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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I liked this. I also like this different Lyra version, and Raindrops was great to see.
That was fun, although the conversation with Lyra felt a little bit rushed at a few points and his reaction to Raindrops seemed like you were trying to force a romance, especially with that bit at the end. Yes I can understand him being fascinated by pegasi because flight is interesting, but this felt more like him being sexually attracted to her because the plot demanded it than a general interest in flight.
... The gryphons are French?
I'm about 63% sure that scones were invented by the french.
Damn you Jimbo for making think, also thank you for making me think. I have a better idea of how I should have gone about this myself than when I first tried it. If you keep this up Jimbo you along with Biker Pon-3 and Pus Pus are going to have triple handedly helped with the rewrite for Adaptation. Not that I mind.
I was just finished with the previously chapter when this one came out, perfect timing!
“A stroke of the brush does not guarantee art from the bristles"
Lyra is the best Vorlon.
Barrel warmer? Now that's a awsome way to call somepony a S**t.
I really like this chapter Derren makes some new friends and is starting to come out of his shell.
this is a super good chapter.
Harts Fire
6635328
And then Raindrops implied that Cloud Kicker fucked Iron Will. Let that run through your mind for a bit.
6635267
This fic will resume at the Hour of Longing.
6635262
The universe works in mysterious ways, eh?
6635063
Glad to have had some small part in your writing process.
6634831
In a way, that was more of a throwaway reference to the episode. (I know it's been a while since it aired, but I figured it was worth using.)
6634769
Actually, I've been dropping little hints about something in Derren's past (as far back as chapter one, after the revision) that would allow him to subconsciously develop an attraction to ponies earlier than might seem reasonable at first glance. Unfortunately, the exact nature of that something won't be revealed in full until about a third of the way into the next story. (Yes, I am planning for Derren's tale to span multiple fics.)
I should also point out that he has been feeling a bit conflicted about this attraction, even though he's not fully aware of it at this point. (Hence his muttered "Fucking ponies and their fucking lack of a nudity taboo" comment at the end of the scene where he meets Lyra.)
Rest assured, there is method to my madness.
BTW, if you think you've figured out what I'm hinting at after a re-read (I would particularly suggest chapter one and the second part of chapter three), PM me with your thoughts, and I'll let you know if you're right.
Epic foreshadowing
theinfosphere.org/images/4/4c/Fry_meme.png
Hmm...
6635519
The story has already started. It is too late for the readers to vote.
I think in one of the Winning fics it is outright stated that Cloud has had a go at just about everything capable of consenting.
Including Diamond Dogs.
6635646
Really? I thought one of Winningverse CK's "rules" was "no Diamond Dogs."
Then again, my only exposure to the series is this one crossover with the "Non-Bronyverse."
6635679
Yes. No Diamond Dogs. Again.
I think it's near the start of the original Winning as a throwaway comment played for laughs.
If you've not read it then you've missed out on a nice story.
6635519 I'll take a look if I get the time, although I have a lot going on right now so there is no way to know when or even if that will happen. That said, something that significant should probably be heavily foreshadowed or revealed earlier because there is a very strong risk of driving away readers if they do not realize there is something going on.
6635679 The first half of the original story is worth reading for the background ponies and OCs the story focuses on because they are fantastic. Just be aware that his characterization of most of the canon characters is off to some extent with Rainbow in particular being absolutely awful so you will probably cringe at the handful of scenes they show up in, but the story really goes downhill once he starts trying to introduce a larger plot about halfway through. I strongly recommend dropping the story when Cloud starts to investigate and go after her mother for apparent treason, and if you see changelings then you are firmly into the painfully stupid parts of the story that earned it a thumbs down from me.
6636157
I'll keep that in mind.
6636170 Good plan. I read the rest of that story thinking that he had to have some kind of plan to redeem all the stupidity with an amazing plot twist because the first part was great, but it just got dumber and dumber despite numerous warning comments and really left a bad taste in my mouth for the whole universe which is really sad given all the wonderful characters he created.
I hope Derren gets together with Lyra and Bon Bon later.
I know I would certainly like too.^_^
Those two are the cutest couple ever!^_^^_^
6635519 You three goof balls are definitely effecting me alright. I wonder if I should see a doctor about that?
6636483
I'm afraid what you have contracted from us is incurable.
6636547 Well that's "par for the course" as it were. The writer of The Third Roommate is also responsible to some extent. You guys are just hell bent on assimilating me into your insanity hive I swear.
I might have tracked a few too many HiE stories. I don't recognize them based on title/cover art anymore, and get really confused when one updates and I think its a different one.
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Come, join us. We have cupcakes!
6637419 Well I do like good cupcakes. Seriously though I like where this is going Jimbo. Just to let you know I am also going to be using Lyra and Bon Bon in a herd story with a human woman. There might be a third mare but I'm not sure who yet. There are so many good choices it hard to come up with one.
I like how the meetings were done. Still can't get over how much fun all the references are, even when I don't get this or that on occasion. Makes the gray matter happy when all those little nods play Axle-F with the ol' neurons.
Seeing the little whispers of hints sprinkled along are making me wonder more and more about just what is going on. I must know more.
6637236 with more than 600 HiE stories under my belt I know that feeling...
Think about that one for a few minutes.....
And as for the puns, I know someone whos puns are better! (Not really)
halosn.bungie.org/misc/stuntmutt/378.gif
Are the differences in colour of various ponies a deliberate point out that this isnt canon Equestria, or is that his 6th Day rebuild means his eyes, brain setup is assigning different colour names to different colours?
I always thought if you took a DNA sample, and could analyze it, you could cmpare it, and hack it, given enough processing power. Magic, being sentient related, can do an awful lot of the work if you know how to ask it right?
Is he going to end up doing Happy Time Massages, or as Zecoras Herd Services Assistant, or Twilights Log:Every Morning, or such?
Whats his beef about the Difference engine? Have you seen the difficulty we had building one of those with our Current technology? It also started up the idea of mass standardised production, all the pieces made identically so they could fit.
If he really wanted to bypass a couple hundred years of effort, he could first point out that by combining Roman heliograph, and Newtonion prismatic spectral splitting and recombination, you can get hundreds of optical channels down one beam, then you have double slit experiment, with Fraunhofer diffraction gratings, and massively parralel quantum logic processing.
A simple lens processes every light ray passing through it, at the same time, in the time it takes teh light to pass through it. A Jpeg can be represented as a hologram. Youve just used a 1 cent plastic sheet to jpeg compress a billion pixel image in less than a nanosecond without using any external power. Now, encode a neural net in that hologram, and put it between mirrors.
Calling it now, being New Year, theres going to be some awful puns when the ball drops. Especially if Angel is there.
6645574
I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here. Can you give me specifics?
He is going to get a job at some point. Haven't exactly decided what it is just yet.
He didn't have a beef with the technology itself. His issue was that the technology is obsolete on Earth, yet they were presenting it as the greatest thing since sliced bread in an attempt to awe him.
6645748
The colour thing might just be me mistaking which pony he is looking at when the description is given out, as I thought Pinkie was blue when he first saw her in Sugarcube corner, as I otherwise missed seeing the mention of Mrs Cake.
That, and a clumsy pegasus with bubbles on her flank is usually Derpy, who is grey, or gray, depending which ooze you had to beat up this morning.
As for him being jaded about the tech level of the difference engine, personally, Im jaded about Intel. They used lenses long after they were useful, claim the new mirror Fab is advanced, when Newton showed it for similar reasons 400 years ago, and if a lens is opaque you drill holes in it to make diffraction patterns, what they call phase plate fabrication, and that tech is well over a hundred years old. That, and they got a clock limitation and hate multicore processing because they decided everything has to go through one processor.
Sorry, back in the 1980 Microsoft was given the job of writing Basic for a pure 32 bit multitasking multimedia multiprocessor home computer, and it took them to XP before they brought their version out, destroying the system independant file standards while they did so.
Dont ask, history has done a pretty good job of erasing the machine from history. Too advanced, too good, the last human made machine. Its fully operational prototype form, used at its launch, looks like Stonehenge. It didnt crash.
6645798
Mrs. Cake was in the prologue (when Derren hadn't been introduced yet), and he hasn't met the Cakes. Nor has he been inside Sugarcube Corner - they were merely passing by when Twilight mentioned that the Cakes were the owners of Sugarcube Corner.
Raindrops isn't normally that clumsy, it was just the circumstances that made her so. (Also, while she may be a palette swap of Derpy, Raindrops doesn't have bubbles for a cutie mark. It's a trio of raindrops, just as described.)
6636157
I thought about it a bit, and I tweaked the Raindrops scene to be less objectionable. He'll probably still be advancing his relationships a bit faster than might be expected, but it shouldn't be so out of whack that people will cry foul. I also tried to make the hint about his past in this chapter a bit more explicit, while not making it so blatantly obvious that I'm metaphorically hitting people over the head with it.
6657084 Cool, I just read the new bit at the end and it is definitely working a lot better now. It feels like natural curiosity about one of mankind's oldest dreams and Equestrian magic now which works fine instead of him randomly wanting to stick his dick in a pony. I still haven't gotten time to reread the parts you mentioned earlier, but this edit has completely resolved my concerns and the destiny hint is fairly clear for logically having him open up to them more than he would with others.
I'm still against sexual attraction until much later, but he can definitely develop the bulk of a romance without being comfortable with the idea of sex so that is an issue you can shelve for now and get bonus character development out of for free down the line.
The moment I read that, sunglasses appeared on my head somehow...
...Ah... right...
Thanks for the continual reference overdose and entertaining read; enjoy the upcoming holiday... if you're of a mind to celebrate it. If not, Happy Last Thursday of November!
was that an Ai Yori Aoishi reference?
6689577
Maaaaaybe.
Update plz. It good. Need moar.
6818652
I'm nearing the end of writing the next chapter. If all goes well, it should be up by Wednesday at the latest. (Not promising anything, though.)
Fair enough
Oh man, what are the odds. Started to read this 5 days ago and guess what, the bloody timeline matches down to the days, it's Monday the 31st of January.
Edit: whoops, December*
9376370
Yeah, the setting for the start of this fic is roughly the end of 2012/start of 2013, which just happens to line up with 2018/2019 on the calendar. (And yes, the choice of setting it in 2012 is deliberate, for reasons that will become apparent later in the fic. )