The magic is gone.
No matter how hard Sunset Shimmer tries, she can’t figure out where it disappeared to ever since Twilight Sparkle had come to their school. The portal remains, her last chance to study the magic of the human dimension, but its allure of adventure and the place she once called home is tempting her away from her friends.
Twilight feels like an outsider in Canterlot High. She doesn’t belong, everyone stares at her for what she did, and darkness still lurks in her dreams. Now her dreams are changing. A voice whispers riddles in a forgotten tongue, seven talismans shine, holding seven monstrous figures at bay, and she gets the most curious feeling that she’s barely begun falling down the rabbit hole.
Chapters (4)
So, Sunset works at a café and has another, unnamed job. I'm a little worried about what that job is. Can't wait to see what the deal is with this Maverick guy.
Is that a Deltora Quest reference?!
I LOVE Deltora Quest!
6676559
Yep. I like Deltora Quest and couldn't resist. I'm glad you like my story. Thank you. :)
6679075
Hey, it's a good story and very underrated at the moment. It has some minor issues, but what story doesn't.
Advice time. You do better with the diolog than some of the other authers I've seen on this site, so good job there, but there's still room for improvement, narrative to. You may want to put a space in between your chapters so it isn't a single wall of text. That may not seem like such a big deal, but I've seen people complain about it before. Other than that, you seem to be doing a good job. Keep it up.
6679722
Thanks for the input and sorry for not replying. I've been busy with school but now I've finally got time to get back to writing. I've taken your advice on the paragraph spacing, so hopefully that makes it easier for people to read. I'm really trying hard to make sure the dialogue works out. What sort of narrative issues are there?
6707261
I just skimmed back over the chapter 'Equestria 101', and I must say, the spacing between paragraphs is a real improvment.
I can only say weather the narrative feels good or bad but can't go into any further detail than that. It's not perfect, but it's better than some people I've seen. Diolog on the other hand, is a bit more tricky because you have to change it depending on what character you're weighting and keep each character consistant, and the word choices that go into the diolog as well as sentence structure and when to and not to use contractins depend on the characters personality and mannerisms. You seem to have the perrsonalitys and mannerisms down, as well as word choices for the most part. You just need to work on personalizeing your sentence structure to each chacter. And remember, there are some things that some characters just don't say.
Now, keep in mind, as an author, you're off to a pretty good start, and your story's not half bad either. You've just got a few edges to smooth out.
Temple of Doom is actually considered the weakest of the Indiana Jones movies. Just sayin'.
6902783
It's personally always been my favourite for some reason. Each to their own, I assume.
And this story isn't dead. The next chapter is just not an easy one to write, and I work most days. Such is life.
And thank you for reading. :)
6906117
I don't remember asking about that. I'm a patient guy.
6906963
Yeah, I wrote in other fandoms before, and tended to get hounded on one of my stories about the next chapter constantly. Sorry.
6907821
it's alright
Been awhile, almost forgot how much I liked this fic'. Glad to see an update.
Anyway, I noticed a grand total of 4 mistakes but only one of which was, at all, jarring.
Fairly certain that is supposed to be orchard.
6954677
Thanks for pointing those out. I'll read over it again and fix them.