>10k words
>1 chapter

Awwwwww yus

Another great story.

Quite an emotional roller coaster for one chapter. Lot to digest. If I didn't know any better, I would almost say this is a prequel to "How Many Friends Have You Made Today!?" Usually I would be worried that three chapter aren't enough, but if they're all as good (and long) as this one, this tale should turn out quite well.

The only complaint I have is the whole

“To be honest, you’re actually rather attractive the way you are.”

thing. It felt pretty forced, honestly.

This is well written.

Continue!

Y'know I think this is the first fic I've read that has Bon Bon being Twist's mother. In hindsight it makes perfect sense

I like where this is going, love the idea of Twist being the daughter of Bonbon and love your writing, so "Favourites" and "Tracking" set on.
Been waiting long to stumble on a good and long story for a while so it's good surprise.
Keep going!!!

about seven am or so

HAH!
I have to wake up at around 5:40 AM for over 12 years now.

7037476 Oh my! 5:40? Sounds horrible! There's no way I could handle such horrendous hours! No, thank you! I will simply return to my normal schedule of 4:30 am with physical training first thing, my good sir!

Might run some laps, or maybe push-ups! Yes, sounds about right. I think I'll do it for an hour until I get breakfast at 6:30 am. Quite the life of luxury I live!

7037564

I enjoy every story you've released so far, and I'm interested to see where this goes. We never really see this dynamic of Lyra cheating on Bon Bon with a human.

“I’m not acting weird.” He starts to feel his patients fading.

No, not that! Anybody but the patients!

With the whole "Lyra thing", I don't think I could trust her to be away for so long and still stay faith full. She already cheated once before, what's to stop her from doing it again?

story much nice, very wow
like and track get

IMO, this story is a bit fast paced, but just a little. It's not too much of a "flaw", seeing as I like (love) everything else about the story. I always like when people use the name Anon and then gives him a proper back-story, making him somewhat relatable, yet with him being Anon you can kind of put yourself in his shoes.

In short, good story! Have a good day.

People that downright hate each other and later becomes friends, huh, the World REALLY needs more of that.

Good stuff! Twist is so cute. You can see how Anons jabs were getting at Bon Bon, she was eating a salad for breakfast.

Sugar and spice
I smell... Tsudere.

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So it was after this that Bonbon broke up with Lyra.

Bonbon broke up with Lyra after she caught her with Anon, so Lyra being away for so long isn't a problem. In fact, it's probably a plus for Bonbon since she doesn't have to be around the one who cheated on her.

I was hoping this would be a short story that was good, and it is, and will be! YAY

While I do like this story, I also agree that it is too fast paced. To be more specific, while there is the road map of a good plot here, the character go through the stages too quickly. The characters seem to act based on how the plot wants to go, instead of the plot developing as the characters pursue their own goals.

Surely, IRL someone in Bon Bon and Anons shoes would hold onto resentment a bit longer, instead of immediately blushing at eachother? And while Celestia's role so far isn't outright bad, it happening so soon, to a kid we have known for so short a time, at apparently so little cost to Anon, feels anticlimactic.

Otherwise though, again, I did like the story, and await more.

Sees that this chapter has 10k words
Sees that it has Bon Bon, Lyra, and a human.
Sees that there is more chapters coming.
Would wait another week for another chapter.

troll.me/images/bush/good-story-bro.jpg

>has little sister
>reads that anon misses little sister
>cries
>cries a lot

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NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION

Noice m8

I read the title, and could only think of...

THIS

7039690 Amongst our weaponry are!

7038662 Friendship is magic

I always like storys with Bon Bon as a main character. She is underused and adorable.

I love you and hate you, Sarcastic Brony.
This is a wonderful story! I love it! I love your depiction of Bonbon and Twist. I actually like Anon in this story. And now I REALLY want to read the rest of it. If I had the money to pay for reading the rest of the story, I would. But, I can't. I gots no monies. So, here's an imaginary bit for creating one of the best renditions of Bonbon I've ever read.
~gives you a bit~
~you hear a mario coin sound~

Guys, I think we need to address the elephant in the room. If Bon Bon initially hated Anon for taking Lyra away, WHY did she offer him a place to work later on?! IT MAKES NO SENSE!

Feels like Bonbon was way too easy on him, way too fast. Less than a day of acting tolerably makes him worthy of soup, and three days makes him decent enough to invite over for dinner.

I get that he's being incredibly generous, but wouldn't Bonbon find that just a little bit deceitful? Even after what he's done? If you look at it through the lens of somebody who hates your guts (which is how Bonbon sees Anon), your child's future and the one thing you've worked towards for a good chunk of your life would be the perfect thing to mess with for laughs.

Taking everything into account I just don't think this is compelling so far, possibly for pacing reasons (10k words isn't as much as it seems). Looks like you're doing okay with this though, so good luck.

7041016

I think it's because she never wanted to hate him in the first place. He was just an outlet for her betrayed emotions.

how ever did you find the best "contextually relevant" picture?

loved the interaction of twist and annon, the bickering of bon bon, and the end with celestia.

not too big of a fan of bon bon turning the other cheek so quickly. unless shes a masochist and wanted hot monkey dick the whole time?

while a plot device, it makes sense for giving a being with other worldly candy knowledge a job in the only candy shop in town.

cant wait for the next chapters. your writing is always enjoyable.

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7038937

Going to be honest, I only started to read this because the description reminded me of one of my stories. It was a somewhat similar scenario, so it peaked my interested. Don't think I can keep reading though. The story itself just doesn't really interested me enough. Plus I find it really hard to separate my characters for these ones, so that's my own fault lol.

I'm not going to dislike it or anything like that because this story is just not my thing. But, I do want to point out a few things I read at the start that I thought could be better.

I find it hard to believe that Bon Bon would hire Anon simply because he knows how to make candy, especially after what happened with him and Lyra. And it's clear that Bon Bon hates him with a passion, and I don't think anyone with a clear and sensible mind would hire someone that they hate like that, no matter how good they are at something. There has to be another reason other than “he knows how to make candy” for her hiring him to be believable. Like, maybe she had no other choice but to hire him. Maybe she was in a pinch and had to get his help making big orders, or running the shop when it gets busy over the holidays, or something like that. It just needed more to it.

A lot of stuff at the start kind of felt like it just needed more too it. I know you’re trying to start the story in the middle of all this drama, but I felt like a lot of things could have been expanded on, or just explained better.

Although, I didn't read that far into the chapter, so if all this is explained later then you can disregard my criticism.

Anyways... I wish you luck with future chapters.

7042072

Oh... Oh DEAR SWEET JESUS!!!! I was right! And one of my top three authors acknowledged that!!!! Yyyyyaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!

I'm thinking Lyra did in fact blow him off.

7039690 I always expect the Inquisition.

Wow awesome story! Its going awesome places only hope it doesn't turn into a herd relationship since it would kinda ruin it a bit. Curious to see what awaits and to maybe hear about Twist's father? Maybe a bit more exploration why Twist never really cared for Lyra?

Very curious about Lyra too since she seems a bit tad different from how most people tend to write her. She follows some tropes but there i something different about the way she is here. Good job!

7043905 HERESY

7044174
NO ONE EVER EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
(im sorry i know you must get hundreds of these comments but i cant NOT type that)

7045830

7045830 11:45

7045830 Actualy you're the first person to reply saying that, how unEXPECTED!

7044174 You know who ELSE expects the Inquisition? MY MOM!!

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"...tried plumbing him to death."

That imagery! xD

With exception of a few nitpicks and cringeworthy subjects, I have nothing but praise for this story so far. It was especially paced perfectly, setting the right mood at the right time.