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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*Blinks* Well that just raises even MORE questions!!!
7644038
Inorite?
Spooky scary skeletons...
Poor Derren, who Wouldnt facepalm, on hearing the Elements had the Power of 1337
Speaking of Pinkie, just how many others apart from her Felt that. Given its a World class level power burst?
Ah, the Psychrometric chart. useful for air conditioning and mental classification of rainbows.
So many unanswered questions.
I'm not sure if it's a gift or a curse to be able to write a chapter where it felt like so little and so much happened at the same time. Maybe it's both... either way, you got it. Bear in mind this is an observation, not a complaint. It's good in particular to see the little opening up scenes we're getting here, I'm looking forward to seeing where they lead him going forward.
Also... I don't recall if it occurred to me prior, but his pop culture references (both aloud and internal) are starting to feel more and more like a coping mechanism against culture shock. Trouble is... the more often he gets blank looks... well, it's the sort of thing that might have serious diminishing returns, ultimately reinforcing how isolated he is in that sense. No matter how nice a strange, new place is... home can be a lot to give up for some folks. ...On the other hand... some folks don't realize that they haven't found their home yet.
Good job, Derren, you broke Pinkie Pie.
Good job on Faran for being able to pull that off, but it's still your fault, Derren.
You fucked up, Derren. Again.
He is really asking to be put as the next headline when he gets skewered by Twilight.
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Run you stupid fool.
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Don't worry Faran, you'll always be his number 1.
Everyone knows that you want him to watch you sleep again, so just give him permission to do so, and he can listen to your adorable snores.
KISS GOD DAMN IT! OR DO YOU WANT TO SEE THIS AGAIN!
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Seems like someone is jealous.
Faran will be mad to know he's thinking about something else at night.
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Never question Sparklebutt's abilities.
Just turn around and lift your rear into the air while shaking it with your face on the floor and you'll have his attention.
Well this has been an interesting chapter.
Oh the number of HiEs that have used this pathetic, egotistical cliche. I think I'm gonna be sick if I ever see another one.
I wonder how Celestia is going to react when she sees that recording. Also, it's pretty obvious by now that he and Sunset Shimmer are/were a pretty serious thing, and to be honest I really want her to be a part of his herd... whenever he actually gets over that particular hangup.
...She had better not be dead.
Took me a fair bit to remember this story. Amazing chapter anyway.
Seems like Derren's got a repressed deceased girlfriend or wife. Am I forgetting something from the beginning? I'm not, right? He didn't recognise the girl beyond from the last halucination, right?
Awaiting further developments. Eagerly.
Surprising that no one's thought to mention the Canadian bat ponies yet. Ah, well. Onto the comments!
7644281
I was hoping someone would catch that!
7644295
Probably a curse.
I think it comes from a tendency I've developed to take a minor plot point in my planning notes and run with it until suddenly it's a scene of its own.
Funny you should mention that...
7644920
Inorite? Good thing this isn't one of those kinds of HiE fics.
7645129
I would answer this, but well... Best Human's fate is extremely spoilery for events both later in this fic and in the sequel - especially the sequel. (If I ever get around to writing it before the show ends. )
7645534
He's had a few hallucinations of her, and he hasn't recognized her yet. The fact that he's starting to suspect that he should've recalled her by now if the hallucinations are supposed to be meaningful should tell you something.
7645655
Yes thank you very much for that Jimbo. Just one more might make me physically ill.
7645655
Well, as Papa Eddings said... sometimes you have to cut things that don't work, no matter how much you like them. ...If it happens, don't be afraid to. So far here... nothing springs to mind, really. Ah, I particularly liked Derren's talk with himself... felt nostalgic. As I got older I think I preferred the Elenium/Tamuli myself (that vitriolic comaraderie... masterful)... but that soft spot for the beginning is always gonna be there. As to funny things I mention.... well I'll just remember mentioning it then, and await developments. I did word it rather carefully for that reason... though now that I'm calling myself out on my artifice I don't know how effective saying 'called it!' will be to.... whatever it is I'll have called. Still, seems good. Cheers.
Ah... to the Canadian ponies... man I sold too much of both those brands while working at a Duty Free shop a few years back. Further, west coast Canadians don't even have that accent, such a disappointment. Too soon to say much else on them, but they are interesting.
I love the emphatic communication between Faran and Derren. It just brings them closer then anything else. It will also make it hard to keep secrets. Yay! They're growing closer without even knowing it. My voice broke from the squee I had when they had their hug. It was just so cute.
Canadian ponies, eh? I wonder what that's aboot.
I can't wait for more, Jimbo. Keep up the awesome.
7646109 (clicks second video without noticing the 'ear rape' part)
0:02 - relevant
I believe that 'tactical boop' Derren gave Twi was one of the funniest parts of this chapter. Pretty good chapter with a strong kick in the feels at the end there. Makes me feel more sympathy for Faran after that break down, and curious as to what precisely happened in her past.
The plot thickens!
*clears throat*
But, when's the-
Yeah... this is no longer relevant. My apologies for wasting your time.
So... fifty Clovers? Perhaps five decaclovers? Half a hectoclover?
I mean, that particular choice of units is necessary for the 1337 joke, but it's a bit silly.
I am... of two minds on this story. I can't complain about the technical aspects - your grammar, diction, scene transitions, etc. are all good. On the other hand, your protagonist acts like a spineless bitch all the time, the conflict between him and his nurse comes off as forced, and the ponies become insulted at the littlest things - they are far to sensitive to any perceived slight.
Damn now im out of chapters to read, love the story.
7791975
I'm working on the next chapter as we speak. It's just gonna take a while.
7792769
Take your time by all means, a writer works best at their own pace i'm just going through the standard reader motions of "damn i'm out of story to read"
7792769 More please. I need more Faran. (story too!)
8114058
I'm working on it as we speak. I'll probably have a progress update in the morning.