Chapter 1: No discernible logic behind anyone's actions. Ponies break into a home, and act like they own the place, break a bunch of things, and take a nap. When the rightful owner shows up, they act as if he's the intruder. At no point does it occur to them to do anything to foster any goodwill.

Guy's home alarm system sends an alert to his phone, which means it should also have sent one to the security company, who should have sent the cops. Instead of letting the cops deal with it, he sneaks in, which is a good way to get killed by either the intruder, or cops mistaking him for an intruder.

Finally he offers the ponies a place to stay, when he has no reason to treat them as anything but hostile.

Why is every character so dumb?

Chapter 2: Now I get it. It's a generic wish fulfillment clop story, hence the flimsy premise. If the description had made that clear from the beginning, I wouldn't have bothered reading it, and subsequently wouldn't have downvoted it.

If you're going to write clop with story, put some actual thought into the story, and believable character interactions, or the end result comes out worse than just pure clop.

6456729 I'm just going to address the easier of the two first. Number 2: how exactly is it just "Wish Fulfillment" and clop when, A:There was no clop, whatsoever, and B:He passed out as soon as he saw the rest? It was meant to be funny! A situation where the Girls didn't know any better and made it awkward for the main character!

As for the First part. Ok, so the chapter wasn't the best in the world. Sue me. This is supposed to be a fun experience. One where I try my best and learn from what other people tell me.

Thank you for your input, and I hope you see where I'm coming from.

Mr.Mech, out.