• Published 11th Apr 2015
  • 5,991 Views, 126 Comments

My Life as a Sword - TrombonePlayingPony



This is my story about dealing with the nut job ponies all in my quest to get their crap over with so I can just nap the days away. All while being a soul trapped in a sword. I don't know how that all fits together but then again I don't really care.

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Rusted Over

“Spike, take a few notes for me.”

Twilight was currently in the process of examining the girl in the basement lab of her library, both for medical reasons and to satisfy her curiosity. She was a creature that had never been documented in Equestrian history. Add to that the strange shape shifting abilities she had and Twilight couldn’t wipe the grin from her face.

“Subject has been shown to be bipedal in nature, such as a minotaur. We have determined her to be female, has two eyes that both function the same way despite her covering one with her hair. She is wearing clothing that seems to be made to withstand wear and tear, as well as to cover her lack of fur. Her body seems similar to minotaur’s in many ways, though her legs have notable differences. She has been seen turning her arm into a sword and is rather hardy, having taken a full buck from Applejack off a balcony with little more than a fractured rib.”

As she continued rambling off examinations to Spike, the girl began to wake up. She sat up, holding her head as she groaned and alerting the two to her. Spike cowered behind his paper and quill while Twilight approached the table she was laying on.

“Hello there! I’m Twilight Sparkle and I-” She was cut off as the girl’s arm became a sword pointed at her neck.

“So what? Your buddies beat the shit out of me and now we’re friends? I know you ponies can be kind of nuts sometimes, but you have to be completely mad if you think that’s how it works.”

Twilight, despite the threat of being stabbed, looked at the girl sternly. “I apologize on behalf of my friends. Their actions were uncalled for and I’m sure they regret what they did.” The girl held the sword there for a few more seconds before it returned to being an arm, though she didn’t stop staring at Twilight.

“Who the hell are you?”

Twilight smiled. “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I am one of the four princesses of Equestria. Might I know your name?”

“Soul Eater.” The girl said rather flatly. “Yes, that’s my name, at least the one I go by.”

“O-oh.” Twilight was a bit offput by the name. “Might I know your real name?”

“No.”

Twilight stood there, almost expecting the girl to be kidding. “Ooooookay then. How are you feeling?”

“Like someone kicked me in the stomach.”

“Well that makes sense. It’s surprising you managed to take a buck from Applejack with so little injury.” It soon returned to awkward silence as Soul just sat there grinding her teeth. “So…. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what are you?”

“A sword.”

“I’m sorry? Your race is called swords?”

“No, my ‘race’ is demon weapons. I, specifically, am a sword. Like the thing you hold and use to stab and slash.”

Twilight gave her a strange look before shaking her head. “That makes no sense! You have legs, and arms, and reproductive organs!”

“Woah, woah, woah! What have you been doing poking around down there?” Soul pulled her legs against her chest, giving Twilight a glare with her uncovered one eye.

“I just used magic to examine your body. It’s standard procedure when doing a medical examination. But don’t change the subject! How are you a weapon used in melee combat?”

Soul sighed in annoyance, though she didn’t move her legs from her chest. “This isn’t my normal body. It’s just a lot easier to walk around when you have legs. It’s why I don’t need to eat or drink anything and also why I don’t age.” She growled the last word.

“Wait, WHAT?!?!?” Suddenly Soul was lifted off the table, despite the curses she spat at Twilight. After a few moments she was dropped unceremoniously on her ass. “You don’t have a stomach! Or intestines! You don’t take in nutrients and you don’t create waste. How are you alive?!”

“I told you. I’m a sword. Technically, I’m not alive.”

“Then how did you become this? You must have been alive at one point.”

“I…” Soul blinked for a second with a face of confusion. “I… can’t really remember actually. I know I wasn’t always this but… after that my memory kind of fails. I know I somehow arrived in Equestria, made friends with a pony named Sunny, and that we lived in the woods.”

“Really? I don’t know any pony by that name. Maybe you hit your head when you fell?”

“Maybe.” Soul muttered, sounding not so sure as she gripped her head.

“Well, to make up for what my friends did to you wrongly, how about I help you regain your memories?”

“Oh, so you’re now a psychiatrist?” Soul said sarcastically.

“Actually, yes. I have multiple spells that I have been certified to use in aiding those with mental issues. It will require multiple sessions depending on the extent of your memory problems, but I’m confident I can help you.”

Soul glared at her for a moment before sighing. “Fine. You can mess with my head. But that’s only because I really don’t have any other choice.” She threw her legs over the side of the table. “Just keep that rainbow fly and the one with the hat away from me.”

Twilight’s ears went flat against her skull. “They are very sorry for what they did. They saw you carrying Fluttershy and thought the worst.”

“Ya, well from what I can remember, that’s what you ponies excel in. Thinking the worst of things you don’t understand.” She got up from the table, flinching slightly at the pain in her ribs before shaking it off and heading toward the stairs.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. I just want out of here. I need to find something I recognize.” As Soul ascended the staircase, Twilight sighed and turned to Spike.

“Did you get all that at least? About her lack of organs and such?”

“Uh… ya. Um, Twilight? Are you sure it’s the best idea the demonic, walking sword should really go outside, where other ponies might see her?”

It took Twilight a few moments to realize just what Spike meant. “Oh no!” She teleported to the front door, getting there just as Soul was reaching for the doorknob. “Stop! You can’t go outside.”

Soul growled. “What, so you’re holding me captive now?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, it’s not that. If my friends reacted so negatively to your looks, how do you think the rest of Ponyville will react?”

“Ponyville? Where the hell is that?”

“Uh… 35.7 degrees east latitude, 66.3 degrees north longitude.”

“I meant relative to other towns.”

“Oh. Right. It’s closest to Canterlot, the capital of Equestria. We’re only about fifty miles out.”

Soul put a hand to her temples. “Hang on. Canterlot, the mountain village full of snobby unicorns, is now the capital of Equestria? Who decided that stupid move?!”

“Hey! I’m from Canterlot, and we aren’t all posh and cruel. Also, Canterlot isn’t a village, it’s a city.” Soul grabbed her head, wobbling slightly and causing Twilight to gasp and leap to her side. “Are you alright?”

Soul was quick to fix herself, pushing away from Twilight. “I’m fine! Just… what year is it?”

“1367 AD. That’s After Discord.”

“Discord… I don’t know why, but that name pisses me off.” She gritted her teeth, shaking slightly and wobbling more. “I… think the last date I can remember is December 3rd, 156 AD.”

“What? That’s-” Twilight cut herself off.

“That’s what?”

“I… I would tell you, but from what I can tell, you’re mind isn’t reacting well to trying to access all this information. We need to take getting your memories back slowly.”

Soul didn’t look happy at all but couldn’t disagree when she nearly fell again, only to be caught by Twilight’s magic and placed on the nearby couch.

“Can… can we at least start now? Despite what it might seem, having holes in your memory isn’t fun.”

Twilight gave her a soft smile before she pulled a blanket over Soul. “Tomorrow. You should rest now. You can stay here for the night.” Soul looked like she wanted to argue but didn’t, turning away from Twilight before curling up under the blanket.

Twilight’s smile faltered a bit before she looked up to see Spike standing there, hiding behind the door to the basement. She walked over to him and closed the door before speaking. “She’s very defensive. I can’t help but wonder how she became such?”

“Maybe she’s hiding that she’s some sort of soul sucking demon queen from Tartarus!” Spike shivered, biting his nails. Twilight swatted his claws out of his mouth before giving him a glare.

“Spike! Honestly, you are worse than Rainbow. I’m sure she is just worried. Anyone would be in her position. She woke up in the ruins of a castle in the middle of the Everfree and was attacked. She has every right to be wary.” She perked her ears up at a new sound, opening the door a crack to confirm its source. Soul was already snoring away, fast asleep on the couch. Twilight soon caught herself yawning at the sight herself.

“Come on Spike. It’s been a long day. Let’s get to bed.”

* * *

Soul sat in a black chair in the middle of a dimly lit room dressed in a formal black dress with a red trim. The floor was checkered the same colors, the walls covered in red curtains. A record player sat on edge of the room, playing old jazz as the record skipped. Soul sat there, staring off into space until a smooth yet slightly unsettling voice spoke up.

“Well, well, well. Look who’s come back to see me.” Soul turned toward the voice to find a red skinned woman standing in the corner. She had a set of small horns, along with long nails and sharp teeth. All this combined with colorless eyes and a somewhat seductive choice of dress made the woman appear even more unsettling than her voice led to believe. Soul stared at the woman for a few moments before gasping and jumping from her chair, causing it to topple over.

“You!”

The demonesque woman giggled. “So you do remember me, though I doubt you actually remember my name. You couldn’t even remember it before.” Soul just gritted her teeth and glared at her. “Oh don’t be like that. I thought we were friends.”

“We were never friends succubus!”

“Such rude words, and to the one who saved you and your little friend’s lives.”

Soul took a step back. “What?! I would have never taken your power!”

Succubus smirked before sauntering toward Soul. “Never would have taken the power under unless you needed it. Which you did. After all, what do you think happened to your memories?”

“I…” Soul grabbed her head, shaking it side to side. “No! There’s no way I would have used madness’ power!”

Succubus reached Soul, tilting her head up with the tip of one of her long nails. “‘That is the price of madness’ power.’ Don’t you remember me telling you that?” Soul looked at her for a moment before she shook her hand off, pushing by succubus to head for the door. “A shame. You will remember eventually though. It is only a matter of time with that purple alicorn helping you.”

Soul stopped just before touching the doorknob, causing a grin to come to succubus' face. “Don’t tell me you’re now afraid of what you might remember?” Soul stood still for a few more seconds before ripping the door open and leaving. Succubus bent down and picked up the chair before taking a seat and looking over her nails.

“Yes. Only a matter of time.”

Author's Note:

I've noticed the more of these Author Notes I write, the less I have to say. Heck, without me saying this I would have probably left this blank.

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