//------------------------------// // Scooter // Story: Human Rituals // by Aegis Shield //------------------------------// Human Rituals Scooter (2 Years, 1 Month Since Arrival) I had rather uneventfully passed the two-year mark of my stay in Equestria. Apart from the occasional Castle Friendship tourist screaming in horror at the sight of me, things were going very well. What used to be charity-work and gimmie-jobs had evolved nicely into a sort of local jack-of-all-trades business. Mostly because of my height and hands, but what can you do. Celestia and Twilight had pulled a few strings to give me a small business license, a work visa and a few other things. As far as the bureaucracy was concerned, I was a citizen of their fair nation now. That was a relief, as I no longer got picked on by passing law enforcement or anything of the sort now that I could flash my green card and other such things. Anyway. I leaned and knocked lightly on the window of Sugar Cube corner. Missus Cake leaned out, beaming up at me. I couldn’t go inside, I was too big, so I had a sort of drive-thru window at the places I frequented. “Good morning Peaches!” she said with a smile. “The usual I expect?” I nodded, pressing bits in at her. She returned with a blueberry muffin and butter for me, a free ice-water to jump-start my metabolism and a pair of napkins. Working physically for a living had made me a little more health conscious, but my body had thanked me over time. “Thanks Missus Cake,” I waved as I was away. Three gutter emptyings, two window jobs, one hedge-clipping and kite-from-a-tree rescue later, mid-day was already upon me. I looked up at the sun and the clear blue sky. It was a simple life, it really was. Even then it still amazed me. It made me envious, even though I was a part of it, really. Quiet. Peaceful. “Hey, Peaches!” A nearby pony stopped me, looking rather anxious. “Do me a favor?” “Yah?” I said, putting some tools away as I spoke. “I just had my roof redone, but I’m not so sure it got done right. There’s supposed to be a few vents and things sticking out of it. Count them for me to make sure nothing got covered up? I think I may have hired too cheaply.” The lime green stallion said. “Sure, let’s see…” I did a couple of circuits around his house. “Looks like eight,” I told him. “It’s supposed to be ten! I knew it!” He stamped a hoof. “I’mma call those jerks back and get their sorry flanks up there to do it right this time!” He was away without so much as a thank you, but I understood where he was coming from. A stallion’s house was his castle, after all. No use having shoddy work done to it. A peaceful lunch session later, I was off again for some shopping. I’d been eyeing a lava lamp at a curio store recently, and was gonna get it that day. Shut up. It’s my room, I can decorate it how I want. I asked twilight to dull the walls and such a bit for me anyway, since I often read by lamp light in the winter anyway. A lava lamp would add some personality to my place. I’d started insisting on paying Twilight rent, but I could still decorate how I pleased. There weren’t a lot of options for housing for someone my size. Castle Friendship had those nice, vaulted ceilings that I didn’t have to worry about banging my head on. By the time I got back home with my prize, I was starting to feel tired. Maybe an afternoon nap. I’d gotten up pretty early anyway. Castle Friendship loomed, and the familiar crystalline doors swung like they weighed nothing. Home sweet home. “It is not!” I heard Spike shouting in frustration as soon as I got inside and got my shoes off. “It is too,” Twilight’s response was giggly. “It is NOT!” Spike harrumphed back. “It is, yes, sorry,” Twilight snickered behind a hoof as I came in. “What’re you two up to?” I asked, wrapped lava lamp in its bag under my arm. “Peaches!” Twilight said, eyes lighting up. “Maybe you can settle this for us.” “Huhm?” I leaned on the archway a little. “I’m tired of getting called ‘Spikey’ all the time, it’s embarrassing!” he said. “It is?” “I’ve been called that since I was little, I don’t wanna hold my childhood nickname forever!” I stared at the little purple dragon. He’d not visibly aged in all the time I’d known him. Then again no one had so it was hard to tell. “You know what I mean, right? Didn’t you have a nickname when you were a kid that you hated?” “My parents called me… uhh…” I paused to remember. “Scooter, if I recall.” “They did? Why?” Spike wanted to know. “Well, when I first started crawling I tried to go up some concrete stairs. I ended up hitting my face on them,” I snickered a little. “So, from then on, I scooted around on my butt instead of crawling. My Dad called me Scooter, and the name stuck for a long time.” Twilight and Spike shared a chuckle. I was glad the translation band had gotten that through to them. “Well in the Crystal Empire I’m Spike the Magnificant!” Spike said, throwing out his chest and putting his fists on his hips. “If anypony heard me still being called ‘Spikey-Poo’ or something, they’d make fun!” he said. “Well, Spike the Magnificant is a bit of a mouthful,” I complained with a smirk. Twilight smiled a little helplessly. “I keep telling him it’s okay for him to still have a baby nickname. He’s still a baby dragon.” “How old are you?” I asked him. “Seven!” he said defiantly. “Seven,” I said, remembering their odd time calender. “Well that does make you the stallion of the house…” I trailed off, trying to think of something better. “How old are you?” Spike suddenly wondered wildly. “Eh, in human years?” I asked. “Thirty.” “You’re THIRTY?” Twilight said, gasping. “Not in Pony years. In human years,” I corrected. I was still struggling to figure out their season-to-year-to-calender ratios and junk like that. It was all very confusing considering they could control the weather, their calendar was cylindrical instead of circular and the phases of the moon were entirely at the whims of one of their diarchs. I was only glad their days and nights were roughly the same as mine. Well, ours, considering I lived with them now. They were everybody’s days now. “Well either way, it’s just Spike now, okay?!” Spike poked Twilight’s nose with a claw, then stomped away. “I’m not a baby anymore, sheesh!” He slammed the door. There was a short silence while Twilight and I exchanged a look. “What am I gonna do with him?” Twilight sighed, her wings wilting. “Respect his wishes?” I asked. “He’s growing up too fast for my tastes,” she admitted. “Well his lifespan his dozens of times that of ponies,” I reminded her. “He might be a baby dragon, but he’s not a baby pony by any means.” “He still reads comics and keeps a nightlight,” Twilight said. “He has toys still!” she paused. “What’ve you got there, by the way?” “N-nothing,” I put my lava lamp behind myself so she wouldn’t see. Not like it was a toy or anything, but still. “Bees-wax, Princess.” I scolded playfully. She stuck her tongue out at me, which I returned until she giggled good-naturedly. “Oh, by the way,” Twilight paused with a more worried expression. “I know your second anniversary since you arrived came and went. I didn’t say anything, but, I wanted to check on you anyway…” she trailed off a moment. “Just to be sure you were... y'know, okay being here and such.” “I have a good job, I live with royalty in a giant castle, I’m healthy and can pretty much do what I want!” I smiled, standing up from the archway at last. “I mean, if everything’s on schedule, I’m about forty percent ready to head home. Celestia’s mana crystals are still charging up to send me back, right?” “Y-yeah,” Twilight offered a small smile. “The mana crystals. I got a letter from the Princess recently, she says things are going well.” “Well there you go then. I’m well taken care of and everything is going according to plan!” I leaned and scrubbed the top of her head for the first time in a long time. She smiled a bit brighter, but there was a certain tiredness in her eyes. “Well I need to put this away before I drop it, see you later Twilight!” I waved as I turned to go. “See you later...” she offered in a small voice. Poor thing was overworked, her wings were dragging the ground as I turned the corner and glanced at her. I wish she wouldn’t stay up so late sometimes.