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Changing My Mind

I am Jack Sorrow, and I am a normal teenage boy. Well, was, but that changed when I woke up in a weird green pod with black chitin on my body. The giant white and blue ~~horses~~ pony's that I first meat were weird to, and why won't they stop calling me a foal.

Gore tag is for small violence later.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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Lab

Lab #1 · Apr 7th, 2015 · 3 · · prologue ·

This story needs a lot of work. The spelling is subpar, a lot of punctuation is missing or just wrong, and it was generally unpleasant to read. If you're using spellcheck or something with autocorrect, take the time to do some extra editing on your own.

ShadowblazeCR

ShadowblazeCR #2 · Apr 7th, 2015 · 3 · · prologue ·

I am Jack Sorrow

I was hyped and then I realized that it wasn't Jack Sparrow.

LunarFire234

LunarFire234 #3 · Apr 7th, 2015 · · · prologue ·

Thank for the comment lab I'm actually fixing that right now

Comment posted by LunarFire234 deleted Apr 8th, 2015

LunarFire234

LunarFire234 #5 · Apr 8th, 2015 · · · prologue ·

Ok I have worked on this for a while, I deleted sentences that weren't needed, put down a lot more commas and periods. So if there anything else wrong I probably didn't see it or I went past it.

Winter Rosario

Winter Rosario #6 · Apr 8th, 2015 · 2 · 1 · prologue ·

It is rather pleasant to the eye, but you need some work in various areas. The pace could be slowed down a bit
, 'A hand had slammed.'--'take out 'had'.' You use too many words in places that don't need any. Your dialog needs some sense of structure, and a big, big rule that you should work on is; show, don't tell. It is hard to work into, but with practice you'll get there. Other than that, you are borderline, 'ok.'

LunarFire234