This is the story of five changelings that are sent to ponyville due to the failure of the Canterlot invasion. They're going to have to deal with being trapped in a town overrun with the enemy. Will they be able to hide? What will they're do if there caught? What secrets will they uncover? Who knows!
This is my first fanfiction ever, so I hope it does well. I have a lot of other ideas in my head that i want to try, but this is going to be my first.
So constructive criticism and corrections are welcome.
Chapters (4)
Together
This is the story
failure
They're
they
they're
ever,
I
well.
I
a lot
head that
try,
criticism
corrections
are
welcome.
OH SHIT NIGGER WHAT ARE YOU DOING
730573 Thank you for the correction I will edit the intro as soon as possible.
Very nice story :) could use with a bit of editing and maybe a bit longer chapters but everything else was really good so I am definitively tracking this
732455 Dont worrie this is more of an introdution and the other chaptors will be much longer. As for the editing im tying to get a friend of mine to correct it for me.
730995
What will they do if they're caught?
Last one I saw. And also, town overrun with the enemy? IMO, overrun implies that the area was originally not theirs, so Ponyville would seem to be a changeling town overrun with ponies, instead of the opposite. Just some syntax mix-ups I found.
More?
Nobody seems to be updating their stories these days...
I like the idea of the story, but you don't care about grammar and it hurts even me. My first language isn't English and it would be an euphemism to say that I'm not perfect in this language, but things like "somthing", "Sweetiebell", "Uh... Hi everyponie ...I’m here twin sister.", or many others could have been easily avoided if you had used Google Docs spell-checker (it's better than many built-in in browser), or even read this at least once before posting.
As for other things, for me it's little to early to say anything, but nothing seems to be very bad for now. I've seen many better fics, but I've also seen many worse.
omg its still alive
what?! colgate isn't actually a timelord?! she's just a changeling impersonating one.......I'm pretty sure that's punishable by death somewhere.......
"collecting love thats not directly associated to you is not very inefficient"
I suppose you wanted to say "efficient".
2261050 Thanks for the correction. After I am done with the story completly I plan on doing a mass correction run over all chapters.