- Member Since 11th Aug, 2015
- offline last seen April 14th
Abruptshots
Howdy, I've returned...probably?
Abruptshots
Joined 11th Aug, 2015 ·
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I enjoy seeing Big Mac and Pinkie Pie paired together and I really like the idea for this story.
However, there were a few spelling errors and a lot of grammar mistakes; both of those really kept taking me out of the story. Also, you were really rushing this story; as though you were in a writing race or something.
6316960 ah yes i figured it would have a lot of grammar problems and all i kept dozing off while writing it so i had to rush i took a nap and i feel good as new now personally i just made this story just because of the idea of the 2 together and a bunch of other fun things if i do, do another chapter ill try and not rush it and improve on grammar but not many promises on grammar i am not very good grammar and never tried to fix it before but ill try if i do another chapter
You really seem to want to make Pinkie Pie into a slut.
6316967 Yup after watching a lot of Elements of insanity and watching her kill rainbow dash multiple times i can imagine her being a freak in other aspects so yea
Waaaaay too many run on sentances, even the first paragraph was 1 long sentance. Try and break up a few, i felt like i was mentally running out of breath reading them.
i decided ill be cancelling this project so i can fix my grammar and spelling ill return to this story one day to continue but for now ill be writing a new story better then this but i won't be forgetting this story.
6317195
I'd say the best way to improve early on is to read, and read a lot. You'll pick up on a lot of subtelties that go a long way into making something great.
6317318
Another way for him to improve, would be to properly structure and separate his sentences.
6317670
Which he will see on proper written pieces.
6317739
He shouldn't just read fan fiction, but published works. Also, did you read his blog post for canceling this story? He plans to have a new chapter, of another story, up today.
I see proper punctuation is just a silly myth
6317195 A good place to start would be to not rush your comments. It leads to bad habits.
Didn't even read the story before I knew this deserved a thumbs down. Learn to actually compose proper sentences, not that run-on atrocity you have in the description.