- Member Since 27th May, 2016
- offline last seen Jun 4th, 2016
Random_MLP_Fan
I'm an MLP fangirl who likes reading (and sometimes writing) MLP stories
Random_MLP_Fan
Joined 27th May, 2016 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Flutterpriest · 1k words · 295 18 · 4k views
- Shaslan · 2.6k words · 266 9 · 3.7k views
- RubyDubious · 5.6k words · 32 2 · 841 views
- The-Black-Knight · 41k words · 136 11 · 3.5k views
- Compass The Pegasus · 1000 words · 96 6 · 3.1k views
- Ron Jeremy Pony · 43k words · 96 10 · 4.2k views
- Antiquarian · 348k words · 1,180 26 · 17k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.078 seconds
Total duration
1,204 users online
1,808,073 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
What the fuck is this shit? It's horrible!
7255002 That's just your opinion. Plus, it's my 1st story, so I understand if people don't like it.
Okay.... a couple things need to be pointed out. As a story, this lacks a lot of essential elements. There is little or no build-up to the events, it makes a lot of blanket statements about the characters we already know, and there is no description of either setting or plot. It seems as if you had an idea you wanted to get out there, however you did little to build the idea into a story. All you have is a loose connection of threadbare plot elements that build to nothing. You need a lot more practice if you want to write good, articulate stories.
That said, the best way to get this practice is to write, then show it to people you know whose opinions you trust. I would not recommend putting such stories on line for all to see until you become a little more skilled. There is no reason I can see that if you practice your craft, you cannot get a whole lot better. Keep practicing. Don't take the easy road of just putting something together and throwing it against the wall to see if people like it, not unless you have VERY thick skin.
7255188 Oh, ok. Yeah, I see what you mean. I'll probably go write some practice stories (but not put them on the website unless I want to put them on the website) just to get some practice done. Y'know, to get better at writing.
7255571 lol probably not XD Who needs sleep anyway?
7256873 Cool
I will say it does seem a little bit fast. If you don't mind I would like to offer you some advice. I would recommend trying to describe things in greater detail as this is a great way to slow down fast chapters so that the reader doesn't feel like they are reading a NASCAR story.
What kind of spells is Twilight studying? Aside from standing around looking at Pinkie what are the other Mane 6 doing? Are any of them crying?
I would also recommend trying to describe the wounds in greater detail. The way they were described to me they didn't sound too bad at least not bad enough for Rainbow Dash to charge off with Pinkie to the hospital. Generally some bandages and a cold pack would be just fine. Perhaps there is something about these wounds that rub Twilight the wrong way, but if that is the case that should be mentioned.
Well, those are just some suggestions. I will say the story does sound interesting.
7258576 Ohhhhh ok I see what you mean I'll use your advice for other stories like I'll explain things in more detail and try not to make the pacing too fast XD Thanks for the advice, dude
(Also, sorry for the late reply)
Your story was good, for it being your first. However, I have a few suggestions:
This story would have worked just as well as one long story, rather than four parts.
The pacing is very uneven, you jump around from quick to slow constantly. You can speed up pacing at certain spots, but build to it. Don't be afraid to take your time with the story.
There was a lot in this story that questioned logic, especially that none of the other ponies woke up. Be sure to ask yourself if the story makes sense. You can get away with a lot when it comes to Pinkie, but not everything.
Regardless you seem to have a passion for writing and, with all things, practice makes perfect.
You're probably dead but whatever here you go.