• Published 7th May 2015
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Actually, I'm Dead - Magenta Cat



What if the Alicorn Amulet did more to Trixie than we saw?

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Chapter 6 (part six): There is Still a Pony Under Here

“Trixie? There’s something I need you to tell me.”

Trixie smirked at the tone in Twilight’s voice, the image of the shy yellow pegasus she had just met flashing through her head. She rolled the deck of cards in her hoof around and didn’t even bother lifting her gaze from the book she was reading. “What do you seek to know this time, Sparkle?”

The hour was currently very late, much later than Trixie had expected Twilight to still be awake given her current condition. Trixie herself was still feeling quite fit, her state of undeath having removed her own need for sleep. The only one in the tree house that was indulging that respite for the moment was the dragon Spike, having been tucked into his basket upon the return of the two unicorns from Pinkie’s party. Despite Trixie’s expectations that Twilight would have joined her faithful servant in slumber, the lavender unicorn had insisted that there were a few more things she wanted to look up before finally going to bed and so the two were seated in the main library, candles glowing softly around them, surrounded by several esoteric texts Twilight had dragged from their shelves on the wall.

“When you did your divination act for Applejack, you did a lot of things with the cards that were beyond a simple reading. There’s also how you got out of that straitjacket.” Twilight noted now Trixie’s left ear twitched. “Trixie, tell me the truth. Did you manage to use actual magic?”

Trixie had stopped shuffling the deck of cards between her hooves, becoming very still. No moving and no talking. Since she didn’t need to breathe, she looked the part of an alabaster statue draped in a bright pink cloak. Twilight didn’t know what to make out of her silence, so she spoke again.

“Trixie, the Amulet’s corruption works through magic, no matter how big or small.” Twilight tried to meet Trixie’s eye, to confirm that the iris of her eyes were still purple and not red, but she was looking down, with her eyes closed. “Trixie, answer me.” Silence. “Trixie, if you don’t answer me now… I-I’m calling the Princess!” Trixie looked up and her gaze met Twilight’s expression of fear and alarm. It was a very short contact, but that one look was all it took, and Trixie fell off her cushion and started to roll on the ground.

“Bwah Hahaha Haha!” Trixie blurted out, not able to hold the ‘guilty’ act any longer. “Very well, tell the Princess how Trixie’s tremendous tricks have become so good they can fool the Princess’ very own personal student.” She kept laughing till her lungs were literally empty. She kept shaking after that, like a laughing pony in a movie that had unexpectedly lost its sound.

“Sure, why not?” Twilight deadpanned as she stood up and began to trot away. “If you can’t be bothered to take this seriously, then I can’t be bothered by it either.” She began up the stairs. “You know where your room is, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Trixie stopped her silent horselaugh, realizing her mistake. She rolled over and tried to speak, but her lungs were emptied, so she had to force the air back in before doing so.

“Whoa, Sparkle, wait.” But Twilight was almost at the top of the stair. “Please wait!” Trixie called again, this time managing to make her stop. “Trixie is-- I’m sorry, okay? It was just that…”

Twilight had stopped and was looking back down at her. “Go on.”

“Well, of all ponies, I never expected you to fall for it.” Trixie glanced away as she nervously played with the border of her cloak. “Perhaps I was still riding a little high from the party, too. Trixie can sometimes have problems dropping her act. It just seemed the perfect moment and she couldn’t resist... you know?”

Twilight made her way back down wearing a more relaxed expression. Still, she looked like she was waiting for something.

“What?” Trixie asked.

“You still haven’t explained it to me,” Twilight answered. “How did you manage to get that ace of spades each time, let alone the second one and that blank card, and how did you got out of the straitjacket?”

Trixie grimaced and pulled the hem of her cloak around her once more. “You ask a lot of Trixie, you know that? For a magician to explain herself is all very unprofessional, but given circumstances...” She tried to huff theatrically, her lack of lung capacity failing her. “The truth is I never intended to do that trick when I saw it was Applejack who volunteered. I was just going to use the cards to do a more traditional reading.” She repeated the same gesture she did when asking for a deck. “But then your friend Pinkie slipped me a magician's deck.” She hoofed over the deck of cards she had been fiddling with earlier. “They're common for amateurs and beginners and come with certain duplicate and already marked cards so that an entertainer familiar with sleight of hoof won't have any trouble arranging them how they want.” Twilight, had immediately opened the deck with her magic and was examining it piece by piece. “As to forcing the volunteer to draw them, it all comes down to presentation and subtle prompting. Proper shuffling and good sleight of hoof overcomes any problems that might arise along the way. Some faith in the cards themselves, too. It’s something any pony can do and Trixie can show you how it’s done if you really need to see.”

Twilight had two cards suspended in her aura before her, flipping them back and forth and examining the subtle marks that would aid the magician using them but be too small for the audience to notice. “That doesn’t explain the straitjacket.”

“Simple contortion,” Trixie replied with a grimace, feeling dirty at laying bare the secrets of her trade so. “Pop the shoulders out of joint and the jacket no longer holds correctly. Then you just have to wriggle it off. A proper landing pops the shoulders back in place and leaves the audience none the wiser.”

Across from her, Twilight was gaping in horror. “But doesn’t that hurt? Like, a lot?”

“It does, yes,” Trixie affirmed with a nod. “But that’s all part of the price the Act demands.”

“What you’ve told me here sounds like what I’ve heard about magicians,” Twilight admitted as she gathered up the cards in her aura and slipped them back into their package. “But I have to be sure that no magic is involved. The Princess put me in charge of you, of keeping you safe, and in all honesty, you’re handling being without magic better than any unicorn I’ve ever seen--”

“And that is precisely why Trixie could declare herself The Great and Powerful and best the ponies could,” Trixie fired back with an angry glare. She reached up and tapped the restraining ring with her left hoof. “This is not the first time Trixie has worn one of these. With master Emerald Archer, she had to wear one of these for the whole of a fall and winter, learning to survive without magic while training under some of the harshest conditions out in the Equestrian wilderness. She wasn’t allowed to take it off until her training was complete, all so that she could understand how to function without her unicorn magic and discover how those without such a boon lived. She had to relearn how to do almost everything, from her performance acts to her everyday life. But she did learn and emerged a much stronger pony for it, able to adapt to life in a way that even the most powerful unicorns would find difficult or impossible.”

What was left unsaid, what Trixie couldn’t say to the likes of Twilight Sparkle, was that the only reason she had made it through that terrible winter was the knowledge that at the end she would be getting her magic back, that she would become whole again. Now her magic was to be locked away inside her forever, with a looming sense of dread hanging over her about what would happen should it ever get out again. The memory of those brief yet interminable months under Archer’s tutelage and his ring, and her survival of it, was the the slim thread she held onto to keep from slipping wholly into despair. What good was a unicorn without magic? she had wondered that first night in the hospital. Whatever it was, she seemed destined to find out.

Taken aback by the vehemence in the former showpony’s outburst, Twilight could only gape and blink. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… imply that you…” Twilight looked around, helplessly looking for anything to say.

Trixie shook her head, her mane making a dry rustle, the grimace on her face softening into an abashed frown. Archer had made her stronger than this. They all had. She just couldn’t forget that.

“No. As you said, the Amulet works to corrupt the user by way of their magic. You were right to be concerned. It is just... as Trixie said, magicians are secretive types. We share our tricks and illusions only amongst ourselves and often not even then. That you ask Trixie to readily reveal such things to you, a pony who has no true appreciation of the art and craft of it all, and then to question her truthfulness afterwards... well, it is galling.” She shuffled her hooves beneath the cape, her gaze directed down at them. “Trixie apologizes for snapping.”

“It-it’s okay,” Twilight finally managed to stammer. “I didn’t realize what it meant to you. I’m just so used to wizards publishing their spells and techniques so that others can build upon them that I didn’t think....” She gazed over at the walls of books in the library. “Looks like I have some more studying to do than just dark forces and evil amulets.”

Following her gaze, Trixie felt the first pang of guilt creeping up. It was a sensation she had been finding all too common of late. Resettling herself, she decided to try and alleviate it with a secret she was more willing to share. “This is a truly lovely home you have here, Sparkle. It reminds Trixie of her final year in Neigh Orleans. She had met a close friend of her mother’s, Hell’s Blazer, a little while after arriving there. Him and his associate Bootlegger would prove to be Trixie’s final masters. Blazer is an occultist, a pony who studies very obscure and esoteric areas of magic. His home is very much like this, stuffed to overflowing with all manner of books and scrolls. When Trixie wasn’t out with ’Legger, learning how to get into places she had no business being, she spent many evenings with Blazer just like this.” Trixie laughed. “Actually, very much like this, including the books about strange and forgotten magic.” She pawed at the edge of the book before her, her smile having become brittle at the realization of what she said. “But that was a lifetime ago.”

”Oh, for pony’s sake. Again? Twilight thought while recognizing Trixie’s pre-self-pity phrase. This time, however, she was actually ready; she took a deep breath and said what she talked about with Rarity at the party.

“Trixie, stop saying that,” she began. “I know it’s hard and I can only imagine how distant does it feels, but please, don’t think of your past as gone.” Twilight moves closer to Trixie and held her hooves with her own. “Don’t think of your life as gone.” Trixie was about to reply but she didn’t let her. “I promise you will have it back, even if it takes me a lifetime to do so. Even if it takes my grandchild a lifetime, you will be freed.” She pressed her hooves to Trixie’s for emphasis. “It’s a friend’s promise.”

At first, Trixie wasn’t even sure of what to say. But there was something in Twilight’s voice that sounded like sheer determination.

“Thank you. Thank you for being here for Trixie.” She finally moved her own hooves and returned the grasp. “But please, if it comes to that, make Trixie a different promise.” Trixie pulled back her hooves and looked Twilight straight at the eye. “Promise Trixie that you will live your own life too, regardless of what happens with Trixie.” Averting Twilight’s protest, Trixie softly put her cold hoof over Twilight’s mouth. “Trixie has already lived a life with no boundaries and now is paying for it.” She tapped the piece of metal and crystal in her chest. “If it wasn’t the Amulet, it would have been something else. So stop blaming yourself for all that’s happened to Trixie because of her own hoof.”

The determination that Trixie heard in Twilight’s voice was present in her violet eyes, belying the signs of fatigue around their edges. “Pass me that codex by Midnight Shade, then. We’ve still got a lot of work ahead of us if that’s the case.”

Determination could only take a pony so far, though, and Twilight wasn’t a pony with the physical stamina to be able to withstand an all-nighter after the kind of day she’d had pursuing Trixie around town. It wasn’t long before she was near dozing off, having to jerk her head up every few minutes to keep it off the pages of the book before her.

Trixie wasn’t much better in terms of her focus, though. Her attention kept wandering to other thoughts and she had to keep re-reading the same pages again and again after realizing her thoughts were more on the unicorn across from her than the book at her hooves. After Twilight had almost face-planted for the sixth time, the words Trixie was thinking slipped from her lips. “Maybe you should finally head to bed. It’s quite late after all.”

“No, I’m not that bad,” Twilight tried to dismiss around a yawn. “You don’t seem that tired.”

“Trixie doesn’t sleep anymore, remember?”

Twilight blinked wearily. “Oh… right.” She yawned again. “I guess you’re right then, I should be going.” She planted her hooves to get up off the cushion only to be stopped by Trixie’s next words.

“Before you go, there’s something I have to say.” Biting her lip, Trixie glanced down at her hooves and then quickly back up at Twilight. “I want to apologize for my behavior today towards you,” Trixie said softly. “You were one of the only ponies who didn't yell at Trixie. Who didn't accuse her; who didn't berate her. You've been uneasy and unsure, but never afraid. You tried to help Trixie make up with your friends, even when she thought it was hopeless. You’ve only tried to aid in undoing what’s been done to Trixie by her own hoof, making promises no pony should have to keep but I feel you actually would.” She moved over and gently put her hoof over the shoulders of her fellow unicorn. Only a small, almost reflexive, twitch greeted that action. “And Trixie has been short and resentful with you all day, taking out her frustrations with her situation on you as they've come. She has snapped and mocked you when you’ve done nothing to truly earn it. Yet, you never said a harsh word against me.” She rubbed over the unicorn’s withers. “For all of that and more, I want to say that I'm truly sorry... Twilight.”

Twilight opened her mouth to try and dismiss Trixie's concerns, only to catch herself at the last moment. Sleepy as she may be, she had noticed the name at the end, that it was no longer the back-biting Sparkle but instead, for the first time, Twilight. She closed her mouth and tried to think about what best to say in light of what Trixie had just confessed. In the end, she settled on, “Apology accepted.”

That seemed to satisfy Trixie, and she patted the lavender shoulder beneath her hoof. “Good. Now, you had best get some sleep. Trixie is sure you have a big day tomorrow or such.” She moved off and picked up the book she was reading from. “Trixie will continue to work on her end, and will see you in the morning.”

For what felt like the first time that day, Twilight's smile was genuine. “I'll see you then. Good night!”


Despite her words, Trixie only lasted another hour in the library. The book she was going through was proving to be a very likely dead end, and she was still having problems focusing on the task at hoof. Marking her place for the next day, she put out the lights in the main level and descended to the cool darkness of her basement room.

It was a small and plain, almost military room, but it was all she had now and it was her home. Trixie looked at the mirror again. This time, the dead image looking back was less of a shock for her, even feeling familiar by this point. The gray eyes, the pale coat and mane, the thin figure, the overall appearance of a dead body. None of that was new anymore. It wasn’t strange anymore. It was her and she was now accepting it.

“Hurm.”

Even if she was managing, not without an effort, to grow accustomed to her new appearance, it didn’t meant she was liking it. She looked away from the mirror, turning herself towards the small package on the bed. It was a very simple cardboard box, but wrapped in a white paper with a diamond pattern and closed by a very stylized violet bow. Trixie rolled her eyes at seeing the equally, if not more stylized, calligraphy of the card attached to the package. She set the card aside, not really caring to read it right then and already knowing who it belonged to, having been gifted it before heading home that evening from the party.

Instead, Trixie went directly for the package, looking at the rather complex knot of the bow. She smiled at the thought of what she had told Twilight, how most unicorns would be rendered helpless against such minor tasks like this one, powerless at being deprived from their magic birthright. But not Trixie. Trixie may not be a magical powerhouse like Twilight Sparkle, but she was skillful. Skillful enough to open her package without any real problems.

“Hey there sweetie, it’s been a long time,” she greeted to the first item out of the box.

The cloth was a dark shade of purple and completely uniform sans a gold edging. However, instead of being plain purple on both sides, Trixie discovered that the lining was a deep navy blue, adorned by a very recognizable pattern of golden stars and reminiscent of the night sky. After inspecting her new cape for several moments, the message that Rarity was sending with it was clear; plain and discreet in the outside, but full of wonder in the inside.

Before trying it on, Trixie placed it gently on the bed and turned to the box again. Inside she found a hat, of the same purple as the cape’s visible side. She smiled when she realized it wasn’t a magician’s hat as she expected it to be, but instead a traditional and quite distinctive wide brimmed Roani one.

‘Rarity must have found out when she found that article,’ Trixie thought. She was ready to try them out, but when she lifted the hat from inside the box, she discovered there was still more. Below the hat rested a blue vest and four purple socks. Giving her ear a puzzled flick, she tried on the vest first.

“Well, look at that,” she said while inspecting herself on the mirror. The vest, secured at her waist by a purple belt, came over her shoulders and neck high enough that it covered the Alicorn Amulet. Trixie gazed with relief over how the accursed item was now hidden from sight. She then looked at the socks.

‘I wonder if…’ Trixie took one of the front ones, and started to put it on her left hoof. Its border reached exactly where the iv scar was, no more, no less. Trixie was amazed by the fashionista’s attention to detail. Not missing another beat, she started to put on the other socks. She found out, with an almost childish delight, that not only the pieces of cloth were hiding her scary dead cold hooves, but that they were bringing the color back to her pale and thin image. Like the best pony socks she had seen, their bases were durable enough to withstand walking in yet pliable enough that she could still easily make use of her front hooves.

Trixie almost tripped over herself when trotting back to the bed, so busy was she watching her newly clothed hooves. Hasty but carefully, she put the cape over her shoulders, once again noting the amazing level of detail that Rarity put into it in such a short time, since the cloth was the exact length and height to cover her from neck to tail without touching the floor. Its design was more like a poncho, covering her chest where the Amulet was in a way that was redundant if she was also wearing the vest beneath. She turned again towards the mirror--

“No friggin’ way!!!” Trixie quickly covered her mouth with her gloved hooves while looking upstairs, wishing for once she had run out of air. When she couldn’t hear anyone complaining, she slowly looked back at the mirror. The reflection that looked back was resembling more and more a sharply dressed pony and less a freshly deceased corpse. However, that wasn’t what made Trixie accidentally use her stage voice in surprise, no. It was the small but notorious sky blue gem that she somehow missed in her first inspection of the cape and that was now proudly adorning her chest.

It was almost as if nothing ever happened, and Trixie was still Trixie.

Except for her face, of course. She wasn’t entirely sure, but Trixie could have sworn that she was looking more gaunt, and her bone-like pale fur made her head look more like a skull with a gray wig.

“So close,” Trixie muttered, almost hanging her head. But instead, her ears twitched and he looked at the bed again, remembering there was still the hat. Not enough to cover her entire face, but the wide, droopy brim would obscure a great deal. She put it on but when she tried to fit it, something was pressing against the back of her head. Trixie took the hat off and inspected it, discovering a small envelope inside it.

“Abra kadabra,” she deadpanned while rolling her eyes. The envelope had the words ‘Only in Case of Emergency’ written on the front and ‘no need to use between friends’ in the back. Trixie’s curiosity marked a perfect eleven at the cryptic messages as she hastily opened it, drawing a small piece of cloth of the same color as the cape and hat. Trixie wondered at its strange shape for a minute or two, till it all fell into place in her mind.

Trixie walked once again towards the mirror, with a defiance on her eyes this time. She looked at the monster that took her place in the mirror.

“Good bye,” she spat before draping the veil over her muzzle and tying it behind her ears, “and good riddance.”

After that, Trixie finished her brave new attire by placing the hat on its rightful place. She may have been just a cursed, broken pony recovering the pieces while hiding in somepony else’s basement, but when the hat was finally in place, Trixie felt it as she was being crowned Princess of the Universe. She struck a pose in front of the mirror, flaring her cape and showing off the golden constellations inside it.

“Welcome back,” Trixie greeted her prodigal reflection.

Author's Note:

Alternate Tittle: Chapter 6 (part six): Yes, this is the last part of Chapter 6, we swear the next one is going to be Chapter 7.

Wave Blaster: Believe it or not, guys, the original ending scene was less than a page. Behold the writer with the complexity addiction who turned it into two pages of costume porn and character exposition.


nightwalker: No, you don't have a superhero fetish, not at all. Anyway, I'm glad that we've been able to knock off the part with the mane 6 and are once more able to move forward with Trixie and her quest to become not undead once more. I thank all our readers who stuck by us during it.

Wave: Specially those who didn't flip their tables at Part 4. Those have a saint's patience.

:twilightsmile:: Do I get to say something? I mean, all my friends did.
Wave: Mic's all yours, gal.
:twilightsmile:: I just hope it's clear now how powerful is the magic of Friendship.