Human Rituals
Scooter
(2 Years, 1 Month Since Arrival)
I had rather uneventfully passed the two-year mark of my stay in Equestria. Apart from the occasional Castle Friendship tourist screaming in horror at the sight of me, things were going very well. What used to be charity-work and gimmie-jobs had evolved nicely into a sort of local jack-of-all-trades business. Mostly because of my height and hands, but what can you do. Celestia and Twilight had pulled a few strings to give me a small business license, a work visa and a few other things. As far as the bureaucracy was concerned, I was a citizen of their fair nation now. That was a relief, as I no longer got picked on by passing law enforcement or anything of the sort now that I could flash my green card and other such things. Anyway.
I leaned and knocked lightly on the window of Sugar Cube corner. Missus Cake leaned out, beaming up at me. I couldn’t go inside, I was too big, so I had a sort of drive-thru window at the places I frequented. “Good morning Peaches!” she said with a smile. “The usual I expect?” I nodded, pressing bits in at her. She returned with a blueberry muffin and butter for me, a free ice-water to jump-start my metabolism and a pair of napkins. Working physically for a living had made me a little more health conscious, but my body had thanked me over time.
“Thanks Missus Cake,” I waved as I was away.
Three gutter emptyings, two window jobs, one hedge-clipping and kite-from-a-tree rescue later, mid-day was already upon me. I looked up at the sun and the clear blue sky. It was a simple life, it really was. Even then it still amazed me. It made me envious, even though I was a part of it, really. Quiet. Peaceful.
“Hey, Peaches!” A nearby pony stopped me, looking rather anxious. “Do me a favor?”
“Yah?” I said, putting some tools away as I spoke.
“I just had my roof redone, but I’m not so sure it got done right. There’s supposed to be a few vents and things sticking out of it. Count them for me to make sure nothing got covered up? I think I may have hired too cheaply.” The lime green stallion said.
“Sure, let’s see…” I did a couple of circuits around his house. “Looks like eight,” I told him.
“It’s supposed to be ten! I knew it!” He stamped a hoof. “I’mma call those jerks back and get their sorry flanks up there to do it right this time!” He was away without so much as a thank you, but I understood where he was coming from. A stallion’s house was his castle, after all. No use having shoddy work done to it.
A peaceful lunch session later, I was off again for some shopping. I’d been eyeing a lava lamp at a curio store recently, and was gonna get it that day. Shut up. It’s my room, I can decorate it how I want. I asked twilight to dull the walls and such a bit for me anyway, since I often read by lamp light in the winter anyway. A lava lamp would add some personality to my place. I’d started insisting on paying Twilight rent, but I could still decorate how I pleased. There weren’t a lot of options for housing for someone my size. Castle Friendship had those nice, vaulted ceilings that I didn’t have to worry about banging my head on.
By the time I got back home with my prize, I was starting to feel tired. Maybe an afternoon nap. I’d gotten up pretty early anyway. Castle Friendship loomed, and the familiar crystalline doors swung like they weighed nothing. Home sweet home.
“It is not!” I heard Spike shouting in frustration as soon as I got inside and got my shoes off.
“It is too,” Twilight’s response was giggly.
“It is NOT!” Spike harrumphed back.
“It is, yes, sorry,” Twilight snickered behind a hoof as I came in.
“What’re you two up to?” I asked, wrapped lava lamp in its bag under my arm.
“Peaches!” Twilight said, eyes lighting up. “Maybe you can settle this for us.”
“Huhm?” I leaned on the archway a little.
“I’m tired of getting called ‘Spikey’ all the time, it’s embarrassing!” he said.
“It is?”
“I’ve been called that since I was little, I don’t wanna hold my childhood nickname forever!” I stared at the little purple dragon. He’d not visibly aged in all the time I’d known him. Then again no one had so it was hard to tell. “You know what I mean, right? Didn’t you have a nickname when you were a kid that you hated?”
“My parents called me… uhh…” I paused to remember. “Scooter, if I recall.”
“They did? Why?” Spike wanted to know.
“Well, when I first started crawling I tried to go up some concrete stairs. I ended up hitting my face on them,” I snickered a little. “So, from then on, I scooted around on my butt instead of crawling. My Dad called me Scooter, and the name stuck for a long time.” Twilight and Spike shared a chuckle. I was glad the translation band had gotten that through to them.
“Well in the Crystal Empire I’m Spike the Magnificant!” Spike said, throwing out his chest and putting his fists on his hips. “If anypony heard me still being called ‘Spikey-Poo’ or something, they’d make fun!” he said.
“Well, Spike the Magnificant is a bit of a mouthful,” I complained with a smirk.
Twilight smiled a little helplessly. “I keep telling him it’s okay for him to still have a baby nickname. He’s still a baby dragon.”
“How old are you?” I asked him.
“Seven!” he said defiantly.
“Seven,” I said, remembering their odd time calender. “Well that does make you the stallion of the house…” I trailed off, trying to think of something better.
“How old are you?” Spike suddenly wondered wildly.
“Eh, in human years?” I asked. “Thirty.”
“You’re THIRTY?” Twilight said, gasping.
“Not in Pony years. In human years,” I corrected. I was still struggling to figure out their season-to-year-to-calender ratios and junk like that. It was all very confusing considering they could control the weather, their calendar was cylindrical instead of circular and the phases of the moon were entirely at the whims of one of their diarchs. I was only glad their days and nights were roughly the same as mine. Well, ours, considering I lived with them now. They were everybody’s days now.
“Well either way, it’s just Spike now, okay?!” Spike poked Twilight’s nose with a claw, then stomped away. “I’m not a baby anymore, sheesh!” He slammed the door.
There was a short silence while Twilight and I exchanged a look. “What am I gonna do with him?” Twilight sighed, her wings wilting.
“Respect his wishes?” I asked.
“He’s growing up too fast for my tastes,” she admitted.
“Well his lifespan his dozens of times that of ponies,” I reminded her. “He might be a baby dragon, but he’s not a baby pony by any means.”
“He still reads comics and keeps a nightlight,” Twilight said. “He has toys still!” she paused. “What’ve you got there, by the way?”
“N-nothing,” I put my lava lamp behind myself so she wouldn’t see. Not like it was a toy or anything, but still. “Bees-wax, Princess.” I scolded playfully. She stuck her tongue out at me, which I returned until she giggled good-naturedly.
“Oh, by the way,” Twilight paused with a more worried expression. “I know your second anniversary since you arrived came and went. I didn’t say anything, but, I wanted to check on you anyway…” she trailed off a moment. “Just to be sure you were... y'know, okay being here and such.”
“I have a good job, I live with royalty in a giant castle, I’m healthy and can pretty much do what I want!” I smiled, standing up from the archway at last. “I mean, if everything’s on schedule, I’m about forty percent ready to head home. Celestia’s mana crystals are still charging up to send me back, right?”
“Y-yeah,” Twilight offered a small smile. “The mana crystals. I got a letter from the Princess recently, she says things are going well.”
“Well there you go then. I’m well taken care of and everything is going according to plan!” I leaned and scrubbed the top of her head for the first time in a long time. She smiled a bit brighter, but there was a certain tiredness in her eyes. “Well I need to put this away before I drop it, see you later Twilight!” I waved as I turned to go.
“See you later...” she offered in a small voice. Poor thing was overworked, her wings were dragging the ground as I turned the corner and glanced at her. I wish she wouldn’t stay up so late sometimes.
...okay I'm missing something in this chapter. What is it?
7817499 What's the matter?
So how did he get the nickname of Peaches I wonder?
7817504 It was given during Twilight's physical exam a couple of chapters ago. Seems it's become his regular name now.
Thanks for the update! !
When did he start being called peaches?
7817528 Sometime between this chapter and the last.
Hmmm... judging by Twilights reaction, either something is wrong with the crystals or she's not happy with the idea of him leaving.
7817509 I like the nickname. It's a nice touch.
Uh oh. Foreshadowing is shadowy..
7817551 Or, alternatively, both.
There was something off about Twilight's reaction when Peaches asked about the mana crystals. Could it be that there isn't a way to send him home?
7817613
7817551
I wonder if she has fallen for him? That would be an interesting twist.
The forshadows are real!
Bets on the crystals being broken because they can't handle the power, versus Twilight crushing on him because he is an "older stallion" who respects her as a mare more than a monarch who will outlive him by quite a bit. Because honestly, it's one of the other.
Damn, Twilight. If you're gonna lie about it, at least try to be good at it.
...peaches was my aunt's chihuahua's name. Every time I hear his nickname I think of a fat little burrito shaped dog
Interesting bit of foreshadowing there, not sure what direction that's going to take yet.
I find the issue of time in this chapter odd, though. You state that he knows that 2 years have passed. Are these human years? Since it's also said that the most important unit, the day, is pretty much the same between Equestira and Earth, he should be able to convert his age roughly into that of ponies. Even if he ballparks it at 350 days per year, it shouldn't be too hard to do something.
7817865 huh funny my aunt has a fat little dog too. a morbidly obese terrier named neveah. cute thing. was a little mean until she went blind. but as soon as she did she became as sweet as can be. unless you pick her up...well if you CAN pick her up.
*sniff sniff*
... I smell shipping...
Or maybe Friendcess is getting sad her friend isn't even considering staying with them.
But it still smells HEAVILY of FedEx... I'm watching you Cadence!
... This reminds me that my father used to call me bull-bar.
*in Nicknames Anonymous (aka NA)*
Hello my name is Buddha Boy because I was as chubby as a buddha when I was a baby.
I've decided to call the guy Nigel. It's SMASHING! I know.
7817503 Well it's like the last chapter was an unexpected flashback. The writing also feels different. Was it a guest chapter?
Mmm... I'm not so sure our dear friend Peaches will be going home anytime soon... like ever, I think those Mana Crystal things are just a placebo to keep him calm until they charge or actually find a way back. I sensed a suspicious undertone in this chapter.
Nice job!
Scooterbug, inchworm, buckshot, Fred, Stu. I've got my fair share of nicknames. Two were only for when I did something silly. One was because when I was a baby I would always end up inching up my holder's shoulder when I was being held. One was, and still is, my Mother's nickname for me, even if she rarely uses it anymore (the why I've forgotten for now). And the last was given to me by my Great Grandfather when I was a baby, but he died before he told anyone why he called me that.
Nicknames have more than embarrassment to them Spike. Memories and good feelings. Hopefully you'll come to understand that.
I don't know why, but nicknames don't really stick for me. Occasionally, something will happen and people will give me a nickname over it, but after a few months it just fades away and they go back to calling me by my name. At best, I have a friend who calls me Asshole, but he calls anyone who messes with him an asshole, and I love to mess with him, so I really wouldn't say it's a nickname per se.
The only real nickname I had that stuck to me growing up was Lurch. My friends started calling me that, not only because I was taller than most of them, but also because I am incredibly quiet while walking. So I startled them a lot by essentially "appearing out of nowhere" because they didn't hear me walk up.
Having a hard time pinning down the size difference with the ponies too. I'd actually forgotten about it and my brain defaulted to my own head canon until I read the part about not being able to fit inside buildings and such.
7818382 I'm detecting hints of a SparklePeaches ship lurking in the bookends on this one. Even if Peaches is oblivious...
7818096 The actual buddha was so skinny he could wrap his hands around his spine. He got that way because of his training to become a monk. They only make him look fat in statues to show that he is at peace. Even though that is vary contradictory to his philosophy of the Buddhist Middle Way and moderation.
7819806 Actually, most of the "fat" Buddhas are not Siddharta Gautama, the Buddha - they're Boddhisatvas that followed his teachings and found their own path. In fact, most of the seated, chubby ones are actually Hotei, also known as "The Laughing Buddha", who was an eccentric buddhist monk and became associated with luck, good fortune, and joy.
But since most people don't know that, they're just called Buddhas.
7819779 nah the sadness Sparkle showed at the end there is more likely something she's hiding that went wrong with the plans to get him home
7821460 or maybe it's already ready, but she doesn't want him to go.
Two "anyway's"
Capitalize "twilight"
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Indeed, quite shadowy..
im terribly terribly sensing a bad end to this..........
Are the mana crystals really charging though