Hail to the Chief, Baby!
"Behold!” I said as my friends and I approached the Canterlot stadium. “The Canterlot International Speedway! Home to the world famous Nashorse earth pony racing program, and today is the day they'll be racing here!" I said.
"Yee haw!" Engie yelled. "Ah just love Nashorse!"
"Who doesn't less then three the Nashorse series?" I asked.
"All it is, is just earth ponies running around over and over and over again. Nothing that interesting in that." Psyche said.
"It's more than that, brah! Have you ever even watched the Nashorse series?” I asked.
"That's not the point. These ponies just run around the same track 200 times." Psyche said. "Turn left, turn left, turn left, turn left, and what's next? Oh right! TURNING LEFT! It's nothing special."
“I’ll tell you what’s nothing special: the stadium bathrooms.” Crystal said. “They’re disgusting, and it always takes a long time for us mares to use it, but the stallions have no problems! We have to wait in line!”
“Trust me, Crystal, I’ve been through much worse.” Psyche said.
A cutaway shows Psyche and I exiting the bathroom at a baseball game, and as we left, I kept on begging, “C’mon, Psyche! Let’s go on again!”
“Flare, we went eight times already!” Psyche said.
“Yep, and I went three times all by myself!” I said.
“You did a good job, Flare, but we have to get back to the game.” Psyche said.
“One more time, please?” I begged.
“I dunno, the line’s too long.” Psyche said.
“I’ll get us a fastpass.” I said as I went over to the fastpass terminal, inserted mine and Psyche’s tickets inside, and got two fastpasses for the restrooms. “Alright, it says we should be able to go back on instantly at 2:30. Let’s go get some ice cream while we wait.” The cutaway ends.
"But, Psyche, the more times that these ponies run around the tracks, the more action goes on!" Engie explained. "And let's not forget about all the crashin’. Nopony gets hurt really because they're wearin’ protection on, and if ya think that one pony is gonna win, maybe he'll crash and somepony else would win. Ya gotta be careful of who yer pickin’, partner.”
"Um... Flare? It's not... gonna be loud is it?" Aqua asked.
"Oh it's gonna be super loud. Probably louder than all the bass at my dad’s stereo shop, and trust me, he’s got a lot of big bass!” I said as I pronounced ‘bass’ as in the fish, not like ‘base’.
“So your dad has a lot of fish?” Crystal asked.
“No, isn’t bass a type of stereo?” I asked.
“That’s ‘base’, Flare.” Psyche corrected me.
“Maybe I shouldn’ve came. I can’t listen to loud stuff, I got sensitive ears. I even have a hard time on an airplane.” Aqua said.
"C’mon, Aqua, it’ll be fuuuuuuun!” Crystal said.
"Well I do like fun, and action, but I was never a big fan of these races. I mainly came because I got nothing better to do.” Aqua said. “It was either this or go to Kohls with Wind Racer, and trust me, this race will finish faster.”
"Here. I came prepared." I said as I took out a pair of ear muffs and gave them to Aqua. "These will lower the noise for you."
“Alright, thanks mate.” Aqua said as he placed the ear muffs over his ears.
"Alright! Let's go find our seats.” Engie said. The five of us started walking inside the stadium and we attempted to find our seats.
“Can’t wait to see Blaze fly by the stadium of the Equestrian National Anthem.” I said.
"What?" Aqua asked.
"Ah hope Pony Stewert will win! He's mah stallion!” Engie said.
"Uh oh." Aqua said.
"What about you, Crystal?” Engie asked.
"I'm pretty much into that colt over there!" Crystal pointed. "He looks pretty awesome!"
"That's Denny Coltlen." Engie said.
"He's cool, right?" Crystal asked.
"Yeah, he's alright.” Engie said.
“What was that?” Aqua asked.
“Well, time for several hours of ponies running around for a quick buck.” Psyche said. “Seems like a lazy job to me."
"It’s not just about that, Psyche. It's about winning the Horseshoe Cup! And this year, Jeff Gorspeed is gonna win it!" I said.
"Nuh uh!" Engie said. "Pony Stewert is gonna win this season!"
"I'm sorry, guys, but... I really have to tell ya something.” Aqua said.
"Yeah, right!" Crystal chuckled. "Denny Coltlen is totally gonna win that race in 20 seconds flat!”
"Why are you referencin’ Rainbow Dash?" Engie asked.
"You can't win a Nashorse race in 20 seconds flat. That's impossibru. Jeff Gorspeed will win!" I said.
“Wait kind of word is ‘impossibru?” Psyche asked.
"Umm, guys?” Aqua asked.
"Impossibru ain't even a word, partner. But Pony will certainly win this. Ah know cause ah call dibs on his winnin’.” Engie said.
“And how can you be so sure of it, Engie?” Psyche asked.
“I have my calculations right here.” Engie said, showing Psyche his notepad with calculations on it.
“Ya know what? Nevermind, it’s not important.” Aqua said.
"We better take our seats." Crystal said as the four of us found our seats and sat down.
"Hmmm…. Somethin’s wrong.” Engie said.
“What do you mean, Engie?” Crystal asked.
“Ah’m not sure.” Engie said as he started wiggling his flank on the chair. “It doesn’t feel right.”
“You sitting on something?” Psyche asked.
“Yeah, he’s sitting on a chair.” I said. Engie got up from his chair and saw sticky melted ice cream on the chair he was sitting on. He looked at his pants and saw lots of colorful sprinkles sticking on them. We all started laughing.
“I tried to warn ya.” Aqua said.
“Hey guys!” Blaze said as he flew down towards us.
“Hey Blaze! What are you doing here? You should be getting ready for your fly by.” I asked.
“I got a bit of butterflies in my tummy right now.” Blaze said.
“Why would you eat butterflies?” I asked.
“I meant I’m nervous.” Blaze corrected me.
“No need to be nervous, man! You did this fly by a million times already!” I said.
“But… this is the first time doing this with my friends watching me.” Blaze said.
“Bro, I saw you doing fly bys before. I watch every Nashorse race.” I said.
“Look, partner, there’s nothin’ to worry about. It’s just one little fly by. What do ya got to lose?” Engie asked.
“Thanks guys! I really appreciate it!” Blaze smiled.
“B-T-W, who you rootin’ for?” I asked.
“I'm thinking of Jimmy Fastson." Blaze said..
"Jimmy Fastson?! Oh now I hope you mess up on your fly-by.” I said.
“Thanks for the enthusiasm, Flare.” Blaze said sarcastically.
“It’s my pleasure, brah!” I said. Blaze flew back up to join his team for the fly-by that they are going to be preforming in a few minutes.
“What’s wrong with Jimmy Faston?” Psyche asked.
"Um, hello? He causes crashes all the time!" Engie said.
"I thought you liked the crashes?" Psyche asked.
"They look cool, that's all, but causing the crashes on purpose is cheatin’!" Engie said.
"I kinda like the sound of Jimmy Fastson! Maybe I should root for him." Crystal said.
"Trust me, Crystal. You're better off rooting for Denny." I said.
"So when does the race start?" Aqua asked.
"Five minutes ah think. Can ya pass me those peanuts, Aqua?” Engie asked.
"Sure, Engie.” Aqua said as he hooves over the peanuts to him.
"I thought you couldn't hear us?” Crystal asked.
"What?" Aqua asked.
"Alright! It's a beautiful day here at Canterlot International Speedway, isn't it Darrell Horsetrip?" one of the announcers asked.
"It sure is Chris Mares!" Darrell, the other announcer said. "And my goodness it's a beautiful day for racing isn't it?"
"You're right, Darrell!" Chris said. "And it looks like our racers are getting their hooves massaged, and energy going, so would they get themselves into the starting line so we can begin.
After a little while went by, Spike joins up with the group. "Hey guys! Sorry I'm late. I had to do some things for Princess Celestia. Did I miss anything?"
"We're just getting started, brah! Up high!" I yelled with my hoof up, and Spike then slaps it. "Down low!" Spike gave me a low-hoof. "Behind!" We turn around with our backs facing one another, and we gave eachother hoof-slaps from behind. "In the middle!" We hoof eachother in between high and low. "Right!" We both turned right and hooved eachother. "Left!" They both turned left and we hooved eachother. "Now one over by the snack bar!" We both ran over to the snack bar and we hooved eachother. “Now one by the restrooms!” We both ran over to the restrooms and hooved there. “Now one by Keith who is eating Chinese food.” We both ran over to Keith who was eating Chinese food and Spike and I hooved there.
“Flaaaaaaaaaaaare!” Keith yelled excitedly with his mouth full of rice.
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH!” I yelled excitedly. “Also, don’t talk with your mouth full, man.”
“Oh.” Keith said.
“Yeeee.” I nodded. "Now one back at our seats!" We both ran back to our seats and hooved there.
“Alright! Now that I got my legs all stretched out from all that running, I should be able to watch the race without getting any Charlie horses. I still don’t know why they call them that though.” I said.
“I always thought of Charlie Horse as a puppet to Shari Lewis.” Crystal said.
“Oh ah love Shari Lewis! I haven’t seen her show in ages.” Engie said.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, CHARLIE HORSE?!” Crystal yelled at Engie.
“Fillies and Gentlecolts, please rise as our musical guests Sprocket Doggingsworth and Dream HuK singing the Equestrian National Anthem.” Darrell said.
Right after the two celebrity musicians sung the Equestrian National Anthem, the Wonderbolts (including Blaze) fly by the stadium, and everypony in the crowd cheers for them. “Right, the crowd is cheering for the Wonderbolts. They could care less about our singing.” Sprocket complained.
“Well, it was either singing, or become a parasprite gatherer like my dad.” Dream HuK said as the two trotted off stage.
"Gentlecolts! Start… your… engines!" a referee yelled.
“What engines?!” one of the racers called out.
“It’s a figure of speech! Just get ready!” the referee yelled. Most of the racers were snorting, digging the ground, and eyes glued onto the track, and getting ready for the race to start.
“C’mon, Psyche, choose somepony to win!” I demanded.
"Fine, I’ll choose Clint Hayer. Happy now?” Psyche asked.
“I’m not unhappy.” I said. "GO JEFF!"
"GO PONY!" Engie yelled.
"GO DENNY!" Crystal yelled.
“I have much faith in the racers, but Sebulba is going to win.” Watto said as he flew next to us, pointing to Sebulba whom is inside his pod getting ready to race.
“I’m sorry, Sebulba.” The referee said. “But the pod race isn’t until Tuesday; we’re doing Nashorse right now.”
“Voojoo!” Sebulba said furiously. After Sebulba gets removed from the track, the racers continue to smirk at eachother, and rub their hooves onto the dirt track. As the flagger picks up his green flag, the racers were just about to start sprinting. The flagger waves the green flag, and the racers start running faster than the speed of light bulbs. I dunno, they say lights are fast, I’m not buying it. These ponies look like they’re running 120 miles per hour. Can a pony go that fast? Well, here you have it. It is possible in Equestria!
A few laps went by and everypony was cheering, and there were a few crashes here and there, and some pit stops. Alot more laps went by and everypony was still cheering, and the race was going along smoothly. Spike was getting bored, so I gave him some money to get us snacks from the snack bar. I was really in the mood for a carrot dog. Some racers were aggressive against one another during the race, but hey, that’s how the computation works. Sometimes some of the racers push another racer, mostly because some of the racers partner up. It’s not always you against the world when it comes to racing, you could use all the help you can get. It was the half time, and Jeff Gorspeed was in the lead, along with Jimmy Fastson.
“Ugh, my butt is falling asleep, and I’m gettin’ tired of sittin’ in this sticky stuff, but ah don’t wanna go anywhere. This is too cool, and I wouldn’t even care if ah had to stay here and become obese, and not even go up to go to the bathroom, and just wait until my skin gets stuck on the fabric of my couch!” Engie said.
“Uhh, what are you talking about, Engie?” Psyche asked.
“Ah nothin’. Ah just need to stand up. Ah’m not sure, but ah feel like ah’m sittin’ on a Mexican bean.” Engie said as he stood up and looked down at his chair, and saw a brown bean wearing a sombrero, and playing a guitar and singing La Bamba.
"Lucky you, cause I'm sitting on a black bean." Psyche said as he stood up and there was a black bean under him.
"Wha'? Ya have a problem with me, bucko? Because I'm black?!" the black bean complained.
Over on the track, Jimmy Faston chuckled a little mischievously. "The Horseshoe cup is mine!" He takes out a few banana peels out of his satchel on his back and throws them on the track.
“Good job, Jimmy. I hope nopony saw you.” Jimmy’s crewchief said on his headset.
“I’m sure nopony did.” Jimmy said. It was true, nopony did, except for me though. I didn’t see who dropped them, though I just noticed the peels.
"Oh no! JEFF! RACERS! BANANA PEELS!" I yelled, but nopony can hear me. I saw Jeff Gorspeed getting awfully close to those peels, so I had to improvise, but I had no ideas.
“Bro, do something!” Engie yelled as he started shaking me.
“I can’t do anything with you shaking me!” I said. Engie let go of my shoulders, but I had no ideas. I started getting really angry, so I started grinding my teeth.
“I don’t think that’s good for your teeth, mate.” Aqua said. When I got angry, my horn started to glow, but I didn’t notice.
“BLAST IT!” I yelled as a laser of some sort shot out of my horn and shoots the banana peels right out of the track. It startled the racers, but luckily nopony slipped, and the flagger waved the yellow flag to signal a caution. A pace pony trotted out of the pits and caused the racers to slow down so the track can be cleaned up before the lap restarts.
“Whoa, dude! That was incredible!” Spike said.
“What did I do?” I asked.
“You didn’t notice? You shot a rapid laser out of your horn and shot the banana peels right out of the track.” Psyche said.
“A rapid laser? I don’t have a spell like that.” I said.
“Ya do now. Congratulations, Flare!” Aqua said.
“Wow, a new spell. You know, that was the second time I learned a new spell by getting angry.” I said.
“I’m glad nopony thought that you were a terrorist.” Crystal said.
“Excuse me, sir?” a stadium security guard came up to me and asked. “Using magic spells on the race tracks is a crime violation in order by Nashorse law. I’m afraid you’ll have to come with me.”
“You don’t understand, dude. There were banana peels on the track. One of the racers was cheating, and that magic spell was an accident.” Blaze explained.
“Likely story. Come on, mister.” The security guard ordered me.
“Don’t worry, brahs. I’ll settle this. I brought you all here to see the race. Let me know how it goes when it’s over.” I requested.
“Good luck in there, man. We’ll be here if you need us.” Blaze said. So I went along with the security guard to the security room so we can sort this out. On the track, once the peels have been cleaned up, it was time for a restart, but I could only see the rest of the race on the security monitors.
“No tell me, Mr….” the security guard paused, hinting he needs to know my name.
“What?” I asked.
“I need your name.” the security guard requested.
“My name? Well… umm…” I tried to think of a made-up name to give myself. If I have a criminal record on file by my name, I’ll never hear the end of it, so I looked around the room to find random objects to make a name out of. I first saw a security guard all filled up with donuts in the room. “Full…” I started. I then looked up at the A/C and said, “Air.” And finally, I looked down at the guard’s belt and saw a gun on it. “Gun. Yes, Flare Gun!”
“Flare Gun, huh?” the guard asked.
“Eeyup!” I said happily, but then I lost my smile quickly because I just gave him my real name. “Oh… woops.”
“Now tell me, Mr. Gun. Why did you so happen to shoot magic on the race track while a race was going on? That there is criminal.” The guard asked.
“I know, and I apologize, but I saved the racers from total disaster. I stopped an unfair crash from happening.” I said.
“It’s Nashorse, buckaroo. Crashes happen. It’s all part of the game.” The guard said.
“Did you just call me a half-horse, half-kangaroo?” I asked.
“Are you a terrorist?” the guard asked.
“That’s a stupid question.” I said.
“Answer the question!” the guard yelled close to my face.
“NO! Why would I be a terrorist?” I asked.
“What do you use a ski-mask for?” the guard asked me.
“For skiing?” I asked.
“Ok, so you’re not a terrorist.” The guard said as he leaned away from my face.
“This is ridiculous. One of the racers was cheating! Isn’t that a rule violation as well?” I asked.
“It is, but do you have any information on who so otherwise cheated?” the guard asked.
“I didn’t see who it was, but I have the feeling it was Jimmy Fastson.” I said.
“Jimmy Fastson? He maybe a champion but he’s no cheater.” The guard said as he observed Jimmy on the screen.
“I dunno, brah. There’s something not right about him.” I said.
“Jimmy Fastson is an honest Nashorse racer. He may win a lot, but that’s no reason to call him a cheater.” The guard said.
“Why do you think he wins so much?” I asked.
“Because he’s good?” the guard asked.
“And you think of that to be true?” I asked.
“Of course I do!” the guard said.
“Oh listen to you. Security guards are just so stupid and lazy. You’re just one little level away from a lousy Mall Cop.” I said.
“HEY! We’re nothing like Mall Cops! You take that back!” the guard yelled at me with his nightstick out.
“What you gonna do? Whack me with that balloon?” I asked.
“This isn’t a balloon! It’s a nightstick! It’s a very powerful tool that can beat scumbags like you up!” the guard said.
“Then whack me with it. Go ahead!” I said.
“Ok, you asked for it.” The guard said. He took his nightstick, and was just about to whack me with it. I just sat down and looked at him mischievously. He attempted to whack me on the head, but he stopped before he could hit me. “Ok, you got me, it is a balloon. I got my nightstick privileges taken away because I kept stealing lunches from other guards.”
“So it was YOU that stole my bag of chocolate chip cookies!” the fat security guard that filled up on donuts yelled.
“Oh hush. You could use the weight loss.” The first guard said. Just then we heard a knock on the door. “Come in!” the guard said. It was Jeff Gorspeed.
"J-J-Jeff Gor-gor-gorspeed?!” I shuddered surprisingly.
“Oh snap!” Crystal said surprisingly. “Always Flare gets what he wants, huh?” she then complained.
"So you’re the one with the keen eye, huh?” Jeff asked.
“I’m a big fan of yours! What are you doing here?!” I asked excitedly.
"I owe you one, man! Without your great vision, this race would've been a disaster! I don't know who the one that cheated was, but you saved the race!" Jeff said.
“Of course I did, I’m awesome! Awesome possum!” I said.
“Flatter yourself, kid. What’s your name?” Jeff asked.
"Flare Gun’s the name and having a keen eye is my… umm… what’s that G word again?” I asked.
"Flare Gun, huh? Hmm, well thank you for saving the race. Maybe I’ll call you one day.” Jeff said.
“Here’s my business card. I don’t mean to brag, but I cook a mean pizza. Maybe if… you know… you could use a sponsorship.” I asked as I started to blush as I gave him my business card for my shop.
“I’ll think about it. I’ve been advertising paint for years. I mean paint! What’s so good about paint?!” Jeff asked.
“I know right?!” I asked as we both started to laugh.
“Anyways, Flare. I’ll keep in touch.” Jeff said as he walked out of the security room with my business card.
“Wow! I got to meet my long-loved hero: Jeff Gorspeed! This is amazing! Wait until I tell my friends!” I said excitedly.
“Now hold on a minute, Mr. Gun. You’re not off the hook yet.” The guard said.
“Here’s a Dunkin Donuts gift card.” I said as I showed him the gift card I had with me.
“You’re free to go!” The guard said excitedly as I gave him the card, and he started dancing with glee.
After a while went by, I met with my friends over at the Canterlot Bistro for a late lunch. We were watching some TV while we waited for our food to show up.
“We now return to Kansas visits Bikini Bottom.” The TV announcer said.
On the TV, it showed the band members of Kansas singing to Squidward Tentacles personally, and it goes, “Carry on my Squidward son, there’ll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest. Don’t you cry no more.”
“Oh pa-lease. I don’t cry over stupid nonsense like accidentally knocking over a wet floor sign.” Squidward said, pointing to a knocked over wet floor sign inside the Krusty Krab, but near the wet floor sign was SpongeBob was crying.
After watching the show, my friends and I were chatting it up, drinking our drinks before our food arrived. "You know I can’t believe Danny Coltlin won the last race. Jeff Gorspeed was in the lead!” I complained.
“It’s a good thing I didn’t choose Jimmy Fastson then. I made the right choice from the start.” Crystal said.
“Yeah, but you still met your favorite racer. Doesn’t that mean something, man?” Blaze asked.
“It means everything, Blaze! I was even able to give him my business card, and maybe he’ll allow me to sponsor one day!” I said excitedly.
“We heard you say that a million times already, Flare.” Psyche said.
“Sorry, I’m just so hyped right now! More hyped than when I found out SpongeBob was in Adventure Time.” I said.
A cutaway the Ice King stealing a princess and taking her back to his lair. “Ahhh! Let go of me!” the princess yelled.
“With pleasure!” the Ice King said as he threw her into his cage. As he slaps the dust off his hands, he turns around and sees me with a gigantic smile. “Uhh, who are you?”
“Holy Wizard of Feelings! It’s SpongeBob!” I yelled excitedly.
“SpongeBob? Who’s SpongeBob?” the Ice King asked.
“You are, silly!” I said.
“Whoa there, buddy, I think you have the wrong guy. I’m the Ice King. No sponges here. Only princesses.” The Ice King said.
“You have to be SpongeBob! This guy already said he wasn’t.” I said as I took the Mayor of Townsville out of my satchel.
“Can you help me open this pickle jar?” the mayor asked.
“I think I may be able to help you.” Slinkman offered.
“SLINKMAN! Where’s my pickle jar?!” Scoutmaster Lumpas yelled from the distance.
“Ooooh, no wonder. These pickles are bread and buttered, and I normally eat half-sour.” The mayor said.
“By the way, I’m not a princess.” The princess said from the cage, as she unmasks herself and turns out to be Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh.
“I am so confused right now.” The Ice King said.
“You wanna see something even more confusing?” I asked the Ice King as I unmasked myself into SpongeBob and laughed his famous laugh. The Ice King then faints on Eduardo from Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends.
“He seems out cold. Get it? ‘Out cold’?” the mayor teased.
“He does seem cold. We better put him by the fire that Spyro made.” Slinkman suggested. I hope you see the joke I made here. The cutaway ends.
“Excuse me? Mr. Gun?” Jeff Gorspeed asked as he tapped on my shoulder. I turned around and I gasped.
“Jeff Gorspeed?! Again?!” I panicked. “Wow, what are the odds?!”
“Good to see ya! I need to talk to you for a minute.” Jeff requested.
“Sure, Jeff! Whatever you want!” I said.
“Who are your friends?” Jeff asked.
“Oh this is Crystal, Engie, Aqua, Blaze, and that’s purple guy over there.” I said. Psyche sighs and rolls his eyes; ooo rhyme!
“Nice to meet you all! Listen, Flare, I have a proposition for ya.” Jeff said.
“Ah hope yer not makin’ him do anythin’ illegal.” Engie said suspiciously towards Jeff.
“No! Why would you think that?” Jeff asked.
“Last time somepony said they had a proposition for me, well, let’s just say ah was lucky that ah can respawn after mah death.” Engie said.
“Ooooook.” Jeff said awkwardly. “Anyways, you see... I don't have a crew chief anymore. He quit during the Baltimare race and I’m looking for a new crew chief. Somepony with a keen eye, and quick reflexes, and I believe you’re the pony that can do it!”
“Jeff, what are you… what are you saying?” I asked.
"Flare Gun, how would you like to be my crew chief?" Jeff asked.
I was shocked, so shocked my eye pupils crew big in excitement, and then I smiled real big and I said really fast, "HOLY-WIZARD-OF-HOPE! HOLY-WIZARD-OF-HOPE! HOLY-WIZARD-OF-HOPE! HOLY-WIZARD-OF-HOPE! HOLY-WIZARD-OF-HOOOPE!”
"Sooooo.... will you do it?" Jeff asked.
I was squeezing, but suddenly I took my serious face on and took out my phone. “I dunno, let me take a look at my schedu- YES!” I yelled.
“You hardly even looked at your schedule.” Crystal pointed out.
“Then it’s done!” Jeff said.
"Wow, Flare! You're gonna be Jeff's crew chief! That sounds exciting!” Aqua said.
“I know, it’s like a… it’s a like dream come true! I feel like I’m at Disneyland!” I said.
"So, pack your things, buddy. We're moving out tomorrow!" Jeff said.
"Pack my things?" I asked.
"We're going out in the open road! We're traveling all around Equestria for racing! And with your help, we'll win the horseshoe cup for sure!" Jeff said.
"But… how about my friends?” I asked.
"Sorry, buddy, but unless they have experience in this field, I’m afraid they cannot come with us.” Jeff said.
“Whaaaaaaaaaat?!” Engie asked shockingly in a high pitched voice.
“Hey, I know this is a bad time right now, but I could use a refill on my lemonade.” Crystal said as she tapped on her glass. “Bone dry.”
“Wow… this is… this is a very tough decision to make.” I said.
“The job is 25,000 bits per race.” Jeff said.
“25,000 BITS?!” I yelled.
“I’ll wait for you tomorrow to make your decision. You’re going big places Flare Gun, very big places.” Jeff said as he walked out of the bistro.
"Wow, Flare! You’re gonna be Jeff Gorspeed’s crew chief! I’m so proud of you man!” Blaze said.
“He’s right, ya are gonna go big places!” Aqua said.
“It’s a dream come true, isn’t it?” Psyche asked.
“Yeah… yeah, it is.” I said as I looked down at the table upsettingly.
“Are you alright, man?” Blaze asked.
“I’m fine.” I said.
“Something’s up. What are you thinking about?” Psyche asked.
“You sure I should really go through with this?” I asked.
“You must, man!” Blaze said.
“Yeah, this is a very big opportunity for ya! Not to mention, big bucks!” Engie said.
“Well, since we’re horses, I’m a little worried about what ‘big bucks’ might mean.” Crystal said.
“It’s completely up to ya, mate. One way or another, ya have our support.” Aqua said.
“But if I go… what will come of you dudes?” I asked.
“We’ll be fine, man! Isn’t it your dream to travel alongside Jeff Gorspeed?” Blaze asked.
“I-D-K.” I said.
“C’mon, Flare! Do it! It’ll really help out your financial problems!” Crystal said.
“Well… since you all really think I should do it… I’m in then!” I said happily.
“It’s settled then! Wow, this is going to be an awesome opportunity for you! Probably a better opportunity than when I was a violinist.” Blaze said. A cutaway shows Blaze with a tuxedo and a violin, walking to a lovely couple inside a restaurant, sitting at a table. Blaze places his cue on the violin, about to play a song, but he leans over towards the stallion and starts playing the violin really loudly and fast, repeatedly saying, “Gimmie money, gimmie money, gimmie money, gimmie money.”, and the lovely couple got freaked out. The cutaway ends.
The next day, back at Ponyville, I was chatting it up with Pinkie while packing my trailer. “Pinkie Pie, I’m trusting you to look after things for me.” I said to her.
“Don’t worry, Flare! I won’t let you down! I’ll look after this pile of junk like it was my own child!” Pinkie said.
“Hey! That’s not a pile of junk! They’re antiques!” I corrected her.
“Oooo, I better not touch them then. Museum as so many unique items and they always tell me not to touch them. I dunno what’s the big deal though. Touching them won’t harm them.” Pinkie said.
“You drew a mustache on the Mona-Lisa.” Rainbow Dash reminded her.
“Well, duh! It stops her face from getting cold! Hellooooo!” Pinkie said. “I swear, Dashie, I really don’t understand you sometimes.”
“Also, here’s the key to my shop. Take good care of my baby while I’m gone.” I requested as I gave Pinkie my key.
“So if the shop is your baby, who’s your wife?” Pinkie asked.
“It was adopted.” I said.
“Ahhh!” Pinkie nodded.
“There ya go, partner. Ah upgraded the security system in yer trailer. You’re goin’ to strange places, so you’ll need those extra precautionary measures.” Engie said.
“Thanks, Engie, but you made sure the security system doesn’t detect me as a threat, right?” I asked
Engie raspberried and said, “Of course not! Why would it?”
“You sure you all wouldn’t wanna come with me?” I asked.
“Sorry, Flare, but we have our own jobs ‘round here we need to look after.” Aqua said. “I hope ya can understand that.”
“No worries, Aqua. I’ll be expecting your visit at the race track soon though.” I said.
“Of course you will, Flare! I mean, it’s not like we’re gonna not be friends anymore because you decided to leave us and move on.” Spike said. Everypony glares at Spike, and Pinkie gasps.
“You’re not gonna do that are you, Flare?!” Pinkie asked frighteningly as she grabbed my shoulders and shook me.
“No.” I said.
“ARE YOU?!” Pinkie yelled as she shook me harder.
“NO! I won’t leave you! I don’t even know how long I’ll be his crew chief though.” I said.
“What do you mean by that?” Psyche asked.
“Who knows if I’ll even do a good job as one.” I said.
“Of course you’ll do a good job! You’ll do a great job!” Crystal said.
“You better do a great job!” Psyche demanded.
“I’m gonna miss you all so much. Even you Blaze. I didn’t know you long, but I thought of you like a brother.” I said as I gave him a hug.
“Bro, it’s ok. You’ll see me at every race. I fly by during the national anthem, remember?” Blaze asked.
“Lawl remember, Flare?” Spike asked.
“HEY! That’s my thing! Don’t steal my thing!” I yelled at Spike. “Remember, it’s my thing? Lawl remember Spike?”
“Actually, it was Master Chief’s thing first.” Psyche corrected me.
“Oh like you even know what I’m talking about.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“I watch it too, you know.” Psyche said.
"Alright, Flare!" Jeff said as he walked towards me. "You ready to go?"
“I dunno, brah.” I said upsettingly.
“C’mon, I don’t have all day. You signed a contract. It’s time to go.” Jeff said as he showed me the contract I signed.
“I hope you read the whole contract carefully.” Psyche said.
“Even the fine print. Trust me, I make contracts too. You signed my Friendship Agreement.” I said. Psyche nodded while making an awkward look. “Just to let you all know, the six of you are my dearest closest friends, and one treasured acquaintance, and I’ll never forget that.” I smiled at them. My friends all smiled at me back, but then they all looked at eachother awkwardly.
“Well anyways, good luck out there, Flare!” Crystal said. “Ooo, rhyme!”
“Stay safe, and keep in touch.” Aqua said.
“I will, don’t worry!” I said. As I turned around, I saw somepony using some sort of crane to pick up my trailer and place it on a semi carriage truck. “What gives?”
“My crew chief doesn’t deserve to carry that smelly old trailer on his back as we travel. All you need to do is relax, and practice your vision.” Jeff said.
“My trailer is NOT junk, despite the fact I got it from a junkyard, and why?” I asked.
“You’re my crew chief now, Flare Gun! You can have whatever you want!” Jeff said.
“Whatever I want, huh?” I asked as I nodded with a mischievous smile. “I want my friends to come with us.”
“Nice try. Now come on, there’s no time to lose.” Jeff said as he hoped inside his trailer. I looked back at my friends before I went.
“Go on, Flare.” Aqua said.
“Live your dream.” Crystal said. I didn’t say a thing; all I did was just walk inside my trailer, and looked out my back window. The semi started to move out. Tears fell out of my eyes as I watched my friends watching the semis depart.
“Alright, get it together, Flare! You’re the man now! This is your dream! Live the Equestrian dream! They wouldn’t want me to miss them! I’m gonna be the best crew chief the world has ever known!” I shouted. I opened the window and stuck my head out and yelled, “You hear me world?! I am gonna be the best crew chief, YOU ALL HAVE EVER KNOOOOOOOW- Ack!” As I was shouting, a fly flew in my mouth and I started to choke. “Fly in my mouth! Fly in my mouth!”
Back with my friends, before they all left to go home, Spike asked, “I wonder which of us are the friends and which one is the acquaintance?”
“I think its best we don’t know.” Aqua said.
A few days went by and I was watching Jeff Gorspeed practice running around the track for his next race. While I just sat and watched, Jeff stopped by next to me to catch his breath.
“Woo! That was a nice run, huh Flare Gun?” Jeff asked.
“Nice rhyme!” I said.
“Thanks! So what are you up to?” Jeff asked.
“Skyping Crystal.” I said.
“Skying who?” Jeff asked.
“Crystal Iceblast. One of my friends.” I said.
“You know, Flare, you’re my crew chief now, don’t you know that?” Jeff asked.
“Uhh, no I didn’t. I just so happen to be here to put eye drops in your eyes.” I said sarcastically.
Jeff started to laugh. “Eye drops! Yeah, you’re a card, Flare.”
“A Visa Debit?” I asked.
“You’re a crack up, Flare! Come! I hired some ponies to give you a nice soothing massage.” Jeff said.
“A massage does sound nice, but you don’t have to do that.” I said.
“I expect the best for my crew chief!” Jeff said as he guided me towards my trailer.
“Alright, alright. I can walk myself you know.” I said.
“When you’re my crew chief, who needs walking?” Jeff asked.
“What’s the catch here, Jeff?” I asked.
“No catch, just relaxation for you until Sunday, ‘cause that’s when you get to work!” Jeff said.
“Alright! You know, I’ve always wanted to go inside your trailer and see what’s inside.” I said as I walked towards his trailer, but Jeff runs in front of the door and blocks it.
“Whoa, buddy. No need to be so hasty now. I enjoy my privacy as much as the next fella. This trailer is off limits.” Jeff said.
“But you said I can have whatever I want.” I said.
“And you will! Look, it’s all messy in there anyway. It won’t fit the both of us inside, soooo, how about you go inside your trailer, have yourself a nice massage from these lovely ladies over here, and just watch a little bit of Jurassic Park while you’re in there.” Jeff suggested. I looked over at my trailer and saw lovely looking mares near my door, one is dressed like Samus Aran and the other is dressed like Cortana from Halo.
“How did you know I’m a nerd?” I asked.
“One researches his crew chiefs before taking them to the field.” Jeff said.
“Wow! I never thought being a crew chief would be this amazing!” I said.
“And this is only the beginning!” Jeff said.
“You know, at first I didn’t know Samus was female.” I said.
“Eeyup. Samus is female.” Jeff said.
“I think I can get used to this!” I said.
I turned on ELO by Mr. Blue Sky on my Ipod, and I relaxed inside my trailer, getting massages from these lovely mares while watching Jurassic Park. While I was at it, I took some pictures of the mares massaging me and sent it to my friends. Some called me lucky, some were jealous, and one of them was shocked because they didn’t know Samus was female. Sunday came, and it was my first race with Jeff Gorspeed. I placed a headset over my head, and through it, I told Jeff everything of what was going on in the track, and letting Jeff know when’s the best time to go to the pits to get refueled and massage his hooves before heading out to the track again. I told the pit crew whatever they need to do to get Jeff up and running again, so I asked Jeff to hire some Italian ponies to become his pit crew, because if they know how to cook, they know how to get a pit stop done.
I had a keen eye for the track. I knew these race tracks by heart, and I knew all the racer’s tricks, so I told Jeff everything he needed to know to win. I did a fantastic job as a crew chief, because I helped him win the race, and two other races after that! I couldn’t help him win every race, but hey, you can’t always win, can you? Throughout the weeks I’ve been Jeff’s crew chief, I’ve been feeling more and more relaxed than ever, and having the time of my life. I didn’t take any pictures to show my friends anymore, and when I went on Skype, I only talked to each of them for like… 3 minutes because Jeff keeps hosting these awesome parties, cider, mares, and tons and tons of video games! More races came and I’m starting to get the hang of this crew chief thing! I could even eat 5 bit foot longs while guiding Jeff and his crew. I even caught Jimmy Faston cheating a few times, and I saved Jeff from crashing. This is certainly the life! I wish it would never end! I certainly am the best crew chief Jeff Gorspeed ever had. He said so, so don’t take my word for it.
Several weeks went by and over at my shop, Pinkie was carrying several plates at once to a table. I did what she’s doing once. Somepony tripped me, and I spilled the food all over a group of ponies on a table, and then I graded cheese all over the pastas that were dripping off their heads, but Pinkie seems more experienced in that than I am, she didn't trip once. Meanwhile, my friends were sitting at a table and Crystal kept looking at her phone while Engie held his hooves on his head with his eyes closed.
“Play… play… play...” Engie said to his Ipad that’s sitting on the table. “Play… play…”
“What are ya doing?” Aqua asked.
“Tryin’ to use a jedi mind-trick to confuse Princess Luna.” Engie said. “Play… play… play…” Engie looked at his pad, and angrily said, “Shoot! She might be wearin’ a tinfoil hat.”
“I miss Flare.” Blaze said.
“Why do you miss him? You see him at every race.” Psyche reminded him.
“Not anymore. I was requested not to perform at anymore Nashorse races.” Blaze said.
“Who requested it?” Aqua asked.
“Spitfire said it was Nashorse Campaign Director. I dunno why they didn’t want me out of all Wonderbolts not to perform.” Blaze said.
“Does your sorrow affect me at any way?” Engie asked.
“I dunno.” Blaze said.
“Then suffer in silence.” Engie said as he continued to use his mind-trick on Luna. “Play! Play! Play! Play! Play!”
“What are you even doing?” Blaze asked.
“Ah’m playin’ Words With Friends with Luna on mah pad, but she hasn’t made a move for three whole hours. She might be up to somethin’.” Engie said.
“Crystal, why do ya keep staring at your phone?” Aqua asked.
“I’m waiting for Flare to respond.” Crystal said.
“Ah know she’s up to somethin’! Ah can feel it!” Engie said.
“Crystal, Flare hasn’t been talking to us for weeks. What makes you think he’ll respond now?” Psyche asked.
“He will respond! He would never forget about us!” Crystal said.
“Crystal’s right, Psyche. He wouldn’t just abandon us like this. He was desperate for friends, and the most desperate ponies would never abandon their friends.” Blaze said.
“Flare’s obviously too busy to worry about us. We should just face the fact that he’s moved on, and so should we.” Psyche said.
“Wow… I never thought he would do this.” Aqua said.
“He didn’t do anything, c’mon guys!” Blaze said.
“He would NEVER abandon us! C’mon, Flare, respond!” Crystal demanded.
“Play! Play! Play! Play!” Engie continued.
“Good idea, Engie.” Crystal placed her hooves on her head and closed her eyes, and did the same thing Engie was doing. “Respond! Respond! Respond! Respond! Respond!”
“Will you both shut up?!” Blaze yelled.
“Did it work, Crystal?” Engie asked.
“Not yet.” Crystal said. “Respond! Respond! Respond! Did you get anything yet, Engie?”
“Just dust and echoes. Halo reference for the win.” Engie said.
“Blaze, I’m worried! He didn’t abandon us… did he?” Crystal asked with tears in her eyes.
“Of course not, Crystal. In fact, let’s prove it! We’re going to Flare’s next race!” Blaze said.
“Why bother? He’s not gonna wanna see us.” Psyche said.
“Besides, what if the tickets to the race are already sold out?” Aqua asked.
“I’m sure there’s a radio host that’s giving away tickets.” Blaze said.
“How would ya know that?” Aqua asked.
“Radio hosts always give away tickets. I once almost won Justin Bieber tickets.” Blaze said.
A cutaway shows Blaze listening to the radio at his house. “Alright, today we’re giving away free Justin Bieber tickets! You may be a winner if you’re caller number 5! Don’t delay! Call now!” the radio host said.
“OH MY GOSH! Justin Bieber tickets!” Blaze said excitedly as he picked up the phone and dialed the number.
“Congratulations! You’re caller number 4!” the radio host said.
“WHAT?! That close?!” Blaze yelled.
“Congratulations! You’re caller number 5! You get to see Justin Bieber!” the radio host said.
“YES! Oh yeah! That boy is mine! Never say never! Woo hoo! Yee hee!” Michael Jackson yelled excitedly on the radio. The cutaway ends.
“You like Justin Bieber?” Psyche asked.
“NO! Of course not! Those tickets were for my niece!” Blaze said.
“Yeah, that’s what they all say.” Psyche said.
“IT’S TRUE, DANG IT!” Blaze yelled.
Meanwhile, back inside my trailer at the race track, it was just two days until the last race of the season. If Jeff wins this race, he wins the whole thing. “Yeah! Woo! Just one more race guys! Then Jeff will win the whole thing!” I said as I kinda foreshadowed that sentence. “I am sure getting paid a lot too! I am really getting rich brahs! Not that I wasn’t already rich, well not rich, more average. I am so proud of Jeff! Yet, I feel like something’s missing. I feel that there’s an empty space somewhere inside of me. I-D-K what it is though. I mean for Wizard of Hope’s sake, I have everything I need! The money, the fame, the mares! I should be happy face. I don’t get it. What am I missing?”
“His Listerine. I haven’t seen him do mouth wash in ages. I’m starting to worry for him.” my fish Rainbow said.
“What am I missing? Fishies, do you know of anything?” I asked them. Yoyo shows me a picture of fish food, then Dorthey slapped Yoyo in the back, then Dorthey showed a picture of a heart. “Paper vaporizes in water, Dorthey.” I said to her.
“Told you he would notice.” Yoyo said.
“Oh pipe down, you didn’t tell me squash!” Dorthey said.
“Doncha mean ‘squat’?” Piddles corrected her.
“I’m a fish, I don’t squat.” Dorthey reminded him.
“I mean I got all this money and fame now, but nopony to share it with, somepony I’d call a….. friend.” I said as I started to feel my lips twitch. “Now who were those six beloved friends of mine and one treasured acquaintance that I used to hang with all the time?” I looked over at a picture of frame on my wall that showed a picture of me, Blaze, Crystal, Engie, Psyche, Aqua, and Spike all gathered and smiling. “Oh… right… them… wow, I… I don’t know why, but I’m starting to get all teary eyed.” Tears fell out of my eyes as I looked at the picture of my friends and acquaintance. “Oh, right, this picture is dusty, no wonder I’m getting teary eyed; allergies.” I said as I sprayed Windex on the picture and wiped it off with a paper towel. “There we go! I’m not longer teary eyed from allergies. I knew something was missing! My sunglasses!” I took a pair of sunglasses from my dresser and placed them over my eyes as I looked at myself through the mirror, smiling and nodding my head. “Looking good, Flare! Looking real good! Time to win this race!” So I marched back outside to prepare Jeff’s pit crew team for the final race of the season.
“He didn’t yell ‘YEEEAAAAAAH’ after he put on those sunglasses.” Darrel pointed out.
“Good. I had it with all the shouting from last night’s party.” Piddles complained.
"YEEEEEEEAAAAH!" Pearl cried out, wearing sunglasses and a hula necklace. "Sorry, couldn't resist!"
When I got outside to prepare Jeff’s crew chief, I had a small chat with one of them because I thought, why not? “So, Jeff fired his entire crew team for some Harlem youngsters, huh?” I asked.
“Ever since Princess Luna came back, Jeff has been taking that advantage.” He said.
“I’m not sure if that makes much sense.” I said.
“Hey, Flare! Long time no see, mate! How ya doin’?” Aqua asked as he, Psyche, Blaze, Engie, Crystal, and Spike showed up to see me.
“Oh sup brahs?” I asked.
“Not much, we decided to come and see ya.” Aqua said.
“Wow, interesting. It would seem the acquaintance was the first one to greet me.” I pointed out.
“Ooooooh, so it’s Aqua that’s the acquaintance!” Spike figured out and nodded slowly. Aqua just stood there emotionless.
“It’s good to see you, Flare! We missed you so much!” Blaze said.
“That’s cool.” I nodded. “You’re Soarin right?”
“Soarin? NO! It’s me, Blaze!” Blaze corrected me.
“BLAZE!” I yelled. “I set it first!”
“Flare, are ya feelin’ alright?” Engie asked.
“Never better, Pyro! Never better!” I said.
“Pyro?” Engie asked.
“Living the crew chieftain life is a bomb! BOOM! I have never felt so happy in my entire life! This is exactly what I was looking for!” I said.
“THIS is exactly what you were looking for?” Psyche asked.
“Yes! I moved out of Mareami to live the good life, away from the haters, and here it is!” I said.
“Flare, you’re forgetting the main reason why you left Mareami in the first place.” Blaze said.
“I just said though, to be a crew chief!” I said. “Now you six should come into my trailer with me. Jeff hired this magician to do some magic tricks for me to test out my keen eye skills by seeing if the magician is the real deal and no funny business.” I said.
“Flare, don’t you find any of this kinda suspicious?” Psyche asked.
“What in ever do you mean, brah?” I asked.
“Do crew chief’s actually get this much paradise? I mean, I know the racer hires the pit crew, but do they normally give them this amount of hospitality?” Psyche asked.
“Bro, let me clarify something to you: Jeff Gorspeed is not like any other racers. He’s kind, he’s honest, he’s generous. He’s the entire Mane Six put together, except for Twilight, he doesn’t do magic. I handle the magic! Praise the Wizards!” I yelled as I shot a laser out of my horn that matched the laser blast spell that I did earlier to save the racers from the banana peels, but with that laser, I accidentally shot a pigeon. “Oops. Can somepony clean that up?”
“FLARE!” Crystal yelled.
“What?” I asked.
“This isn’t like you at all! What has happened to you?!” Crystal shouted in my face as she began to shake me.
“Shake me again, and I’ll call security.” I threatened them. “I don’t like it when ponies get their dirty hooves all over my jacket.” Oh that reminds me, I forgot to mention, I've been wearing a jacket this entire time with Jeff’s number on it, and sponsor.
“Dirty hooves?! I so happened to wash my hooves right before I came here to see you.” Crystal informed me.
“What did you use to dry them?” I asked.
“A blow dryer.” Crystal said.
“You know much germs a blow dryer has? Might as well have a hobo sneeze your hooves dry.” I said. “I got some hoof sanitizer. Want some?” I asked as I took out a hoof sanitizer out of my jacket pocket.
“Sure!” Crystal said as she was reaching out for the sanitizer, but I moved it away from her quickly.
“Not this one! This one is mine! Go talk to Ricky, he might have one.” I said.
“Who’s Ricky?” Spike asked.
“One of Jeff’s Harlem pit crews; look, I am VERY busy right now. I normally don’t let ponies personally come and see me, but since you’re my friends, I given you an exception of five minutes. So if you want to go bother somepony, go bother Jimmy Faston’s pit crew. Maybe throw some tomatoes at them, and maybe Jimmy would think twice before cheating in every race.” I said.
“Sure, but Flare, can ya come here for a second?” Engie asked.
“Why?” I asked.
“Just come here, I wanna show you something cool.” Engie said.
“Ok.” I said as I walked over to him. Engie grabs my jacket, and slaps me in the face real hard. “OW!” I yelled.
“SNAP OUT OF IT, FLARE!” Engie yelled.
“THAT WAS NOT COOL AT ALL! Why did you lie to me, brah?!” I yelled.
“WHAT’S MAH NAME?!” Engie yelled.
“Helmet guy?” I guessed.
“CLOSE ENOUGH!” Engie yelled as he released me.
“Don’t ever do that again!” I yelled.
“It’s for your own good, man.” Blaze said.
“You think violence is the way to solve problems?” I asked.
“I never agreed, that’s for sure.” Aqua said.
“Flare, don’t you remember me? It’s Spike, your first close friend from Ponyville. We play games together, and you keep reminding Twilight to bring me along in her adventures. Recognize me, man!” Spike begged.
“I’m sure you can get her to get you to come along in her adventures yourself, but right now, I have to get ready. It’s almost the final race of the season, and I don’t want any distractions.” I said.
“And are you coming back to Ponyville right after?” Psyche asked.
“Heavens no! We’re gonna be going to Las Haygus after that for the award ceremony! Then after that, it’s party over here, y’all!” I said in a high pitched voice.
“So… you’re never coming back?” Spike asked.
“Do I have a reason to? That place was just slowing me down. Being a pizza chef, making only a few bits per week. It gets tiring after a while.” I said.
“Hundreds of bits per week?! How can you get tired of that?!” Crystal yelled.
“I’m making THOUSANDS of bits per week now! I’m a sensation! I don’t need all that! Everything I could ever want is right here: in the Nashorse series! With my help, Jeff Gorspeed is gonna win the horseshoe cup, and everything will be perfect.” I said.
“The only thing that’s missing is your friends, Flare.” Blaze said.
I chuckled. “Friends, Flare. That sounds pretty funny. Mostly because they both start with F.”
“FLARE! Are you even listening to me?!” Blaze yelled.
“I read you loud and clear, ‘friend’, but I have a lot to do right now, so please leave before I call for security.” I said.
“But… Flare!” Blaze said.
“Forget it, Blaze. He’s no longer a friend to us. This is his dream now, and we cannot get in the way of it.” Spike said.
“That’s a good dragon! Here, have some Smarties, it’ll help you do well in school.” I said as I reached into my pocket and threw a package of Smarties to Spike.
“Cool, free candy!” Spike said excitedly.
“Remember back in Mareami, when you were nopony?” Blaze asked.
“That was all the past, brah. I’m a somepony now!” I said.
“No you aren’t. You were a somepony when you were our friend.” Blaze said. “You were somepony when you ran that pizza shop. You were a somepony when you made a ton of mistakes, and learned from them. You were a somepony when you helped out when everypony was upset. You were a somepony when you accidentally dropped that salt shaker on the floor, and you licked it all clean. You were a somepony when-“
“Alright, I think we get it, Blaze.” Aqua interrupted him.
“What I’m saying is: you used to be a somepony, but now you went back to being a nopony. If you don’t want to come back with us, fine. We don’t want you!” Blaze said angrily.
“Oh boo hoo. I’m crying over here. Can you get lost now? I’m still trying to find out how this magician guessed my card.” I said.
“It’s magic.” The magician said.
“No, no, no. You’re no unicorn. That’s not magic.” I corrected him.
“It is magic.” The magician argued with me.
“Yeah and butterflies used to be caterpillars.” I teased as I laughed sarcastically.
“Butterflies were caterpillars.” The magician corrected me.
“They were? Nah, no they weren’t.” I said.
“They were.” The magician said.
“Really? Wow. Sounds a little OP doesn’t it?” I asked.
“Wow, learn something new every day, huh?” Crystal asked.
“Let’s go, guys!” Blaze said angrily as him and my friends all walked away.
“It’s too bad, Flare. They seemed to be nice guys.” Jeff said.
“Meh, who needs friends when I got fame, fortune, and all the five bit foot longs I can eat?” I asked.
Jeff chuckled. “Yeah, I hear ya, man.”
“So why don’t we party it up in your trailer?” I asked.
“No! Nopony goes inside my trailer!” Jeff yelled.
“Not even you?” I asked.
“Besides me.” Jeff said.
“So everypony except you can go into your trailer?” I asked.
“NO! Nopony is allowed inside except me!” Jeff yelled.
“Jeez, why are you so antsy? You’re normally a calm dude.” I said.
“I’m calm, I’m calm. Don’t worry about me, Flare. I’m all calm.” Jeff said.
“Alright good. Now go back to practicing. The race is going to start very soon.” I said.
“Right, and I gotta get prepared.” Jeff said.
“I’ll see ya at the track then.” I said.
“See ya at the track!” Jeff said as he ran off.
After he left, I gave in a big inhale through my nose, and exhaled out of my mouth, and I said, “Ahh, the sweet smell of the Horseshoe Cup season finale! I can hardly wait! I better get some green jell-o from the snack stand before the race starts. I have no idea why others find green jell-o disgusting. It’s delicious!” Just before I went to get some, I saw a pony-like shadow coming from the window of Jeff’s trailer. “Hey! I thought Jeff said nopony was allowed in there? I better get in there and warn that pony before Jeff comes back.” I walked over to Jeff’s trailer, and I made sure there were no alarms. His trailer was unlocked, so I opened it, and then an alarm started going off in the background, but it wasn’t an alarm really, it was me making an alarm sound effect because I thought I’d want to amuse myself as I snuck inside.
When I got in, I looked around the trailer, and something didn’t feel right. Jeff’s trailer was full of some type of goo; a familiar looking goo in that respect. “Wow, what has Jeff been eating?” I asked myself. “This the strangest looking goo I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Come to think of it, have I seen this goo before?” I took the goo and observed it, felt it, sniffed it, even took a taste of it; it was gross, so I added salt before tasting it again, and it tasted much better. “Yum! I should use this stuff as an ingredient for my pasta dishes.” I said to myself. I took a couple of jars from the shelf, and filled them with the strange goo. I had no idea if it had side-effects though. Wait a minute, why am I gathering this stuff again? I thought I wasn’t going back to Ponyville? Well, I do like to cook as a hobby, so I can make some at home.
After I gathered some of the goo, I heard a strange moaning sound coming from the other room. I had to guess it was the pony shadow I saw before I entered here. I opened one of the doors that led to the bedroom. It was dark in there, and there was more goo in there than the other room. “Wow, Jeff, you gotta clean this place up!”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” A voice said.
“Who’s there?” I asked.
“You gotta help me, man! She took me hostage!” the voice said.
“Who?” I asked. “Wait, why does your voice sound familiar? Why is it so dark in here?” I shot a flare from my horn inside the trailer to light the place, and on the bed, I saw somepony, somepony I’d either never thought to expect, or is the most expecting. It was Jeff Gorspeed, tied onto the bed by the goo. “Jeff Gorspeed?!” I gasped. “I’m sorry, Jeff! I didn’t mean to enter your trailer! I know you told me not to, but I saw somepony inside, and I didn’t know it was you!”
“I did?” Jeff asked.
“You just did before you went to go practice.” I said. “Wait a minute, you went to practice. I didn’t see you go into your trailer and tie yourself up. What the Wizard of Hope is going on here?”
“We don’t have much time to sit around and talk, so I’ll have to make this long story short. That Jeff Gorspeed you were with is an impostor.” Jeff said.
“An impostor?” I asked.
“Yes.” Jeff said.
”Why would somepony take over as you? It’s obviously not ruining your career. Are they in for the money? The fame? Who would want to impose as you, and why?” I asked.
“The impostor is not after me, they’re after somepony called… Flare Gun.” Jeff corrected me.
“Flare Gun, huh? Wow, I do feel sorry for that poor fella.” I said.
“Yeah, well, I’ll need your help in getting me out of here. What’s your name?” Jeff asked.
“I’m your new crew chief: Flare Gun!” I said.
“Wait… you’re Flare Gun?” Jeff asked.
“Yes I am!” I said happily, but my smile went away quickly. “Wait a minute! I’m Flare Gun! The impostor is after me! But… why? What did I do?”
“I’m not sure, they didn’t say why, but we have to get outta here in order to catch them, and figure out why.” Jeff said.
“Or we can just let them win the race for you so you don’t have to.” I suggested.
“Flare Gun, there’s more to racing than just racing.” Jeff said.
“That doesn’t make a hickidy doo da of sense.” I said, and then I started to sing, “Hickidy doo da, hickidy day, my oh my what a phebeful day.”
“Phebeful?” Jeff asked.
“Making up words is fun.” I said.
“Right. So can you get me outta here so we can stop that imposter?” Jeff asked.
“Just a quick question: how do I know if YOU’RE not the imposter?” I asked.
”You don’t. But would you wanna take that risk?” Jeff asked.
“Wow, no imposter ever says anything like that. Alright, lemme ungoo you.” I said as I walked over to Jeff’s hooves so I can release him from his imprisonment, but before I was able to do that, I saw another Jeff standing behind me. “AAAH!” I yelled. “Doncha ever make noise when you enter a room?!”
“Never really thought of that, I just enter.” The imposter Jeff said.
“I hope I don’t end up with a gun, and then you two would stand next to eachother, and the both of you would say that you’re the real Jeff Gorspeed, and shoot the other one.” I said.
“I am the real Jeff Gorspeed, shoot that one!” the imposter Jeff yelled as he pointed to the Jeff who was still tied up on the bed.
“Alright this is ridiculous. Who are you? And what do you want with me?” I asked.
“Well, since the plan was half a success now, I suppose this should be the appropriate time to reveal everything.” The imposter Jeff said. The impostor Jeff started glowing green, with flames surrounding him, and he started to change form. Once the procedure was complete, it was revealed to be Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings.
“Oh, Chrysalis! Good to see you! Maybe you can help us find the impostor Jeff and bring him to justice!” I said excitedly.
“You just gone full stupid, never go full stupid.” Chrysalis said.
“UGH! Don’t ever say that! I was told that many times back in Mareami, please don’t do that!” I complained.
“What’s going on here? Flare, do you know her?” Jeff asked.
“I do. She’s the changeling queen I met at the royal wedding.” I said.
“And you annoyed me half to death over there. You and your friends. But it’s not your friends I’m after.” Chrysalis said.
“What are you after then?” I asked.
“Well before I explain, how about you get yourself comfortable?” Chrysalis asked as she used her magic to attach me onto the wall above Jeff, and she glues me onto the wall with changeling goo.
“Oooooh, now I know why this goo looked so familiar.” I nodded
“Silence! You know why I’m after you?” Chrysalis asked.
“You think I’m attractive and you wanna take me away?” I asked.
“Wha-NO!” Chrysalis blushed and said.
“I figured; you’re in a relationship with Flufflepuff.” I teased.
“AM NOT! We’re just friends.” Chrysalis said embarrassingly.
“Sure, that’s what they all say, and next thing you know, you’d be disgracing your church.” I said.
“Be funny all you want, mortal, because our plan was certainly a success. You drove away your friends, and now, you’re alone.” Chrysalis said.
“What?” I asked.
“Yeah, I bet you’re concerned now, aren’t you?” Chrysalis asked mischievously.
“No, I meant what as in: what do you mean?” I asked.
“Ok let’s start from the top: I portrayed myself as Jeff Gorspeed. I hired you to be my crew chief, and give you everything your heart desires. For every minute you spend in paradise, you forget who your friends are, and that’s what you did. You stopped contacting them, Skyping them, and when they even came to visit you, you drove them off.” Chrysalis explained. “You thought you had whatever you want, and you thought to yourself: who needs friends when you have fame, fortune, and paradise?”
“I… I said that, didn’t I?” I asked.
“You did, and now you’re alone. All your friends left to go home, and will forget all about you, and it’s all your fault.” Chrysalis said as she started laughing evilly.
“How can I let fortune and everything my heart’s desire get the best of me? Being Jeff’s crew chief was never my dream, it was making friends; being part of a group to make me feel whole again, and I drove my only true friends away. How could I be so foolish?” I asked myself.
“Wait, what do you mean by your plan being half-successful?” Jeff asked.
“Making Flare Gun lose his friends was only the first part of our plan. I was hoping he wouldn’t find you, and find out the plan, so I’d still portray as you, and fire him, and ruin him. He’d feel betrayed, and never have the will to make friends again.” Chrysalis explained.
“That’s monstrous!” Jeff yelled.
“But since that is no longer the option, I’ll have to alternate to strip Flare Gun from his fame. I’ll have to ruin your career Jeff Gorspeed.” Chrysalis said.
“WHAT?!” Jeff gasped.
“It’s nothing personal, mortal, but that was the Plan B. I’ll have to race this final race of the season, by cheating, and abusing the other races, and taunting at the audience, and after that: you both will be nothing!” Chrysalis explained, and then she started to laugh again. “Oh, and you also one time spun out P.J. Immadigger. He’s my favorite racer.” She added.
“You won’t get away with this!” Jeff yelled.
“Seriously, Jeff? You couldn’t think of anything more original than that? I hear that phrase way too much.” I complained.
“Now if you excuse me, I have to offend ‘my’ pit crew, big time!” Chrysalis said as she laughed and walked out of the trailer.
“How could I be so blind? I knew becoming your crew chief was a little too easy. How can I not see this coming? I’m such a moron!” I said upsettingly.
“Don’t beat yourself up about it, I wouldn’ve thought of it either.” Jeff said.
“Yes you would, because you’d be the crew chief of yourself. Wouldn’t that make you feel a little suspicious?” I asked.
“Look, my point is: we can fix this. We’ll expose Chrysalis to the world and save our careers.” Jeff said.
“Jeff? Being your crew chief is NOT my career. I am the proud owner of Flare’s Pizza Parlor; I belong in Ponyville, with my friends, so Jeff, we’re gonna save YOUR career.” I corrected him.
“If that’s the way you wanna put it, then fine, but first, we have to find a way outta here.” Jeff said.
“Right, but I’m telling you, all this going on right now is a bigger rip off than the time I won a Lord of the Rings ring.” I said.
A cutaway shows a mail pony walking towards my door with a package, and knocking on it; umm, the door that is, not knocking on the package, cause that’ll be silly. “Sup brah?” I asked as I opened the door.
“Package, sir!” the mail pony said.
“Holy Wizard of Feelings! I can’t believe it’s finally here!” I said excitedly as I signed the mail pony’s signature pad.
“Here you go!” the mail pony said as he gave me my package.
“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” I said excitedly.
“Thank you, mister…. Bear Buns!” the mail pony said as he read my signature.
“That’s Flare Gun!” I corrected him and slammed the door on his face, but I reopened the door and added, “Have a nice day.” And then slammed the door again. I started to get excited as I hopped into the living room and placed the package on the floor. “Aww yeah, baby! My package is finally here! This is so sweet!” I activated my hornsaber spell so I can cut the tapes holding the package closed, and I opened it quickly and placed my hoof through all the peanuts inside, and took out a little ring box. I opened it slowly as the object inside glowed onto my face. My eye pupils grew as I laid eyes on it. “Could it be? It is! The official Lord of the Rings ring!” I said as I took it out and lifted it in the air. “It’s mine!” After a few moments, I held the ring close to my chest, and I ran into the bathroom, turned on the sink, and started rinsing off the ring. “We’re gonna clean it up, and make it pretty! My own, my love, my precious!” I said in a hobbit voice. As I was chuckling mischievously while washing the ring, I saw some markings on the ring. “What’s this?” I looked closer to the markings and read it: “Made it China. Hmm… so a cabinet made this ring?” The cutaway ends.
“So Jeff while we figure out a way outta here, tell me, who was your last crew chief before you fired them?” I asked.
“I didn’t fire him, but I guess the impostor did to make way for you. His name was Todd Golddigger.” Jeff said.
“LAWL! Gold-digger? Gold-digger as in picking your nose?” I teased.
“Meh.” Jeff shrugged.
“Anyways, I’m feeling a little parched right now. You want something?” I asked.
“How are you supposed to drink when you’re tied up?” Jeff asked.
“I have my ways.” I said as I used my magic to open the fridge from the kitchen, and took out two cans of soda from the fridge and levitated them towards Jeff and I. “See? There we are!”
“I’d actually prefer 7-Up.” Jeff said. Jeff paused for a second and just thought of something. “Wait a minute, did you just use magic?”
“Of course I did! I obviously can’t use my hooves right now. Herpa-derp.” I teased as my eyes were crossed together.
“So your horn is free?” Jeff asked.
“Yeah.” I said.
“Chrysalis forgot to put goo on your horn, huh?” Jeff asked.
“Nope, I guess she forgot.” I said.
“You do realize we’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes already, wasting our time when we should be stopping her.” Jeff reminded me
“Mock me all you want, Jeff. I’ve enjoyed the time we spent together.” I said.
Meanwhile, the race was about to start, and the the racers were getting into position. “Good afternoon, mares and gentlecolts!” Chris Mares started. “This is Chris Mares, along with Darrell Horsetrip, here for the big finale to this Nashorse racing season!”
“That’s right, Chris!” Darrell said. “And it looks like all the racers are getting warmed up for the big race! The winner of this race will win the Horseshoe Cup!”
“This season has been great, Darrell.” Chris said. “We have Jeff Gorspeed, Pony Stewert, P.J. Immadinger, Jimmy Faston, Clint Hayer, Greg Hoofer, Denny Coltlin, and all your favorite Nashorse series racers coming together for one last race of the season! Who will win the Horseshoe Cup?”
“Good luck out there, Jeff.” Pony Stewert said to Jeff Gorspeed on the track.
“Mind your own business.” Impostor Jeff demanded.
“May the best stallion win.” P.J. Immadinger said to Jeff.
“Oh thank you, P.J.! You too!” Impostor Jeff said happily to him.
“Hey, how come you’re a good sport to Immadinger but not me?” Pony complained.
“He’s the best racer around, shut it.” Impostor Jeff demanded.
Back in the trailer, Jeff and I untied ourselves and ran towards the trailer door, but it was locked. “It’s locked from the outside. We need to find a way to unlock this door.” Jeff said.
“I dunno about unlocking, but my SHOOP DA WHOOP can go through anything!” I said. “Step aside, and let the master do his work, and be sure you get me an iced tea.” I start kicking my legs around, stretching my neck out from side to side, and leaned my head down to charge up my horn. “DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS! BLAAAAH!” I fired my laser on the trailer door, but all it did was reflect and the laser slammed right into me. I fell to the ground and started twitching.
“Well, almost anything.” Jeff said.
“And now, I hope you all have health insurance for absolute adorableness, because here’s Black Gryph0n and Michelle Creber singing the Equestrian National Anthem.” Darrell said from outside.
“The race is almost starting! Come on, Flare! Get up!” Jeff yelled as he started shaking me. I continued twitching and just continued laying there. “I can’t do this without you, man, you need to get up!” I didn’t say anything since I was stunned by my shoop spell, but at the same time, I was exhausted from just preforming that spell in general. Jeff went to get some iced tea from the fridge, poured it into a container, and then we went back to me, picked up my head and laid it on his hoof, and he placed the container in my mouth so I can drink some of the iced tea so I can regain my energy.
“Mama?” I asked.
“Good, you can talk again. Do you have the energy to walk though?” Jeff asked.
“Legs.exe is not responding. Windows can check for a solution when you go online. If you restart or close the program, you might lose information.” I said. “Would you like to check for a solution and restart the program, close the program, or wait for the program to respond?”
“Wait, the phones! Maybe they’re still working, I can call for help.” Jeff said as he got up from the floor, but since my head was on his hoof, my head slammed onto the ground as he ran to get the phone.
“Ow!” I yelled. “I better not get a concussion for that.”
Jeff grabbed the phone, and tried dialing, but nothing happened. “Phones are dead.”
“I got a cellphone in my pocket.” I said.
“Good! Can you call someone then?” Jeff asked.
“Does it look like I could? I was shot by my own shoop spell! That never happened to me before! I can’t move my body; I’m paralyzed right now.” I said.
“Then give me your phone, and I’ll call somepony.” Jeff suggested.
“I never let ANYONE use my phone.” I said.
“Then how are we supposed to call somepony?” Jeff asked. “Can you use your magic?”
“My magic is locked right now for a few minutes after that shoop spell. It’s gotta recharge.” I said.
“UGGH!” Jeff groaned. “Gimmie your phone.”
“You promise not to go through my photo album?” I asked.
“I promise, so where is it?” Jeff asked as he started going through my pockets.
“My photo album is on my phone.” I said.
“I meant your phone.” Jeff said as he continued going through my pockets.
“Did I say you can go through my pockets? Jeez, why are you my favorite Nashorse racer again?” I asked.
“Got it.” Jeff said as he took my phone and unlocked it. “I’ll call for track security.”
“NO! Call Blaze Goldheart, and then place the phone on my shoulder.” I demanded.
“If you say so.” Jeff said as he went through my phone book to find Blaze. He pressed his name, and then he places the phone on my shoulder.
Luckily for me, my friends were still were still at the track. “Why are we still here again?” Aqua asked.
“I want to see Flare actually do his job; I never seen him do it before. Maybe it stresses him out and that’s why he didn’t want to see us.” Crystal thought.
“He wasn’t stressed out though, he was being a jerk.” Psyche corrected her.
“Play! Play! Play!” Engie said to his pad.
“She still not responding?” Spike asked.
“I don’t understand. Am ah too smart for her?” Engie asked.
“Mind if I make a suggestion? How about you just create a stupid word, and then let her win? Maybe she’ll come back and like you again.” Spike suggested.
“That’s a good idea, Spike! I’ll do a stupid word, and then end it there.” Engie said as he created some simple word for Luna in the Words with Friends app. Just then, Blaze’s cell phone started to ring.
“Who is it?” Aqua asked.
Blaze looked at the phone and saw my name on it. “It’s Flare.” He said.
“Don’t answer it.” Psyche suggested.
“Look he had to call me for some reason.” Blaze said.
“Probably to rub it in our faces.” Engie assumed.
“I’m gonna answer it anyway.” Blaze said as he answered the phone. “Hey brah!”
“BLAZE! Thank Wizard of Hope you answered! I thought weren’t gonna answer after the way I treated you before. I let the fame and paradise get to me, and I forgot all about what my true dream was.”
“It’s ok, Flare. I knew you’d come around.” Blaze said.
“Wait, you’re talking to Flare?” Crystal asked.
“Yeah, Crystal, why?” Blaze asked.
“I see Flare among the pit crew and he’s not talking on the phone.” Crystal said.
“I’m inside Jeff’s trailer with Jeff himself.” I said.
“Wait, what? You’re in the trailer with Jeff? But I see Jeff on the track right now, and you're among the pit crew.” Blaze said.
“Can you put him on speaker phone? I don’t hear a word he’s saying.” Crystal said.
“That Jeff Gorspeed racing is an impostor. It’s a changeling, and I think that other me is also one.” I assumed.
“A CHANGELING?! Ugh! I hate changelings!” Blaze said.
“Wow, you have any idea how racist you sound right now, brah?” I asked.
“Look, where are you? I want you to be around so I can tear that freak’s head off!” Blaze said angrily.
“You’re calling someone a freak, huh? Remind you of your past, Blaze?” Psyche asked.
“Shut it, Psyche.” Blaze demanded. “So Flare, tell me where you are!”
“I’m at Jeff’s trailer!” I said.
“What?” Blaze asked.
“Blaze?” I asked.
“Hello, Flare?” Blaze asked.
“What happened?” Aqua asked.
“The call dropped.” Blaze said.
“What’s going on?” Spike asked.
“We have to find Flare and the real Jeff Gorspeed.” Blaze said.
“Where are they?” Crystal asked.
“I think Flare said they’re in Jeff’s trailer.” Blaze said.
“How can we get there? That middle area is heavily guarded. They won’t let us in now.” Spike pointed out.
Blaze started to think for a few moments, and then he smiled mischievously and said, “I think I might have an idea.”
Over at the race track, Jimmy Fastson was about to set up a trap for the other racers, which he thought were mice it would seem because he laid mouse traps on the track. That changeling that cosplayed as me on the stand may be my double because he too had a keen eye. “Ok, Jeff, you got mouse traps on the track. Stay on guard.” the impostor me informed.
“Got it.” Impostor Jeff said. Chrysalis would seem to have acrobatic classes in her fast because she seemed to evade those mouse traps like a boss!
“Whoa there, Chris! Check out Jeff Gorspeed on the track!” Darrell pointed out.
“I’ll say, Darrell! That racer sure knows pretty amazing moves.” Chris said.
“Jeff, when you get to the open again, be sure you buck them mouse traps right back at the others racers!” impostor me suggested.
“Right on it!” impostor Jeff said as she started bucking the mouse traps at the other racers behind him while continuing to run. Clint Hayer, Greg Hoofer, and a third racer who’s unnamed at this moment was hit by the mouse traps. Clint and the unnamed racer fell on the ground while Greg started running out of control and started spinning out.
“Whoa there! It would seem Clint Hayer, Greg Hoofer, and some anonymous racer got spun out. We’ll have to bring in the caution flag so the tow carriage can retrieve the fallen racers, and bring them to the pits.” Chris said as the flag waver on the track waved the yellow flag, and the caution pony trotted out of the pits and joined with the racers so the remaining racers would slow down.
“Nopony seemed to notice your prank. We’ll have to wait until the restart.” Impostor me said.
“Why don’t I just ignore the yellow flag and continue running?” impostor Jeff asked.
“That would be too easy. To cheat in the race, Jeff would have to make it look like he’s not trying to gain any attention. If he gains attention, it would seem too suspicious.” Impostor me informed.
“Alright, I got just the thing for my next trick.” Impostor Jeff said as she (yeah, I said 'she' since that's Chrysalis) took out a vial from her pocket that said ‘mop water’, and she starts to chuckle.
Meanwhile over at Jeff’s trailer, the two of us were still awaiting for assistance, but around this time, I started to regain my senses again. “Cool! I can move the upper part of my body again!” I said excitedly.
“Well I hope your lower half will start moving soon. It’ll be just a matter of time before your friends arrive.” Jeff said. “You think they’ll be able to get past security?”
“Trust me, there’s no obstacle my friends cannot handle.” I said. “Except anything really high; Aqua’s afraid of heights.”
“So what did you do to Chrysalis to make her want to ruin you like this?” Jeff asked.
“I-D-K. I did annoy her at the royal wedding, but that’s nothing to ruin somepony about. I think something else is up.” I assumed.
“What do you mean?” Jeff asked.
“Chrysalis said OUR plan, so she’s not working alone. Maybe the one she’s working with has a grudge on me.” I assumed.
“Who would hold a grudge on you?” Jeff asked.
“I’m not sure. Lots of ponies have a grudge on me. I’m not really the most popular pony in Equestria.” I said.
Just then, Crystal kicks the door to the trailer down and yells, “FREEZE! I HAVE A CELERY STICK, AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!”
“Brahs! You made it!” I said excitedly.
“We’d never leave a friend hangin’.” Aqua said.
“Are you alright, man?” Blaze asked.
“Well, I had a little… accident… a little while ago, and I can’t move my legs.” I said.
“Did you soil yourself?” Engie asked.
“Wha- NO! I was gonna use my shoop spell to break down the door, but it backfired on me and it paralyzed me. The top part of my body is good now, but my bottom half is still paralyzed.” I explained.
“How did you all get passed security anyway?” Jeff asked.
“I have my ways.” Crystal said.
A cutaway shows a track security guard who was guarding the pits, thinking to himself about the riddle Crystal told him. “Hmm, what is a face with no eyes? Umm… A CLOCK!” he snapped his hooves and yelled out. He then looked around, and he realized what just happened. “Hey, I’ve been had!” he complained. The cutaway ends.
“We have to stop the changeling and capture her. I don’t think she’s working alone.” I said.
“Yeah, there’s a changeling that’s imposing as you that’s taking over as crew chief.” Psyche said.
“No I mean, I think there’s actually someone that holds a grudge against me. I didn’t offend Chrysalis so much that she’d wanna ruin me; who is the spider mastermind behind it all?” I thought.
“Ha! Doom reference.” Engie said.
“We have to find a way to stop that changeling from ruining Jeff’s career, but how are we gonna stop her?” I asked.
“I think I might have an idea.” Jeff said.
“Oh? Do tell, Jeff!” Blaze listened.
“For all Chrysalis knows, she’s speaking with one of her subjects at the pits, and she’s cosplaying as Flare right now.” Jeff said.
“Where are ya gettin’ at?” Aqua asked.
“If we can capture that changeling, remove his headset, and Flare takes over as him, then we can trick Chrysalis into saving my career.” Jeff said.
“Then we’ll bring her in, and take her down!” Engie said.
“Doesn’t sound like a bad plan, Jeff. Let’s do it!” Spike said.
“And this is why Jeff is my favorite racer.” I said.
“I’m still into Denny.” Crystal said.
Back on the race track, the race was at a restart as the green flag waved signaling it. “And we have come to restart. Boy, Darrell, I have to say, we’ve been seeing some insane gags during this race.” Chris said.
“That’s right, Chris. It was reported that the cleanup crew found mouse traps on the track. Can you believe it? Mouse traps!” Darrell said.
“It would seem we have a prankster on the track today, folks. Where and when will he strike next?” Chris asked.
“Alright, Jeff, do your stuff!” impostor me said.
“Copy that.” Impostor Jeff said as she took the vial of mop water out of her pocket and threw it onto the track. P.J. Immadinger was the only racer to slip on the mop water in the middle of the tack. “NO! Not P.J. Immadinger! You idiot!” she yelled at impostor me.
“Look, you want this plan to go well or not?” impostor me asked and snorted. Impostor Jeff sighs and continues running.
Meanwhile, the eight of us were sneaking behind the other trailers, and we made eye contact to the changeling imposing as me. “There I am.” I pointed.
“No here you are.” Crystal teased.
“We have to get him while he’s not looking. If he tells her that he’s in trouble, she’d be onto us.” Psyche said.
“How do you not know if that changeling is a her, Psyche?” Spike asked.
“I know what to do. Blaze, come with me, I’ll need ya help for this, mate.” Aqua said.
“Got it!” Blaze said. So Aqua and Blaze crouched over to Jeff’s pit crew stand. Nopony noticed that the two were there. The impostor of me was just sitting there, and the other pit crew members were getting ready for Jeff to approach the pits for a refill of energy. Aqua sneaks behind the impostor of me and tapped on his left shoulder. The impostor of me looked at the direction, but nopony was there, and then Blaze popped out from the right of him, covered his mouth, and brought him down and removed his headset quickly.
“Come on, Flare.” Aqua whispered.
“I can’t! My legs are still paralyzed.” I whispered back.
“I’ll take you over there.” Spike said as he started to carry me over to the pits and take over as crew chief. The other pit crew members still didn’t notice that the crew chief was missing.
“Spike I didn’t know you were so strong.” I said.
“You call this strong? Try carrying Rarity’s luggage for two hours straight.” Spike said. Spike throws me up on the stand, and I land onto the crew chief spot with the headset on my head.
“Is everything alright, boss?” one of the pit crew members asked.
“Everything’s hunky dory!” I said as I saluted him. “Note to self: never say ‘hunky dory’ again.”
“Let go of me!” impostor me yelled.
“Not until you tell us who you and Chrysalis are working for.” Aqua said.
“We ain’t working for no one!” impostor me yelled and snorted.
“Don’t make us torture you, you filthy changeling scum!” Blaze threatened him.
“Whoa, Blaze! Calm down, man! That’s taking it a little too far.” Spike said.
“Sorry. I get a… little carried away sometimes.” Blaze said as he scratched his hoof.
“Flare, nopony’s falling for the mop water. What do I do?” impostor Jeff asked from the headset.
“Cheating won’t ruin Jeff’s career. I have a new plan that’ll finish Jeff’s career once and for all! You’re in the lead right now, so try to win this fairly.” I instructed her.
“Why?” Chrysalis asked.
“Just do it. I’ll explain later. To make this more interesting, we should spill the beans at the end of the race. That’s how we’ll do this.” I said.
“And how do you propose we do that?” Chrysalis asked.
“Just do it, your highness.” I demanded.
“If you say so.” Chrysalis said as she continued.
“Everything seems to be under control, Jeff. Your career will be safe from harm.” Psyche said.
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” Jeff said.
“Jeff Gorspeed?!” Clint Hayer gasped from behind him.
“Clint? What are you doing back here?” Jeff asked.
“I got into an accident. I thought you were racing? You’re in the lead.” Clint said.
“Look, that Jeff out there is an impostor, a changeling, and this here is one of her subjects.” Jeff said as he pointed to the impostor of me who was being held onto by Blaze.
“Clint, help! These ponies are lying to you! This Jeff is the impostor, and I’m the real Flare!” impostor me lied and snorted.
“Shut it, changeling scum!” Blaze demanded as he yanked on the impostor’s arms.
“Ow! Jeez, you’re strong freak of nature, aren’t you?” the impostor of me asked.
“FREAK OF NATURE?!” Blaze yelled.
“Blaze, calm down. You are not a freak of nature, y’all are a unique piece of Faust’s work.” Engie said.
“Thank you, Engie. I appreciate it.” Blaze smiled.
“Hey where did Clint go?” Psyche asked.
“He was just here a moment ago.” Aqua said.
“Oh no! He’s gonna report this. The race will be over, and all will be in chaos.” Jeff said.
“We have to stop him!” Spike said.
“I’ll go find him.” Blaze said as he flies off to go look for Clint.
“Folks, we have a red flag, we are right now putting the race onto a halt right now.” Chris said.
“That’s right, Chris, it would seem that one of the racers is a changeling. We’ve called in track security to bring Jeff Gorspeed into custody, and locate the real one so we can continue this race.” Darrell said.
“We have to capture Chrysalis, and quickly!” Aqua said.
“You’re right. My only worry is, I hope the track security doesn’t mistake me as the changeling.” Jeff said.
“HEY! JEFF! STOP RIGHT THERE!” one of the security guards yelled.
“It’s too late.” Psyche said. “RUN!” Jeff started getting chased by the security guards throughout the trailer park. He ran from door to door, getting chased by the guards. They kept running from door to door, trailer to trailer. Jeff was being chased by the guards, the guards were being chased by Jeff, Scooby Doo and his gang joined along in running from trailer to trailer, and once the security guards slammed into one another, Jeff knew it was his chance to evade the guards, and capture the other Jeff on the race track. All the racers were approaching the pits, but Jeff pops out of the trailer park and tackles the impostor Jeff on the track.
“Oh no, Jeff!” I started running out of the pits and went to go help Jeff. “Oh hey, I can move my lower half of my body again!” I said excitedly. I jumped in front of Jeff and the impostor, and aimed my horn at them. “Alright, let’s finish this!” Both of the Jeffs got up and stood next to each other, and stared at me. “Oh for Wizard of Hope’s sake! I called this! I knew this was gonna happen! I totally jinxed it! I’m so smart!”
“Flare, I’m the real Jeff! You believe me right?” one of the Jeffs asked me. I just shot my laser blast spell at that Jeff and that Jeff fell down.
“How did you know that was the impostor?” the other Jeff asked.
“I already said I didn’t want to go through with this, and you should know that I didn’t want to. You’re a nice guy, Jeff, and very smart.” I said.
“Thanks, man! You too!” Jeff said.
“No, I’m not. I sold out my friends for fortune and paradise. I’m the biggest idiot on the planet after Lindsey Lohan.” I said.
“We all make mistakes, Flare. You didn’t lose your friends.” Jeff said as he placed his hoof on my shoulder. “They helped us track down the real villain behind this, and you reclaimed their friendship by trusting them, and learning from your mistakes.”
“Thanks, brah. I’m just glad we got through with this.” I said. I then looked over at the impostor Jeff and saw her return back to her changeling form. “Well, well, well! Queen Chrysalis has been defeated once again!”
“Yeah, big woop about it.” Chrysalis said with an attitude.
“Chrysalis, I apologize for annoying you at the wedding, but is that any reason to ruin me?” I asked.
“No it’s not. This wasn’t my plan. I was only in it for the love. He would give me all the love in the world if I helped him do this. In a way, you seem to be a nice guy.” Chrysalis said.
“Who did it, Chrysalis? Who made you this?” I asked.
“He was the one that wanted to ruin you. He knows you live in Ponyville now, and he won’t stop to gain his revenge.” Chrysalis said.
“Who though?” I asked.
“His name is-“ Chrysalis was cut off and got teleported away.
“Chrysalis? CHRYSALIS?!” I yelled.
“What happened?” Blaze asked.
“Chrysalis got teleported away, but how?” I asked.
“Look, it’s the impostor of you.” Jeff pointed out.
“You won’t get away with my plans, Crimson Flare Gun! I will get you! I have returned, and I will have my revenge!” the impostor of me said. Blaze started to charge towards him, but the impostor already teleported away as well, and Blaze slammed right onto the track.
“He got away.” Jeff said.
“That impostor of me was not a changeling. I was right, somepony does have a grudge on me, and wants their revenge, but… what have I ever done to them?” I asked.
“What’s going on? What happened?” Aqua asked as the others caught up to us.
“Chrysalis wasn’t the one that has a grudge on me. Somepony is after me, and Chrysalis was a pawn for their plan.” I said.
“Do you know who’s after you?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t, but I do know that it’s someone who is really desperate to ruin me.” I said.
“Excuse me, Mr. Jeff Gorspeed? The fans would like to know about what has happened, what’s the scoop?” Darrell asked as him and some camera crew came to interview Jeff.
“Well, Darrell, it would seem that somepony was set to ruin my career, but the disaster is over now, and it’s all thanks to my crew chief here: Flare Gun, and his six friends here.” Jeff said.
“Darrell! What a great name! I have a fish named Darrel, but spelled with one L.” I said.
“Nice! I like your style of names! Mr. Chair Dun…” Darrell started.
“That’s Bear Buns- I mean, Flare Gun!” I corrected him.
“The fans would like to know about your experience.” Darrell asked.
“Is Princess Luna watching?” I asked.
“No idea, but we’ll make sure she does once we have this all recorded.” Darrell said.
“Well, throughout my experience being Jeff’s crew chief, I learned a valuable lesson about friendship. You may forget what your true dream is when you’re submitted to a big responsibility that would give you everything your heart desires, but all that means nothing without somepony to share it all with. If my friends won’t be a part of my experiences, then I’m not interested in any of it!” I explained.
“That seems very heartwarming, Mr. Gun. Alright, back to you, Chris!” Darrell said.
“Anyways, Flare Gun, thank you again for everything. If you’re interested, you can still be my crew chief.” Jeff asked.
“Again, why are you my favorite racer? Did you not hear a word I just said? I’m not gonna let fortune and fame come through my head again. No thanks, but I feel I should return to Ponyville, where I belong.” I said.
“Ok, ok, no need to be antsy, I understand completely.” Jeff said. “But if there’s a anything you need at all, just let me know and I’ll see what I can do.”
“I appreciate it, Jeff! Thank you! But actually, there is one thing.” I said. All of the sudden, I started riding on Jeff’s back around the track as the race continued where it left off. “WOOOO HOOO!” I cried. “I’M ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD, OR IN THIS CASE, TOP OF THE JEFF GORSPEED! TOP OF THE MORNING! I JUST REALIZE I’M NOT BRITIIIIIISH!”
Jeff smirks over at Jimmy Fastson who was right next to him. “Any tricks today, Jimmy?” Jeff asked.
“Nope! I’m done with all that. Where’s the honor in that? See you at the finish line!” Jimmy said as he stuck his tongue out at Jeff. The two of them were neck and neck as we were approaching the final lap.
As my friends were all watching from the pits, they all cheered for us, and Engie was checking out if Luna returned on the Words with Friends app, and… she did. “Oh hey, Luna returned again, and she won the game! Congratulations to her! Oh, look, she sent me a PM: Dear Engie, You stink at this game. LOLOLOL. Nopony can beat the princess of the night. I am the word master. Stick to what you do best, and not be that useful in the battlefield.” Engie frowned after he read that.
Jeff and Jimmy were still neck and neck, and they were about to reach the finish, just a few hundred feet away, and who won you may ask? Well… you’ll never know. HA! Trolled.
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