Chapter 6 (part four): Quiet as the Tomb
It was a sunny late afternoon in Ponyville.
The daily activities were almost finished by then and most of the town’s ponies were ready to take their leave and have a well deserved rest after a good day of hard, honest work. As everypony was either done with hurrying or simply too tired to move too fast, afternoons in Ponyville were almost always peaceful times for ponies to go back home, grab a cider, sit down to have a moment with the family.
There was peace; everything was good in good old Ponyville.
However, peace like that rarely ever lasted in Ponyville. The first sign of something different that afternoon wasn’t too overt, but Octavia, who was sitting down on her house’s porch at the edge of the town, heard a strange sound coming down the road. As a musician, Octavia had a very good ear to identify sounds, a useful skill in this type of situation. The problem was that, when the source of the sound came closer and became easier to hear, it unsettled her to no end.
This new note was something that Octavia had never heard before, and with her background as musician, an entirely new sound wasn’t something usual for her. She would have described it as something between wood and strings, but with a strange alien quality, as if whatever was producing it, it wasn’t something natural. Fascinated by it, Octavia didn’t want to move until she discovered what could possibly be making such a noise; but when the sound was clear and loud enough, she realized she shouldn’t have heard it in the first place. She realized what the sound was too late, and because of that, she couldn’t help but gaze in horror at the frightening source behind it.
Octavia heard, for the first time, the moaning of those who died long ago. It was as if Death herself was crying out loud while charging down the road. The image of Death, walking among the living and charging with a furious cry of war, proved to be too much for the less adventurous cellist. She froze in place, hoping for Death to pass her by and spare her life.
Death never even looked in Octavia’s direction as she thundered, wailing, down the road.
Never in her life had Octavia Melody felt so alive as after the departure of that azure and silver ghost, it following the road’s direction instead of looking at her house. So relieved was she, that she didn’t notice the purple unicorn chasing after Death.
If she did, she didn’t care.
Octavia had witnessed Death itself, and survived to tell the tale. After that, she decided to never waste her lifetime again. The very next night, a white and blue unicorn, who had learned to replace words with music, would find an engagement ring in her champagne.
Some hours before, when Ponyville wasn’t even close to end its activities, a mare living outside the colorful town was having a very grim time.
As per usual at this hour of the day, Fluttershy was feeding the animals under her care. Although she never thought of herself as a methodical pony like Twilight or Rarity, she had a very strict schedule to follow in order to feed her animals. Because of Fluttershy’s desire to serve the animals as best she could, her schedule was carefully planned and so precise that anypony could use it to adjust his watch to the second. It was a hard labor, not only because of the timing it involved, but also because of the sheer amount of animals that relied on Fluttershy as their caretaker. And because of that, Fluttershy knew that all the effort invested was more than worth it.
There was a relationship of mutual trust between her and the life around her. They trusted her to look out for them and she trusted them to behave around her and others. It was an incorruptible bond, born out of love, compassion, and a pony’s almost instinctive will to not only live for others, but also to commune with life itself by being a part of it. The years of caring one for the other ended up connecting Fluttershy to her animals in ways that only the ancient ponies from before civilization could understand.
It was thanks to that same connection that both Fluttershy and the animals knew there was something wrong that sunny afternoon.
That strange sense of dread disrupted Fluttershy’s routine. At first, she attributed it only to Trixie’s short but harsh period as Ponyville’s dictator. The enclosed space under Trixie’s dome put her animals’ patience to test, as none of them were used to being in captivity. Sure, some barely even left Fluttershy’s sanctuary, but that was by their own decision. To have an actual barrier holding them there, trapped inside and forced to stay, brought about some very bad reactions from them.
But now, even after Trixie’s cursed reign was over and the dome gone with it, they were still unsettled. Some of them didn’t want to eat at first, so Fluttershy had to stay and make sure they would, at least a little bit. Then there were those that became extremely territorial, and acted out of pure instinct when it was feeding time. They took most of Fluttershy’s time since she not only had to watch them when eating, but also had to keep a constant eye over them to prevent fighting and other acts of aggression. At the end of the day, only Angel bunny and Harry the bear were keeping themselves together. They were a help instead of a problem for Fluttershy, but even then they were clearly not in their usual mindsets.
When lunchtime was over and Fluttershy was absolutely sure that no animal under her care was left without its proper meal, she began to worry about herself. Without her chores to distract her, her mind raced through the endless possibilities. She found fears that she never considered before and that began to consume her mind, turning any trace of willpower into fear. Fluttershy felt the same anxiety her animals felt, and her animals knew she was scared of something. If there was something even their caretaker feared, then they had every right in the world to fear it, too.
That fog of unease settled over the quaint, neat cottage on the edge of the woods, bringing great distress and worry to all those inside it.
Trixie ran.
She didn’t know where she was going or what she was running away from, she just knew instinctively that she had to run.
The world around her was blurry at best, every detail lost between the speed she was holding and the dark liquid in her eyes. But Trixie didn’t care about any of that, or how long she had been running without feeling tired, or even about the purple pony chasing her. She didn’t want to think about any of that or about anything at all for that matter. She just wanted to run. Run and forget about everything.
The world had once again crumbled around her.
Twilight Sparkle wasn’t Rainbow Dash; she wasn’t an athlete used to pushing her body to its limits, she was a scholar. Yes, she had faced monsters and dragons but she’d always ended up running from those, never chasing after. Additionally, her body was still limited by the needs of a living pony, and racing from Fluttershy’s cottage back to town and then going through town yet again was clearly far beyond the unathletic librarian. Her muscles ached and she could feel most of her bones about to snap out of the pressure. Yet, a friend needed her and she would never give up on a friend, even if it was painful. Especially if it was painful.
Still, it was the second time today that Trixie had fled and the third time she had gotten out of Twilight’s sight. The poor purple unicorn wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. Panting and stumbling to a halt, Twilight leaned on the side of Bon Bon’s candy shop to catch her breath.
A moment was all she allowed herself before pushing off and resuming the chase once more. Given that her quarry had eluded her sight, Twilight began to think where Trixie could have gone to this time. In her current state, she doubted Trixie would be just hanging around under a tree like the last time.
Or would she?
A puddle of pink on the ground brought Twilight to a stop in front of her home, the great tree of the Golden Oak library. She realized that in light of everything that had happened with her and to her over the last several days, it was the one place in Ponyville that Trixie might consider safe.
Still puffing with exhaustion, Twilight pushed open the door. The main room was empty and quiet, and Spike didn’t respond when she called for him. When she tried the door to the basement, she found it locked.
She hadn’t locked it before going out that morning.
Trixie used to have so much, to be so much. Years of perfecting herself for her art’s sake, of traveling far and wide, of doing all she could to be the very best out there. She bitterly remembered all her long days of hard work and nights of missed sleep, all her hours under the unforgiving sun of the desert or the merciless cold of a storm. And for what? To have it all become meaningless in the face of one, just one, just one single mistake that took it all from her.
Now Trixie only wanted to be left alone. She wanted nothing more than to find a refuge and lie there until the world forgot about her.
Trixie only wants to finally rest in peace.
But the dead cannot find peace amongst the living. In her blind rush from what had confronted her in that idyllic cottage, Trixie had once more put herself in the middle of town, surrounding herself with the living who wanted no part of a thing like her.
Desperately she searched for someplace to retreat to; someplace she could go to ground and not be disturbed. Maybe because it was her only real option, or maybe because it had a space already prepared for her, Trixie sought out the great tree of the Golden Oak library. Yes, she had her resting place right there and the tree itself would serve as a fitting monument.
The front door was unlocked, as was the one to the basement. After turning the lock on that inside door, she descended into the darkness below.
Trixie wanted to rest in peace, so she just did that.
A corpse would never care about a good resting place, that was for the living ones left behind it to worry about. But since Trixie had no real bonds with any living being, she just let herself fall right where she was standing, on the basement’s floor. As a dead corpse, Trixie decided to not only finally lie motionless, but also the stop her thoughts. Closing her eyes for the last time, Trixie dedicated her last reflection ever to a quick calculation. She allowed herself one last action, a smile, before going limp after determining the distance between floor and ceiling was, yes, in fact six hooves underground. It was all terribly appropriate.
Closing her eyes, she finally stopped everything. The numbness she has been feeling since waking up in that hospital room stopped being annoying as she embraced it.
The door and the lock proved stubborn, but not as stubborn as Twilight’s magic. Knowing she could never kick a door off of its hinges or break the lock, she charged her magic and blasted it open that way, rushing inside to turn the basement’s lights on. When darkness was forced to retreat, Twilight saw to her horror the unmoving, pale body of Trixie lying on the floor, just a few steps away from the bed.
At first, Twilight only used words and her own voice to try and reach for the fallen unicorn. Desperately trying to reach her, to help her friend, only for her pleadings fell on deaf ears. She tried once, she tried twice and she tried again, over and over again, but the answer never came. Twilight had the unsettling feeling of shouting to a tombstone. She quickly shook that thought from her head, and decided to do something a little more drastic.
Without even thinking anymore, Twilight nearly threw herself over Trixie, not caring about anything but her wellbeing. Still, she had enough presence of mind to stop herself before touching Trixie’s chest to check her pulse, fearing of what could happen to her if she came into contact with the Accursed Alicorn Amulet. Fearing of what could happen to Trixie. So, instead, she pressed her hoof against Trixie’s foreleg, dreading what she would find when doing it.
Tears began to fall down Twilight’s cheeks as her breathing was becoming erratic. Adrenaline rushed through her veins as she began to deny with both her head and her mouth. Trixie’s pulse was nowhere to be found and her chest was not moving, at all. Twilight held her lost friend’s corpse between her hooves and made to shout to the skies above a shriek of sorrow that would have break any heart able to hear it.
Her moment of tragedy was interrupted when a hoof from below closed her muzzle. Startled, she jerked back and looked down, to be met by the milky and now open eyes of Trixie.
The former showmare glared at her, softly telling her she was ruining the moment. Then, Trixie closed her eyes once more and put both hooves over her chest.
With tears still falling down her cheeks and a ear to ear smile, Twilight silently thanked every god, deity, concept, and higher power above for what she just saw.
Trixie was resting in her new bed. Just resting from a long day of meeting ponies, that was it. Trixie just needed to rest for a moment to rise up again. That was what Twilight told her when placing Trixie in the bed before going upstairs to give her some space. Trixie had just managed to overhear her telling Spike the same before trotting up the stairs to her own room for a much needed respite. As per Pinkie’s invitations they still had a couple more hours before even needing to get ready, so Twilight allowed both of them that time to simply rest.
Two stories under her, Trixie wasn’t having that same peace of mind. Even if her body was completely motionless to the point of not even having vital signs, inside Trixie there was still a storm, a war between the only two options she had left. A real confrontation to decide what would be the path to follow from this point.
On one side, there was acceptance of what she was now; an animated corpse. An unnaturally animated thing that owed its existence to a magic so dark and dangerous that Princess Celestia herself was already involved with how it should be contained. That side argued about what she was to others; ponies like Applejack or Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy only saw her as the abomination she wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t. And even before that, Trixie had already been seen as less of an actual pony who deserved a chance, and more of a villain to be kept aways from civilization. In essence, the world around Trixie didn’t want her around long before of this whole mess happened.
Now here she was, already one hoof in the grave. Trixie’s face twisted into a grimace of pain at how that side was gaining a good portion of ground.
But Trixie already promised to never give up, ever. When she met the seven ponies who would change her life, or at least give her purpose beyond aimless wandering and survival, she had sworn she would keep purpose and focus in her life. They had each given her a window into the history of her family’s name and the legacy it carried. By knowing about her mother and about her heritage, Trixie was taught to have a purpose, to not simply go around without anything to do.
Trixie remembered her training sessions. Kunai Tail, the implacably serious teacher, forging in Trixie a steel-like determination while Battle Axe, the one-mare-army-corps, made sure that said determination had a strength of body to back it up. Finally, there was Emerald Archer, who explained to Trixie that such drive would lead her nowhere without the patience to find her target first. The three of them would only show disappointment at how easily her will got broken by such an irrelevant thing as other ponies’ opinion and how far down she had fallen.
The first side came back, arguing that what happened to Trixie wasn’t something small, or natural to begin with, and that her very magic was taken from her. The essence of what made any unicorn -magic- was now lost to her. She had every right to want to just give up on everything.
But deep inside her heart, Trixie knew that such argument was a fallacy. After all, wasn’t she taught by masters that were not unicorns that such magic wasn’t necessary for life? Wasn’t she shown how to escape the most impossible traps without even thinking about her magic? Hadn’t she been shown that the greatest illusions were those beyond mere spells?
Didn’t Scot Free and Reverse Mirror, Equestria’s two greatest magicians alongside Hope Lulamoon, Trixie’s very own mother, give her a legacy to carry on? Instead of that, what was Trixie doing? Scot Free would mourn at the loss of his surrogate daughter, while Reverse Mirror would only ask what did the world do to Trixie to make her do nothing in the face of the injustice of losing her freedom.
Once again, that other side of Trixie’s mind argued that it wasn’t just about how ponies saw her or about having to work without her magic. Those were the symptoms, not the real disease. The ponies around Trixie were reacting as they were not just because of her past, but also because she wasn’t something natural anymore, which was again the cause of her magic being cut short. She wasn’t a living pony anymore and she didn’t belong to the land of the living. Trixie Silverlight Lulamoon was dead and she needed to start playing the part. No more trying to act like she was alive.
But Trixie wasn’t dead either, wasn’t she? Trixie could still move, her five senses were still somewhat functional and she was able to talk. Bootlegger always said that she could do anything she wanted; all she had to do to convince other was to first convince herself. Trixie still could move, sense and communicate, to which the mentor would have said that was more than enough. Screw the other ponies then, would say Hell’s Blazer. He knew Trixie’s mother better than anyone else and thanks to him, Trixie knew she would never give up for something like this. If a pony like him could accomplish the impossible feats that he did, why should the loss of her unicorn magic matter to her so? If Hope Lulamoon wouldn’t surrender, neither would her only daughter. Trixie would never surrender against anything, ever.
The show must go on.
With more than a little effort, Trixie rolled out of the bed where Twilight Sparkle placed her and put a hoof on the ground in front of her. Then the next, and the next, and the next. Trixie accepted that her condition wasn’t bad enough to stop her, just slow her down. In the end, she was the only pony stopping herself.
Trixie walked around the room, looking for her cape to get outside. She then remembered Rarity replaced the ragged black cloak for a pink one. At some point after the ‘meeting’ with Fluttershy it had gone missing.
Trixie turned around and caught sight of the dreaded creature that had been haunting her since this whole mess began. In the mirror, hanging from the wall, she had a complete and terrifying view of what was left of her; her corpse. But unlike the other times she had been confronted by her destroyed reflection, this time Trixie didn’t freeze in fear or attempt to avoid the look. Instead, she walked straight to the glass hanging on the wall. She wasn’t looking at the walking corpse approaching the mirror, instead she was looking at the seven ponies behind it.
From the land of thought and dreams, the memory of her seven mentors looked back at Trixie and she remember the most important lesson that the seven of them imprinted with fire on her; Life is a choice, you just need to choose to live it.
Maybe it was actually willpower, or maybe just stubbornness, but Trixie decided to keep going once more, even if she was going to have do it alone in the face of a world that wasn’t willing to accept her. But she wasn’t alone, was she? Twilight has been tagging along with Trixie the entire day and even when Trixie was in her worst moments, Twilight was there to support her. Trixie realized that Twilight's friendship wasn’t out of pity as she early assumed, but actually a real one and maybe even the first real friend Trixie had had since leaving Neigh Orleans. Then, there was Rarity, the mare who offered Trixie all the generosity in the world, only because she wanted to do it. And even that pink one, who was about to host a party, only for Trixie, to which she had to attend that very night.
Trixie wasn’t alone anymore, something that she hadn't felt in years. With a revitalized optimism and a renewed will to keep going, Trixie went upstairs and slowly opened the basement door, not minding her appearance anymore. She found Twilight sitting on a cushion and reading a book in the living room, with Rarity’s pink cape hanging next to her. Trixie tried to cough, but when that failed, reminding her again of the limitations of her body, she softly tapped the floor with her left hoof. Twilight lifted her head and both unicorns looked at each other for a moment. At first, Twilight’s expression was only of worry, but when she saw Trixie’s small but firm smile, she knew that things were turning for the better.
They spent the next half hour talking like two friends would. After that, when the night had just settled in, two smiling ponies and a dragon exited the library to go at the party awaiting for them.
Although the sun was still bright in the sky, it was starting to set as the light of day once more began its retreat for the dark of the night to take over, following that eternal dance that kept life going on in Equus since times immemorial.
Twilight and Trixie finally arrived at their destination. Departing from Rarity’s on good terms had done wonders for Trixie’s mood and it showed. For example, even if she was still hiding her appearance from view, she also did her best to keep her posture straight and proud, not even minding how the pink color of the cape was still attracting the views of everypony around.
Twilight felt so positive at the change that she didn't noticed how uncharacteristically silent was the road to Fluttershy’s. Unknown to Trixie and ignored by Twilight, every animal close enough to Trixie to sense her presence did their best to stay out of her way. It was as though they instinctively knew something was wrong with her, or maybe were reacting to the dark magic of the Alicorn Amulet itself. Whatever the reason was, no animal dared to stay closer than a mile away from the walking dead.
What the two mares had taken for tranquility changed drastically when they came to Fluttershy’s main door. Where once was silence, now a very audible revolt could be heard on the other side of the door. Every animal that could make a sound was shouting out loud to the skies, making the place a cacophony of frightened cries and shrills. While this unsettled both ponies, Twilight did her best to reassure Trixie and keep them calm. Fluttershy was a kind, gentle pony who had a way with animals. This must just be them acting up over something, probably some territorial dispute that was being sorted out. Such things were rarely serious. Acting as natural as she could under the circumstances, ignoring all the barks and howls around them, Twilight knocked on the door with her hoof.
If they weren’t sure of an animal revolution before that, they certainly were after Twilight’s knocking. When the hoof hit the wood for the third and last time, the inside Fluttershy’s hut exploded a deafening riot of all kind of disorder. Panicking over her friend, Twilight told Trixie to wait outside and without waiting a response, she burst open the door open with her magic.
With the sun now below the tops of the trees, the inside of Fluttershy’s hut was darkened and Trixie was unsure if she even wanted to know what was happening. Twilight’s entrance marked a crescendo in the zoological cacophony, but after a considerable amount of time, Trixie could only hear two pony voices speaking too soft to tell what they were saying. Trixie sat down, patiently waiting for any signal that it was now safe for her to enter the strange cottage. But Trixie’s patience had a limit and when an amount of time that she considered long enough passed, she rose up to her four hooves, attempted a deep breath she could no longer take, and dared to enter the weird place.
The scene that welcomed Trixie was too bizarre to be real.
The first thing that happened when Trixie entered was a loud, collective gasp that could be heard far away outside the hut. Then, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Trixie saw a collection of almost every kind of animal she knew about, all gathered on one side of the room and protectively hugging each other. There was a mare in front of them, a butter yellow pegasus with a soft pink mane with her forelegs flung out to either side, as if trying to offer herself to protect the animals behind her. Between Trixie and everything else was Twilight, looking at the pegasus and still not aware of Trixie’s presence.
Trixie finally managed to speak. “Wha-what’s going on?”
“Trixie!” Twilight turned around in surprise. “I…”
“Please, leave,” Fluttershy’s soft voice implored. “Please, you’re scaring them.”
Trixie’s ears dipped to the back of her head as she realized what was going on. All of the animals behind Fluttershy were clearly frightened and not taking their gaze off Trixie. Some were even becoming aggressive, arching their backs and showing their teeth. Being observed in such a manner made Trixie feel vulnerable, and she quickly tried to pull the pink cloak around her for protection.
“Trixie, wait,” Twilight tried, looking back and forth between the two ponies. “Fluttershy, please.”
But there was no use, and Trixie could see it in Fluttershy’s eyes.
The mere sight of Trixie was scaring her witless. Was scaring all of them.
Trixie saw how violently Fluttershy trembled in fear. Still, she stood between Trixie and her animals, acting as a shield against the unnatural darkness that had entered her home.
"S-st-stay away from us," Fluttershy pleaded.
Trixie couldn't believe how much fear those large aquamarine eyes held. She knew she was a freak already, that had been evident since her first glance at the mirror back in the hospital room. Trixie had even seen the fear her appearance caused in other ponies, such as Applejack or that flower trio. But this? Such primal and literally animalistic fear? That the natural world itself would react so violently to her mere presence was something Trixie would never have expected.
"You should not be here. Please, leave," Fluttershy tried once again.
It reminded Trixie that she wasn’t a pony anymore, or a even a living being. This pony’s reaction was the confirmation she didn’t want to have. It was too much for Trixie. She wanted to escape, to be left alone. Trixie knew herself as something that was apart from the land of the living and now she only wanted to put as much distance as possible between them and her.
Doing the only thing she could, Trixie turned around and ran away, in the direction of the setting sun, crying out in pain and frustration.
It was a sunny late afternoon in Ponyville…
DISCLAIMER
Yeah, we know this was a bad chapter. We got experimental with the storytelling and it bit us in the ass, hard. Please don't think this reflects on the rest of the story, as it returns to normal story structure after this one. Please don't downvote just becase of this chapter.
Wave Blaster: Okay, experimentation time again, people. As this fic started as a new writing style for me, I felt it would be fair enough if I tried more than just one structure. In this case, an Alan Moore-eske non linear time structure. I'm not quite sure from where did the no dialogue idea came, but it was interesting to rework some parts I initially wrote as spoken.
nightwalker: This was probably the most interesting chapter to work on so far. As someone who does dialogue a lot it was quite a shift. Still, it's nice to try something different and I think it came out well. It certainly fits the title well.
: D-did she leave?
Wave: Oh boy, I made Trixie cry (again) and scared the everloving heck out of Fluttershy, all in the same chapter *ducks under desk*.
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Okay..... WOW Fluttershy...... WOW.
Why are Fluttershy and Applejack so stupid in this story?
First off, I hate this writing style. It was very confusing and difficult to piece everything together.
6158588 Secondly, I don't think Fluttershy is being stupid. All the animals she cares for know that Trixie isn't part of the nature order of things. Plus, they still remember what Trixie did to them. So, Fluttershy needed Trixie to just leave and still away from the animals.
Third, based on all that has happened, I believe Trixie may be better off an official corpse. Things are only going to get worse for her. I have a feeling Pinkie's party for Trixie will determine her best course of action.
Am I right in assuming that parts of this chapter are completely out of order intentionally? I don't know what's the point of this, but I didn't have trouble understanding the sequence of events when I finished the chapter.
Anyway, Trixie's inner thoughts are very interesting. Her situation is pretty thought-provoking. I feel really bad for her. Hopefully the other ponies can eventually get over their stupidity and fear, because Trixie still has most of what's necessary for a good and fulfilling life, and this state of hers even has some benefits if you think about it. I hope by the end she figures it all out. Although if she decides to just die, it would be a delightfully tragic ending as well.
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6158716
Yeah, the chronology of this chapter was intentionally jumbled, as Wave said in the A/N. We've had 3 chapters in a row of meet-confront-react so far. We honestly felt that if we were to get experimental, this would be a good place. That and the title where also the reasons why that chapter is lacking dialogue everywhere except for the end.
Rest assured, I'm pretty confident that this will be the last chapter we do this with. Worst case, know it will in no way be a regular thing.
I will be honest, I am SICK of this trope, the whole "animals sense evil/undead" thing is overplayed and bullshit,
I may sound harsh but seriously...
its overdone.
Nice use of non-linear story telling. While others here didn't seem to enjoy it, I enjoyed it immensely. Helped ramp up the tension in the chapter, where a chronological version of the events wouldn't have had nearly as much of an impact.
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Beside the fact animals follow their instinct and Fluttershy being a doormat to these instinct-driven animals, it was unavoidable.
Still, atleast could a damn tact.
6158716
Sometime, its best to let the dead sleep.
Although, from the look of the chapter Interlude, she won't have that peace.
6158963 Animals following their instinct doesn't magically give them the ability to sense evil or undead. Animals are not intelligent, they have no such concepts. Even if Trixie, say, smells like a rotting corpse, and the animals could perceive that the smell is coming off her in aprticular, they wouldn't understand that it is something unnatural for a corpse to move.
With the way you have the confrontation at the end of the chapter, it seems like Trixie would be giving a cry of despair and pain, rather than war.
Man poor Trixie just cant catch a break can she? And Fluttershy was such a meanie.
And that whole thing with Octavia and how she was going to propose to Vinyl after she thought Trixie was Death. I laughed so hard at that it took over thirty minutes to finish the next paragraph after. Good job on the chapter.
6158716 I agree that the chapter felt a bit jumbled. But it was still good, I just ignored the chronology and fixed it in my head.
6158503 Yeah, she was a big Meanie Pants wasn't she?
Fluttershy, that was a magnificent demonstration of how to ruin someone's self-esteem when they are only seeking acceptance and forgiveness.
Coward.
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Personally, I have only seen this style once before. It worked in that case because the PoV character was experencing the ****ed up time flow as well. (Turns out she has suffered a near-death experience, and was reliving various bits of the same day until her mind had recovered enough to wake up.) It... doesn't have quite the same impact here.
Damn Fluttershy, having trouble with our element, are we? I guess your not kindness so much as you are convenient, selective kindness which allows you to be a wholly insensitive bag of dicks whenever something not cute and fluffy is involved.
It baffles me that these mares are suppose to represent harmony and friendship when the only ones apparently up to the task are Rarity, Twilight, and maybe Pinkie Pie (doing good so far, but party may be a disaster).
Love and tolerate, girls. Love and tolerate.
6159210 Fluttershy did strike me a little strange. This is the same pony who has browbeated a dragon and treats manticores like babies.
What exactly does a non-magical unicorn corpse pose a threat to? Heck she has a bear in her house which could eat Trixie. Not to mention Twilight is right there and able to keep Trixie in check.
Perhaps I'm looking at this wrong, she could be empathizing with the animals and getting caught up in their freak out?
Or placing too much weight on her animal friends opinions? I'm surprised she didn't just leave the animals inside and come out to at least say hi before returning to calming the animals down and letting twilight explain what was going on.
Curiously she seems more afraid of Trixie then she was of Discord.
6159013 That doesn't even BEGIN to describe how much of a jerk she was.
6159210 And Rainbow.
6158716 Yes well.... Fluttershy KNEW Trixie was going to come to her home and yet STILL acted like a massive world class jerk. She just wants HELP and Fluttershy just gave her the middle feather and basically told her to fuck off. That is NOT being kind. That is being one-sided to her animals who she's pretty much let her life ride behind.
6159563 Why are you surprised? Except for her very best friends, she will ALWAYS choose her animals first. Especially, someone she is legitimately scared of. Especially, the one who caused her animals the distress in the first place.
Sweet, if a bit cliché. No, I am not fond of shipping. Especially not because it always, always seems to focus on lesbian couples, which just gives me this uncomfortable sense of having someone's personal masturbation fantasies displayed to me. Still, that whole "Prance Macabre" scene was very nicely written, very dramatic. Very Liszt.
All in all, though, I didn't really like this chapter. There is so much telling going on, it felt more like I was reading a summary than an actual chapter of a story. It makes a certain amount of sense, seeing as you were intentionally writing it out of order, but stylistically, it just didn't work for me.
6159623 Yes but she also, once again, KNEW TRIXIE WAS COMING. She could've MOVED HER ANIMALS AWAY somewhere that Trixie wouldn't bother them. OH and choosing her animals first? SHE HAS A FUCKING BEAR. SHE SHOULD NOT BE THIS MUCH OF A PANSY AND AN ASS. If anything TRIXIE should've been the one who was scared OF THAT FUCKING BEAR considering her experience with Ursas.
6159623
It's unsurprising, but it also isn't particularly admirable.
6159554 Well, not that I'm defending her or anything, but this IS Flutterhy we're talking about here. Sure she faced against dragons, manticores, and what not, but honestly I feel that she is in ethe wrong, but her instincts to protect her animal friends, which I feel i s a driving force because of her cutie mark, and we know a cutie mark drives ponies instincts from the episode when Twilight ascends.
I feel this is not only a combination of her and her cutie mark but perhaps an underlying fear of the dead. Honestly we've never encountered undead beings in the show, and yes I mean undead, not dead dead. So, that being said I feel she was both justified and unjustified in her fears of Trixie.
Admittedly, the BIGGEST reason I follow this story is the moral dilemma that everyone must follow in this story. Should they punish Trixie for what she's done, when in truth it was the mane six's fault she went down this path? Is it Trixie's own fault? Should she be put to death for her crimes, or be left to suffer in her current state? Or is this such an unusual and cruel punishment/existence of suffering that they should put her down permanently?
Truly, i feel torn by this story. No one wants Trixie around due to her state and what she had done, but at the same time, can we really condemn her when she's suffered one of the greatest punishments life has to offer? If only her parents were here, it'd probably make things easier for her.
Sorry I went off my main point there. The point is can we really blame flutters for fearing something so unnatural and that goes against everything she stands for? Or is she truly that unsettled with Trixie that she's going against her very nature?
This really is a big question and so many more that we must consider for all points of view. because honestly, there is no right or wrong way to handle a situation like this. It merely depends on YOUR point of view.
Sorry I super serious there but this story really tugs at my heart strings when I read it.
6160438 *sigh*
She was there..... at the hospital..... they all were.... they all KNEW she was like this. Fluttershy was going to be visited by her. She did not have ANY REASON to truly act like this. So for now? Unless some valid explanation from the story itself is given? Fluttershy to me is NOT being the Element of Kindness. She's being the Element of Stereotyping since this is how most people would see her.
6160443 I guess you have a point there. I forgot she was there. and Rarity did have a similar reaction and got past it herself a few chapters ago.
Well, Flutters you're now the element of stereotyping for the day. Congratulations.
Still that octavia reaction was the funniest what did you think?
6160450 That was pretty good. Also I want to be clear. I don't do this because I hate Fluttershy. I do this because it's true and sometimes... the truth hurts.
6160443
You know, after the whole Rainbow Dash thing, I am wondering if this is going to become an intentional running theme for this story. That would certainly be interesting in its own way.
6160475 Hey. Rainbow actually tried to help unlike Fluttershy. Also this started all the way back at Applejack who attacked Trixie.
6160478
No doubt that RD was trying to help, I was just talking about the whole "first interaction will be a stereotype of the character" thing that we have a three for three running streak of, as of now. It would lead to an interesting character dynamic, don't you think?
6160512 Oh.... well in that case you're right it would be.
6160463 Oh, no I get that. I mean I was being truthful too.
6160535 Fair enough.
6159623
6159210
6159258
I wish I could find it again, but I read a very good article or blog post about Fluttershy and how she's a poor representation of the Element of Kindness because of her overwhelming love for her animals. The argument put forth was that we have seen on a number of occasions how she puts animals above ponies, including her friends. Bats was of course one, another being A Bird in the Hoof. It was argued that Fluttershy's actions in the latter, taking a sickly animal she knew nothing about and thinking she could care for it better than its owner (the Princess) was not kindness but selfishness/arrogance. There were other similar points made further along. Again, I wish I could find it because I remember it being very good.
6159792
That... is actually a pretty good point. Kinda wish we'd realized that. Admittedly her focus was elsewhere at the time. Have to see if we can work up an opportunity to call that back.
6160438
It hasn't been explicitly stated (yet) what happened with Hope, but suffice it to say that her parents will factor into things (if we get far enough along anyway)
6159186
I think I know the story you're talking about. It also had a looping nature to the events if I'm right and kept repeating itself. I thought it was an interesting concept but with an execution that just dragged. I skipped like 30% or so of the story because it got so repetitive and it was not a short story.
6158957
Good, as I said, that was the intent. We see that things went bad and are so left to wonder how they went bad and see if it can be pieced together from the aftermath we're seeing first. It was an experiment. Still, glad to see it was successful to a degree.
As to the rest, I must say it's quite interesting to be involved in a story that provokes such vocal and consistent discussions. I do hope that Wave and I can continue to do right by you all.
6160645 HOLY SHIT I MADE A GOOD POINT.... AND AN AUTHOR RECOGNIZED IT.
6160645
I wouldn't. Not every even semi-traumatic experience automatically develops into a phobia. Trixie is already plenty tragic enough as a character without shoving every sadbrains thing in there that you can think of. She's clearly and visibly pissed about the whole thing, on-screen, but she never gives the impression of being traumatized. I recommend leaving it at that.
6160645 Do you remember HOW Fluttershy got her element? Not by helping a pony, but an animal. That is where Fluttershy's kindness really goes. Hell, she got her cutie mark because she learned how to soothe the animals that were scared by the Sonic Rainboom.
6160645
Just so we are clear, I was referring to a single chapter in Sailor Nothing, the original Magical Girl Darkfic. What story were you thinking of?
6161103
Ah. No, I was referring to something here. Was a Lyra-Bon story. I tried looking for it but can't find it again. I wish fimfic allowed you to see stories you've read but haven't marked otherwise.
I saw you comment on my wall. Instead of replying there, I thought it would be more appropriate to do that here. I love this story for several reasons. It's a very different take on Trixie. I love how you've portrayed various character interactions. Lastly, I love the premise. Every choice leads to another. It's like a coin. You should be proud of this wonder you've created. I am, and I would love to see more from you. :)
Honestly I kinda felt that having Trixie's acceptance in the middle of the chapter undercut what would normally be the climax.
Also it took me a while to realize what was going on with the time hopping, though I was able to follow it when I realized what was going on. This might have worked better if most of the story was this way.
Squee!
It's a great story, I trully am enjoying the way it is developing. I loved the image of a "dark figure" Trixie when she was talking to Apple Bloom while wearing her black cape with a hood. I love such dark mysterious images.
Of course Fluttershy pisses herself at the sight of corpse Trixie. Element of kindness, never shows it to anything not fluffy.
6159563 Fluttershy knows every year that Nightmare Night is coming, and that the ones that are going to knock at her door are only ponies in disguise. That not prevents her to hide under her bed and yell at everypony that tries to call her.
Had that night Luna tried to enter into Fluttershy's house like Trixie did, Fluttershy would have come out of it breaking through the wall.
Fluttershy is not acting out of character here. Is only the clash between a character that is hypersensitive over scary things and a living dead (that happened to be a tyrant first to die).
More than other, it was a question of bad timing. Had Trixie waited outside, probably Twilight would have been able to convince Fluttershy to get out to meet her, and, not fearing to be trapped, things would have been different.
6160645 I don't think Trixie having a bear-fobia would be appropriate. Trixie feared the Ursa cause she has the dimensions of a building. And even in that case she tried to stand and fight.
There is really no reason for her to be particularly (more than another pony would) scared by a normal sized bear.
6162680 Then that makes it worse. It means that the Authors deliberately sent out a stereotype Fluttershy. Instead of one who was willing to help we got one who'd rather run and hide.
That was the worst cluster molest of a chapter I have ever fucking seen. I assumed it was some weird sort of fuck up that rearrangedt he paragraphs at random but it was actually intentional? Experiment failed, it is not only confusing as all fuck but even retroactively it simply feels messy and wrong. Hell, even now that I know it was in a fucked up order I can't do more than guess where every paragraph is supposed to go.
Please clean it up.
Oh boy, finally free and finally going to answer to my good readers in my personal, one by one style with no backlash for saying this out loud before doing so.
*48 comments*
sigh where did I put that coffee?
Also, because most of the comments go around some recurrent themes, I did a special editorial aimed for said themes:
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/507960/actually-im-dead-editorial-base-breakers-and-sleeplessness
6158503
I would like to point out a very important part of Flutters' and AJ's characterization in their respective parts of this absurdly long chapter. Both of them didn't react out of reason, but out of emotion. In Fluttershy's case, yeah, you have all the points when it comes to she knowing what was coming and how poorly she handled (hoofed?) the situation.
BUT, just as I said in AJ's part, try to look at it from Fluttershy perspective, further details go to the editorial (link at the beginning).
6158588
More than stupid, I would like to think of them as emotional, very emotional. They both feared for their beloved ones and reacted in the best way they could think about in the less time possible to make sure that said beloved ones were safe. I'm pretty sure that we all have that one moment when we didn't think things through because a familiar or a friend was involved, and I don't think that ponies are above unintentionally screwing up.
6158716
Look at the editorial for your first two points (link up there).
In regards to Trixie giving up, I think that Crawling from the Ashes and the ending from I Lost Everything and I Did Not Die, alongside the second lo last part here go around Trixie not willing to play the part of a rotting corpse. Also, don't count on anything with Pinkie's party, which could probably be subjected to the same logic as Pinkie herself.
6158736
Your assumptions are mostly right. For more info, go to the editorial
Yeah, I hope the same. Ponies have have such a bad reasoning process when it comes to mass reactions, but if Luna Eclipsed showed us something is that they're not behind understanding, eventually. You also hit the nail with "some benefits". So far, she has: not needing to eat or sleep and not getting tired (hence why Twilight never caught up with her). Add supper strength and resistance, and we have Golden Age's Superman's powerset. Finally, although I shouldn't say anything about the ending, I'm actively against working this hard to bring a character to life (metaphorically speaking, of course) only to cut it out. But I'm not writing alone here, so nothing is set on stone yet.
6158823
Dude, you are a literal lifesaver. Sorry I couldn't join the comments till now. And yeah, I'm not willing to do this again either.
6158874
But I really like Final Destination...
For more info, go to the editorial (reply's beginning).
6158957
Someone liked it?! OMG someone liked it!!! ¡OhDiosmío! ¡OhDiosmío! ¡OhDiosmío! ¡OhDiosmío! ¡OhDiosmío! ¡OhDiosmío! ¡OhDiosmío!
Thank you very much, I really needed to know it wasn't a total failure. Thanks, mate.
6158963
6158969
And those two are actually good points. Thanks a lot for helping with the headscratchers.
6159005
No, but they probably recognize the mare who trapped them under a dome. Also, if their mother figure is actually terrified of her, why wouldn't they? More info in this week's editorial.
6159010
Yeah, but Octavia didn't know that. All she heard was a sound that was unnatural to her and when she saw a friggin' corpse running down the street, fear took over.
6159011
Yeah, Octavia's part was to light the mod a little, considering how dark where things to get. also, it has the double purpose of confronting a character with the idea of mortality, and how lifetime is something precious that should not be wasted.
Good to hear/read that the non linear storytelling didn't messed up the chapter for you. For Fluttershy, go to the editorial.
6159068
Of course, standing up to something she clearly fears to no end in order to cal the animals to whom she has devoted her life is clearly an act of cowardice.
Okay, sorry, as a chilean it's hard to me to not think in sarcasm. Go to the editorial for your actual answer
6159186
More than an impact, I wanted to put the reader in the same state of confusion and detachment from reality that Trixie felt. did it work? Well, some people is confused so...
6159210
That's a lot of rage.
Okay, the long answer for that is in the editorial, so go read it because it goes the extra mile explaining my POV's in Fluttershy's behavior.
6159258
A very important part of Trixie's appearance, and hinted in previous parts, is that she looks really, really bad. Bad enough that the cloak was actually necessary. Let's hope that Rarity realizes and remembers that when designing the new one.
Also, yeah, Fluttershy, as I said before (and in the editorial) didn't thought this one through. In fact, when confronted with expectations, Fluttershy usually expects the worst case scenario, and when it comes to guessing what could possibly go wrong with the walking corpse of a former dictator being around her animal friends, her mind probably (as note in the narration) brought up some very nasty outcomes. See more at the editorial.
6159644
I'm not a shipper either, in any fandom I'm part of. I'm equally cool with Supes!Lois or Supes!Wondy and when I walk into weird OOC ships like Zutara, I usually turn around and walk away.
With that said, I first only wanted a pony living in the path between FS's cottage and Ponyvill and focus all the narration on how terrifying looked Trixie without actually describing her (like the Indominous Rex in the Jurassic World's early trailers), but then, I realized that Octavia and Vinyl's house could be there and I decided to change the focus to a pony confronting the fear to mortality and out of the experience deciding to be more decisive with life decisions. Pretty much like in Edgar A. Poe's "The Premature Burial".
And about this chapter horribly controverted structure, go to the editorial.
Okay, I'm not replying conversations because that would be rude. Also, I'm too tired to catch up.
6161724
Dude, I'm literally out of words by this points. To find out that a living legend of the fandom not only noticed my work (senpai noticed me *squee*) but is also praising it and for the reasons I actually intended it to be praised for. This is literally what motivated me to actually pull this mega reply off.
Daaaaamn now I know how did Gaiman felt when Alan Moore said he liked his works. For the record, it feels AWESOME! full capitals and exclamation mark included.
And don't worry, there are two parts left for this chapter, a whole season to cover up and three story arcs already planed. The end is not even nigh.
6161753
But it would have presented a pattern, eliminating the confusion and taking the sentiment away from the reader. Anyways, I'm not repeating this stunt anytime soon, so don't worry.
6161757
Squee indeed, my good reader, s-quee.
6162347
I am very glad that you liked it. One of the big points I did want to drive home with Trixie is that she's now the dreaded for most of ponies around her.
6162570
I think it's more complex than that. Look at the editorial where I walk the extra mile to explain myself on why Fluttershy acted like she did.
6162680
You got it completely right, congratulations for understanding this labyrinth of a chapter. Can I use your comment on the editorial to further draw the point home?
6167034
Aggression should not and will not be replied.
Oh Dios, ¿Terminó? ¡Terminó! Respondí a todos mis lectores ¡soy un escritor concientizado!
¡Yajuu!
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