• Published 11th Apr 2015
  • 5,988 Views, 126 Comments

My Life as a Sword - TrombonePlayingPony



This is my story about dealing with the nut job ponies all in my quest to get their crap over with so I can just nap the days away. All while being a soul trapped in a sword. I don't know how that all fits together but then again I don't really care.

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Breaking it in...

‘So… remind me why we are doing this?’ Soul asked from Applejack’s back, as she and the other ponies all trekked through a jungle toward who knows where.

‘That new Daring Do book that Rainbow wanted so badly was delayed, so she wants to go see the author to… I guess push her to write some more?’

‘Well… that’s kind of a stupid move.’

‘I won’t disagree with ya there, but I ain’t about to leave a friend high and dry.’

‘Okay, so that’s why you six are going, but why did you bring me?! I don’t give a shit about rainbow ass or this book of hers.’

‘Cause I asked you “Do you want to go do something more interesting than sit ‘round all day?” and you hopped on my back without ‘nother word.’

Soul pouted in the image reflecting off her blade. ‘Well next time you want to interrupt my naps for some stupid adventure, do me a favor and don’t.’ Applejack just smiled and shook her head as Twilight spoke up.

"You see what I mean? Why would she live in this remote part of Equestria except to keep folks from intruding on her privacy? We should respec-”

“I think I spotted the house!” Rainbow suddenly shouted out. “We're super close! This way!”

“Wait!” Twilight called out, chasing after Rainbow before the rest of the group followed suit. When they were close enough to the house they all stopped. What they had been expecting to be a well maintained home looked like a bear had gone through it. “Oh no. What happened?”

“Looks like someone’s been invading her privacy pretty hard already…” Rainbow said as she walked up to the door angled on its side. She knocked a few times only for it to fall over. Everypony took that as the cue to peek in.

“Hoo-wee, someone really trashed the place.” Applejack nodded.

“Hm… maybe…” Pinkie suddenly jumped across the room with a pot on her head. “Or maybe A.K. Yearling is just a terrible, horrible, unbelieveable slob!”

‘No, the place was ransacked.’ Soul said flatly, causing Applejack to turn.

“What da ya mean?”

‘It’s pretty clear. If the place was just messy, it wouldn’t be in this state. It would be in this state and there would be mold, rust, things like that. As it stands, all I’m seeing is ripped up paper and broken wood. Oh, and the pony that is heading for the door right now.’

“Wait, huh?” Applejack turned just in time to see a pony with a large hat, glasses and cloak enter the door frame while the rest of the ponies were oblivious.

“What are you all doing here?” The pony asked, stepping into the light.

“A… K… Yearling?” Rainbow muttered, her excitement very clearly fit to burst.

‘Wait, that’s the writer? It can’t be.’

Twilight started trying to convince A.K. Yearling that they hadn’t been the ones to break in while Applejack took a step back to talk with Soul. ‘Now what are ya going on about?’

‘I told you, the better you are at soul sense, the more you can see about a person’s soul. Right now I’m getting from this pony adventurous, brave, cocky, and doesn’t work well with others. None of that fits a book author… well, except maybe that last part. I could have assumed that just based on how long it took to get here.’ Despite what the other ponies were saying, A.K. Yearling seemed intent on looking for something and after awhile she found it. She pulled a book, out from under Rainbow no less, before turning the symbol on the front of it and revealing a gold ring inside.

‘Applejack. Three other ponies. They’re climbing up to the top floor window. My guess for nothing good.’

‘Wait, wha? What do we do?!’

‘What do you think?! Fight the damn bastards!’ Twilight was currently dragging Rainbow out the door, the other three ponies following. This left Applejack standing awkwardly in the room, looking between the door and the stairs as she bit her lower lip. After a few moments she got up and headed for the stairs, running up them.

‘They’re just getting to the window. You might be able to catch them by surprise.’

‘And then what? I can’t fight three ponies on my own!’

‘You forget you aren’t alone. You have me, and me plus another might as well make an army. Though… I’m going to have to do something new.’

‘Ya don’t think this could wait till later?’

‘Not really, no. After all, have you ever used a sword before?’

‘Well no, but what’s that got to do with it?’ She reached the top floor before quickly finding the window and hiding next to it. Just as she settled in, the first pony jumped inside. It was a dark gray stallion with an orange mane and tail, and a big guy at that.

‘Look, the little link we’ve got that allows us to speak, remember how I opened it up wider so you can see souls? Well I need to do that, only wider still.’

The next pony leapt in, this one light gray with a black mane and shades. Unlike his friend, he was much more slender. ‘Didn’t ya say opening it wider caused memories to leak over?’

‘Yes, but either we don’t do this and you have to swing a sword around, likely getting your ass kicked, or we do this and… well, you’ll see.’

‘I’ll see?!’ Applejack watched the third pony enter the building, this one a brown stallion with a black hat and muscled. She took a look at the three ponies as they glanced around the room before sighing. ‘Alright Soul, whatever you’re gonna do, ya better do it now.’

‘Right. Soul link, active.’ Applejack gasped as suddenly this wave of energy seemed to go through her. For a brief moment she could see all the souls in the area before it faded, the range shrinking to about the room they were in. Her own soul expanded, creating a sphere around her as the energy caused her hair to rise on its own. ‘Soul link steady.’ Soul lit up in a white light before shifting down Applejack’s front right leg, covering it before turning into what looked like a heavy armor piece. Applejack looked at Soul’s new form with curiosity as her ponytail floated back down.

‘Alright, not the form I thought I would take, but then again a lasso would have probably been even more impractical.’

‘Wait, what do you-’

“Hey, who the heck are you?” One of the thug ponies noticed Applejack and turned to face her, attracting the attention of his friends.

‘No time to explain, just fight. Kick em and stuff and I’ll help.’ Applejack nodded, arching her back as she watched the three thugs.

“I’ll take care of this one.” The big, brown one said. “You two head downstairs and get Daring.” The two ponies nodded, though their exit was quickly blocked as Applejack leapt between them and the stairs.

“Sorry, but y’all are gonna have to deal with me before ya get downstairs.”

The three ponies looked at each other before grinning wickedly. “Alright cowgirl, you wanna tussle? Than let’s tussle.” The black one charged at her but to Applejack he seemed to be moving at a snail’s pace. She didn’t take time to question it though as she dug her armored hoof into the ground and pivoted on it, slamming the attacker in the jaw with her back hooves and sending him sailing across the room with a single buck. She spun back around to face the two other ponies, both shocked at how quickly she had just knocked their friend aside.

‘Ha! He calls that a fight? I almost forgot how easy it was to take care of ponies.’ Soul grinned from her reflection in the armored hoof, Applejack nearly matching it.

“You wanna play it tough then, huh?” The slender pony picked up a chair leg sticking out of a nearby box while the other made his way forward, not charging blindly so as to not make the same mistake as his friend. Once close enough he swung a hoof at Applejack.

‘Dodge.’ Applejack bobbed left. Another hoof swing was on the way though. ‘Dodge again.’ And Applejack bobbed right. ‘Jab.’ She lashed out with Soul, hitting the guy square in the chest, though it had nowhere near the power her buck had on the first stallion. It was enough to push him back a step, leaving him open to another attack. Well, that is if his friend didn’t come in swinging the chair leg.

“Step back.’ Applejack craned her neck back, the chair leg barely missing her muzzle as she dodged. ‘Block.’ She rose her metal hoof to meet the next swing, the force causing it to snap in half on impact. Applejack felt no pain on her end though as the two ponies just looked at this in shock.

‘And buck.’ Applejack jammed her hoof into the floor, this time the wood below it snapping a bit as she turned again. With a single buck she sent the two flying back, landing near their friend who had just managed to put his life back together and was ready for round 2.

“Alright cowgirl. No more mister nice pony.” The black stallion leapt at Applejack’s side, forcing her to dodge. From there he tried to buck her, again just barely missing. He then pivoted on his back hooves, striking with his front which she blocked. This dance went on for awhile, the pony attacking while Applejack dodged and blocked his blows while getting in a few of her own. Wasn’t long till the pony made one more desperate lunge. Applejack leaned back this time, landing on her back before driving her back hooves into his stomach and sending him over her head. He landed on his two friends with a massive thud, groans of defeat being heard from all three.

‘Alright, that went surprisingly better than expected.’ Soul commented, her tone relaxed compared to before.

“Hoo-wee! Did we just do that?”

‘For the most part. I had to call a few shots in there and enhance your reaction speed a good deal, but that wasn’t bad for first time soul link. Especially since you never seemed to get fighting training before.’

“Well… I’d be lying if I said I ain’t never fought before.”

‘New pony entering through the front door. Your friends are all out by the house, but I don’t think they can tell what is happening.’ Applejack walked over to the top of the stairs just as a new masculine voice spoke.

“Ah, Daring Do. I believe you have something belonging to me.”

“And just what do you have to take it?”

“Oh of course. Seems my help is a bit slow today. You three! Get down here!”

‘You want to be the one to break the bad news?’ Soul grinned, Applejack’s only agreement being her starting down the stairs. Once the two of them were in sight, the new pony gasped in confusion.

“Well… I must admit, I thought I hired three burly stallions, not one beautiful mare.”

‘Oh gag me with a spoon!’ Soul spat.

“Sorry buddy, but yer friends are a bit tied up at the moment.”

“I see… well than, perhaps you would be interested in-”

“Nope.”

“... are you sure? I can certainly make it worth-”

“I said nope. Now git you flea ritten varmit!” Applejack took a step forward, causing the stallion to flinch before regaining his demeanor.

“V-very well.” She turned toward A.K. Yearling. “But this will not be the last you hear of me, Daring Do.” And with that he bolted, that being Soul’s cue to change out of weapon form. She stood next to Applejack, arms crossed as she watched the stallion leave.

“Bastard.”

“Applejack! Soul!” Twilight and the others ran in. “Where did you two go?”

“And just what in the world are you supposed to be?!” A.K. Yearling glared at Soul, though it didn’t even phase her.

“Soul sensed some bad guys coming in through the window so we went up there and beat ‘em up.” Applejack smiled before turning to Soul.

“That guy needs to find a better place to pick up his henchmen.” She said, picking her ear with her pinkie finger. “Those assholes were jokes.”

“Ehem.” Everyone turned as A.K. Yearling spoke again. “As I just asked, what. Are. You?”

“I’m a weapon, duh.” She rolled her eyes. “No need to be rude anyway, Daring Do or A.K. Yearling or whatever the fuck you are called.”

“Wait, Daring Do? Daring Do is just a fictional character.” Twilight pondered.

“Well if she is, than that guy who just ran out of here with his tail between his legs either is really into roleplay or needs a serious reality check. He kept calling her Daring Do and sounded like some stereotypical movie villain too.” Daring just sighed before pulling off her disguise, though she seemed to be doing it more to get the hot thing off of her than because her secret had been blown. Without another word she headed for the door, though not before Rainbow started fangasming all over the place.

“Oh. My. Gosh. Daring Do, an actual pony?!” She continued to spew oh-my-goshes until Daring finally had enough and spread her wings, flying off with the golden ring. “Oh! Hang on! Wait up!” Dash sped off after her, leaving the other ponies in the messy house.

“Fan girls. Never a good idea.” Soul said, putting her hands on her hips.

“Wait…” Twilight looked at the door in shock. “If that was Daring Do… then all the books are real?! But then that means that the pony that ran out must have been Caballeron.” Twilight started pacing as the rest of them watched with varying degrees of confusion. “Ahuizotl would have sent him here, meaning he’s somehow looking for a way to control the Tenochtitlan Basin, however the basin should now be protected by the Radiant Shield of Razdon. Its only weakness would be the Rings of Scorchero, but they were scattered to the four corners of Tenochtitlan.”

“Uh… Twi?” Applejack spoke up.

“What?” Twilight said with a little too much force.

“I have no idea what yer talkin’ ‘bout, but Daring just left with a ring and I think I heard something ‘bout rings in that mess.”

“But that could mean…” Twilight gasped before glancing around. “What do we do?! What do we do?! That could be the last ring Ahuizotl needs, but we don’t know. What do we do?!”

“Would you calm down?” Soul flicked Twilight’s horn. “Let’s just go after Daring and Rainbow and make sure that nothing happens to them, capiche?”

The ponies all looked at each other before Fluttershy mumbled. “What’s capiche?”

Soul facepalmed. “Nevermind. Let’s just get moving! Standing around here is pointless.” In a flash, she returned to being a sword on Applejack’s back as they all headed out the door.

* * *

The ponies trekked through the jungle long enough for night to fall. Tracking the two pegasi so far had been difficult, but they were sure they were on the right track. As they walked, Applejack took a glance back at Soul, still sitting on her back as a sword.

‘So Soul, what was all that you did back in the house?’

The image of her appeared in the blade, an eyebrow raised. ‘You want to be more specific? I did a lot of things back there.’

‘Well… I guess we can start with the whole “turning into a hoof gauntlet” thing. Coulda sworn you said you could only turn into three things: pony, human, and sword.’

The Soul image nodded. ‘And that’s still true. I can’t make myself turn into anything else, or at least I haven’t bothered trying to teach myself to turn into other things. But when I link souls with another, I… I guess the best word for it would be “adapt”. I turn into the weapon most useful for the meister.’

‘And the most useful weapon fer me is a fancy horseshoe?’

‘Hey, I don’t control it. It just happens. You don’t like your supposed best weapon, it isn’t my fault.’

Applejack huffed. ‘Well what’s a meister than?’

‘Well… it’s technically what you were at the moment. A meister is one who wields a demon weapon. They often train themselves to manipulate their soul wavelength so that they can use it in combination with their weapon to gain great power.’

‘I didn’t feel all powerful back there. Just felt like I was beating a couple of slow ponies up.’

‘That’s because A: We weren’t matching wavelengths, rather I was using my own to help you. If you matched mine, it would cause a whole different effect. And B: They were so slow because I was using my wavelength to enhance your perception of things.’

‘Huh… so if I learn to match yer “wavelength”, what would happen?’

‘Uh… I don’t know. I just know it creates a sort of energy feedback loop. What that energy does… varies.’ The image of her scratched her head, grumbling. ‘Look, I never really looked that into how my powers work the way they do. I just know it works.’

“Oh, where are they?” Twilight said, worried. “It’s getting dark and the jungle can get really dangerous than.”

“Oh! Oh! I know! Maybe Soul can see them with her weird sight thingy!” Pinkie bounced.

‘... how? How did she know?’

‘That’s Pinkie Pie fer ya. She does have a point though.’

Twilight nodded before looking at the sword. “Well Soul? Can you see anything?”

‘Tell them all to hang on! I was already stretching my range pretty far but it’s not easy ignoring all the plants.’

Applejack nodded. “She’s working on it.” Things went silent between the ponies, the only noises being those that echoed through the jungle. After awhile though Applejack perked up, Soul speaking once more.

‘Okay… one pony with a wavelength familiar to rainbow brains, one pony with a wavelength that still screams “I work alone.”, and…’ Applejack was about to ask what else Soul saw before she felt the soul link activate again, Soul becoming a hoof gauntlet. ‘Applejack, eleven o’ clock. Move!’

Applejack broke out into a sprint, bursting through the trees while obeying Soul’s directions. She quickly lost the other ponies, but she kept running. She had never heard Soul’s voice sound so… urgent.

Finally she left the cluttered jungle for an opening to reveal Daring tied up by a variety of jungle cats, Rainbow watching nearby. In the middle of this though was a giant blue monkey creature with a hand on the end of its tail.

‘The big guy. Hit him!’ Applejack quickly listened, charging at the creature before pivoting to buck him with her back hooves. Nothing connected though, and when she swung back around the big monkey was gone.

“Applejack! Ahuizotl’s above you!” Rainbow shouted only just early enough for Applejack to roll to the side. It landed where she once stood, growling at her.

“Another pest? I don’t have time for this.” Ahuizotl quickly charged, grabbing Applejack with a hand and lifting her high into the air. “I should devour your soul for standing in my way!”

‘Devour this!’ Suddenly, Applejack’s gauntlet lit up with electricity, coursing through Ahuizotl. This caused him to drop her as she quickly bounded aside.

“I see now… another soul user. As interesting as this is, I simply do not have the time it would take to defeat you and consume your soul for myself. Perhaps another time.” He snapped his tail hand and the jungle cats all surrounded Applejack, leaving him to pick up the still tied up Daring Do along with the gold ring and disappear into the jungle.

‘No! Don’t let him get away!’ Applejack moved to make good of Soul’s words, but the cats again blocked her path. ‘Damn it! We need to find him!’

“That’s all well and good Soul, but right now we’ve got more important things to deal with.” She stepped back as one of the cats snapped at her, all of them advancing menacingly.

Author's Note:

This is one of those chapters I didn't feel right about, and then would show to my friends and they would all say "it's fine" so I posted it anyway.

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