Apple Family Affairs

by PonyToneSinger

Back At Home

Back at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was pacing frantically. "Where is she? Why didn' Ah go after her? Why didn' Ah tell tell her sooner?" She was thinking to herself over and over.

Suddenly, Big Mac stepped in front of her. "Come on and sit down. Worryin' and pacin' aren't gonna bring her home any faster."

"Ah know, but Ah feel so guilty for not goin' after her an' tryin' to explain why we raised her like a sister, then maybe she'd understand."

Just then, Apple Bloom came racing in the door and launched herself at Applejack. "Ah'm so sorry Ah ran off! Please forgive me!"

Applejack staggered back, startled by the sudden appearance of her daughter. "Apple Bloom! Are you alright? " She asked, then she added: "What do you mean, forgive you? Ah'm the one who should be apologizin' for not tellin' you the truth sooner."

Big Mac came over and led both of the girls over to the sofa. "We have somethin' more to tell you about why we brought you up like a sister."

Apple Bloom drooped. "Well, let's get this over with."

Applejack squared her shoulders and looked Apple Bloom in the eye. "Please let us finish before you say anything, can you do that Sugarcube?"

Apple Bloom nodded. "A'm really sorry Ah ran off before, Ah should have heard you out."

Applejack took a deep breath and began. "Well, before you ran off, we were about to tell you why exactly we raised you like our little sister."

Apple Bloom looked ready to apologize again, but Applejack put up a hoof. "Let me finish please." She admonished gently.

Applejack continued. "When Ah first moved to Ponyville, Ah was grieving the loss of mah folks, and Ah wouldn't talk to anypony or eat much. So Granny Smith decided to send me to live with mah cousins the Oranges. Anyway, you know the story from there. When Ah saw the Rainboom, Ah decided to come to Ponyville and work on the farm, earning mah cutie mark."

"But what's that got ta do with me?" Apple Bloom spoke up, unable to hold her tongue.

"Ah was gettin' to that, if you can listen quietly." Applejack replied. "Anyway, about 14 years after Ah moved back to Ponyville, Big Mac came and found me. He said that he'd been looking for me ever since mah folks died, but he couldn` get a straight answer cause everypony thought Ah was with somepony else."

Big Mac spoke up. "Eeyup. When I couldn' find her in Fillydelphia or Appleloosa, I came to Ponyville to ask her grandmare if she knew where she was, and do you know what I found?" He asked Apple Bloom.

"No, what?" She asked.

"He found me, workin` out in the orchard to bring in the apples. Ah was trying to buck an especially stubborn tree when he came up behind me and asked 'Need a hoof?' Ah turned around to say no thank you and came face to face with mah fillyhood neighbor!"

Big Mac chuckled. "She was so surprised to see me that she dropped all the apples she was carrying, and made me pick them up!"

Applejack poked him with her hoof. "There's no reason to tell her that." she said indignantly "Anyway, Ah was so happy to see him that Ah dragged him all the way back to the farmhouse so he could meet Granny Smith. When Granny Smith saw him, she assumed he was a long-lost Apple family member when she saw his cutie mark and heard how he got it."

"I tried to tell her I was just a friend of Applejack's, but Granny just wouldn't believe it, she just kept saying `It's so nice to meet another Apple, you folks hardly ever come to Ponyville anymore.` So finally we just started going with the story." Big Mac said.

"When ponies started askin' about him, we just said that he was mah older brother, and that he had decided to move here to Ponyville to help out on the farm." Applejack said. "Not that Ah need any help around here, Ah can handle it just fine by mah self." She added.

"Nnope." Was all Big Mac said, remembering the time Applejack had tried to take care of the fall harvest all by herself because he was hurt.

Applejack just glared at him in response. "Well anyway, over time Big Mac and Ah began to fall in love, only now the word had gotten out that he was here and everypony believed he was mah brother, so we had to keep it a secret."

"But what about Granny Smith? Ah mean, she would have noticed you were gonna have a foal." Said Apple Bloom.

"Well, when ah got pregnant, we had to tell Granny Smith the truth about Big Mac, which took some work. Then Ah decided to take a trip to Baltimare until Ah had you, and Big Mac came with me."

"But Ah don` remember ever bein` in Baltimare!" Apple Bloom protested.

"Well, we came back to Ponyville before yer first birthday, so ya probably wouldn't remember much anyhow." Applejack responded. "Well, we knew that we couldn't tell nopony about having a baby, on account of we're supposed to be brother an' sister, so we told anypony that asked that you were the daughter of mah mamma's sister, and we were gonna raise you."

Apple Bloom looked at her mother nervously. "Uh... Applejack? Please don't hate me, but Ah kinda told mah friend Twist-A-Loo that ya'll were mah parents."

Comments

[fallen starr]

Okay, so you mentioned in an author's not about people hating the story, but I don't see any downvote, so I don't think people hate it. However, I just read through the whole thing, and it could use a little work. You should add more descriptions. I know that's hard, it's something I struggle with as well, but it would make the story seem a lot less rushed.

Which brings us to my second point: pacing. This whole story could have been, and honestly should have been, contained into one or two chapters.

There are good things, though. For this situation, I think everyone is pretty much in character. I don't understand why Apple Bloom is just blaming AJ when Big Mac was a part of all this as well, but maybe that explanation comes later. Oh, as a side note, I think her name is just Twist.

So yeah, that's the biggest things I can think of that would even make someone downvote your story. I hope it helps!

[PonyToneSinger]

7186177 Thank you for sharing your opinion. I can always use constructive criticism to help me, however, I didn't say people hated my story, I was simply pointing out to the ones that did dislike my story that I would appreciate a comment explaining their downvote. I looked it up, and her full name actually is Twist-A-Loo, so thank you for pointing that out.

P.S. I will be further covering Apple Bloom's attitude towards her sister in the next chapter.

[fallen starr]

7188337 Oh, then that's my bad on two accounts. I guess I misread the comment earlier, and I didn't know about Twist's name. Kudos for doing your research, like I should have. Yeah, I was just trying to help out a little, so I do hope it did.

[PonyToneSinger]

Let's hear from the readers: if anypony wants more of this story, leave a comment! If I can get 5 people to say they want another chapter, then I will write another chapter. Otherwise, I will just put this story On Hiatus until further notice.

[Carolusrex1]

7261029 MOAR!!!!!!!!!!

[PonyToneSinger]

Thanks so much 7348880, I'm glad you like it so spread the word please and see if anyone else does