Please Leave A Message
**** Author's Note ****
This chapter should be the last of the crazy that temporarily took hold of the story.
Thank you for bearing past all of this nonsense.
Dear Queen Aze
Congratulations on your Queendom!
I understand that you've technically not physically matured to the correct level, but having young of your own is an important stage in any mare's life.
I look forward to the conclusion of these peace talks; that we may conduct business of our own.
Warm Wishes,
Prince Sta'abel
Saddle Arabia
Perfect. Now he could settle down for the night, watch his favorite show, and send the letter in the morning.
What's on CNN?
*Click*
You get a house, and you get a house, YOU REALLY GET A HOUSE.
*Click*
...
Prince Sta'abel then decided to crumple his letter, and throw it into a nearby lit brazier.
*****
*Click*
'Ambassador' Julius scratched his beak, having also seen the display on CNN.
"This is perfect!"
He hopped from his roost, a circular griffon couch arranged like an old bird's nest yet infinetly more comfortable, and moved to his quill and paper.
Dear Queen Aze
Truely wonderful news, reuniting with your son!
I wish the best for you, and your hive as well.I regret bringing your attention once more to the condition of our nation, but would you be willing to visit anyway?
We will provide transportation for you and up to fourteen tag-alongs if you wish.
Eager to hear from you,
Ambassador Julius
Excellent.
*****
Iron Will had witnessed CNN as well, and took the moment to realise the implications of what had occured in full.
Queen Aze had freely given everypony in Canterlot a house.
Said ponies no longer had to make payments on those homes.
Banks would be flooded with ponies attempting to spend their savings on things, now that their main source of economic troubles had been conquered by a relatively friendly changeling Queen in a single night.
Princess Celestia would either have to conduct damage control and nullify the deeds for the sake of the economy, earning her the loathing of her ponies, or sit back and do nothing.
Doing nothing would help her save face, but only until ponies began questioning why the Solar Princess hadn't done what Queen Aze had done.
This would either cause her to lose standing in the opinions of ponies, who would hold Queen Aze in higher reguard for dealing with their troubles directly, or reveal her plan to hide the monetary wealth that Queen Aze had no idea what to do with.
Knowing the amount of bits the Queen possessed, via attending the second meeting yet not speaking, Iron Will was certain that others would seek to take advantage of the Queen's naïve nature.
Iron Will doesn't let anybeing get pushed around.
*****
"Cadance?"
"Yes, Shiny?" Cadance called from another room, the crystaline halls of their castle reasonating with a musical quality.
"What would you say if Queen Aze bought everypony a house in Canterlot?"
...
"That's pretty specific."
"Just a hypothetical?"
...
"Did she get US a house?"
...
"She got EVERYPONY a house."
Shining's reply was followed by a flurry of hooves galloping across crystal flooring, ending with a leap onto Shining Armor.
"Lets go on vacation!" Cadance cheered from her position on Shining's lap, staring up at him adorably.
"That should still be illegal." Shining grumbled.
*****
"Tia?" Luna called to the runed and enchanted golden/marble doors of her sister's bedroom.
"Go away!" The muffled voice of a distraught Celestia called back.
"Tia, it is us! Let us in, that we may speak with you!"
"I need to be alone!"
"We have a meeting, Tia!"
"No!"
"Tia, thou art acting a foal."
"You deal with it today!"
Luna took a deep, calming breath.
"Very well, Sister."
"Thank you Lulu!" Celestia called back.
Luna idly noted that the hallway smelt of spearmint tea. Odd.
*****
Twilight had been watching CNN. Practically anypony/dragon/ling/griffon/sentient being with available means had been watching CNN.
Twilight had a house in Canterlot now.
Science lab!
Twilight then began collecting her things, scooping them into saddlebags and squeeing with glee at all the things she could do with an entire house turned into a laboratory.
*****
Spike did not recieve a house. No one cares about Spike.
*****
The rest of the important ponies recieved houses as well. Rarity turned hers into another boatleak or whatever, Applejack turned hers into a cider bar, Color Fast turned hers into an altar to the wonderbolts, and Fluttershy turned hers into another Animal Shelter.
Pinkie Pie, however, decided to go crazy.
She had converted her house into an airship. Large balloons and rotating fan blades held it in the air, and she sought to sail to the 'eight corners of the world to find the fourth of six walls and shatter it to pieces.'
Everypony just allowed Pinkie the space to be Pinkie, as she hired a pirate crew to both guard her ship, feed personally via pastry, and to entertain and throw parties for so she wouldn't become lonely or bored.
She still wrote though, so that was nice.
*****
King Shadow Slaughter was having difficulty with moving into his mansion, however.
"Why- *Hgrrr* do they make doors- *Grrrrr* never wide enough- *Grr* for FURNITURE TO FIT THROUGH?!" He shouted, a mighty shove of body and magic sending his new skull and chains decorated couch flying through the front door.
He picked himself up from the floor, and levitated his couch into the air once more.
"Oh come on, seriously?!"
Another doorway stood in defiance of his goals in life.
*****
Celestia herself had been given a house as well, but she ate the deed in her grief, and would have to ask for another house if she wanted one.
*****
Queen Aze didn't know what to do about her son.
Her Alicorn son.
He seemed able to find fault with a great many things, yet could find nothing wrong with Aze herself, even if she asked for complete honesty.
"Edgey, you know I'm terrible at alchemy. Would you help me learn it?"
"You know, you made me on your first attempt. I'd say you performed perfectly."
"But I need to be even better for my nymphs! For the future of your brothers and sisters!"
He grumbled, sipping juice from a small cup with a skull on a silly straw made of bones.
"Alright, fine."
"Yay!"
"You're like a foal when It comes to Alchemy."
"Boom!" I teased
*****
Why was I asking Edgey for help with alchemy?
It was explained doubly by the Pink One and Edgey himself.
Pinkie's explanation is that since our hive survives off of 'harmony' and the things that cause it, when I used all of the elements at once, the harmonic magic prevented complete failure and instead ensured the survival of my son, albeit as an Alicorn instead of a changeling.
Edgey's explanation is that 'I am too metal to fail.'
I like Pinkie's explanation better.
Edgey's own natural talent with alchemy comes from how he was created. Since changelings are educated by the hive mind and also contain genetic memory, when my harmonic magic combined with 'every element ever', they imbued him with knowledge about how each element worked and interacted with another.
So in laypony terms, I got super lucky and I have a living alchemical cheat sheet that thinks I'm the best thing ever.
Twilight had practically vanished since giving her a house, and Celestia had replied to any letter or request sent to her as follows:
Princess Celestia isn't here right now.
Please try again later.At the tone, please record your message.
Beeep.
Nopony really knows what the second part means, but I suggested that she perhaps needs a vacation.
*****
Final meeting of White Tail Woods Hive and Equestria Peace Talks
8:00 AM
L = Luna
A = Bug lady
D = Derpy Hooves (me!)L: We are all that could attend?
A: It seems so.
D: I couldn't find the way to my house, so I decided to help!
L: How did you evade our guards?
D: Guards?
A: Should we just focus on the meeting?
L: Oh, yes. Our sister is not feeling well, and has asked us to conclude our peace talks thusly.
A small paper is produced
My kingdom for all your bits!Stop crashing the economy!For a nominal integration fee, Equestria will enter a permanent alliance (barring intentional hostilities) with the changeling hive if White Tail Woods and Queen Aze, of 500,000,000 bits.
A: Huh. That seems like alot?
It's extortion!
M = Scary Minotaur! (My bad! I didn't know he was here!)
M: Princess Luna, is this Equestria's plan?
A: Wait, what's going on?
L: Please, allow us to explain. It was our sister's-
M: Explain nothing! A, Minos will offer an alternative to this outrage. We will enter an Alliance with you, in exchange for a small boost to our economy via trade.
B= Bird stallion! (Where do all these not-ponies keep coming from?)
B: The Griffon Empire will also ally themselves with you, A. We seek to rebuild our empire with your assistance, and we would be forever indebted by your assistance.
M: WTW will ally with Minos!
B: Nay, with Griffonia!
A: Um, Sirs?
L: No fighting in the peace room!
Lots of fighting, growling, and I got a feather! It's a nice feather.
L: *really loud* Cease thy actions at once!
Fighting stops, B/M/A all look suprised and upset.
L: Wait, why were you fighting, A?
A shrugs.
A: I figured if I defeated them in combat that they would listen to me?
L: We have become derailed. All gathered in favor of the solution that A will ally with Equestria, Minos and the Griffon Empire?
Four ayes, one abstain.
L: Celestia is not present, and you dont get a vote, D.
D: Awww.
Three ayes, none opposed.
Transcription by Derpy Hooves!
"Well. That went well!"
*****
Edgey, meanwhile, was having a minor crisis.
He had no idea what to do with himself, now that he had achieved all of his (rather new) life's goals.
He had a house, he was ludicrously rich (due to his mother) and he had everything he could ever want.
Except love.
Nope, just kidding. Edgey was too metal to need a loving and compassionate relationship that would fufill his innermost desires of companionship and understanding in a way that nopony else would be able to compare.
He was partially constructed of every element known to exist, so he could self medicate.
What he really wanted was a hive of his own, to show his mother that he would make a great King Shadow Slaughter some day. The problem was two fold.
He wasn't a changeling.
Kings cannot lay eggs.
He could attempt to experiment on himself to change this, but he didn't want to upset his mother's masterpiece of alchemical genius (Himself).
He could possibly ask to use one of her eggs, but that would appear strange if he didn't explain why he needed it, as he wanted to suprise her.
Perhaps he could talk with Twilight Sparkle? She was there for his creation, so perhaps she could help.
Seeing no other alternative willing to come to mind, Edgey set off with saddlebags made from the flesh of his enemies (Cotton) and his alchemy supplies, and set off to find Twilight.
*****
<Everyling, I have a problem...>
<Yes, our Queen?>
<What do I do now? We've successfully allied with Equestria, Minos and the Griffon Empire, but... what do I do now?>
<Why, you lead the hive, our Queen!>
<Yeah, I understand that. But where? Do we just sit around doing changeling things?>
<That is for you to decide, our Queen.>
...
<I have an idea.>
<Yes, our Queen?>
<Everyling, buy a toga. We're starting a democracy!>
*****
"Everyling is gathered?"
"Yes!"
"Everyling has their toga? It's crucial to democracy!"
"Yes, our Queen!"
"Wonderful! Let me tell you all why I've decided to form a democracy!"
"We can't hear you back here!" A voice called out.
Darn, worth a shot I guess.
<Fine, we'll hold the meeting in the hive mind.>
<Yes, our Queen!>
<Now! To business. I have created this democracy with one soecific goal in mind. What do we do?>
<Expand!>
<Trade agreements with more nations!>
<Colonize!>
<Absolutely nothing!>
The last changeling got a few disapproving emotions sent his way, and he felt bad for a few moments.
<See if Celestia is alright?>
Murmuring within the hive mind.
<Actually, we should've thought about that sooner. Thank you for reminding me! I will be off to Canterlot, but come up with something to do by the time I get back!>
<Yes, our Queen!>
Oooh, this is perfect! Now I don't have to think as much!
*****
Edgey had visited Twilight at her house/laboratory, and had several suggestions given to him. One that he took to heart was working music.
With this, he was humming along to his new favorite song, written by his Aunt Pinkie's dread pirates in celebration of their latest conquest of Beer Island. They had released an entire collection of their music via magical disk, pioneered by Vinyl Scratch.
His current focus was on deciding how he would begin his experimentation with alchemy. He needed eggs for this to work, and the only way he could do that without upsetting his mother would be to ask permission.
Maybe he should just ask via a letter? It's less personal, but he didn't feel up to a direct confrontation.
Screw it, letter time.
Dear Mother
I love the house that you've given me, and I finally have everything all settled.
I was hoping to get some help with my hobby, alchemical tampering.
I don't have anything to experiment on that provides a constant base template, and I was wondering if you would be willing to spare some of your eggs?
I fully understand if you are unwilling to part with them, but they would be an immense help.
A Thousand Thanks,
King Shadow Slaughter
(Edgey)
There. Perfect!
Edgey sent his letter via magical laser, and waited for a reply.
*****
"Princess Celestia?" I called, lightly knocking on her door.
"Celestia isn't home!" Celestia replied.
"I just want to talk!"
"Not here!"
This wasn't going anywhere productive.
Unless...
"What If I made a problem so your ponies would forget everything that happened?"
...
...
"Did I say something wro-"
The door swung open to reveal a very distraught Celestia. Mascara was streaming down her face in an ink black river, her ethereal mane was tied in knots and had a brush sticking out of it, and she had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep.
"You'd really do that?"
"Yes?"
"Just for my sake?"
I nodded.
"Queen Aze... I LOVE YOU!" She declared, wrapping her forehooves around me and lifting me from the ground in a twirl.
"Please stop! Crushing! Ack!
"Oh, right! Carapace..." She set me down and I checked myself for cracks. "My bad..."
"It's alright Celestia. If we can be friends then it will be worth it."
"Friends?"
"Yes! We feed from harmony and friendship, remember?"
"But why me, specifically?"
"You're an alicorn of immense power?"
"So it's not because of my fiendishly good looks?" Her eyebrows danced.
"Um..."
A trail of smoke flowed through an open window in Celestia's room to me, and opened itself into a letter.
...
"What does it say?" Celestia asked.
"Its a letter from my Alicorn son, Edgey."
She grumbled.
"Oh! This is interesting."
"What?" Celestia walked beside me, and I showed her the letter.
"Oh~" Celestia purred. "Send him a hundred, and let me write the letter!" She grinned.
"This will make us friends, and cause you to feel better?" I asked.
"Definetly! Friends forever after this."
*****
Dear Edgey (King Shadow Slaughter)
Thank you for letting me know how you're doing! I'm glad that you're settling in to your new home nicely.
About the eggs...
I'll be sending you a hundred!
I hope they will arrive at the same time as this letter, and that your experiments go well.
Kisses,
Queen Aze
(Mommy)
Edgey couldn't believe his fortunes. He had been expecting flat out refusal or at most, a single egg or three. A hundred? He could nearly dedicate each egg to an element!
But that wasn't his goal. Edgey wanted to make his mom proud, and he would do so by making his own hive. All he needed to do was figure out how Queens were made, and bind one to his will, or turn himself into one.
Edgey put on his own pair of science goggles, turned on his most righteous tunes, and began tinkering with the eggs.
*****
Dread Pirate Pinkie Pie sensed a disturbance, but it left her conflicted.
She knew that a great threat to Equestria was brewing, and only now would she have time to act on that knowledge... But that threat was making Edgey happy. It was naking Aze and Celestia friends, and it was giving thousands of changelings a purpose.
For the sake of harmony, she knew that she should intervene... But for the sake of her friends, she knew that it would be better for her to let them enjoy themselves.
"You better be loading that cannon with confetti mister!" She barked, catching one of her pirates in the act of loading her broadside party cannons with jagged glass and twisted metal.
"But, captain!-" he protested.
"No buts, mister! Get confetti for those cannons or no cake for you tonight!"
"Aww..."
Pinkie's crew was in the process of boarding Mr. Fancy Pant's zepplin, as part of her housewarming present.
New Zepplin? House party!
*****
"You're certain this will cause something to happen that will bring harmony to Equestria and abroad?"
Celestia had laid out a rather convoluted plan that relied on Edgey 'giving in to his true self' and causing chaos. She believed that due to the random chance of his creation, that he was unnatural and any actions he took would cause the universe to notice, and balance accordingly.
I was still concerned for his wellbeing. He might not have been a changeling in form, but he was still my son. One of them, at least. Yes, all of them are important!
Just because im going to have thousands of children doesnt mean i'll become a cold, heartless monster!
"I'm certain. All we must do now is adjust to the changes that your peace treaty has brought, and teach you how to not bring everything to ruin with your coin purse." Celestia replied. She was doing much better now that a clear, obvious doom was approaching on the horison, if obscured by the mists of time.
"Will you send Twilight and her friends to confront Edgey?"
She sipped her tea; peppermint this time. "Most likely. All that remains to be seen is when and how Edgey will act."
"I hope he's doing alright..."
*****
King Shadow Slaughter pushed away the goggles from his eyes, using the blood red of his magic to grab a cloth and wipe the sweat from his forehead.
For some reason, his instincts told him to pick out two eggs, gather as many metal elements as possible, and infuse them with Arcanium. That magical crystal was something he had no experience with, but he didn't know how to explain what he was doing, only that it seemed right to him.
The two eggs he had chosen from the remaining sixty-three were of a higher gloss to the others. Their shells pitch black and resonating with their mother's magenta glow as if posessed. He checked over his notes, (Mostly arcane babble that meant nothing to him, but somehow eased his thoughts when he wrote them out and gave him comfort when he saw them) and readied himself to imbue the eggs with his own brand of magic and to give them life.
As Edgey focused his magic, the torches and braziers were snuffed out in a spectral wind. The stone floors of his mansion taking on a frosty coating and causing the various chains and bones that he had decorated with to rattle and clank together.
Intensifying his efforts, the color of the room began to fade, literally greyshifting and draining into the eggs as a great shadow began to swallow the room itself. Edgey's horn stood as a single beacon of life in the room, its bloody glow emitting a siren's call of enchantment as his spell wove the elements and life together as one.
The eggs themselves began to pulsate. Their inner glow began to match the bloody red of their king, and metal spikes poked through their shell. These spikes lashed out, stabbing into the granite floor and securing themselves against the growing winds of ghostly torment.
With a final effort, Edgey's magic exploded in a storm of energy. Whips of red magic flailing around the room, fighting before unseen dark spectres as they growled and hissed in anger.
As the spell began to dissipate into completion, musical notes could be heard coming from the eggs.
Picking himself up from the floor to greet the first of his own children, intense musical notes and the sounds of growling, combined with magically electrified guitars began to play, heralding the birth of their dwelling souls.
The first, one that he would name Vicerii, growled and roared with all of her strength as she broke free from her egg. The second, Mentelli, brought a molten blood tear to his eye as she announced her own birth with a shout that would make demons weep with pride.
Even better than this, his magics had accelerated their growth, and they remained changelings. But not just any changelings.
Changeling Proto-Queens.
Vicerri was dark as her father, her mane and tail brutally twisted and sharpened as the hairs that composed them had been transformed into daggers, arranged like feathers. Silver for the body, and gleaming gold at the edges and tip. Her eyes were a magma of orange and red, glowing like the blaze of a furnace.
Mentelli, for her part, was less brutal. This did not make her frail, however. Her body had reinforced itself with a runed metallic armor. Steel, silver and titanium had woven itself into intricate runes and designs around her chest and upper limbs, and her head was adorned with a horned crown of its own, fused with her body as symbolic of her role.
King Shadow Slaughter took both of his daughters in a fierce grip, proud partially of his accomplishments, but even moreso of the potential of his two beautiful daughters that he had given new purpose.
His mother was going to be so proud!
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Just read the 2nd most recent update. I mean... this is a fantastical story, and your ability to follow along with a quite clueless changeling queen has been great.
But then, the alicorn. Edgey. Really? It was just, disparaging to see you pull that hard turn, even if you have a reason for it. The entire chapter devolved into a mess from that, coupled with Pinkie's over the top antics, and I pretty much noped and walked away. I want to see if you've fixed this in the chapter you just released, but I cannot for the life of me understand why you would bury your story underneath the muck and mire of the whole emo alicorn thing.
Shame, too, cause it was wonderful until then.
7346227
He's only emo for about that one chapter. I had to turn him from a joke into a legitimate character because I couldnt really just spawn an alicorn and have him run free.
7346234
It's the entire spawning of the alicorn that is the problem here, Novel. You've done an extremely solid job until that chapter of establishing how things might go with a changeling hive within Equestria whose leader has been so wrapped up in guiding that she never bothered taking the time to study her meals (the ponies). Everything is rolling along as smoothly (chunkily) as one might expect from that, and it is a great read.
Then, you want to do the alchemy bit, which is another interesting notion of how there are various classes of changelings. But, instead of looking at it from an interesting angle, you turn the entire thing into a joke and go all 'hur hur, black and red emo alicorn.' Putting aside the logic for the moment, the stereotype itself has already been used and poked at many times in many stories, and you really didn't need to add to either category there. Now, logically, do you understand what this means? Alicorns are rare. Like, exceedingly so, given that the show only has four of them present. Now five, I suppose, because of Flurry. However, of the five, one was born during the show's time frame, two earned it, and two simply were. Now, you show that a mere proto-queen can create an alicorn? You see the angle I'm coming from here?
7346261
Yeah, I can understand that.
If im being entirely honest, I dont plan out my stories from beginning to end because I want to have as much fun writing them as people do enjoying them.
If I pre-write my entire story, even by bullet points, it saps all of the fun I get from writing.
Edgey was probably a mistake, brought on by my own fear of actually finishing a story (because endings make me sad).
I -do- have a plan that will deal with Edgey, however.
Alicorn of heavy metal(s)
And his hive(s) that now somehow feed on THE BEATS!
Bass and Wubs.
BASS AND WUBS!
(because harmony + 'evil' = metal)
AND THUS THE HIVE WAS NAMED DETHKLOK!
"Twilight you must now undergo your greatest challenge yet. You must travel beyond the portal, gather your alternate friends, and defeat Dethklok in a musical showdown! You will need both sets of your friends for this!"
"But how do you know about any of that--"
"WE ALREADY DID THIS IN RAINBOW ROCKS"
"What?"
"Just do it."
omg i hope u wont give up on this story its really good!
Damn, that’s brutal. Spike’s a sapient being as well! And of course we care about Spike because… uhh…
Hivemind, help me out here.
This is what I imagine every fimfic author thinks after resolving their story.
Like, seriously, I still have no idea what’s going on.
Interesting story. Really nice ideas in here, like the ambassadors, the world building, and the general personality of Aze. The only downside is that it's been getting increasingly silly and cracky as the chapters go on. Celestia breaking down, toga parties, andthe most perfect son ever are funny scenes, but just.. don't add anything to things. Maybe I got the tone wrong from the start.
Is that what I think it is?
*Clicks link*
Yes! It's my party song!
...This story was pretty good...until all of this nonsensical stupidity started...She's ruined the economy, given everyone a house, and spawned a stupid 'red and black alicorn OC'? This is all random and unnecessary, detracting from the story as a whole. I feel like we've descended into some kind of sick April Fools joke these last few chapters, and they aren't even funny...
It was pretty good until the part with the lucridous amount or bits (and the consequences of it) , and the Edgy black and red alicorn.
Before that point the story was enjoyable and funny , following the awkward adventures or Aze (it was silly sometimes , but just enough to go well with the "flow") ...after that... Well, let's just say that the story jumped the shark completely and became inredeemable in the process. The balance between funny elements , plot and characters developpent was perfect at the start (in my opinion) and there were about a dozen different ways to introduce elements to continue the story without turning to plain stupid level of nonsense (even as plot devices , this is ...I dont even have the words)
Sorry if I sound harsh , I am just sad it turned like this. Then again , maybe it was what you were aiming for from the start and I just misjudged the tone of the story in the first place.
Welp, that will certainly go well.
Has anyone seen a mind?
I appear to have lost it in this chapter.
These chapters absolutely ruined the story for me.
They should be non-Canon. I'd be happy with that.
PFFT
Who DOESN'T have a house?
RUDE.
Her name is just colorfast now. It's the law.
She's a goat now, apparently
What the fuck is this chapter.
What
What even
Dear lord.
Bloody hell... Ponys are so EVIL! Thank the creator Minators stopped them...
Fantastic chapter ones more
Discord must be in heaven! But Order must be flipping so many shits Tony Hawks must be in awe!
Legendary story... I am in awe!
This phrase... what happens if you break the 5th wall? Or the 6th?
Dear me. That chaos is amazing to witness. (Yes im a tad unhinged like Discord.) Also I can't stop laughing and I laugh even harder at those whose brains are broken from this story or who can't handle it's awesomeness.
I remember loving this story years ago, but the site says I only made it halfway (?). My vague recollection tells me that I was too confused by something to continue. I now return with a 10 foot pole and patience born of boredom to make another attempt and see what comes from it.