Waxworks
Joined 16th Mar, 2015 ·
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- The Red Parade · 4.3k words · 26 5 · 764 views
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Not that I’m complaining but how many movies or TV shows or even video games have that kind of build up? The main character is bored out of his or her mind and it seems they have the crappy end of the deal. Only to have someone or something show up that seems normally sick but in fact be something intentional to cause trouble? Because this sounds like it’s going to be good.
I am absolutely so confused. It feels like the story is kind of being rushed.
I’m at a loss for words. There is no conclusion
Well that was unfortunate. Hopefully they'll be able to synthesize a cure, but the ponies in that town are all going to die.
8924450
That's the life. It's either boring or "normal", and then it becomes "interesting". Those characters for whom life is "boring" often have better chances to cope
8924475
The conclusion is that Redheart escapes her immediate troubles. Everypony else dies, but Redheart and the motorcycle unicorn escape. Ideally you imagine them solving the crisis, but you can also imagine them failing to do so. The current problem is solved, however, and writing the boring continuation where Redheart finds another town where she spends hours or even days synthesizing a cure would be boring. Letting the reader imagine what they want is better.
8924463
It's quite possible there were portions that I rushed more than others. Stopping then starting again may have that effect when writing. I try my best, but I can't possibly fix every instance of it.
8924450
Most stories begin with normal and move into strange. You want to show the characters in their everyday life before you take it all away and thrust them into the unknown. It's a good way to help readers or viewers identify with them.
8924922
The only true problem I was having with the conclusion was the fact 3 questions arose reading this story.
Question 1: who was the old man and what was that all about? There are so many stories were you get a random person that just shows up out of the blue. And nurse red hearts case bumps into her while she is heading home after having dinner. The most we the readers see of this guy is that he’s searching for somepony. Several moments later he’s passing through the massive crowd of ponys attending the event then eventually finally making it to the hidden cave that apparently is holding what only sounds like potions. We don’t really get any more information other then he drinks one and the magically slightly feels better. He then tries to go back to the crowd and tell them that he has found a treasure greater then anything else in this country. And then he just falls over dead then a few moments later just explodes in gore with no real explanation or inclination why. It kind of felt like it was just thrust in with no real answer.
Question 2: what exactly were in those fluid potions? The multi colored liquid bottles I am only assuming are some kind of potion. I was merely curious as to what it was considering how fast and how affective it was at killing everyone.
Question 3: this one is kind of a 2 parter. Who was the old man’s friend? And where the fluids in those bottles artificial or natural? It was interesting to hear about them. Because it sounded like what ever they were they were never ment to be found or used. All that I wanted to know was what their original purpose was for and why they were locked up and kept secret.
But it was a fantastic read though non the less
8925172
The old man was sick. Very sick. He was looking for his friend, as he said, and alludes to the fact that his friend didn't "complete" something. He drinks the potions, and it appears to make him better, but he was old, and crazy. Clearly crazy. His entire intent was to drink the potions, which I may not have properly explained were the catalysts for starting and spreading the sickness. He gathers a crowd and subsequently shares his sickness (the potions) with everypony there. He started it all intentionally.
8925178
That actually explains a lot. Thank you for clearing that all up.
Really good.
But I'm not a fan of "the ending is whatever you want it to be!"-endings.
This story reminded me of The White Disease by Karel Čapek. Even though this story is mostly action and the play (The White Disease is a play) is more about ethical dilema of a doctor - whether to follow Hippocratic Oath or be true to his own morals.
8930773
I've never heard of that, but it sounds interesting.