For as long as everypony can remember, Blueblood is a jerk. But one day, something between two beings changes everything.
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Yes you have done something cool... don't stop doing something cool! Or else...
XD. I love this. So. Much. :)
this will sound cliche but what the heck MOAR
it doesn´t felt to soon, normally i would not like it if they start having sex just out of nowhere, and with nearly no reason, if you know what i mean, but you hav written the scene pretty good. Long story short i like it, even if i already read a Readheart X Sombra story, i think i would enjoy this pairing, it is something new for me.
The end of the story was pretty funny.
I think it is safe to make the story a favourite, it is maybe to soon for it, but i feel like i want to do it already.
No, kind sir thank YOU for bringing us such a awesome story, please keep going I just…each ending keep me wanting for more, I mean I had so many questions, starting with, is he and red heart starting a relationship now, or Red Heart did it because she wants to meet the prince and see if they can really be an item?
Or what would Mark do now? I'm sure he will be worry as well as what happen and start to call for help for the mysterious mares that just fainted in front of him, oh its explanation time and I can't wait!
Also will he remain with Red Heart from now on? because rape is something not very easy to forgive, and if not it will be nice that they end the relationship like adults and remain as good friends.
Oh! and I'm sure everyone is asking but will this be a harem story?
After this nothing will ever be the same for Celestia's family
This is a marvellous story. Keep up the good work. Have a moustache.
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I'm not planning to do an harem. But, hey! I'm trying to be flexible when it comes to the future.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Who knows?
Aaaaand I am out. The sex came out of nowhere, and the general wording of most the story could be better. The only advice I have for you at the moment is work on your pacing, and get an editor or two. Until then, I am done, sorry.
Edit: To expand upon what I said earlier, the main problem is that it happened far too quickly, period. I mean, she doesn't suspect that it is just a plot so he can, well, tap that plot? I knew that there would eventually be sex in this story, don't get me wrong. I just figured it would take quite awhile to get there, since he has Blueblood's reputation, etc. Sex on his first day, though, in only the second chapter? That just... It makes no sense. It was rushed, plain and simple. Just figured I should add this, now that I am not rushing off to class, trying not to be late.
Damn this is amazing. Please continue!
5677147 oh good i am not alone with that opinion, while i somehow liked it, i think the sex happens to soon, it came out of nowhere, and i somehow can´t believe that she really is able to have sex with him already, after he raped her a few years ago.
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Jejeje, that is all we need to hear, so far its a really good, and to be honest, I think we will be ok if he and Red Heart, don't had something, I can even picture him cleaning Blueblood reputation one mare at a time, and doing something similar that…that guy from Yugioh did, that he was extreme popular with girls, he remember each and EVERY single one of the girls that confess to hear, took the time to write to all of them in the graduation thanking for the memories and claiming he will never forget them and in some cases, when it doesn't work even helping them find new loves.
THAT is something out of respect, and like you say, you never know 'Blueblood' has a LOT of mares to apologies to and that could be a perfect way to help doing just that
Good chapter. Mark is doing well and Bluebood is probably already dead.
5677290 ... He WHAT?! I didn't get that far, and now that makes even LESS sense! Unless Redheart got some AMAZING counseling about her experience, she is not acting like a rape victim. I just... What? I'm not even sure I CAN give the story a second chance after hearing that. That just... I cannot even.
5677434 well i don´t want to be mean, but it is more or less like "Hmmm Blueblood is suddenly very nice,.....maybe i even allow him to rut me this time."
Yeah...that is more or less the most weird part. I mean, she don´t know that he really is a different "person"
I .....still like it, but i don´t like the reason and the time they had sex, i am not even sure if it is written down, how they actually got into that house, i thought they were standing just under a roof.
Okay, i can´t say much more, and like i said i don´t want to sound to mean.
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5677147
5677434
For some reason, this story has the sad tag on it.
Don't you think?
I'm just asking for you to wait a little for the next chapter.
5678271 ... Um, how does having a sad tag have anything to do with pacing?
I'm not out because there's rape. I'm out because things are far too rushed, especially considering said rape. I'll read the next chapter, sure, but I, no offence, doubt that it will solve what I consider to be a fairly large flaw.
5678271 They are ponies right?
I think you slip into a human description, it confused me just a bit.
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they are antro, that is why the human characteristics
5678271
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to be honest i have no idea how the sad tag would explain this, because right now it looks like she wanted it, but i have a similar reason as him, i think it happens a bit to fast, that he had a job and everything in that short amount of time, and the sudden sex seems to be a bit rushed.
The other reasons where just a guess, but it is a bit rushed.
I promise i give it a fair chance, and read a few more chapters, it just makes no sense right now.
The only thing i could think of would be that Red Heart is that ill, that she tries to make herself to feel better with good sex, to forget the rape in her past for a second. (I know what i tried to say here, but i don´t know if my sentence makes sense like that.
But the pacing is just not to my liking.
I'm sold.
I like this, I hope the real blueblood changes too.
FAVORITED
5685112
Wow, thanks dude!
I like the premise of this story but it feels very rough. There a quite a number of grammatical errors and a heavily rushed feeling to it.
This could do for some thorough polishing. I'll track this, but that is probably the most I'll give it until the quality improves somewhat.
o god I didn't know this would becum a clop
I'm not gonna like or dislike, I'm just going to slowly back away from this story and let you to your own... business. Literally.
What the fuck are you thinking, OP? No one would forgive that easily.
i.imgur.com/wBjEsAZ.jpg
to fast, way to fucking fast matey.
just a bit of advice, unless the pacing improves by a lot in the next few chapters i whould probably recommend adding something in the discription about this story being clop heavy with some story on the side.
I'm sorry, but that end just hurt to read, this is so cliche it hurts. Why do they have sex? It makes no sense, "I was wrong about you." "It's okay." "Sex?" "Sure." It's just a self insert of a story, I thought this was going to be a story about not-really-Blueblood becoming a great Prince, but no, I see this going to be about getting all the mares. I am not bashing you author, but I greatly dislike your story.
Oh man this came out mean, I don't mean to be rude.
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And I greatly dislike bad critics (like any other author or artist, or whatever). But I thank you anyways for your sincere opinion. It's not everyday someone contributes on pointing mistakes so others can fix it. Thanks.
I honestly find this bit of the story rather off-putting. I would've thought Redheart would've had more respect for herself, really... Though I guess I could see why she might do this, too? If he's raped her once already, it's not like she'd be doing something new, and why shouldn't she satiate her own urges by using him as much as he used her?
Still, it just feels... wrong, somehow.
The chapters also need quite a bit of editing love, I'm sorry to say. I can clearly see that English isn't the Author's first language - most notably in sentence structure. Also, the characters don't seem to get much in the way of characterization - or, rather, we're looking at a good deal of informed traits. Mark is this and this - we're told, not shown. I'd prefer to see Mark in action more, to establish his base character.
The idea behind the story is quite interesting, however - you certainly have my curiosity.
I wouldn't be myself if I didn't do this: