By My Own Beard!

by DwarvishPony

2. Cakes and Countries

Ovrik was bored. Really bored. At this point in his boredom, he had actually resorted to counting the number of hairs in his beard (thirty-one thousand, two-hundred and twelve in all). And yet, he was still bored out of his skull as he rested his head on the table in Twilight Sparkle's library.

"Woah. Are you okay, Ovrik?" Spike poked the dwarf's cheek. "You look like you need a nap or something."

"Bah. I'm bored out o' me skull." Ovrik grumbled, leaving his head on the table. "I can' even hunt dragons fer sport."

Spike blanched at the remark, remembering yesterday's incident all too well. He took a few steps back. "Hey Twilight, any luck on the research?" Spike began looking around the room for her as he asked.

Twilight poked her head around a stack of books. "Over here, Spike. And no." She rubbed a hoof over her face in exhaustion. "We've been at this all night, but nowhere in any of my books does it make any mention of dwarves or where they come from! I even went through the fairy tales." The mare gave an exasperated sigh and flopped down on the floor with an expression that wasn't unlike Ovrik's. "I need a break."

"Well, there's always Sugarcube Corner. You could go have breakfast. I bet the Cakes just finished up a tray of those delicious sapphire-frosted cupcakes..." Spike was positively salivating at the thought of his favorite treat. Twilight's stomach gave a growl of agreement (though not necesarily for the gemstone confectionary). Ovrik's stomach answered the call of Twilight's.

"You know, maybe we should get some food..." Twilight poked her head back around the book pile and peered at the bored dwarf. "Ovrik? What kind of food do dwarves eat?" Twilight suddenly hoped that dwarves weren't carnivorous, and to avoid finding out she added on, "Do dwarves eat cake?"

"Aye. Bread, cake, taters, cottage pie... Mmm..." Ovrik sat up and stretched. "I'd kill fer a pint, too."

"You don't need to kill anything!" Spike piped up, maybe a little too quickly.

"No, it's-" The dwarf sighed. "It's just an expression, lad."

Spike's face flushed as he gave a half-hearted chuckle. "Well, yeah, I knew that. I was just giving you a hard time... heheh..."

"Why don't we all head down to Sugarcube Corner? My treat!" Twilight offered, silently realizing that the dwarf probably didn't have any bits. Come to think of it, he probably didn't know what a bit was. What do dwarves use for money? Twilight added the question to the mental checklist of things to ask Ovrik later.

***

Ovrik took note of the strange looks he was getting as he walked with Twilight and Spike to Sugarcube Corner. He largely ignored the hushed whispers, though he rather liked the one of the terms he heard a few times. 'Diamond Dog'. It head a nice ring to it, really.

Sugarcube Corner itself was... vibrant, to say the least. The exterior of the building looked like a gingerbread home. It fit right in with the brightly colored ponies, actually. A sign with a cupcake image hung off the front of the building. The scent of baked goods filled the air around the shop. Ovrik's mouth watered at the thought of food. He hadn't eaten a real meal in days, unless you counted the journeybread he had brought with him to the dragon's lair. A pity it didn't make the journey to Equestria with him.

The inside of the bakery was pretty much what Ovrik pictured it took look like, based on the outside. The colors were bright and vibrant, just like the outside. The decor matched the exterior to a fault, giving the impression that the customer had actually walked into a baked building. Ovrik wondered what it tasted like, but it would be rude to sample someone else's home.

"What can I get you and your... erm... friend, dears?" A light cerulean mare with a lightish red mane (that looked like it could have been frosting) asked Twilight and Spike.

"I'll have a slice of lemon cake, Spike's been craving one of your sapphire cupcakes, and Ovrik will have..." Twilight looked over to the dwarf, whose round nose was pressed against the glass as he eyed a scrumptious looking red velvet cake. "Ovrik? Do you see something you like?"

Ovrik shook his head to snap himself out of the daze he had slowly drifted into. With a blush, he pointed to the cake he was eyeing. "I was eyein' this red one here, if that's all right."

"Of course! And a slice of red velvet cake for my new friend, Ovrik." Twilight nodded her head once to emphasize Ovrik's name before levitating a few bits to Mrs. Cake to cover the costs of the goods.

"All right, dears. Pinkie will be out with your order as soon as it's ready. If you don't mind, I have to get back to the kitchen. We have a big order to deliver as soon as we finish up." Mrs. Cake gave a wide smile before trotting back into the kitchens. The trio took took a seat at a table and waited patiently for their food to arrive.

A short while later the food arrived, carried by a bright pink pony with a pink mane. "Hey Twilight! Hey Spike! Hey..." Pinkie faltered when her eyes came to rest on Ovrik. Two thoughts fought for dominance in the mind of the party pony. One: I've never met this guy and I super have to make friends with him. Two: He destroyed the cake I was going to give Discord to say sorry for eating all of his cucumber sandwiches when I was at Fluttershy's house. "...you."

"Have we met, lass?" Ovrik showed no recognition towards Pinkie Pie.

"Yes! Well, no. I'm Pinkie Pie! You kind of ran though Sugarcube Corner waving an axe and cutting a cake in half before I was finished decorating it." She passed out the food as she spoke.

"Oh. Sorry 'bout that. I, erm... kinda lost me head yesterday." The dwarf fidgeted with his beard, clearly at a loss for words.

"It's okay! You can help me make a new one!" Pinkie beamed at the dwarf with a smile that was just wide enough to be unnerving. Enough so that it conveyed to Ovrik the lack of choice he probably had in this situation.

"Well, I... I guess I can help out. But I gotta warn ye', this dwarf ain't known for making cakes." Ovrik looked to Twilight and Spike. "Ye' don't mind, do ye'?"

"Of course not," Twilight answered (Spike answered too, but his words were unintelligible thanks to a cupcake being stuffed into his mouth). "It's a good way for you to make friends while you're here. Pinkie's friends with practically everypony in Ponyville. I'm sure you two will get along great."

***

After lunch, Twilight and Spike headed back home, leaving Ovrik to help Pinkie Pie in the kitchen. Pinkie made sure to have Ovrik scrub his hands before he was allowed to enter the kitchen.

"So... what do ye' need me to do?" Ovrik stared blankly at the mare, clearly out of his depth.

"Well, I need you to stir some batter for me while I gather more ingredients. Can you do that for me?"

"I s'pose so."

"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie Pie hopped off towards the pantry before Ovrik could ask any questions. Like how did Pinkie know of the god of tricks?

A short while later, Pinkie returned, precariously balancing a carton of two-dozen eggs, flour, sugar, milk, frosting, two wooden bowls, two spoons, a whisk, and two cookies on her nose. She gently placed the stack on the counter tops and down-stacked it until everything was spread out.

Ovrik, meanwhile, paid no heed to the mare and stirred the cake batter while whistling an old drinking tune.

"Oh good, you found the spoons." Pinkie grinned.

"Spoons? I couldn't find them, so I been usin' me axe."

"What! Those are for cutting down trees, not baking!" Pinkie Pie rushed over and seized the batter bowl from Ovrik, leaving him holding just his axe. "Did you add red sprinkles to the batter?!"

"Oh... I guess I shoulda washed me axe first. I didn' think of it."

Pinkie Pie's jaw dropped. "Let's just toss this one out, okay?" Pinkie Pie dropped the bowl of ruined batter into the garbage can and passed one of the empty ones to Ovrik. "Maybe we can just start over."

Some hours later, the cake was finished baking, with the last steps being frosting the cake. Pinkie Pie passed some of the frosting to Ovrik, along with a rubber spatula (making sure to take his axe from him to avoid a repeat incident) and instructions on what the frosting should look like. Ovrik began applying the frosting with the care of a master blacksmith etching designs into his armor.

"Hey, you're a natural! I bet you bake at home, too!" Pinkie exclaimed, frosting another portion of cake Discord. She had already managed to get three different flavors of frosting in her mane and fur.

"Nah. Unless ye' count burning food, I don' cook." Ovrik was adding frosting spines to the cake's tail. "I mostly just fight an' drink."

"Oh. Cider season's coming up. The Apples make the best cider in all of Equestria!" Pinkie waved her hooves in the air for emphasis.

"Well, apples are the main thing fer cider." Ovrik pointed out to the mare. "But where's Equestria? I thought this was Ponyville."

"Equestria is the super-duper awesome kingdom that Ponyville is in, silly!"

"So... who runs it? Who's the king?" Ovrik stepped back and wiped his brow.

"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They're in charge of the important stuff like raising the sun and moon. Princess Cadence and Shining Armor run the Crystal Empire, but I'm still not sure if that's part of Equestria or not... Oh, and Twilight takes care of the friendship problems of Equestria." Pinkie held up a hoof after listing off each princess. Ovrik would have sworn for just a moment he saw Pinkie hovering when she mentioned Twilight.

"Why's Twilight part o' yer list?" Ovrik scratched his head, holding back the other questions he had about pony monarchies. Pinkie didn't strike him as the type of pers- pony to know the ins-and-outs of governments.

"Well, duh. She's the Princess of Friendship! Didn't you notice the wings and horn on her head?"

Ovrik's jaw dropped. He hadn't said anything about it, but he had assumed Twilight was just the offspring of a unicorn and a pegasus. Fluttershy's brief explanation on pony types didn't mention anything about combining unicorns and pegasi (he had asked for the plural later). Ovrik thought he was being polite by not saying anything.

"Ye' mean I been speakin' to royalty since yesterday?!"

"Yep!" Pinkie let out a snort of laughter. "You should see the look on your face!"

Author's Note:

I can see Pinkie Pie being upset with Ovrik about destroying her cake.

The quote that inspired this chapter, courtesy of Yelp.

She's technically not upset, but I picture Pinkie Pie wanting to get to know Ovrik a bit more rather than immediately hating him. Kind of like what she did for Gilda.

Comments

[DwarvishPony]

6554239

I'm trying to be consistent with this story. I'm aiming for a chapter daily or every other day, depending on my schedule.

[TheMajorTechie]

This is gettin' good. Hold on te yer' plots.

[Dagon M Dragoon]

sweet, another DIE.

[Commissar Derpy Hooves]

I've a question. Are these Dwarfs or Dorfs? If you get the reference I'll kiss ya.

[KiaraGate]

Ovrik is one of the nicest, and least grumpy Dwarfs I have ever read

[DwarvishPony]

6554475

I've a question. Are these Dwarfs or Dorfs? If you get the reference I'll kiss ya.

Dwarfs. Dorfs tend to live shorter lives and have more !!FUN!!

6554525

Ovrick is one of the nicest, and least grumpy Dwarfs I have ever read

Ovrik tries his hardest to be such.

[Dagon M Dragoon]

so over the top apology for being "rude" behavior.

[Yelp]

I have a feeling Ovrik might have a hard time finding alcohol to wet his whistle. I can see Rarity having a field day making Ovrik clothes. Ovrik in a tux...Not a bad mental image. Can't wait to read about Ovrik's days in Ponyville.

[Ultimate Bromaeda]

I, Bromaeda the Battlescribe shall now write the song of Ovrick, the first lines are:
Oh, this is the tale of Ovrick, friend to ponies and dragons
Destroyer and maker of pastry of the gods
They call him 'diamond dog' he though he knows not, what goes on
Beings of this world shoot him looks that are odd
(more each chapter)

[KiaraGate]

I wonder, have you ever played Dwarf Fortress? You can get into all kinds of crazy shenanigans in that. Like digging a pit to hell and demons over running everything you worked for.

[DwarvishPony]

6555404

Yes, I have played Dwarf Fortress. I find it to be stressful and fun all at once. Though usually the area you referenced is called the "circus" to avoid spoilers.

Fun fact for DF fans: Koganusan is the dwarven name of the infamous Boatmurdered.

[KiaraGate]

6555419 I'm not sure what has changed since I last played it, which was right as version 2 came out. But my most successful fortress ended when my dwarf started to refuse to fish and all slowly starved to death, it lasted around 7 years. What is yours.

Edit: 7 not 70, I am not nearly that good at the game.

[Schroedingers_Katze]

Fu fu fu, ya know, I am half excepting Ovrik to dye his beard and hair bright orange, style his hair in a mohawk, toss aside his armor and seek a honorable death in battle against a overwhelimg foe for this "affront".^^

[DaChef]

I'm just waiting for the hilarious scene where Ovrik meets Lyra....
Why? Because hands that's why!

[TheTownCrier]

I was looking for something a wee bit different. And I stumbled upon this jewel.

[RazDelacroix]

As an avid D&D gamer, I am dutifully, and happily, obligated to Favor this story so I may read more hilarity of dwarf/pony/dragon/draconequus/sockpuppet antics!

[Greatazuredragon]

He largely ignored the hushed whispers, though he rather liked the one of the terms he heard a few times. 'Diamond Dog'. It head a nice ring to it, really.

Yeah Diamond Dogs and Dwarfs have a loot in common don't they?
Both like digging and finding gems, and in that note:

[PseudoBob Delightus]

... well, I got this far. 'Least I gave it a shot.