1. New Friends and New Places
Ovrik sat at a kitchen table in a small cottage, eyeing the decor in silence. He took note of a number of tiny birdhouses and other homes for smaller critters. A small white rabbit glared up at him. Ovrik stared back for a moment, before movement from the corner of his eye pulled his attention away.
Carrying a tray with a pot of tea and some teacups on her head, the owner of the home entered the room. Fluttershy, she had called herself, was a yellow pegasus with a light pink mane and a tattoo of three pink butterflies on her flank. Ovrik was less perturbed by this than the fact that she could speak.
"I'm sorry again if I startled you earlier." This was the fifth time he had heard this from the mare.
"Bah. It's behind us." Ovrik waved a hand dismisively.
Fluttershy placed the tea set upon the table and carefully poured two cups. Ovrik took note of the pony using her mouth to pick up and manipulate the teapot. She slid one of the cups to Ovrik, who picked it up and held the warm cup in one hand, letting it cool.
"Thank ye' for the drink. If'n ye' don't mind though, can I ask ye' a few questions?"
"Oh, of course." Fluttershy sat across from Ovrik, picking up her drink with her forehooves. 'Pegasuses are odd,' was the only conclusion Ovrik could draw from this. 'Pegasuses? Pegasi? Pegasusi?'
"Where in the Nine Hells am I?"
"You're in my cottage."
"No, I mean where is this place?"
"Well, you're just outside of Ponyville. It's a wonderful little town. I'm sure everypony will be excited to meet you." Fluttershy gave a soft smile as she spoke.
"Ponyville... Ye' mean there's more o' you pegasuses?" Ovrik set his drink down again. His inner dwarf raged at the fact that he was somehow transported to a city full of yellow talking ponies.
"Well, not just pegasi. There's unicorns and earth ponies, too."
"Ye've got to be kiddin' me. Do they all talk too?"
"Well... yes. Why wouldn't they?"
Ovrik let his head slam into the table with a dull whump. When he spoke again, he spoke into the table. "I don't suppose ye' know how to get to Koganusan?"
"I've never heard of it. If anypony knows where it is, it would be my friend Twilight." Fluttershy gave another soft smile. Had Ovrik been looking up, even he would have been a little comforted by the mare's warm personality. "If you'd like, we could go visit her after tea."
"I'd like that. Maybe yer Twilight friend can tell me how I got here in the first place."
A knocking from the front door interrupted the conversation.
"Oh! I'm sorry, that must be Spike. Twilight said she'd send him over to pick up a few books today. Excuse me for just a moment." Fluttershy flapped her wings and, well, fluttered out of the kitchen to greet Spike.
"Hello, Spike. Please come in. I've got company, but I'll get Twilight's books for you. Why don't you meet my new friend?" Fluttershy lead a small purple-scaled, bipedal creature with green spines into the kitchen. "Spike, this is my new friend Ovrik. He's a dwarf. Ovrik, this is Spike, Twilight's assistant and Ponyville's resident-"
"DRAGON!" Ovrik bellowed the word, sending spittle across the kitchen table. Ovrik's axe was back in his hand as he stood, sending his stool clattering to the floor. Spike had just enough time to let out a cry of terror before fleeing the charging dwarf (who was practically foaming at the mouth at the thought of doing battle with another dragon).
"Heeeelp! Somepony! Anypony!" Spike's little legs carried him into Ponyville. He didn't know it, but Spike was fortunate that Ovrik was a dwarf. Had Ovrik not been a creature of such a stocky build, Spike wouldn't have even made it to Ponyville.
"Get back here, ye' monster!" Ovrik waved his axe over his head as he ran. "When I'm through with ye' I'll wear yer skin as a cap!"
Spike ran through the town square, attracting the attention of everypony going about their daily routines. Heads turned just in time to see Spike running for his life from a creature that nopony had ever seen before. Later, stories would say Spike had been chased by a bear. Others would say that it was a monster from the Everfree forest. Mayor Mare would later claim that the creature had been a zebra hunter travelling through Equestria (and consequently lower her ratings for the next election when people remembered the racist remark. Her victory in the next election was largely theorized to only be won because she announced an engagement to a zebra part way through the election, but that's another story).
Spike's fleeing path took him past the schoolhouse, where Cheerilee would watch from a window while Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon wrote essays in detention. He cut through Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie was making a life-sized cake sculpture of Discord (Ovrik sliced the creation in half as he sprinted by). He ran by Quills and Sofas, where Rarity was purchasing another fainting couch. Finally, Spike spotted the safety of Twilight's castle.
"Twilight! Help!" Spike gasped out a cry for help. He could hear Ovrik's heavy stomping as the Dwarf began closing the gap between them. "Twilight!"
A lavender alicorn walked out onto her balcony, wondering why Spike was screaming so loudly that it interrupted her afternoon studies. Peering down at the running dragon, it was clear that he was in danger. With a flap of her wings Twilight took flight, swooping down and scooping Spike up in her forelegs. At the same time, she reached out with her magic and seized the axe that Ovrik waved wildly.
"What in Equestria is going on here?!" Twilight glared at the dwarf, who had refused to let go of his axe and now flailed his legs in midair.
"What do ye' mean, 'what's goin' on'? I'm huntin' a dragon! Now let go o' me axe!"
"I was just trying to pick up those books from Fluttershy and this guy started chasing me with an axe!" Spike waved a clawed fist at the dwarf now that he was a safe distance from the homicidal maniac.
Fluttershy came to a landing next to Ovrik. "I'm really sorry, Twilight. This is my new friend Ovrik. He's new here."
"Fluttershy, you know this thing?" Twilight gawked at her friend.
"He's a dwarf, and he says he ended up here after a fight with a dragon. He didn't mean it. He's just not used to dragons that don't want to eat him." Fluttershy spoke softly, attempting to smooth over the situation and (hopefully) defuse the dwarf as quickly as she could. "Tell them, Ovrik. You didn't mean to hurt anypony, right?"
"I..." Ovrik spluttered, his lust for battle quickly dissapating. "I don' know what came over me. I saw a dragon, and part o' me just saw the one I just fought." The dwarf let go of his axe, dropping to the ground and landing uncerimoniously on his butt. "I hope ye'll forgive me, lil' guy."
Spike glowered at the dwarf for a moment before jumping from Twilight's hold. He walked up to the dwarf and held out a claw.
"No problem, dude. Just don't chase me with an axe anymore. I might have hurt you if you hadn't caught me off guard." The baby dragon chuckled lightly as he helped Ovrik to his feet.
"Well now that that's over with, maybe you can tell me how you got here Mister... erm..." Twilight hesitated for a response.
"Stonebreaker. Ovrik Stonebreaker."
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I kinda like the idea of a dwarf in Equestria, keep it up.
*goes into ponder-mode for a few minutes*
Hrmmmm..... Is good, very good.
*slaps on a thumbs-up of approval*
6550625
6549994
Glad you both like it
Any suggestions or concerns?
*Takes swig of ale*
this is good...
More of this!
You don't need a gore tag for combat unless it gets really descriptive. Since it's teen I don't see that happening. Personally I wouldn't use it but maybe you have more planned.
Great start! Needs indents. ^^
This dwarf has some serious balls going after a hell kite all by himself. I love it. Excellent work and excellent start Dwarvish.
I salute you with this vid.
* swings ale mug of ale*
aye, the dwarfish hero of equestria's songs be sung throughout the dwarvish holds, ah be lookin' forward ta were this be goin'
oi lass, brin be some more ale, why doncha.
I am liking this so far. What kind of armor is Ovrik wearing? If its leather...Twilight might have something to say about that
. I also wonder what else Ovrik came to Ponyville with. 'Normal' Adventuring gear? Any rations? Gold/Silver/Copper Coins? I can see Pinkie Pie being upset with Ovrik about destroying her cake.
If we are working with D&D...Ovrik is going off to solo what seems like an adult or young adult red dragon. That is pretty bad ass. I don't know about everyone else, but I would like to see a flash back of Ovrik's early adventures later on.
Need Moar!
keep going this looks good. tracking
6551563
Good Idea. I should have Ovrik sing a song later.
6551898
Ovrik would need to check his gear to know what made the trip with him. As for armor, I picture him in scale mail (metal, not dragon scales). Leather wouldn't quite be good enough when it comes to dragon claws.
Like it so far. Kinda short though. Also please don't make him like a certain Jaffa cake loving dwarf. There are only so many that the universe can take
6552272
I honestly had to look this up to know what you were talking about. I don't think Ovrik will be like this, but I have no real knowledge of Yogscast.
6550694 Nothing that i can Think of, you've done a great job so far so keep Writing the way you feel is the best, it is your on fic after all.
A dwarf in Equestria? That's right up my alley. I shall be following this closely.
A bit of criticism though: sometimes, the characters' actions felt somewhat unnatural. For instance, Ovrik woke the dragon because he didn't want to attack a sleeping enemy, and that's fine; but when he saw Spike, he didn't hesitate even a fraction of a second before attacking a child. Spike doesn't even look anything like a full-grown western dragon does, nor like a "normal" baby western dragon for that matter.
And if he did jump into a rage and attack Spike, what exactly made him stop? He was still yelling bloody murder while hanging from his axe, and then Fluttershy suggested that he should apologise and suddenly, he was like "Oh ok, that's a good idea. Sorry for trying to kill you barely a second ago, now we're cool, k?" There just wasn't anything which could have cause Ovrik to "snap out" of his rage (if anything, being hoisted into the air by Twilight might have done it, but clearly it didn't since he kept yelling), nor did he calm down naturally - that would have involved some reasoning and a gradual acceptance, yet that didn't happen: one moment our dwarf is screaming bloody murder, the next he's apologising.
Oh and another thing: Ovrik got hit by the dragon's second attack, and when he woke up he was surprised to be alive. It's clear that if not for the free ticket to Equestria, the dragon would have killed Ovrik within 10 seconds of the start of the battle, and without much effort. This makes it seem like Ovrik was really stupid to wake the dragon up, and in fact the dwarves in general were really stupid to send what sounds like a prized warrior against a dragon... alone, ie to almost certain death (random world-porting notwithstanding). If you ever decide to re-write or touch up some of the story, I really feel like the prologue should be majorly changed to fix these plot holes.
Now, all of this may make it sound like I hate the story, but really it's more that I really like the premise, and Ovrik's character, so the problems I see with the plot and characterisation bother me more than usual. Slapping an ale-drinking, axe-waving, proud, mirthful yet battle-hardened and well-built dwarf in the middle of the magical land of ponies and friendship has the potential to lead to some amazing character interaction and culture clashes, but that potential can be entirely wasted if the characters and plot are poorly written. I'm not saying that you are writing poorly, just that there are a few problems I've already spotted and so I'm offering my two cents of constructive criticism to help ensure that you don't end up writing this story poorly, so to speak. Gah, that sounds really pretentious and condescending, sorry; I hope you get my point anyway.
...I didn't realise this comment had gotten so long. Sorry for the wall of text.
....no true dwarf drinks tea!
where is the drink of the dwarven gods?!
WHERE IS THE ALE?!?!
6552660
Dwarfs can drink tea while the ale is brewing, right?
8586104
Good point. It can take well more than a month to turn a bag of barley into a barrel of beer.
This has a promising premise, but by all that is holy the pacing is ridiculous. I don't mean this in a malicious way, but you are obviously new to this style of storytelling. For one, the speed at which the dwarf apologized. Hell the fact te dwarf apologized at all. Dwarves are stubborn to a fault yet here he goes from a blood rage to a moping ninny in a sentence.
Anyway only a few minor gripes right now. Hopefully this gets better with tome
8757664
You be fair, this was literally my first story and I've long since abandoned it. It amounted to a fun premise, poorly executed.