The day after her 16th birthday, Apple Bloom is ecstatic to discover she has gotten her cutie mark,. But when she shows Applejack, her sister tells her something Apple Bloom never expected to hear.
Chapters (8)
PonyToneSinger
Joined 31st Mar, 2016 ·
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Where's the Genre Tags?
It's been already done with.
Mother hen.
>>OmniFox Thank you for pointing out the lack of Genre Tags, I have fixed this problem.
I love the drama.
This is front page gold!!!!
Thank you >>OmniFox, I'm glad you like it.
As for the rest of you, I quite frankly don't care if you dislike my story, but I would appreciate a comment telling me what exactly you didn't like.
Thank you:
PonyToneSinger
Okay, so you mentioned in an author's not about people hating the story, but I don't see any downvote, so I don't think people hate it. However, I just read through the whole thing, and it could use a little work. You should add more descriptions. I know that's hard, it's something I struggle with as well, but it would make the story seem a lot less rushed.
Which brings us to my second point: pacing. This whole story could have been, and honestly should have been, contained into one or two chapters.
There are good things, though. For this situation, I think everyone is pretty much in character. I don't understand why Apple Bloom is just blaming AJ when Big Mac was a part of all this as well, but maybe that explanation comes later. Oh, as a side note, I think her name is just Twist.
So yeah, that's the biggest things I can think of that would even make someone downvote your story. I hope it helps!
7186177 Thank you for sharing your opinion. I can always use constructive criticism to help me, however, I didn't say people hated my story, I was simply pointing out to the ones that did dislike my story that I would appreciate a comment explaining their downvote. I looked it up, and her full name actually is Twist-A-Loo, so thank you for pointing that out.
P.S. I will be further covering Apple Bloom's attitude towards her sister in the next chapter.
7188337 Oh, then that's my bad on two accounts. I guess I misread the comment earlier, and I didn't know about Twist's name. Kudos for doing your research, like I should have. Yeah, I was just trying to help out a little, so I do hope it did.
Let's hear from the readers: if anypony wants more of this story, leave a comment!
If I can get 5 people to say they want another chapter, then I will write another chapter. Otherwise, I will just put this story On Hiatus until further notice.
7261029 MOAR!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks so much 7348880, I'm glad you like it so spread the word please and see if anyone else does