now! Forget the spells, Twilight. We've never needed them!
"Nopony can use magic without casting spells!"
We've never bothered to tell the princess that we learned to use telekinesis without any spell at all.
Twilight swallowed hard. That much was true enough. "It's... It's just telekinesis! Everypony-"
-has to cast a spell to use it. The voice was accusatory now. Except for us. Do you really think the princess doesn't know? We've never needed spells to use magic. The princess taught us to use spells to teach us control. We've learned it.
Twilight felt a familiar weight on her head, behind her horn. She knew without needing to verify that it would be a golden tiara, the symbol of the Element of Magic.
Use your magic-
"-the way the princesses uses theirs," Twilight muttered.
Lights and patterns danced behind Twilight's eyes. Hundreds of intricately-woven spells flashed through her mind. Beautiful. Intricate. Perfect. And all unnecessary. Twilight felt the pressure in her head ease.
Twilight stood again. Silence continued to reign as the world filled itself back in. Clouds, birds, the crowd in the stands, even Amarok, all gradually appeared as if they were being painted. "So what do I do?" Twilight asked the air.
Rainbow flew up, hovering over the frozen form of Amarok. One big move and we can put this guy down for the count! she said.
"But he's so strong," Twilight said, protesting. "He's countered everything I've thrown at him, and I'm running out of counters for his attacks."
So try something new! Pinkie said, exuberantly. There's nothing more fun than a surprise! But it has to be a big surprise!
"Something new?"
Y'all can do it, Twi. Applejack walked over to the wolf, looking him up and down. Show him somethin' ain't nopony ever seen before.
"Alright," Twilight said. "Let's do this."
With a loud crack, the world came to life again. The specters of Twilight's friends were gone, as was her tiara. The roar of the crowd filled Twilight's ears. She screamed as searing arcs of energy flashed from her horn. The light streaming from her horn blinded her, and she squeezed her eyes shut as all of the borrowed energy streamed out, across the field.
The crowd roar died away into a confused mixture of gasps and shouting. The crackle of Amarok's spells against Twilight's shield died down. Twilight opened her eyes.
All 14 of them.
Instead of one unicorn, now seven stood arrayed in a row across the field. Twilight could see herself - all of her selves! - out of the corners of her eyes. It should have been confusing, but wasn't.
The first Twilight was a cyan unicorn with a rainbow-striped mane. The second, an orange blonde. There was a yellow one, a white one, a pink one. Strangest of all was a purple-and green colt. They all had manes styled like Twilight's, and all bore Twilight's cutie mark. At the center of them all stood Twilight herself, strong, proud and neither feeling nor showing the pain that had been crippling her just a moment before.
Seven horns glowed brilliantly, and chaos reigned.
At the speed of thought, the seven ponies passed instructions back and forth. An illusory storm was summoned here while a parasprite swarm came from nowhere to bedevil Amarok there. The pink Twilight turned Amarok's side of the field to cake frosting while the orange one effortlessly raised shields to block the wolf's attacks. Water washed across the field, vanishing at the edge, drenching the wolf and bowling him over into the sticky sugar.
The wolf howled as he was battered from all sides by attacks. Every shield he raised was dispelled, every counter reflected back on him. Long seconds passed as the wolf was worn down under Twilight's power. Twilight could see the bright red in his eyes dulling.
Let's finish this, she thought, and vicious grins appeared on the faces of all seven ponies. Seven powerful waves of energy exploded outward from seven horns, bathing the field in color.
After a moment, Twilight blinked a single pair of eyes. Her head was once again clear. She lofted up above the ground and fluttered sideways along the edge of her territory slowly, gauging what she had wrought on Amarok's.
The wolf's territory seemed to Twilight to be folded back on itself. Instead of the terrain and sky beyond, looking past Amarok Twilight could see herself. As she drifted right it was as if she was seeing the wolf from the left side. Amarok, himself, seemed confused and terrified. He looked as if he was trying to move, to gauge his location, but movement was proving futile. When he attempted to walk forward, he receded. A jump up brought him down into the surface of the ground and then back out again, frightened but seemingly none the worse for wear. Light bent itself in strange ways, making the entire far side of the competition field hard for Twilight to even look at.
"Twilight Sparkle!" the wolf roared. "Where are you? What did you do? I can't see or smell anyone anymore! Is this an illusion?!" He snapped angrily at the air.
Twilight experimentally snapped a telekinetic strike at the wolf. He howled as he was struck, raising his paw up to and through his side. From where Twilight stood, it looked as though he were twisted like a pretzel.
Amarok lashed out at random, little bolts of energy surging from his paws. Instead of following straight lines, they curved and warped, eventually disappearing at a 'vanishing point' somewhat above the wolf's head.
Twilight lashed at him with another telekinetic strike, drawing another yelp from the wolf. Twilight grinned, then cringed. Suddenly, everything hurt once again, and worse than before. Her muscles cramped. Her bones felt like they were on fire. Her hooves and horn felt raw, like damaged teeth. She painfully lowered herself to the ground.
Twilight could only watch as Amarok stopped his futile gnashing and stumbling about. Instead, the wolves eyes glowed blindingly, brighter and brighter. He howled, and it turned into a scream as the distorted space in front of Twilight was filled with blinding red light. She shielded her eyes with one leg that screamed in agony as she moved it.
When the blinding light and ear-splitting scream faded, space before Twilight was back to normal. Amarok stood unsteadily, the light in his eyes faded to two pinpricks. He stumbled forward, kicking the shattered foliage out of the way.
"Very impressive, Twilight Sparkle," he said, raspily. "You really are everything I've heard. Your princesses should be proud. But now..." He trailed off, raising a paw.
Twilight gritted her teeth and tried to raise a shield. A few sparks shot from her horn, then searing pain ripped through her head. She winced and waited for Amarok's decisive strike to come. Instead, she heard a loud, pained bark.
Opening her eyes, Twilight saw Amarok lying on the ground, holding his paw up in pain. A few faint sparks dripped from his claws, but he, too, was at his limit. The glow was gone from his eyes, leaving only two unsettling empty spaces on either side of his white-furred muzzle.
Twilight coughed weakly. She curled her legs underneath her, ignoring the stabbing pains this produced. Her eyes watered as she watched Najstariot look between her and Amarok.
"I am," Najstariot began slowly, a flat tone to her voice, "prepared to declare a draw and require a rematch."
Sorry, everypony, Twilight thought, sadly. I can't beat him. Maybe I should just forfeit. I can't take a rematch. Tears began to soak Twilight's face. She'd fought so hard and done so well, and she knew she should be more than proud of her performance. She'd fought Amarok to a standstill! No one else had ever even done that much to the wolf ruler. Even so, all she could feel was bitter disappointment at letting her friends down. She struck lightly at the ground in front of the wolf. She heard a weak cough and spitting in response as she closed her eyes and lay her head on the frozen muck.
Forfeit it was, then. "Y-your m-" Twilight began, but was interrupted by a roar from the crowd. She looked up in confusion and saw Najstariot staring down at her, her reptilian eyes wide open in shock. Beyond the dumbstruck dragon queen, Twilight saw Amarok, his muzzle covered in specks of dirt, staring down at a small gouge in the ground before him.
A small gouge that Twilight had dug with her telekinetic strike. Twilight had just used her magic, which meant that Amarok was the first to no longer be able to cast.
The tournament was over. She had won.
A weak, coughing laugh came from the exhausted wolf, which Twilight could barely hear over the din of the crowd's cheers. Twilight watched as Najstariot slowly paced over to her, terror plain in the shapeshifted dragon's eyes.
"You," Najstariot hissed. "You've-"
"Well?" a weak voice interrupted from the opposite side of the field, in between wheezing laughs. Twilight and Najstariot both looked over at at the filthy wolf, who had rolled over on his side. "Go on," he said, haltingly. "She won!"
Najstariot turned sharply, her expression smoothing over as she turned to face the crowd. "Friends!" she called out, her voice loud and confident once again. "The winner, and champion of this year's Moonstone Cup tournament... Twilight Sparkle!"
Wow, what exactly did Twilight do? Using her magic without spells and all...dang.
Twilight OP, nerf NAO!
I don't understand. Why did Amarok lose because of a gouge in the ground?
Wow...
That was worth the wait.
Though, this might push Najstariot into doing something... drastic.
Wow. I don't think I bothered to blink while reading that
Still don't think that was Twi's potential. She was releasing the energy she gained from her friends, right? Or was that her potential combined with that of her friends?
Not entirely sure how she won either. Did he just use up his energy?
Gah..
rockbeyondbelief.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/my-brain-you-have-failed-me1.jpg
234465
Tournament rules. First person who can't cast loses. Twilight managed to spit out one last bit of magic.
234465
You win when your opponent can no longer cast spells, but you can. if they both reach their limit at the same time, it's a draw, however, since twilight demonstrated that she could still cast, she won
Magic without spells? Sounds like in Harry Potter where more advanced users can cast spells without saying them out loud. Impressive!
An exciting match but some parts left me confused, the ending in particular. I'm wondering how Twilight's last act forced Amarok to give up. Did a column of dirt shoot up and hit him? Perhaps the explanation will come later.
So, that's the end of the main events. Now it's all fallout! Looking forward to what you have in store!
Twilight won because she got in that one, tiny, final attack after Amarock was exhausted. She threw mud in his face and he could not retaliate.
234529
Ah, I see. No worries then.
>>Corsair
Oh, right! I just re-read that and It now makes sense. Thank you, dear sir.
Can't wait to see what happens next. Especially since Its coming up to the 'Four days later' part
It seems like a number of people were confused on the same point I was. Maybe you could revise that section a little to clarify what happened and why it was a big deal?
Ohhh boy, Twilight being badass is awesome!
Now... I am still curious to see how the scene from the beginning comes to be. But Twilight Sparkle is not one to be messed with!
That was an excellent battle scene... Now what will happen with Najstariot?
And dat upgraded wing spell. Those things have been through h*YAY*ll. She could sell that for big $$$.
Well played, Cyanide. Well played! I'm so amped up after reading that, I'm not sure how I'm going to get to sleep now.
But my complements, sir. As I said in the comments at EqD, this is exactly what I look for in this sort of story: a character-driven narrative, but with elements of world-building and a strong story arc. I can hardly wait to see where you're going to take it from here.
234680
I would respectfully disagree. I think it's pretty clear what happened if you remember the tournament rules - and the sparse nature of Twilight's triumph really adds impact to the end of the chapter. If Cyanide decides clarification is needed, I urge him to save the expository elements for the beginning of the next chapter.
234793
Actually, I ninja-edited to make it slightly clearer, but I don't think it makes it any less skin-of-the-teeth.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this fight. However, as it was the "climactic battle" so to speak, I think this one could have been worth drawing out over two chapters. You certainly show the skill to pull it off. In this chapter, it feels like we get to know she don't use her full power, and then she does and she runs out of magic in what amounts to 30 seconds? It didn't seem like the wolf actually managed to get out many attacks in this time, so wouldn't that mean she was really close to winning even before she decided to empty herself all in one go? Not a particularly good tactic, it felt a bit anticlimactic, like she got lucky that she had managed to conserve just enough for that tiny strike. Considering how quickly she won when she brought her full power to bear, it could have been a much more impressive victory if she was still brimming with unspent energy, This might have presented problems on its own of course, but hey, that's why I think this battle could have been worth drawing out.
Anyway, I have to say that you write some of the best action scenes I've seen, it's even more impressive since you can keep it up for extended periods of time like this. It's not entirely without fault, sometimes the action moves just a little bit too quickly and it would have been more impressive to get a hint of just how she's doing her little tricks, but overall I love it.
Rambling a bit here, sorry :).
234802YOU ARE AWESOME. this has kept me up at night wondering :when will he update the story WHEEEEEEEN."
234933
Not at all! Once again, I really appreciate that kind of detailed criticism. To be honest, I went through at least six different versions of this fight, and I had strongly considered the ultimate curbstomp battle but my own sensibilities pushed me away from it. That may have been a mistake, but that remains to be seen. I can absolutely see your point about the pacing.
One thing I will suggest is that there are at least two "climactic confrontations" the story has been building toward, and this is one, but this is not the one that has been a thread running through the story from the first few paragraphs. There's still a few chapters to go, yet.
234955
Oh yes, I figured that it wasn't over quite yet. But hey, it's the moonstone cup. Impressive on its own!
I agree that a curbstomp battle might have been going too far, he was the undefeated champion after all. But it would have given Najstariot a Really good reason to be scared of Twilight.
I think, as it was, the main problem I have is that Twilight ran out of power so quickly, which would have been solved by a longer fight before it all simmered off. Either that, or as you said, a total curbstomp. Still, I'm sure you'll think of a good explanation for how the Real climactic battle can go on at full power for a longer period of time. She was, after all, completely unused to handling her magic in this way.
234465
simple. the victory conditions were "last mage able to use spells."
Twilight dug that gouge with her magic, proving she was the last one with any power left.
So Twilight just need to work on power level so next time she does not have to be reckless with her health to win.
I wonder how much recovery time she will need?
This chapter was strange.
Looking forward to the next one.
wow, i had to re-read this a few times, and im a little amazed, you did really good, some of the spells or Non-spells i coudnt even grasp. Dang.
what can i say... really well written and this story is Epic,
i'll be eagerly looking forward to the next chapter :D <3
234465
It was because Twilight used magic to make the gouge. One of the rules stated that the first party to be unable to cast loses. Twilight used magic after the wolf collapsed, so she was the winner.
This is what I've suspected from the start. That Twilight, with her Element and her special talent being Magic, spells aren't necessary for her. She manipulates magic directly, with a thought. And I absolutely love it. Twilight is awesome.
Twilight has suddenly skyrocketed to a very high position on my 'Stuff and things to never get into a fight with' list. I think the Dragon Queen had every right to be terrified of her, she's way too strong for her own good! Anyway, that was quite the story, and I've definitely been needing a break from all of the soul-searching and philosophically related stories that I've been reading recently. I look forward to what happens next!!
Cheers
-Shotdown
235617
Fixed!
235713
Fixed!
235863
That one's actually accurate.
Thanks everyone! My editing help has been uneven at best, so I appreciate the patience.
Wow, looking in this angel, I feeling like kinda sad for her. Have to hug Twilight.
Going to read all the Twilight Storys, because Twilight is best Pony, with best storys.
The end made the Elements of Harmonie equal to the skills of Sweety Belle casting Magic.
You have to say, this wulf is for an Pony eating "monster" a fair gamer.
Oh, god my head hurts.... shouldn't Read the whole story without doing something else.
I have to eat,drink, pee and many other stuff to do now
I still don't like Trixie, even when i see her point. Twilight is my favorite Pony and everypony who harms her, or think about punch her, will be punished by me.
Love your Story so far, but i need a break. mfg me
236180
Wouldn't the Element be just as awesome in terms of what they can be used for as Twilight is directing the power they provide?
Right, well. Moar plz.
That is all.
Hell yeah, that was a fantastic chapter.
This story is awesome! and i think you had a very good ending for this chapter. I dont think it needed to be dragged on. especially cause i think its not the end fight.
Keep up the awesome work!
236711
As Gwenio said, the wing spell is three days long. This is the last day she has them.
If I may be so bold to say this. While I know the MLP universe is a kill-free universe. personally think this final battle would have more exciting if it were a "death match" round. That doesn't neccesarily mean that twilight would have to kill her opponent. It would just mean she could use more agressive magic while trying to fend-off an opponent who is out for blood. It would make the stakes higher for twilight and bring more suspence to the story.But hey, the story ain't over quite yet, maybe you have something big planned?
i24.photobucket.com/albums/c11/miabiboy_14/DroolingRainbows.jpg
Just went on a binge and read the 14 chapters, and I'm with CrADHD. I need to clean my laptop from all my rainbow puke now though. Also twilight is op, should buff her.
I like how nobody's mentioned how Twilight was casting spells early on in the fight via shrieking, I assume like dragons do. In the comments OR in the story. How were none of the characters wondering about that?
Overall though, fantastic chapter, and really looking forward to seeing to how Twilight's confrontation with Najstariot, from the first chapter, plays out. While it would be awesome if Twilight unlocked some kind of super-saiyan Element of Magic power and beat her down, I'm not sure that would solve the root of the problem, that being Naj afraid of Twilight becoming like Luna's old student. If anything, that would make the fear WORSE.
Woot!
Well, epic battle !
I have a question though. Did she manage to go all powerful thanks to her friends powers or because she's finally accepted her magic fully ? Maybe she has released her magic thanks to the projection of her friends..
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny...
(Mr. Rogers still wins)
Being an incredibility shy person who can go days without saying a word a anyone (not an exaggeration i have went a 3 day without saying a single word) building up enough confidence to comment means a lot.
I just have to say that this is one of the best fan made stories i have read. If you finish as strong as you started I could see this as a great published short novel, though i know nothing about the difficulties of getting such a thing done.
The point I am trying to get across is that you do great work and if it takes longer for updates to keep the the quality i have no problem waiting.
234465 because it proved twilight could still use magic
Slight error here:
Her horn glowed brightly, and the responded with...
Don't you mean, 'she'?
Wow....
I've read a ton of fanfics (hundreds, literally), and this was the first one to actually make my jaw drop at what I had read. The battle scenes in this story are the best I've ever seen! There's so much action, and yet, it's described in perfect detail - enough that I can visualize it in my head, but not enough that the story gets bogged down with it. This entire story is very well-written, quite original, and needless to say, beyond amazing!
I particularly love how you portrayed Trixie as well, with her still being a self-centered, boastful showmare who's out to seek revenge on twilight - that's probably the most in-character and believable portrayal I've seen in a fic.
The only criticism I have is that the timeline seems rather confusing - the first few paragraphs of chapter one tell of Twilight battling a dragon (Who I assume from description is not Zlatan), and then cuts back to "four days earlier". It seems like a lot more time has passed than just four days (the first chapter alone seems to take place over the span of three days - Luna visits on day one, Twi gets the letter on day two, and they leave for Canterlot on day three). How much time actually has passed since the start of the story? Is it only on day four still?
Also, is there any scene in this story that you'd like to seen drawn? After reading this, I kinda feel compelled to offer you a free vector image or something.
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- Twilight meets Luna at night and gets the letter is the mail the next morning and teleports to Canterlot later that day where pre-tourneyment stuff occurs.
- Opening match.
- Rounds one and two.
- Trixie and semi-finals.
- Finals and that brings us up to the present.
That is four if you do not count the day of the event.
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Hrm. I will have to think about that. I thought my timetable was right (much as Gwenio laid it out)...
Other than that, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'd be flattered by anything you wanted to draw, if you chose to do so. :)
Dear God this fic is pure diamonds.
Wow, I blew my timeline. Grumble grumble.