Chapter 1
Author note:
This is a sequel to The Adventures of Vampire Cheerilee which is itself a spinoff of A Dream. Those two are not required reading before begining this story.
Thanks are due to the always-amazing Doctor Whooves for supplying the cover art.
Please enjoy. If not, please tell me why.
The Night Shift
Two ponies wheeled a baggage cart off the train. The Canterlot station was busy and nopony paid them any mind as they moved their heavy cargo out onto the street.
“Seriously,” muttered the stallion. “Why are we pushing this? Can’t you just magic it or something?” He tossed his head, flipping part of his unkempt black mane out of his face.
“Sensitive cargo,” answered the unicorn mare, nodding towards the pine box on the cart. “This was your idea, after all.”
“Fine, I’m an idiot,” the other pony muttered. “Is that what you wanted to hear, Twilight?”
She shrugged. “It’s nice to finally hear you admit it, Valiant.”
“It’s a good thing my coat is orange. Nobody needs to see me blushing.” He groaned as he shoved the cart. “God, I wish I had hands for this job.”
Twilight had gotten used to Valiant’s unusual vocabulary during the few months that she’d known him. He claimed to be from another dimension, but nopony believed that because it was easier to think that he was just insane.
“I still don’t know what all the secrecy surrounding this trip is about,” said Twilight.
“Well, if Princess Celestia was as candid with you as she is with me…” Valiant grinned. Twilight knew he was trying to antagonize her, as was his habit.
The two of them made their way to the castle walls. The stone still bore some damage from the Changeling attack, but repairs were progressing rapidly. A guard glanced at the purple unicorn and orange earth pony and waved them through the gate.
They followed a maze of hallways through the heart of the castle for several minutes before encountering more security ponies outside of Princess Celestia’s private study. These armored stallions were more attentive than their counterparts outside. One of the guards demanded that the wooden box be opened for an inspection.
“You really don’t want to do that,” said Valiant.
The guard was about to retort, when the Princess, a tall, regal creature with a coat of white, stepped out the door. All the ponies in the area except Valiant dropped into a bow. He rolled his eyes.
“Come in,” said Celestia curtly. Twilight and Valiant pushed the cart past the surprised guards. The orange pony kicked the door shut and the three of them were alone with the mysterious delivery.
“All right, let’s do this,” said Valiant without preamble. He pried at the box’s lid. As it opened a crack, a lavender mare with a pink mane burst out, gasping for breath.
“You shut me in a coffin!” she panted.
Valiant chuckled. “Yeah Cheerilee, I had to have a little fun before handing you over to the Royal Vampony Corps.”
“I never asked for this!” the mare shouted. “I have no idea what you got me into! Sometimes I think being dead would be easier.” She glared at Valiant.
He shrugged. "Firstly, I don’t know if the Vampony Corps actually exists, so that means I have no idea what I got you into, either. Secondly, you’re already undead"
Cheerilee was about to retort when a polite cough from Celestia interrupted. Her eyes went wide and she spun around in the coffin, bowing as well as she could from her seated position.
“I’m so sorry, Princess, I didn’t know you were there!” she said quickly.
“Don’t worry, my little pony.” Celestia smiled. “I understand that this is a very difficult time for you.”
A side door opened and Princess Luna, Celestia's younger sister, entered. Instead of white, she was colored dark blue and was not quite as tall.
“We have been expecting you, Cheerilee,” said Luna with a smile.
“You haven’t dropped the Royal We?” asked Valiant. “Come on, I thought you worked on this.”
Luna glanced at him in irritation. “My sister and I have been expecting you, Cheerilee” she said.
“Go with her,” said Celestia to the Cheerilee. “She needs to speak with you.”
The mare in the coffin slowly clambered out and made her way to the floor. She took hesitant steps towards Luna, following the Princess back through the door that she had emerged from.
The chamber beyond the doorway was rather small, but seemed suited for having a private discussion. Luna closed the door.
“You were asked to come here because we believe that you have untapped potential,” said the Princess.
“Do you mind if I speak freely, Princess Luna?” asked the lavender pony.
“I encourage it,” Luna replied.
“I don’t know if I want to be here,” said Cheerilee. “I asked Twilight to write a letter to your sister in attempt to find some way to deal with my…condition, but now I’m not so sure this was a good idea.”
Luna nodded thoughtfully. “You teach school, correct?”
“That’s right,” Cheerilee confirmed.
“Why do you do that?” asked the Princess.
“I…I guess I just like to help others,” stammered Cheerilee.
“How could you use your status as a vampire to achieve that?” asked Luna.
Cheerilee sighed. “I don’t know.”
“It’s all right,” said the Princess comfortingly. “I know of ways you can help. There is a group I have founded that is dedicated to behind-the-scenes work. Out of the public eye, we are allowed to do anything that is needed in order to serve Equestria."
"Do you mean like some kind of secret agency?" Cheerilee asked, sounding skeptical.
Luna laughed. "No, nothing so glamorous. We are content to stay in the shadows. My sister is aware of the group, but doesn't know the details. Nor does she wish to." The Princess sighed. "It can be a rather unpleasant business sometimes."
“What would you have me do?” asked the schoolteacher cautiously.
“We have many things to ask of you,” Luna informed her. “Some of them may be rather grim I'm afraid, but I guarantee you will be making a difference in the lives of ponies everywhere.”
“I can’t leave my students to take up something else,” said Cheerilee. She wished she’d thought of them before agreeing to come to Canterlot.
“You wouldn’t need to. Your position as a teacher in Ponyville is an excellent cover. Think of the new job as auxiliary to that.” The Princess smiled slightly. “You’ll be working nights. I’m sure that suits you.”
Cheerilee thought that Princess Luna’s comment was uncharacteristically insensitive, but didn’t dream of mentioning it. It was important to choose words carefully around royalty, and suppress speaking that which came immediately to mind.
"Not good enough, Celestia! I demand at least fifty bits a week.” Valiant’s shout drifted through the door. Cheerilee’s ears twitched at the sound of it. He was her least favorite pony in all of Equestria.
“Princess, how can Valiant be allowed to get away with such rudeness?” she asked, unable to contain herself. “Isn’t he setting a bad example?”
Luna sighed. “Valiant is…difficult. The effort it would take to exercise control over him is not worth the price. He is a decidedly special case."
Cheerilee had heard the story of how the clash with the Changelings had played out. According to several ponies, Valiant may very well have saved Canterlot. It had all happed over her dead body. Literally. Cheerilee had been soaking in a pool of her own blood in the caves beneath the castle as the battle raged overhead.
“He may have stopped the Changelings, but he turned me into a vampire and killed your nephew,” Cheerilee pointed out.
The Princess nodded sadly. “I admit that we should have realized that Blueblood was a vampire. Maybe all this could have been prevented.”
Cheerilee shook her head. "I know that the vampire condition is passed like a chain from pony to pony. When you kill one and break a link, the rest that were turned should revert. I still don't know why Valiant changed back after the Prince was killed but I didn’t."
"Vampirism is not exactly a science," Luna told her.
Again suppressing some choice words, Cheerilee said, “What’s done is done. I don’t want to believe it, but it’s beginning to look like there’s no going back for me.”
“Have heart,” said Luna. “Make the most of it.”
“I’ll do my best, Princess.” There was nothing Cheerilee could do but try.
Princess Luna smiled. “That is all we ask. Go back to Ponyville for now. You will be contacted soon.” She opened the door for Cheerilee to leave.
"There she is," said Valiant as the door opened. "What took you so long?"
"I can't discuss it," replied Cheerilee, surprising herself with an authoritative tone.
Valiant promptly poked a hole in her confidence. "It's all right, I probably already know."
Cheerilee glanced at Princess Luna, who nodded.
"Despite his other flaws, Valiant is good with secrets," said the royal pony.
"She just wants the blackmail I've got on her to stay buried," said Valiant.
"Are we done here?" asked Twilight, breaking in.
The stallion nodded. "Sure. Come on, Cheerilee. You get to ride in the passenger section this time." He started for the exit.
"The coffin was an elaborate prank," explained Twilight. "If it wasn't so heavy, he'd probably tell you ride back in it, too." The wooden box, and in fact the baggage cart as well, had been left behind.
The two mares followed Valiant out of the castle. The afternoon sky was overcast. The weather ponies were building up a cloud bank for a shower that evening. Cheerilee was grateful. She didn't burn in direct sunlight, but it did irritate her eyes.
"I'll meet you at the station," Valiant said, heading in a different direction. "The donut shop is calling to me."
Cheerilee's sensitive ears heard Twilight's stomach growl at the mention of donuts.
"You sound hungry," she said to the unicorn.
"Well, I could never turn down one of Donut Joe's best," said Twilight. "I feel bad that you can't taste how good they are."
"Don't remind me," mumbled Cheerilee.
"I'll catch up to you later," promised Twilight. She hurried away in the direction Valiant had gone.
Cheerilee stood alone in the middle of the street. The train station was just down the block, but it would be quite a while before the next train left for Ponyville.
She was unfamiliar with Canterlot, knew nopony who lived in the city, and was hesitant to socialize for fear that she would somehow reveal her condition. It was terribly lonely being a vampire.
Cheerilee’s tongue touched the two sharp points that had sprouted among the rest of her teeth when she’d been turned. She had once tried chewing a rock in an attempt to break them off, but the fangs just grew back.
In fact, any attempt she made to appear more normal was thwarted by her own body. It was good that she no longer needed dinner plates and glasses, as casual scrubbing with her increased strength might have broken them. If she should happen to cut herself on the shards, the wound would close itself within minutes. She couldn’t even bleed like a normal pony.
It was strange how Cheerilee could miss the simple ability to be injured. Sometimes, she even thought a little pain would be welcome. Twilight had coached her not to have thoughts like that. While Cheerilee did occasionally go through a depressive mood swing, she had to admit that her general attitude had been steadily improving. Even the children had noticed.
The prospect of leaving a vampire in charge of grade school fillies and colts terrified Cheerilee even more than anypony else. She knew that all the students were gossiping about her sudden attitude shift. Luckily, none of them had stumbled upon the real reason.
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were all on good terms with Valiant. In fact, the three of them had participated in the battle against the Changelings while piloting experimental robots that he had built.
Despite their proximity to the scene of Cheerilee’s transformation, the three fillies remained ignorant of the real reason their teacher was acting different. Valiant felt that they didn’t need to know, and had kept his mouth shut. It was the only thing Cheerilee had ever thanked him for.
The schoolteacher sighed and checked the time on the castle clock tower. A little despair began to creep into her mind as she realized how much longer she still had to wait with only her thoughts to keep her occupied..
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This'll be good.
Yes sequel time.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png
inb4 dis gon b gud....
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/293/590/6f6.gif
INCEPTION
Hail to the mare, baby
I'm loving this and hope to see more of a bad ass Cheerilee.
awsome
Oh hell yeah.
Intresting....
dang it, that was too good. now I want more and I can't have any yet
Vampire - Rigor Mortis
If this gets any more angsty, I'm gonna need to break out the Linkin Park.
589166
o_0
Dis gun b......
Nevermind, I got inb4'd.
Still, huzzah, sequels!
Well, this promises to be interesting. You've got my watch.
Okay, let me say this; I HATE Valiant. If that's what you're going for, well, you've succeeded, far too well. He's exceedingly annoying and most frustratingly he's a goddamn Pinkie Pie imitator. He always does stuff that's way over the top, and honestly it's behavior that I only tolerate from Pinkie Pie herself. Seriously, he's building robots? And he's from another dimension? Gary Stu much? I put up with him through the prequel, but he seems to be even worse in this one, so I am unfortunately done reading this otherwise decent story unless he is either removed or neutered, both literally and figuratively.
EDIT: For reference-
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/JerkSue
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Jerkass
593527
Yep, he is a pretty annoying pony... er, or whatever. Is he a little Larry Sue? Possibly. However, as someone who has "written" - if running a roleplay blog counts - I found myself needing a bit of comedic relief just to keep myself happy. Maybe all writers do, in a way, keep some device close so as to motivate through a piece? It's not easy writing passage after passage without some kind of insufferable hilarity, right? Right? Hm.
Although, as you'd said, maybe Valiant is an antagonistic shit merely for the sake and should choke on his Robotech and Hot Topic bullpuckey. That's always possible.
Either way, I love this story & concept.
593527
Valiant is basically a sociopath. He lies, cheats, and cares little for others, regardless of what good he does. The other characters even hate him. I understand that he's got some improbable skills, but I thought all the negative points disqualified him as a Stu.
I also never considered that he's Pinkie-esque, but I do see your point there.
If you don't like Valiant, it's good that you read this story, rather than one of my others that's told from his 1st person.
Fall to me the sky's crimson tears
Abolish the rules made of stone!
Oh, this is good... as was the story that led up to it.
I like Valiant, so nyah! There is every indication that he could be a human turned pony, and not all humans want to be ponies.
It's just great to see a pony that doesn't line up with the rest of them in their generally happy-go-lucky behaviors. This distinguishes him.
I look forward to the sinister force of Cherrilee unleashed upon Equestria!
599179
If you like Valiant, you may enjoy A Dream and related stories.
Twilight had coached her not to have thoughts like that.
-Yeah, self-harming is no joke psychologically. Sure she can take it, but it would probably just create more mental distance from the good pony she still IS but doesn't THINK she is.
While Cheerilee did occasionally go through a depressive mood swing, she had to admit that her general attitude had been steadily improving.
-Well, that is good to hear... she didn't seem very well adjusted at the end of the previous set of stories.
how much longer she still had to wait with only her thoughts to keep her occupied..
-One period or MAYBE three, but not two.
100'th like
DIS GONNA BE SOME GOOD STUFF.
BY TEH WAY,588257 hOW DOTH THINE POST THINE MOBILE PICTURES?
I could have enjoyed this, but valiant completely ruins it. If he's ever removed I'll give it another shot. Horrible character.
604709 You took the words right outta my mouth. *claps*
To everyone ranting about Valiant he doesn't really feel like a Stu to me. Just the mass amount of negative qualities and only a few pluses to me.
he's irritating but I am curious to see if more develops of him. That scene in the last story with him and Cheerilee in the forest gave me pause.
that whole thing about luna having a secret police reminds me of another fic i read where pegasi watched over Equestria during the night
hmmmm, and i think the name for those ponies from that fic would work nicely here to, Night Watch
Cherilee should meet Alucard. There will be no survivers of that level of coolness.
But i must agree with popular opinion that Valiant is intollerable to sit through. I can forgive character quirks, but Valiant has no reason for those quirks. Twilight suspects he may be from another dimension. Okay, but we need more than that. We need character growth, otherwise he's anoying for the sake of being annoying.
595491
I'm sorry, but I've got to agree with BronyTom on this. You can't necessarily "cancel out" a characters mary or gary stu-ishness. Making a good, well like or otherwise acceptable character doesn't work on a point by point basis. It's not like you can have a *list of "Mary Sue Traits, Negative traits, and otherwise," where as long as you have more negative traits than Mary Sue, then it's going to be alright. I mean, what's point of making a "balanced" character if he still detracts from the story, and makes it overall less enjoyable? Even the most jerkass villain in existence, if well written, can make a terrible story good, while the most heroic, immaculate, perfect protagonist is probably going to trash the same piece.
*Mary Sue Negative Otherwise
He's rude to royalty, yet no one but Cheerilee cares Everybody hates him He sells shirts
He's a jerk with no redeeming qualities so far, but everyone accepts him and keeps him around anyway He's a jerk He sells aforementioned shirts to foals
He has Pinkie Pie Powers He lies and cheats He builds robots
I could go on, but it would just be redundant. Anyway, you see my point, when you try to justify a character by counterpointing traits, it comes of as contrived and forced. And often times, like the case now, it doesn't work.
Personally, I try never to hate on any character because of what I mentioned earlier, hating a character just makes a story less enjoyable, and I really do want to enjoy what I read. I tried not to hate Valient, I really did.
It's not necessarily the fact that Valient's a jerk, because I could deal with that. but sometimes, what makes a Sue or Stu isn't the character's own traits. One of the problems is the way the other characters act around said Stu. He's a jerk who builds robots? I have no problem with that. He's got Pinkie Pie Powers, that's kind of annoying, but okay. But then, the fact that he's an ass who has displayed nothing but his ass-ishness, yet everyone else does nothing about it other than say, "Oh my, how I really hate that guy," then keep him around, regardless. That fact that he was the only one who didn't bow to Celestia, and later yelled at her with no repercussions whatsoever. The fact that he's apparently not worth the expenditure to try to keep him locked up, implying that he's too difficult or expensive to arrest, and how Luna still apparently trusts him with important secrets. Seriously, so he can keep a secret? As far as I've seen, he's a pure, unadulterated jerk, with no redeeming qualities. When he was keeping an eye on Cheerilee, before, he somehow managed to make it sound selfish, AND still be a jerk; warning Cheerilee about the timber wolf doesn't mean that, deep down, he's really a good pony, it just means he's not an utter monster. There's a difference between doing what's good, and doing what all decent people are expected to do. So, then, why would you WANT to tell him a secret in the first place?
And one thing that bothered me much more than it should have, how he rolled his eyes, instead of bowing to Celestia. When I first read that, I was thinking, "Okay, so maybe Valient has some familiarity with the Alicorn Sisters. Understandable, since it was mentioned he might have been from another dimension." But no. The only point of including that line was to show how much he didn't give a shit. Nobody comments on it, not even the narrator gives regard to it, at any point; it was just there to show how different, or, dare I say, special Valiant is.
I know, I'm being a total ho about this, and I'm more than probably beating this to death already, and you've finished writing the fic before I even started reading. Even after you've read this, if you're ever going to read this, it would probably be too much trouble for you to go back and change what you already written. I just found Valient's presence so unbelievably aggravating. The only thing I could hope for is that Valient gets better in the later chapters.
The only reason why I felt it had to be addressed so fully was because I am legitimately enjoying reading what you're writing. I don't want a good piece of literature to be ruined just because one character was handled badly. And when you defended your characterization of him, saying he wasn't a stu, I needed to have a word about that: I don't want you to end up doing the same with any of your future writing. Just take into consideration my wall of text, you're doing good work already. Now, I guess I'm going to finish reading and hope for the best! And sorry for being a ho.
cool story
What would you have your Arbiter do?
Dropped a comma at the end.
*happened
Cutie Mark Crusader mecha pilots?
Seeing the rest of the comments worries me, but I'll at least give a few more chapters a read. Your other stuff I've read has convinced me.
Kojima, you're giving KIDS Metal Gears now?! What's this world coming to?!
1165338
This is a side story to Valiant's story. His character growth can be found there. It's called A Dream. He's still a jerk there too but you will get said character growth. For me he's one of those characters I love to hate. He is certainly entertaining though.