• Published 15th Jun 2015
  • 2,049 Views, 114 Comments

Anypony for Doomsday? - PhycoKrusk



The world is about to end, and assuming there are no technical issues, it's all Princess Twilight's fault.

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Phase 4

Inside the royal kitchens of the Crystal Castle, a storm of dark magic raged, somehow filling the space with beams of black light, even though such a thing should have been impossible.

“I don’t believe this!” Cadence shouted. “I can’t believe I let you do this!”

“It’s too late now, Cady!” Sombra replied with manic glee. “The spell is cast! There’s no stopping it now!”

“No! You have to stop it! You’ll destroy everything!”

DING!

“All done!”

The miasma of dark magic cleared away and the kitchen returned to its normal, cheery light level. Sitting on the counter was a stack of small sandwiches. Cautiously, Cadence lifted one up with her magic, brought it to her mouth, and bite down with a ‘crunch!’ “Mmm!” She chewed quickly and swallowed. “You were right! Dark magic does make a better panini!”

“And to think you doubted me,” Sombra remarked, shining a hoof against his chest.

“But, I’m really worried about you, daddy. All this negativity can’t be good for you.”

Sombra paused, and then gave Cadence a very serious look. “What’re you on about? What negativity?” he asked.

“Well, from your magic! I mean, dark magic draws its power from anger, hate and fear,” Cadence offered as an explanation. “It warps you from the inside out!”

“No it doesn’t!” Sombra retorted. “I didn’t call it ‘dark magic’ because it’s somehow evil or sinister. I called it dark magic because it utilizes an energy source that can’t be detected by normal arcanophysical mechanisms. It’s ‘dark’ because we can’t observe where it comes from, not because it’s goth, or whatever you kids are calling it these days.”

“Are you sure?” Cadence asked with a skeptical quirk of her brow and another bite of her sandwich. “I mean, it’s just, that conflicts with basically everything that Star Swirl the Bearded said on the subject.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, and in any case, who’re you going to believe, Cady? Some absent-minded, bell-wearing hack, or me, the world’s foremost expert? Look at this!” Somber swung his back end partway around, giving Cadence a clear view of his cutie mark: A sort of cloud-like shape that stood out pitch black against his grey fur, lacking any sort of visible details.

“An ink splotch cutie mark makes you the foremost expert on dark magic?” Cadence asked, brow twisting in confusion. She tilted her head this way and that, as if the meaning might somehow become clear to her.

Sombra was not amused. “Spike, take a letter,” he said. “Also, when did you get here?” he added, looking down at the dragon.

“Just now, actually,” Spike replied, parchment and quill in claw.

“But how? Neither one of us saw you even come in,” Cadence said.

“Uh, I’m not exactly sure,” Spike said, angling his gaze upward in thought for a moment before suggesting, “Editing mistake?”

“Sure are a lot of those around here,” Sombra mused, bringing a hoof to his chin. He stamped it back down a moment later. “Anyways! Letter! A-hem!

“Dear Princess Celestia, kindly block three minutes from your schedule in the near future so that I may yell at you. Block an additional one hour and fifty seven minutes from your schedule immediately following the aforementioned three minutes of yelling so that we may have a serious discussion regarding the curricula of modern Equestrian schools. Your inexplicable antagonist, Sombra Crepúsculo.”

“Your inexplicable antagonist, Sombra Creampuff Chulo,” Spike repeated — sort of — as he finished scratching out the missive. Without wasting a moment, he rolled up the parchment and incinerated it with his dragonfire, sending it on its merry way before he looked back to Sombra with an expectant smile.

Sombra looked back at Spike, nonplussed. “What’re they teaching you kids in school these days, anyway?” he asked after a moment.

“Uh, I don’t know?” Spike replied. “I mean, I don’t go to school, so I haven’t exactly seen the lesson plans or anything. Why?”

Sombra looked at Spike.

Spike looked at Sombra.

Sombra looked at Spike.

Spike looked at Sombra.

Sombra looked at Spike.

Spike looked at Sombra.

“I’ll blister that filly’s fanny,” said Sombra.

“Wait a minute!” Cadence said suddenly, prompting both Sombra and Spike to look at her. Sombra then looked from her, to the stack of sandwiches that was suddenly and mysteriously missing, and then back to Cadence with a scowl. Cadence quickly wiped crumbs from around her mouth. “They were good!” she protested. “And anyway, didn’t you just admit through implication that you discovered dark magic?”

“You bet I did!” Sombra exclaimed with a grin. “Oh, I’ll never forget that day! It was… well, never mind, it’s a long story. In any case, we should figure out what we’re going to do until Spike’s mother comes for him.”

“His mother?” Cadence asked. “But, he’s been with Twilight ever since she hatched his egg.”

“That sounds like a mother to me,” Sombra replied.

“Twilight’s not my mom! She’s like a really nerdy big sister,” Spike protested. He wasn’t able to protest much more than that because Sombra’s magic tossed him into the air — just a little bit — and up onto the stallion’s back, much more energetically than Twilight ever would.

“Spike, please try to follow the logic here,” Sombra said. “Sparkle hatched your egg, and therefore is your mother. Her brother married Cadenza, and therefore she is your aunt. I’m Cadenza’s new father, and therefore I am your grandfather. And what does the grandfather do when the mother isn’t around?”

Spike looked at Sombra, eyes wide with wonder and hope. “Junk food?” he asked.

Sombra grinned. “How about a deep fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, champ?”

Far away from the Crystal Empire, Twilight’s attention was pulled away from her welding, and she felt suddenly certain that someone she knew was doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. Then, she sneezed and went right back to work once the feeling passed.

Author's Note:

This one's ok.

Fun fact: A "dark star" is an actual, hypothetical thing, being a large cloud of hydrogen and helium gases held together by its own gravity, but with energy being produced by dark matter annihilation rather than nuclear fusion. They would appear "cold" to scientific instruments, but would still produce gamma rays, neutrinos, and other energetic emissions associated with conventional stars: They would kind of resemble stars, but we wouldn't be able to see where their energy was coming from.