• Published 15th Jun 2015
  • 2,621 Views, 116 Comments

Anypony for Doomsday? - PhycoKrusk

The world is about to end, and assuming there are no technical issues, it's all Princess Twilight's fault.

  • ...

Final Phase

A sphere of pure negative energy hung in the sky over the Crystal Empire, ready to begin annihilating everything around it, below it, in the same neighborhood to in, and very likely in the next county over as well.

In the Crystal Castle below, three ponies and one dragon stared up at it with slack jaws, while a fourth pony launghed maniacally without coughing for a change.

“Am I still a slacker, Sombra?!” Twilight cried out even as the winds began to whip around her. “Bigger than you thought possible!”

“It’s not supposed to actually destroy the world!”

Twilight stumbled and spun around to face the frantic former king. And frantic brother, sister-in-law, and No. 1 assistant as well. “What?”

“On small things, sure!” Sombra replied.

“Like, just the reputation of my rival in high school!” Shining added.

“Or just daddy!” Cadence concluded. “But not big stuff!”

“We’re all gonna die!” Spike wailed. “If I’d known this was gonna happen, I’d have eaten more glazed donuts!”

Sombra suddenly ran up to Twilight, seizing her shoulders and shaking her. “How?! How did you even do this?!”

“Oh no!” said Shining. “Oh no!”

“What?!” asked Cadence in a panic.

“Twily is the Princess of Friendship!”

A beat.

“So?” asked Sombra, having given up on shaking a now dizzy Twilight.

“So, friendship is magic!” Shining Armor explained. “Twily is the Princess of Friendship, and therefore, the Princess of Magic!”

Cadence and Spike threw their arms up over their heads.

“Oh noes!” exclaimed Cadence.

“Oh my god!” exclaimed Spike. “Twilight, turn it off!”

“‘Turn it off?’ I can’t turn it off!” Twilight answered with a scowl.

“Yeah!” followed-up an equally scowling Sombra. “Nopony puts an ‘off’ switch on a doomsday device!”

“Get with it, Spike, this is stuff any unicorn should know!” Shining added.

“I’m a dragon!”


All eyes jumped to Twilight, mane being flung about by the wind.

“I’m about to be brilliant again!” she exclaimed. “And there I go! Brilliant!” She jabbed her hoof at the sky. “The singularity’s made from pure bad vibes! If we can reverse the polarity of its Juju Matrix, then it should collapse on itself!”

“It’ll never work!” Sombra said. “Something that big would need another doomsday device! Even if we had time to build one, the effect would be too big! It’ll just fizzle and probably explode!”

“Not if we daisy chain a bunch of smaller devices together, it won’t!”

Suddenly, it was Cadence that had seized Twilight’s shoulders, suddenly giving her a big, wet kiss. “Twilight, you beautiful, mad mare, that’s just the right amount of crazy to work!”

“I know!” Twilight shimmied out of Cadence’s grasp. “First, we need a focusing element. We can disconnect the power core from the Karmageddon Lens and use that. Next, we need a source of positive emotions.”

“Crystal Heart! On it!” Cadence cried, taking to wing and momentarily flailing about in the gale before righting herself and zipping away.

“Good!” said Twilight, turning to the stallions (and confused baby dragon). “Next, we need something that can produce a singularity, but not one so big that it fizzles.”

“Armor, did anypony ever clean out the broom closet at the top of the spire?” Sombra asked.

“The broom closet where?”

“Perfect!” Sombra shouted. “The Chro-Noes-Chro-My-God should still be there. Definitely up to the task!” With a flash of dark magic, he turned into a cloud of shadows and whisked himself away.

“And finally, we need something that can provide its own power, but also amplify the energy from the Crystal Heart. Shiny —” She turned to him — “Do you, know….”

Spike stood by himself. “As soon as you said ‘amplify’, he said, something-something-‘eleven’, and jumped off the balcony. Why am I the only sane one here?”

Below in the Crystal Square, ponies fleeing from the black hole in the sky stopped long enough to cheer wildly when Cadence swooped down, lifted up the Crystal Heart, gave it a kiss and flew back to the castle. They then started to immediately flee again.

Above in the spire, Sombra burst out of the doors coughing up a dust storm. Carrying an enormous clock face with a hour glass at 12 o’clock and a sun dial at 6 o’clock in his magic, he sprinted down the twenty flights of stairs that would take him back to the throne room.

Over in the Crystal Stadium, a substantial crowd attending a concert headlined by one Vinyl Scratch, AKA DJ-PON3, stared at the sky. At least, they stared at the sky until Prince-Consort Shining Armor joined Scratch on her platform and grabbed a microphone. “Everypony, to the Crystal Square!” he instructed. “We’re gonna move this shindig over to the Castle and party like it’s the end of the world!” And the crowd went wild.

Back in the throne room, Twilight smiled when Cadence returned, and they both smiled when a panting Sombra came stumbling in. All three of them looked at the doors with worry when the walls started shaking and the earth started quaking. Then, the doors burst opened as a wheeled platform carrying Shining Armor, Vinyl Scratch, and an entire sound rig fit to fill a stadium rolled in, screeching to a halt just in front of the other ponies (courtesy of the brakes that Scratch installed after a particularly busy day in Ponyville).

Spike, perhaps the sanest one of all, stayed well out of the way.

With nods to each other, five ponies sprang into action.

Shining and Scratch — who had no idea what was happening but was sure it was going to be amazing — connected the Chro-Noes-Chro-My-God to the amplifiers with a dozen DIN connectors.

Cadence connected the Karmageddon Lens to the Crystal Heart with EKG electrodes.

Sombra connected the Crystal Heart to the Chro-Noes-Chro-My-God with jumper cables.

Twilight disconnected the power core from the Karmageddon Lens and applied a final adjustment. “Ready!”

Cadence gave the Crystal Heart a tap. “Ready!”

Sombra adjusted the sundial on the Chro-Noes-you-know-the-rest. “Ready!”

Shining jabbed his hoof at Scratch. “Crank it to eleven and gimme some beats, DJ!”

With a nod, Scratch turned up the levels and flicked on her rig.

Nothing happened.

She tried the switch a couple more times before Spike gave a frustrated sigh. “Can you ponies do nothing for yourselves?” he asked as he wandered over. Raising a fist up, he thumped it against the amp. Predictably, it immediately sprang to life with a single “thum!” of bass. The hands on the clock face of the Chro-Noes-needs-a-shorter-darn-name spun in opposite directions from 12 o’clock back around to 12 o’clock. The Crystal Heart pulsed. The Karmageddon Lens emitted an electric whine, energy gathering above its focusing array, and then expelled a white orb up into the sky. The orb disappeared into the dark singularity overhead.

The singularity shrank down to nothing in one-tenth of one second, and everything became calm.

Three seconds after that, the entire sky exploded in a Sextuple Rainboom.

Oooh!” said every creature in the Crystal Empire with one voice.

“Bet they felt that in Cloudsdale!” Sombra remarked.

Somewhere in the boughs of an apple tree, Rainbow Dash suddenly awoke from her nap with the inexplicable need to train in ten times Equestria’s normal gravity.

During that time, the skies over the Crystal Empire remained clear.

“Take that, Doomsday!” Twilight shouted to the clouds above.

“That was incredible!” Sombra exclaimed with a smile. “Nopony’s ever nearly destroyed the world that big before. The devices always fizzle!” Suddenly, his smile melted away into a remorseful frown. “Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight turned to face the former king, perplexed. “Yes?”

“I owe you an apology,” Sombra replied. “You’re not a slacker at all, especially not when it comes to doomsday devices. You take exactly as long as you need to be a complete genius. I’m proud to be Cadence’s new dad, and I’m just as proud to have you for a daughter-in-law.”

“Aw.” Twilight sniffled, then stepped up to Sombra and gave him a big hug. “Thanks, Pops.”

“Alright!” Spike said, hurrying over. “Does this mean you and grandpa are done fighting?”

Twilight separated from Sombra. “Grandpa? I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, Spike, and besides, you’re more like another brother than anything” she said, rubbing her chin for a moment. “Nope, sorry, but I think it’s best if you’re just my brosistant from now on.”

“But, but I had a grandpa,” Spike said, pleading.

“Alas, it would seem I’m not yet destined to be a grandparent,” Sombra said, looking up into the sky wistfully. “But I will always remember fondly the granddragon that I almost had.” His gaze then returned to Spike. “And you know what? I think I’m just as happy to have a son-in-law as incredible as you are.”

“Aw,” Spike replied with a teary smile. He turned to Twilight. “I guess this makes me your LBBFF now, huh?”

“Oh Spike,” Twilight said, laying a hoof on the dragon’s shoulder. “I think I speak for Shiny and myself when I say that you’re our BFAMBFF.”

“Alright again!” Spike exclaimed, happily hopping into the air. “Did you hear that, Shiny?”

“You bet I did!” Shining Armor replied. He and Spike shared a brotherly and most radical high-hoof.

Brother from Another Mother Best Friends Forever!”

With that final matter settled, the newly formed if very odd and almost certainly insane family shared joyous laughter.

“And even though in the end, nopony was for doomsday, they all probably lived happily ever after,” Pinkie Pie said to the group of befuddled foals seated before her as she closed her storybook. “The End.”

Almost immediately, a hoof shot into the air. “Yes, Scootaloo?” Pinkie asked.

“What the hay did you just read to us?!” Scootaloo demanded. “What even was the moral?!”

“The moral of this story is, don’t go to the Crystal Empire!” Pinkie replied with manic worry. “Their schtick be wack, yo!”

Without prompting, Silver Spoon sprang up on two legs and crossed her hooves in front of her barrel.

“Fo’ shizzle, Pinkie Pizzle!”

Scootaloo stares at Silver Spoon for a moment, and then gives an exasperated sigh. “Goodbye, folks,” she says to you.

Author's Note:

I'm kind of surprised no one else seems to have drawn the conclusion that Twilight is the Princess of both Magic and Friendship.

Seriously, the clue is right there in the title of the show.