Things can go wrong quickly in the 25th century. What was a vacation for your average kid is now an identity crisis in a world that isn't black and white and line between real and unreal is erased. Your friends aren't who you think they are
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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FUCK YEA! I want MOAR CHAPTERS.
img.izismile.com/img/img3/20100316/moar_00.jpg
721085 Is there anything that needs to be fixed about it?
721774 well, not really. After getting over the immediate rage of seeing another cliche'd fic where the human is a brony, I found that the plot was actually quite interesting, albeit rushed a bit. The story started off kinda mysterious. So my question is, do you plan to put some light on that in later chapters? Other than the rushing, it is actually a good story, if you try to ignore some of the multiple grammar mistakes strewn throughout the chapters. The grammar mistakes i'm talking about are few and in-between, so don't worry, all authors tend to do that :P Good story sir! GLHF!
722248 The mysterious parts are there for a reason. Some of the grammar mistakes are accidental while others are there on purpose
722387 I see :D Can't wait for the rest!
722387 Not sure which ones are on purpose, but I'd like to say that anytime you're denoting ownership, or a contraction, you add an apostraphe, ie: John's shoes, or John's room. Then there's contractions, where there are contractions (Ie: It's meaning it is, or they're meaning they are. One thing it note is that denoting ownership would be its, and denoting a contraction would be it's, for that word specifically).
722693 Grammar nazi? ATTTTTTAAAAACCCKCKKKKK!!!!!!
Allies! Cover the eastern front! They are mounting a flanking maneuver! You! Private! Set up the machine guns on the west side! Incoming mortars on the east! PREPARE FOR BATTTTTTLLLLLLEEEE!!!!
725650 ....Or I'm one of the Daedric princes and you're totally screwed?
726196 ... BRING OUT THE OFC! Prepare to fire!
() SIR! The cannon is charging up at 67%! Steadily growing from leeching off of the site!
Good! Keep charging! Prepare for impact boys!
() 89%!
HOLD TIGHT!
() 99.......100%!
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRREEEEEE EVERYTHING WE HAVE!!!!
() Friendship main cannon FIRED! Rocket pods, DEPLETED! AUTOCANNONS, BLAZING AWAY! SECONDARY CANNONS, FIRED!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
726211 Greater ward...I'm a Daedric prince...I have the magicka to do that stuff.
Moar. Moar? Moar! MOOOOOOOAAAAAR!!!
726929 I'm working on it.
726247 ...assets.diylol.com/hfs/ad1/7db/ba7/resized/german-meme-generator-nein-nein-nein-nein-nein-035fe9.jpg?1319605230.jpg
727521 NAHLOT!
727626 ... cache.ohinternet.com/images/d/d7/LOL_WUT_PEAR.jpg
727962 Bethesden dragon for "silence"
727962 727972
Lol what the hell is going on on my story page?
728199 Internet Antics(Tm)?
728204 oh. Carry on then
did not see ch 4 comments i am an idiot XD
From what I've read so far, I'm impressed. I like your style of writing, and everything seems to flow smoothly. I am also really liking the interactions between Jett and Spitfire, very nice job there. One thing that really bugs me though is how Spitfire doesn't question how Jett knows Spitfire at all despite being from a completely different world. Perhaps a confrontation scene is coming up where everything is explained, but it still seems a bit odd.
Also, just as a suggestion, perhaps you should put a note in the first chapter that all the ponies are humanized in your story. I know you put it in the story description, but it is normally hidden, and not everyone might read that part. Just to avoid confusion and all.
This has to be the best Spitfire Romance story that I've read so far.
I find it hard to believe that clothes cost ten times more then two tickets to the moon.
I think I need an psychologist because I'm traumatized from all the bad jokes and puns thrown at me here. And let me tell you I've seen some shit but this takes it all.
"Oh hey let's go buy a bunch of clothes for ten thousand dollars!"
"Don't forget to buy tickets to get to the moon!"
"Alright! Only a thousand dollars!"
...something is very wrong here
You have a lot of ways to say she punched him
686293 There is your metal birth after... your inicial birth.
Man I can't spell today:/