Something, Something, Human Things
“Human, you and I have much to discuss,” the sound of a familiar voice rang out. Turning his attention towards the main door of the dining hall, Eric let out a low groan of annoyance as he noticed the pompous prince cantering towards him with his little half-suit and perfectly combed mane.
“And there goes my evening,” Eric mumbled under his breath, watching as the new guest sat across from him at the table. It took only a second for a maid to approach the prince, a warm smile on her face as she asked the usual question of what he wanted to eat and drink.
“The usual. Though bring me two glasses and the bottle in a bucket of ice. And make it snappy,” he directed the poor mare with a wave of his hoof, who flinched slightly at his tone.
“Blue,” Eric stated, pulling the stallion into his focus as their eyes locked. “Remember what we were talking about.” He said sternly, as he looked between the mare and prince. A moment of silence went by before Blueblood turned his attention back to the mare.
“If you would be so kind that is,” the prince replied in a much softer tone, shocking the maid for a moment before she bowed her head and made her way into the kitchen. As soon as the mare was out of earshot, Eric let out a loud sigh.
“You need to treat them better Blue. They aren’t just servants you can boss around. They are just like you and me. We are all equals.” Blueblood just scoffed at the human, upset that someone would dare say he was an equal with a commoner. Though one stern glare from Eric had the prince relenting in defeat.
“I will make no promises, but I will try to be nicer to the help,” he responded.
“That is all that I ask,” Eric ended. He knew for a fact that was the best he was going to get out of the prince, which was improvement in his eyes. Anything was an improvement from when the two of them first met. Rude, obnoxious, and flat out disrespectful. It wasn’t until the human had saved the prince from a well-deserved ass beating by two of his very own guards that he began to warm up to the human. I guess having your life flash before your eyes can put things into perspective for anyone, including the prince. By no means was he cured of his douche-bag tendencies, but was improving... slowly.
“There are a few things I wish to discuss with you, Eric.” The proper use of the human’s name gained Blueblood his undivided attention for the moment.
“From what I hear, you are to be Equestria’s new king. Is that correct?” It was at this time that Butter Cream returned with a freshly made salad for the human, before bowing once more and taking her leave.
“To answer your question, yes. I am currently engaged with Celestia and Luna. Once things are final and we officially tie the knot, I will be the next king of Equestria. Though if I may ask, why does this interest you?” Stabbing his fork into the salad before him, Eric slowly brought up the crunchy leaves to his mouth as he watched Blueblood with curiosity. The prince fidgeted in his seat, shifting uncomfortably for a moment before clearing his throat.
“The reason I wish to know is because I wasn’t aware of any physical or sexual relations you were having with my aunts, especially Luna,” the prince bluntly stated. Upon hearing his reasons, Eric began to choke on the few bites of salad he had, coughing a couple of times before managing the pieces of leaves down his throat. Looking up towards the prince, Eric couldn’t help but notice a small smile on his muzzle for just a second, obviously finding the situation of the human rather comical.
“W-what the hell are you talking about Blue?” The human managed to get out. At this time Butter Cream was quick to fetch the poor human a glass of water before going about her other maidly duties.
“I may have heard you and Aunty Luna... fornicating in her room a few weeks ago. I was unaware of how long you and her have been having secret relations, though I wish to offer you both my congratulations and advice of becoming royalty,” the prince ended with a sincere tone. Several thoughts raced through the human’s head as he began to replay the experience a few weeks ago while visiting Luna. To the best of his ability, Eric couldn’t recall anything at all that would lead to an assumption of sexual intercourse with Luna. The only physical contact the two had except for the last few days, was when her back and wings cramped up and he offered to...
“Oh, yes! Right there Eric, that’s the perfect spot! Oh, pray to the gods above, please don’t stop!” The human’s hands glided skillfully over the mare’s back and wings, using his nimble digits to massage out the mountains of stress the nobles of Canterlot were putting the poor mare through.
“Oh, faster and harder Eric. Please, this feels so divine!” Luna whined out through her ragged breaths, moaning in pure ecstasy as Eric obeyed her wishes with a dark blush upon his cheeks.
“Hey Luna, maybe you should keep it down. I don’t want anypony getting the wrong idea.” Luna waved a hoof nonchalantly at the human’s request, closing her eyes and sinking even further into her bed.
“Fear not Eric. Nopony would dare venture near our chambers during the night. You have nothing to fear.” Little did she know a certain white unicorn happened to be walking by, hearing more than he ever bargained for.
“Oh, I am so going to get Luna back for this,” Eric mumbled to himself before facing towards Blueblood once again.
“No Blue, our relationship is nothing like that. I was only massaging a kink out of Luna’s wings and back. It seems the nobles did a number on her the last couple of weeks,” Eric stated with a sigh.
“It would seem so. I for one do not care for the petty politics of nobility. It seems they want nothing more than to line their pockets with wealth and power.” The prince shuddered at the thought before receiving his lush meal of greens and pasta, served with a fine wine and two empty glasses.
“I can agree to that Blue. It’s why I’m in this marriage thing in the first place,” Eric added before taking another bite of his salad.
“So I’ve heard. It seems the nobilities’ attempt at gaining power has failed utterly on many fronts. Though I am not the least bit surprised,” Blueblood stated, his tone filled with a sense of superiority as sipped from his now filled wine glass. Eric had to admit that while Blueblood was arrogant, he had a right to be so. The prince had been dealing with the nobilities’ grasp at power for over ten years. And during that time, none had bested the prince in the art of politics or persuasion, a feat that greatly boosted his ego and his ever-growing superiority complex.
“So tell me Eric, what sort of schemes have the nobility been up to since the reveal of their new king?” Blueblood politely questioned while pouring himself and his friend a glass of wine.
“As far as I know, nothing. But from what you have said and your experience with dealing with nobility, what am I looking at here?” The question towards the prince made him smile. Eric knew good and well that Blueblood had probably already figured out what some of the nobility were going to do after their failed attempt at a power grab. The human may have mixed feelings about the prince, but there was no denying that he was smart when it came to this sort of situation.
“Ah, you are already seeking my council are we?” The prince mocked playfully, enjoying the stroke to his ego. Eric could only roll his eyes with a simple nod of his head.
“You and I both know you have more experience in dealing with these types of situations, and only an ignorant fool would ignore someone like that.” Eric could see the stallion across from him nodding his head with closed eyes as he took a long swig of his wine before refilling his glass.
“And that is why I have grown to respect you. You are not afraid to ask your superiors for advice on a matter you know little about,” Blueblood replied. Despite the added comment of ‘superiors’ from the prince, Eric agreed. He wasn’t afraid to ask for help if he truly did not know the answer to a question or problem. It was in his personality, just like he wouldn’t judge anyone for asking him a question to a problem he thought was simple.
“As for what to expect with the nobility, I do not know. All that I do know is that they will try to stop you from marrying my aunts, whether that be from a technicality in the old law or by ‘other’ means.” The way the prince worded ‘other’ Eric had a good idea of what that meant. Equestria was known as one of the safest nations in the world of Equis, which also meant that accidental deaths were a little too convenient with ponies of political pool.
“So you are suggesting that I prepare myself for the unexpected?” Blueblood nodded his head once again with a smile on his face.
“That is exactly what I am suggesting. I would talk with aunty Celestia about the matter. She would most likely assign you a personal guard or guards, depending on how severe she deems the threat.” Reaching towards the glass of wine that was in front of the human, Eric down its contents in one breath before shivering from the alcoholic taste of the beverage. It wasn’t very often the human would drink, though it would be rude to reject the glass of wine the prince had poured for him.
“Thank you Blue. I will go talk to Celestia about it after I finish signing these papers,” Eric stated. Blueblood nodded his head one last time before levitating the bottle of wine and glass in his magic.
“I wish you well Eric. Now if you would please excuse me, I do think I am actually late for a little social gathering,” the prince declared, getting out of his seat and exiting the dining hall. The human was now all alone, exit for the few maids and guards that were on standby in case the human needed anything.
“That’s a bit wasteful,” Eric mumbled under his breath, noticing the almost untouched bowl of pasta on the opposite side of the table. Letting out a soft sigh, the human reached across the large table before grabbing the bowl of pasta and plunging his fork into the delicious dinner.
“Best not let it go to waste. God knows there are many ponies out there who would give their left hoof for something as tasty as this,” Eric thought. The human quickly spent the next hour or so finishing up the prince’s meal and his own paperwork, not even bothering to read most it. Checking the watch on his wrist, Eric concluded it was time to start getting ready for the night. It wasn’t going to be anything special, just something he knew both Luna and Celestia would enjoy that also wouldn’t take up much of Celestia’s time. He knew she was probably exhausted, and planned to also spend some time later tonight relieving her stress with a well-deserved massage much like he had with Luna a few weeks prior. Gathering up the papers in a neat pile, Eric properly secured the forms in his hand as he made his way to Celestia’s room.
The journey took no more than ten minutes and soon enough, Eric was standing in front of the door with a smile on his face. Knocking several times, a moment of silence followed by an angelic voice replied from the opposite side of the door.
“You may come in,” Celestia called out. Eric knew that tone when he heard it and sure enough as the human walked through the door, Celestia still had her face buried in paperwork at her private desk.
“You need to take a break Tia,” Eric stated as he walked over towards the mare and placed a comforting hand on the mare’s head and scratching lightly. Celestia cooed out in enjoyment as she leaned into the ear scratches.
“I suppose I should. Though after one more proposal, ok?” the princess stated, levitating another twenty page form in front of herself. Eric was quick to grab at the form and place it firmly down on her desk with a stern look.
“Sorry Tia, but no. You are exhausted and deserve to be treated to a nice surprise tonight. Go get Luna and meet me outside of my room in fifteen minutes ok?” Despite her wanting need to finish one last form, Celestia relented.
“Fine I will,” the goddess replied with a playful huff. Eric couldn’t help but laugh at the silly expression of the princess and opted for a long, encompassing hug with his friend before setting down the stack of papers he had finished signing earlier.
“Good. I will see you and Luna in fifteen minutes then, ok?” Eric questioned. Celestia was quick to nod her head with a playful smile.
“Yes, yes, now go and get ready otherwise we will be waiting on you,” Celestia demanded in humorous tone.
“Yeah, yeah princess, I'm on it,” Eric replied before leaving his friend and venturing to his own room to freshen up. As the human left, Celestia let out a few soft giggles.
“I do wonder what sort of surprise Eric has planned for us tonight?”
Several loud knocks on Eric’s bedroom door soon brought the human out of his thoughts.
“Come in,” Eric called out from the bathroom. Within a few moment, Eric could distinctly make out the idle chatter of the two princesses. Giving himself one last once-over in the mirror, the human exited the bathroom with shirt in hand, giving the two mare’s an unobstructed view of their soon-to-be husband’s torso.
“Oh, so was this the surprise you wanted to give us? If so, we are severely disappointed,” Luna remarked. Celestia was caught off guard by the comment as another bout of giggles assaulted the mare. Eric just rolled his eyes before throwing the shirt over his body.
“Oh please Luna. You will probably be having wet-dreams about my sexy-ass body for next week,” Eric retorted. Luna’s cheeks soon turned a vibrant red in embarrassment, as Celestia couldn’t help agree that Luna walked into that one.
“Alright you two, save it for the bedroom. Besides, I don’t think Eric is quite ready to take our relationship to that sort of level yet,” Celestia calmly explained. Both Luna and Eric rolled their eyes at the older alicorn before everyone made their way out of the room.
“Alright, so are you all ready?” Eric asked, receiving a few blank stares from his two friends.
“It would depend on what you mean by ready,” Luna quipped back.
“Well if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise. But don’t worry, it’s not over the top or anything fancy. Just something fun for all of us to do.” Celestia and Luna both nodded their heads as they followed the human for a fun night out on the town.
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I did enjoy it, I'm only curious into when Cadence will be enter the frame, because come on, its her aunts, she must had turn into Pinkie Pie right about now in the cristal empire and doesn't now why
Something, something, something, complete.
8031410 It will be a while before the story is completed lol. I just don't have the time or motivation to write everyday.
"Nobles are all greedy stupid-bad meanyheads" is one of my personal pet peeves, so I can't tell whether I'm going to enjoy the story overall. Still, I would like to give you props for the Blueblood part (even if I doubt Eric would say that Celestia and the maids are equal) and one quick writing tip:
In dialogue, put a comma before the name of someone being addressed. It's much clearer that way. For example:
That could mean there's no blue colour there right now. Try this:
That way, your readers will know Blue is the name of the person the speaker is talking to.
8031436 Thanks for the tip. Now that you pointed it out, I understand where you are coming from and will make a conscious effort to do that from now on.
As for the equality thing, yes Eric would say that everypony is equal. Nopony is beneath another pony based on social status or wealth. They could be more well-off or have a better job.
And I do know that it is a lot of people's pet peeve about the nobility being power hungry, but I didn't state that all of them were. In my eyes, Canterlot has about five hundred to a thousand nobles occupying the city. And out of that number, only fifty of them are on the council, which tend to be more of the older or well established noble families.
8031435
I thought the title was part of a joke, I merely wanted to complete the joke.
Replace ‘‘human things’’ in the title with ‘‘dark side’’ and you will know what I mean.
8031494 Lol, i just youtubed it!!! Yeah, I wasn't making a joke out of it, I just didn't know what I should have for a title, so I came up with that lol.
8031452
I just have a hard time seeing an entire council go so blatantly against Celestia when nearly every pony in the show worships the ground she walked on, you know? Plus, it's almost never a situation with either an explanation why such a council even exists, nor any real effort put into making them more than cardboard, moustache-twirling villains, who are also at the same time too stupid to put on their own shoes.
Plus, it may not be all nobles, but the way it's discussed in the story, the way characters talk about the matter, does make it sound like it's all of them. There's a disconnect there, similarly as with Celestia claiming Eric is one of the kindest guys around and yet we see him threatening to kill ponies, proving he's not. It can't be both.
This is gonna be fun!
Looking forward for more!
And with that I'm all caught up.
The only issue I see is transitioning. For example:
Right there, as well as on several other occasions in both this chapter and the previous, you transition from one location to the next with no indication to show that it is happening. Granted, it's obvious rather quickly when we have moved on to another location and time, but it's still a little jarring.
I've been remiss in my reading.
8046927 There will be no naked Twister, sorry lol.
8047056 Well shoot.
Nice update. I like your treatment of Blueblood. I didn't expect that. I look forward to the next update.
Good story so far. Eric feels more relatable than a lot of HiEs. The situation makes it even better. I did catch a few little things that I'll PM you later. Aside from those, one suggestion I would make is to add some sort of break when you change perspectives. It doesn't have to be much, just something to indicate that one scene has ended and another has started. Something like one of these:
***
-==-
~~~~~
----------
<===>
I saw that this was nominated for the Goodfic Bin. Good luck with that, but upon checking it out, I have to say that your story description is a big turn off for me. It's just way too long. But while this isn't my type of story anyway, maybe I can help trim the fat on the description a bit. Here's the original:
The main problem is that it's just a huge wall of text. You're trying to explain too much in the space you have. Here's my suggestion:
I believe this stands out more. It's snappier and more concise while still keeping everything the reader needs to know. You could probably cut it down even further, but this might help more readers give the story a chance. Good luck!
Really, tried to enjoy this fic but... I have a hard time to believe that after thousand years of doing politics Celestia doesn't have any blackmail materials on anyone and their dog. And considering how popular Celestia with common ponies I'm sure that she able to simple disband council or completely change it composition without any problems. If council try to protest they ended up antagonising entire Equestria.
I really like this story. When is there going to be a new chapter?
8455904
Same some of the best stories haven't seen updates for years or are cancelled
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Great story, can't wait for the next one!
8498102
You ever think that maybe her eyes glow in the dark? She is the night mother after all, its logical to think she would have some thestral traits.
8033895
my opinion of the noble council
https://youtu.be/PfsTk5i7mPw