40. Three Times a Week (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)
In addition to still being tied to a chair, Moondancer was confused. That didn't help her headache, but at least she was feeling that one less if she didn't move her head.
"You guys seriously went shopping with a pony tied up in your house?"
Her only company at the moment, the Trottingham earth pony named Charlie Horse, nodded his big old head. "That we did, Miss, that we did."
Charlie hadn't taken a chair, just sat on the floor in front of her, which still would have left him at eye-level if she could see past that messy mass of mane blocking his eyes. Not that it seemed to impede him in the slightest, but that wasn't what really made her brain itch. She’d been doing her best to keep it together since figuring out her situation, but actually talking to one of her captors? She was starting to worry less about herself, more about them when her friends found her. The only question was how long it would take for them to realize she was late and come looking for her. Well, that and one other:
"A young, pretty, vulnerable mare is sitting helpless at your place, probably in a neighborhood where uh... where there probably aren't tons of guards patrolling, no offense-"
"S'alroight."
"-and your top priority is grocery shopping?!"
Another nod. "A pony's got'ta eat, Miss."
Moondancer stared back at him (she assumed he was looking at her) in silence. The logic was sound. She sighed. "Where's the other guy, anyway?"
"Out meetin' some othah folks what met wit' luck not unloike our own; roight lousy."
She would have worried about being culturally insensitive for not being entirely sure what he was saying. Instead, she was pretty sure she was already guilty for finding that accent kind of sexy. Big, strong, Trottingham boy. Moonie likes! There were bigger things to worry about anyway, like being tied to a chair and held for ransom, but maybe there was an easy way out of this?
"Well," she said while batting her eyes, whether he could see it or not, "I guess that just leaves the two of us..."
"That it does."
There was a silence. The worrying kind. The one that said the message wasn't quite received. Moondancer tried again. "Just you and me," she said with an increasingly husky tone, certain that at least his ears worked fine, "a mare and a stallion, alone."
"Aye."
Realizing that messy hair eye-blocking made for a formidable poker face, Moondancer shifted gears a little and coyly looked away, the motion painfully reminding her not to do that. Maybe wincing was a turn-on for Charlie? "A-all alone, in this empty room, where who knows what could happen?"
"Seems loike it."
He was either younger than he looked, or playing hard-to-get. Which would be extremely weird in this situation. As thinking hard right now was difficult, she opted for a more direct approach. "It reminds me of all those dirty stories where the big, strong abductor takes the helpless filly back to his lair and has his way with her."
Charlie tilted his head. "An' wot stories moight those be?"
Blinking twice, Moondancer slowly looked back at him, dropping her mare-in-heat routine entirely. "Huh?"
"Stories, ya said. Only ones loike that Oi know are about them dragin's what foalnap damsels."
"...Um..."
There was a note of disapproval under all that Trottingham. "Aren't there stories? Ya weren't goin' an' makin' things up, were ya now, Miss?"
"What? No, there really are stories like that!"
"Name a few."
"What?!"
"Names," he urged with a waving hoof, "titles, them big, gleamin' letters wot get stuck to the front'a the books. Go on, then."
Even if she felt that getting scolded for telling fibs by her foalnapper was kind of twisted, Moondancer still didn't want to look like a liar. "Uh... One's, one's called 'The Backdoor Bandit: Breaking and Entering.'" More quiet as Charlie stared at her, as if waiting for details. "It's... about a guy who... breaks into rich, pretty, young fillies' houses. And uh... breaks their back doors."
He seemed confused again. "Why'd 'e go an' break the door aftah he done broke in already?"
She smelled opportunity and re-heated the bedroom eyes! "Maybe I can show you."
"Tellin's usually quicker, Miss, an' Oi can't let you outta that chair."
Resistance was strong, but Moondancer held fast! "Are you sure? I could really make it worth your while..."
"You got t'ree hundred, seven'ee-two bits?"
Facade cracked. "Huh?"
"s'wot we're plannin' ta ransom ya for, y'see, payin' rent, boiyin' meals an' all that. We're a lil' short this last payday, is all, wot wit' gettin' laid off an' everything."
Moondancer frowned. "You guys lost your jobs? And you've resorted to criminal behavior to make ends meet?"
"Nail on the head, Miss, Magnanimity wasn’t too discriminatin’ in layin’ ponies off.”
Feeling a little stab in her heart this time, Moondancer frowned. “You guys worked for Mom? And she fired you?”
“Aye.”
“I’m sorry.”
Charlie let out a snort, though it was difficult to gauge whether it had been one of amusement or derision. “Not as much as she’ll be when she’s shellin’ out that ransom.”
“All three-hundred and seventy-two bits worth of sorry?”
“Aye. Now 'bout them back door breakin's?"
Internally scared to have to explain 'back door breaking' to such an apparently innocent soul (well, give or take), Moondancer was greatly relieved by the sound of the front door (of the house!!) opening, Cook stepping into view a moment later.
"The others should be here soon, any problems with the hostage?"
"Nah. Any clue when them lot moight be 'ere?"
"Some time in the next hour, Switch had a job interview and Mitts said something about getting ready."
Charlie nodded. "Roighto. Oi'll put a kettle on."
And off he went to the kitchen, leaving Moondancer alone with her moustachio'd captor. Hoping her escape plan was still plausible, she smiled at him. "So, you bring mares here often?"
"Well, no, this is-" He blinked twice as realization crept in, whipping his head to give her an incredulous look. "Are... are you...? What?"
She'd have beamed, but smiling too widely sent little stabs of Ouch into her brain. "I'm just wondering what you had in mind for me over the next... hour or so?"
His mouth slowly falling open, Cook's orange face turned red. "Y-you, wha-?!" He shook his head. "No! No, no, no, whatever you're thinking, n-"
"Aww, c'mon," she said sweetly while batting her eyes, "I won't tell anypony, we can just-"
He glared at her. "No! You think I'd fall for such an obvious trick?! You'd hit me over the back of the head the second I untied you!"
"You don't have to untie me."
"And that's exactly why I-..." The menace slowly drained out of his tone. "That... That's... What?"
Moondancer nodded, though she immediately regretted it. "You don't have to untie me, I know plenty of ways to spend quality time in ropes!" She dialed up the bedroom eyes, her tone husky. "C'mon, let me pay my ransom in full..."
Apart from his steadily-rising wings, Cook stood perfectly still, sweat dripping down his beet-red face as he looked his captive over. And over. And ov- He slapped himself. "No!" Clenching his eyes shut, he turned away. "I'm not falling for that, so quit it or I'll gag you with something!"
It stung a little, but now she beamed. "Deal!"
"GAH!!"
---
As a baby dragon, Spike could only look up at the skies with restrained envy, as he didn't yet (if ever) have wings with which to soar through it. Buildings in Canterlot towered over pretty much everything, most of all the towers, but Spike couldn't help feeling especially small. That would change one day, he knew, but until then, being able to look down at the city for once had seemed like it would always be a distant dream.
Until now.
"Um, M-Miss Trixie?"
"Yes, Little Drake?"
"Are you sure we should be up here?" The response was only giggles. "What, what'd I say?"
"Nothing, it's just that you sound a little bit like Trixie's beloved." He didn't like being brought to rooftops of the tallest buildings all that much either, but how else could young Trixie show off some of her aerial tricks? Practice of years ago would be her strength on this day! "Are you ready?"
Considering that they were steadily ascending a very high building with help from some kind of wall-walking spell, he dreaded asking. "Ready for what?"
Trixie set hoof on the top of the tower in daring fashion, returning the two of them to a regular orientation with the ground. She beamed. "Trixie's Fabulous, High-Flying Super Spectacular Searching Subroutine!"
"What?"
"We're gonna jump off this building!"
"WHAT?!"
"Readysetgo!!"
Trixie leapt, Spike shut his eyes, clinging to her cloak with all his trembling might. To his surprise, there wasn't just not a percussive splat, but not even the feeling of wind rushing by at chilling speeds. He (bravely) opened one eye to see the Trixie's cloak splayed out in the air like the wings of a bat (or a starry dragon?), the world beyond it moving so slowly, Spike wasn't entirely sure they were falling at all.
"Uh... Are we... gliding?"
"Most astute observation, Little Drake, Trixie sees why you are trusted with the library!"
"Ha, thanks..." He was still coming down from having his (rather short so far!) life flash before his eyes, but he still managed a simple question. "So, do you see Moondancer?"
"Not yet," she replied, a combination of spells at work as she and her passenger drifted daintily through the sky, "but if she is within approximately 200 meters of Trixie, we shall soon know!"
"200 meters?"
"Technically, Trixie's adjustments to the aural identification, leyline sonar, and familiarity resonance spells leave it something closer to 206.35 meters, but Trixie rounds down to be on the safe side. This may take a few sweeps, but we are certain to find Fair Moondancer in no time!"
Nodding once, Spike opted to try to do his part in searching... only to realize that looking down was not the best idea right now.
Hope Twilight's having better luck...
---
Twilight wasn't having much luck.
She and Silver Sword had tried asking Moondancer's mother if she had seen her recently, but they were stopped at the door by the butler, Mr. Push. He informed them that while Moondancer had stopped by within the last hour and a half, she was not here now, and the lady of the house had most pressing business to attend to at this time. Not helping at all was, astoundingly, Silver talking about what her brother would do in this situation.
"...after that, he would go to the Castle, smack Celestia and Luna, and then-"
Twilight gave him a bemused, irritated look.
He sighed. "Yeah, I admit, it's getting a little old."
Walking down the street, Twilight shook her head. "Miss Magnanimity wouldn't even talk to us, her whereabouts-unknown daughter's friends, about where she might be. What has to happen to somepony to make them so cold, even when it comes to their own family?"
"I'm sure I could only guess," answered Silver.
"I mean, I never really saw her all that much even when I first met Moondancer, but I could have sworn she wasn't always so, so..."
"Callous?"
"Yea, that." She momentarily stopped, Silver turning to look at her as she made a slightly annoyed scowl. "That word was already in my vocabulary, by the way, I was just going over the list of words I know to describe Marble Magnanimity to determine the one most suitable for the pony she is today." To Twilight's slight surprise, there was no mockery or sarcasm whatsoever, nor even any eye-rolling, just a little nod before they kept walking.
Oh, right, I'm not talking to somepony that gets a kick out of riling me up... I can see why Moondancer values his company!
Twilight smiled. "You hang out with Moondancer sometimes, right?"
Silver grinned a little too. "That is correct. Not for the reasons she usually might want to be near a stallion, but-"
She only blushed a little. "Y-yes, I remember. So, what do you two usually do together?"
"Well, there's this somewhat prestigious social club she gets into for free (Magnanimity's daughter), frequented by a few ponies she might have forgotten to invite earlier. Maybe she popped in to ask them and got held up?"
Twilight shrugged. "Worth a try. Where to?"
---
Two fiery-looking ponies marched through Canterlot.
"I told you she wouldn't be at Gustav's."
"When searching for missing ponies, starting with places they're known to frequent is a valid method!"
Sunset rolled her eyes. "And since when is anything that makes sense 'valid' with Moondancer? I'm still thinking we'll find her in a twitching pile of ponies, all covered in marinara sauce." Fire Strike stopped, giving Sunset a perplexed look. She rolled her eyes again. "Yes, twice."
"You've joined her messy pony piles twice?"
Cyan eyes shot open. "Wha-?! NO!! I was saying I've seen her doing that twice!"
For reasons that weren't her own fault, Sunset had grown to recognize a certain kind of facial expression to mean 'You really are Moondancer's friend.' That was the face she was getting from Fire Strike now.
"Then, you just like to watch?" She was starting to get that Zappy look in her eyes, so he opted to shift gears. "Alright, if you know her so well, where would you recommend looking?"
Snorting with annoyance, Sunset suppressed the urge to kill. Or at least electrocute. "Nowhere. She has 'friends' all over the city, which means she could effectively be anywhere right now, for any reason, even if it doesn't involve toppings." She huffed as they continued walking. "Fittingly for her, this is going to be a pain, but if we just wander around at random, our chances of finding her will be exactly the same."
And yet, thought Fire Strike, you're still helping to look for her...
"So," he said about a block's worth of meandering later, "the new entrance to Gustav's looks pretty good."
"Yep," replied Sunset without missing a beat, "good thing somepony happened along to help dispose of the old one, stopping dangerous criminals in the process." She took up a falsely innocent tone. "Where were the guards at such a time, one wonders?"
Shaking his head, Fire Strike opted to just keep quiet, which Sunset happily reciprocated.
---
Canterlot was a large city. A city was a large thing by default, and Canterlot was big even for one of those. This Luna realized now that she was searching the entire thing while flying through the air with an array of spells active, the way only alicorns could... or so she'd first thought. It was only about four minutes after she'd started that she caught sight of Trixie doing something similar, albeit with less power and no actual wings.
She seems to be magnifying the range of her spells with a third-tier arcane helix... composed of weaker versions of the same spells?
Unorthodox, but it still meant Luna had to keep flying out of her range if she didn't want to dedicate magic to more than her simple invisibility spell. Trixie may have been aware of Moon Sky's secret, but the young dragon, clinging for dear life on her back, likely did not, so stopping to compare findings would have complicated matters exponentially. She would just have to hope Trixie's spells held while they searched in separation to cover more ground.
On that note, Twilight Sparkle and Silver Sword seemed to have something in mind, judging by their propensity to go straight to particular buildings, but Luna detected no Moondancer anywhere near their targets. She was equally confused by the last pair, who seemed to wander aimlessly while periodically asking ponies (ponies that began to sweat when they saw either Sunset Shimmer or a royal guard with serious looks on their faces) if they had seen Moondancer of late. Perhaps they knew something Luna did not? Once more, she could not ask directly.
It was after searching four square miles of the city that Luna began to grow discouraged, but she remembered a statement from none other than her target.
"I don't think it's working, but you know me, I never give up."
This was being used in the context of pairing her fiery friend with another fiery friend against the will and interest of both, but regardless, the sentiment spurred her on! With an unseen light of her horn, she prioritized flight speed over detection range to cover more ground faster rather than slowly looking through wider areas.
Remain where you are, Moondancer, you will yet blow out candles and be serenaded with the song of annual age accruement!
At least, those were the things she remembered looking over in her copy of Pony Party Planning before setting out today.
---
"Shut up!"
"C'mooon, I promise not to press charges or anything if-"
"No, shut up!!"
"You guys just want, what, three-hundred and seventy-two bits, right?"
"I won't-" Cook blinked. "Wait, how did you know that?"
Sensing progress, Moondancer smiled, even more pleased that this didn't agitate her headache too much. "Charlie told me!"
"Why?"
"I said I would make untying me worth his while, that was the number he spat out." She offered a sympathetic frown. “Sorry about mom firing you, by the way.”
Cook rolled his eyes. “Yea, yea, don’t need your pity, just your family’s money.”
An eyebrow was raised. “So you only ask for three-hundred and seventy-two bits? As opposed to, like, a few thousand?”
“Well,” Cook scratched the back of his head, “that’s all we really need for the next month or so, just until we can find work again.”
She nodded. “Okay, so you just want the three-seventy-two...” eyebrows were waggled again, “then what's say you let me go, and I'll count that high while you're plowing my-"
Cook turned red again. "No!"
"I'll count slowly!"
"...No!"
"You hesitated."
"SHUT UP!!"
There was a knock at the door, a break Cook eagerly took as he went to answer it. Before him stood a grey unicorn mare and a spring-green earth pony stallion, their faces concealed by ski-masks and most of their bodies covered in rubber sneaking suits. At least, that was what Cook guessed they were for.
"Uh, hey guys. What's with the-"
"Disguises, you dolt," said the unicorn, Switch, as she pushed past him, followed by her companion, "where's yours?" Her long, silvery mane poked out of her ski-mask, she knew, but there was little to be done about it, as a haircut might signal that she wanted to look different when the news of this incident inevitably hit the press.
Closing the door, Cook looked confused. "Disguises?"
Mitts, the earth pony and Switch's coltfriend, and may have opened his mouth, but Switch was faster. "For the hostage situation you told us about! We got suited up in the alley just by your house. You don't plan on just letting her see our faces, do you?"
Cook appeared carefully neutral. "Err..."
Switch scrutinized him carefully. This was easy because he wasn't wearing a ski-mask. "...Cook? You haven't let your captive see your face. Right?"
"Well, there was no time to find disguises or something before we'd have lost her, we just saw her on the street and it was kind of a now-or-never sort of thing, so-"
Stepping forward, Switch touched her horn to Cook's forehead and snarled. "I should turn you into a-"
"Now, now," said Mitts in gentle tones, putting a hoof on his marefriend's back, "Cook and Charlie may have to lay low for a while, but she still hasn't seen the two of us. I'm sure everything will work out."
"I don't even know if that's the part I'm mad about! They could have snuck up and hit her from behind, carried her back like she was a drunk friend they were helping to get home, and disguised themselves when they were safely back here! Next he's probably gonna tell us she knows their names!"
Cook's expression could only be called a sweaty poker face.
Switch's glare intensified. "YOU STUPID SACK OF-" Cut off by a gentle hoof massaging her withers, she turned to see Mitts smiling (she could see it in his eyes) at her.
"Deep breaths, dear, we'll get through this."
She tried to scowl, but her will to hurt things was fading by the second. "I... n-not now, dammit... trying to be angry."
"Shh..." One hoof still delicately moving along her back, the other pulled her in for a hug. There was no resistance, Switch lightly nuzzling his neck, which felt a tad strange with a ski-mask on.
No longer in danger, Cook breathed a sigh of relief, but kept his voice down. "Will never know how you function with her, man."
Mitts continued to smile with his eyes. "She's just been under a lot of stress lately, I think we all have."
Nodding a quick 'amen to that,' Cook led the others to Moondancer, who greeted them with a little smile despite still being tied to a chair.
"Hi."
Most of her rage not yet returned from the cool-down cuddle, Switch just gave Cook a tired look. "You didn't even put an inhibitor on her?"
Cook shrugged. "Not everypony owns an inhibitor, okay? What do you want from me?"
"A basic idea of how to keep a unicorn captive might be ni-err," what little of her face was visible tinted red as she looked away, "actually, nevermind."
Moondancer giggled.
"What?" Now it was Cook giving the scrutinizing looks. "Do you have an inhibitor for someth-"
Switch quickly cut him off. "HEYWHERE'SCHARLIEANYWAY?!"
"Roight 'ere." Charlie approached with a tray bearing glasses and a pitcher of fresh tea on his back and a paper covered in letters haphazardly glued on in his mouth. "By the way, 'ow do you spell 'foinances'?"
Taking the paper, Cook was the first to say it this time. "Charlie, is that the ransom note? That thing is an unreadable mess!"
Setting the tray on a nearby counter, Charlie briefly appraised the note before nodding sagely. "Calligraphy nevah was moi specialty."
Before Switch could groan, Mitts produced another document from his saddlebag. "Not to worry, ladies and gentlecolts, I managed to put this together from some old magazines before we came!"
Switch's eyes widened in surprise. "Is that what you were doing while you were waiting on me?"
"I also finished the laundry and watered the plants!"
Cook examined the new note closely. "...Have daughter... return unharmed... sum of bits... and 'thank you for your time'?"
Mitts nodded. "Miss Magnanimity is a very busy mare, and it never hurts to be polite."
Shrugging, Cook rolled up the note. "Fair enough, I guess. Charlie, can you drop off the note at Magnanimity's place? Discreetly, please?"
Nodding, Charlie accepted the note and moved toward the door. "On moi way."
Switch nuzzled Mitts' face again, starting to get a taste for ski-mask cuddles. "My man's always prepared."
"Ohh, not always," he replied, "I had no idea what to do for disguises when you asked, remember?"
She chuckled. "Well, almost always."
Cook tilted his head. "Why do you have rubber suits, anyway?"
Tinges of red visible through the eyeholes of her mask, Switch glared. "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!" It was then that she noticed the look their hostage was giving them. "...Why is she smiling like that?"
"Trust me," deadpanned Cook, "You don't want to know."
Giggling again, Moondancer used the moment in which they were focused on her to try another plan. “Listen,” she said in as firm and friendly a manner as she could manage in her situation, “I know you guys are going through a tough time right now, and I’m sorry about that, but you should really let me go.”
Switch’s eyes narrowed. “Try anything. I dare you.”
There was an unpleasant throbbing as Moondancer shook her head, but she did her best to ignore it. “No, no, it’s not a threat, I’m saying that because my friends are probably gonna find this place and, well, you guys mostly seem like okay ponies, and I don’t wanna say you’re wimpy or anything, but any one of them could probably mop the floor with you by themselves.” She blinked. “Dunno about the big guy, but I figure they’ll be coming together anyway.”
Cook looked particularly unamused. “It’s a bluff, she tried the same thing earlier.”
“I’m serious, two of them are royal guards!”
Switch rolled her eyes. “Honey, when your mama pays armored stallions to follow you around, they aren’t your friends, they’re security. Lucky for us, she must’a laid them off, too.”
Being called ‘Honey’ in condescending tones by a mare in a rubber suit did weird things for Moondancer. She tried to stay focused. “I mean I really am good friends with two guards, but I also know three above-average-power unicorns, all of whom have experience in-” she flashed them a sheepish smile, “-and I mean this in the nicest possible way, dealing with goons singlehoofedly.”
“Likely story.”
“No, really, I’m one of Celestia’s best students! My friends are- okay, how about this; let me go and I’ll talk to them, let them know not to worry, then I’ll come back to be your hostage later, okay? Heck, maybe I can even bring the money myself!”
“No,” deadpanned Cook.
“...I’ll… bring you some cake? Birthday cake?”
Switch’s eyes widened for a split-second. “...W-what kind of-”
Cook cut her off. “NO.”
---
Flying was nice. It had taken Spike a little longer than he might have liked to get used to the whole could-fall-to-your-death-at-any-moment thing... In fact, he still wasn't used to it, and floating high above the city was starting to make him a little queasy, but other than that it was nice!
Yep. Could definitely get used to this. I hope.
Growing wings one day would be very awkward if he didn't. To take his mind off that far-off day, he looked to the mare on whose back he rode. The back of her head. The back of her big, pointy hat, the tip of which waved in the wind to make him feel like he was conversing with a purple, starry worm of some kind.
"Uh, so, how's it comin' along?"
"The search bodes well, Little Drake, Trixie sees not a hair of Fair Moondancer!"
"And that bodes well?"
"It most certainly does, for we currently glide over the less reputable districts of Canterlot, those in which few well-minded ponies would wish to find themselves. That our dear friend does not seem to be among such hovels indicates that she does not lie chained in a filthy basement beneath them, does it not?"
"I... guess not?"
Even through the wind, Trixie's chuckle was audible. "Guess not, Little Drake! Speak with certainty, with COURAGE and FORTITUDE! Not simply as a bold knight, but as a proud member of the Dragon race!"
The words touched something in Spike's draconic little heart. They sounded big! They sounded powerful! They sounded...
Manly!
Puffing out his chest, Spike stood tall and proud on Trixie's back! "Yea, let's go find Moondancer!" The silent shock of those words from his own mouth did nothing to impede his spirit! "We'll bring her home and give her the best damn birthday she's ever had!"
Trixie loosed a loud laugh. "But of course!"
...
About ten seconds later, it sunk in that Spike could do nothing more than quietly observe the scenery from Trixie's back. Perhaps he would be asked to dispatch Moondancer's abductors in a flashy spectacle of green fire, but that'd probably just send them all to Celestia.
"So, uh... Why do you know how to do this stuff, anyway? Do you put on a lot of shows in the clouds?"
"Not a terrible idea, Little Drake, but Trixie's wagon would be ill-suited to the likes of Cloudsdale." Perhaps if she installed a balloon? Something to consider. "Trixie knows how to find a pony because Trixie knows how to stay off the grid herself!" She answered before he could ask. "Sometimes one takes center stage, and sometimes one has to wait behind the curtain for a while, watching and waiting for the moment of maximum audience anticipation!"
"But what does that have to do with finding anypony?"
Spike couldn't see it from her back, but Trixie grinned. "Well, part of it is that Trixie acquired a wealth of experience in the field from her youth, all thanks to her Dear Prince!"
He read between the lines of the statement. "...Your coltfriend hid from you?"
"Trixie's beloved never hid from her, he merely sought to test her abilities." She grinned even wider. "And he was never disappointed!"
Ooookay, thought Spike, this filly is nuts. What is it about Moondancer that attracts The Crazy?
Thinking about that while riding on Trixie's back made him scared, so he looked out over the city again, which made him a little nauseous. He tried looking straight up at the clear, blue sky, but that just gave him this weird, spaceless feeling, like he was floating through some eternal, empty, blue void. His head started to spin as he pondered the infinity of the thing, so he looked down at the back of Trixie's hat again and was reminded that his life was in the hooves of what might have been a madmare.
All things considered? This was one of the better Moondancer Birthdays so far.
---
The process of decay was a merciless thing. Nothing lasted forever, that was the theory; the entire universe eternally moved toward entropy. Stars exploded, planets crumbled to dust, the energy of both inevitably scattered further and further across the black, empty void of space until the heat was spread so thin that everything would inevitably reach a state in which no life could be sustained; the heat death of the universe.
That was what the building before them made Twilight think of in all its dilapidated glory as she raised a doubting eyebrow. "Prestigious social club, huh?"
Silver chuckled. "Don't let it fool you, for ordinary ponies, this place is harder to get into than the backstage of a Sapphire Shores show. I know it doesn't look great, but certain parties really like a place to feel old and weathered, or even outright rural. 'Charmingly rustic,' they call it."
For a 'hard to get into' place, Twilight found it a little strange that nopony was around to stop them from walking right up the front door and going in, but a little ways down a fairly extravagant (if worn) hallway stood a relatively gruff-looking pony in a suit, eying the two with that 'You got business here?' expression favored by guards.
Silver approached him, gesturing to Twilight with a smile. "Have you met Twilight Sparkle, one of Princess Celestia's top three students?"
Without a word, the pony Twilight wasn't sure whether or not to categorize as a bouncer stepped aside, letting them through the door to a fairly large room.
The first word that came to mind was 'cluttered.' Shelves and wall-mounted plaques adorned with all manner of antiquity all around the walls, fluffy carpets from a variety of cultures strewn about the floor to the point that some were lying over the others, all lit with simple, but elegant lighting fixtures hanging from the ceiling by polished, brass chains. There were at least two dozen big, soft chairs arranged around aged, mahogany tables around the room, primarily seating older ponies the duo didn't recognize, no sign of Moondancer to be found.
Twilight sighed, just turning to leave when she heard a familiar voice.
"I say, is that Miss Twilight?"
She turned around. "Mr. Pants?"
Approaching her and Silver was indeed Fancy Pants, accompanied by another stallion both recognized. He was a very tall grey coated pegasus with short black hair and a scary patch over his left eye; Guard Captain Blitz Shield.
The latter chuckled. "So it is the same filly."
Fancy raised an eyebrow. "You're acquainted?"
"Not exactly, but I and everypony else that's been in Shining Armor's company for more than an hour has heard plenty about his Perfect Little Sister."
Twilight smiled with a demure blush, but she could play the somepony-I-know-knows-you game too! "Shiny has mentioned you quite a few times too... Usually for reasons that involved shouting."
Blitz Shield nodded sagely. "I shouted at him often, it's true." He then nodded to Fancy. "Once for apprehending him unduly."
"No, no," Fancy said with a frown, "strictly speaking I was breaking the law in ignoring that red light. Really should be more mindful of my surroundings at my age."
Blitz rolled his eye. "So," he said to Twilight, "I haven't heard much out of him since his reassignment, has he punched any princesses lately?
Silver snorted with amusement, to Twilight's immediate annoyance. Feeling defensive, Twilight turned her glare on Blitz Shield himself, to whom she'd really wanted to say something for quite a while now. "You know, he actually had a good reason for what he said he'd do."
The difficulty with wearing an eyepatch (besides the lack of depth-perception and the looking like a pirate) was a diminished ability to meaningfully raise one eyebrow in a way that didn't just look really surprised, but it was a challenge Captain Blitz Shield would tackle this day. "Uh-huh. Well, that's nice, but like I told Princess Celestia, whether or not he had a good reason was irrelevant. Flouting the rules and not being punished for it sends a bad message to the rest of the troops, I couldn't just-"
"Just let them think and analyze the situation a bit instead of fallaciously taking one note of the entire situation out of context? Just let them use their brains a little more than a pre-K foal?"
Blitz's one eye momentarily closing was likely a blink of surprise, not a wink.
Twilight went on, her expression curious, but severe. "I mean, I could understand if they were a pack of dogs that couldn't be expected to grasp subtle nuance instead of just a blunt, overall message, but the guards you've trained are thinking ponies, aren't they?"
"Only the best and brightest can be full-fledged royal guards," the captain answered with a hint of pride, "but that doesn't change the fact that letting any of them off with implications of borderline treasonous behavior sets a bad precedent."
"Because your troops aren't smart enough to discern the difference between a set of circumstances that may or may not justify acting in a manner not specifically outlined by their orders, and an outright defiance of them. Is that it?"
Silence. Few dared to challenge royal guards on their operations, fewer still would question their intelligence with two standing right next to them.
Silver didn't seem to be taking offense, however, smiling as he leaned over to whisper to Fancy Pants. "My money's on the prodigy."
Fancy lightly shook his head, but didn't look away from Twilight and Blitz Shield as he watched in quiet anticipation. "I'm not a gambling stallion, good sir."
For his part, Guard Captain Blitz Shield was doing a good job of concealing his annoyance, in that he only gave Twilight a one-eyed glare that had frozen hydras when he was younger. "I lead my men in the manner best-suited to keeping the princesses, the city, and its citizens safe. There is no room for crackshot cowboys recklessly throwing the rules aside and endangering lives in the process."
Twilight didn't budge, no sign of intimidation in her face. Instead, she appeared only calmly analytical. "Nopony said anything about completely disregarding the law, just being able to weigh orders with the right thing to do. If somepony with a convincing illusion spell were to disguise themselves as a princess, demand a platoon of guards help them ransack the market district, and go around kicking foals just for the heck of it, would they follow those orders to the letter?"
"The details are classified, but there are ways of making sure it really is a princess."
"And what if it is?"
"What?!"
Twilight nodded. "Let's say, in a PURELY hypothetical scenario, mind you, that Princess Luna, not knowing all the rules of modern Equestria, were to demand the execution of somepony that threw a rock in her general direction, by accident or otherwise, as was once considered high treason worthy of life in prison, at least. The law has softened since then, but what would your men do? Make an effort to analyze the situation, or shrug their shoulders, say 'orders are orders', and do what they were told without a second thought?"
Again, things were quiet for a moment as Blitz got his thoughts together. "We, the orders of the princesses are-"
"More important than doing the right thing?"
"No!"
"Then why did you suspend Shining Armor?" Rare was the day she would use his full name, but for once, she wasn't just talking about her BBBFF.
Blitz scowled. "He assaulted Celestia's nephew in broad daylight!"
Twilight nodded. "And that wasn't right either, at least not right off the bat, but should he have disregarded the situation completely? You and I both know that most of what you talked to him about that week was nonsense, nobles exploiting their power to live outside the rules for purely selfish reasons. If your guards not only learn to ignore ponies bending the law, but are actively discouraged from doing the right thing and have no understanding of extenuating circumstances,” she nodded to Silver, who hadn't locked her and her friends up despite their antics that night, “like what to do with a trio of crazy fillies in the middle of an Equestria-wide crisis, then who are they really protecting?"
Blitz Shield was speechless this time. After a long moment, he sighed. "What do you want from me?"
Twilight kept a nearly blank, innocent expression. "Just the knowledge that the mares and stallions sworn to protect the city have a higher capability for reading situations than the average Diamond Dog, if you'd please."
Chuckling, Blitz offered a light salute. "I'll do my best, Ma'am."
Twilight smiled brightly. "Thank you!" She then turned to leave, trotted a few steps, stopped, and whirled around. "Oh, and, have you guys seen Moondancer?"
"I'm afraid not," answered Fancy, "and I do apologize again for not making the event today, but there is a spot of..." he gave Blitz Shield an uncertain glance, getting one right back, "business to discuss on my end. Fluer is held up today as well, but Miss Moondancer should be receiving our gifts at her mailing address by the end of the day."
Catching that little exchange, Twilight opted not to mention that Moondancer was missing. She remembered that Fancy Pants was said to be an incredibly important pony in Canterlot, so anything the Captain of the Guard (also an important pony!) had to say to him probably didn't need any further interrupting.
"Right, well," she said with a sheepish smile, "sorry to disturb you guys, we'll just, uh, head out now, I guess!" She again turned to leave, stopped, turned around, and made a quick, shaky salute before turning to gallop out of the building, Silver following.
Things were quiet again before Blitz Shield looked at Fancy Pants. "That was one of the three you mentioned? The one that caught two of Al Capony's men?"
Fancy nodded. "I did tell you they were most astute."
Blitz snorted in amusement. "Runs in the family, I guess."
---
Hoofsteps.
...
More hoofsteps.
Silence. And hoofsteps.
These were the only sounds between Sunset and Fire Strike as they walked down the street, neither looking in the other's direction and neither saying a single word beyond periodically asking passersby if they'd seen Moondancer. Regrettably, finding Moondancer took higher priority for Sunset than her stubbornness, and she knew communication would eventually be needed again.
"I bet you wear a helmet all the time because your mane's an ugly mess."
He turned to her with a scowl. "Is a penchant for hair-care the reason you always lose to Twilight?"
She scowled right back. "I don't." Always lose, that is, but she moved things along before he could force her to admit to anything specific. "What's your excuse for losing to her idiot brother?"
The guard seemed confused. "What? Since when do I lose to him at all?"
Noting that she was technically about to say something nice about Shining Armor of all ponies, Sunset's smirk was restrained. "He was assigned to guard a royal, moving up in the world. What about you? Same old patrols as always?" To her slight enjoyment, this won a sour expression.
"Not always, sometimes I track down one of CSFGU's best students, as we're supposed to be doing now. You live with her, any bright ideas to speed this along?"
The wording of the question brought a particular thought to mind. "It's possible she's using her cloaking sphere somewhere, but I don't think she'd be using it today."
He raised a doubting eyebrow, but only in a professional, information-scouting kind of way. "You're certain? Regardless of her possible reasons to want to hide today, that spell is her best bet with which to do it."
Sunset shook her head. "Maybe, but, she's got to know what day it is, and how much it means to Twilight, and... I know what I said earlier, but I don't think she'd just blow it off for even the wildest party."
"Really," inquired Fire Strike in similar tones, but with a tiny crack in the professional stoicism, "just to Twilight?"
She gave a flippant shrug. "It's their big, stupid bonding day, why should I care if they celebrate the day they met?"
Fire Strike didn't need any detective training to hear the implications of the statement, nor to offer a different take on the situation. "I'm not sure that's the whole story." For once, Sunset looked at him without any outward signs of annoyance or hostility. "You say Moondancer and Twilight use the former's birthday to celebrate their first meeting, and that might be true. However, if everyone else were invited just as a formality, wouldn't there have been more ponies there? You and I both know she has other friends outside the seven who arrived, or at least acquaintances, so why wouldn't more show up?"
The answer was a tired deadpan. "Because she only invited a few, Sherclop."
In an I-know-something-you-don't kind of way, he just smiled. "Correct, all of whom we can easily confirm hold particular meaning to her above casual encounters and ordinary colleagues. It's possible Moondancer's birthday is a celebration of the day she met Twilight Sparkle, but knowing her, I think it's just as much to celebrate meeting the rest of us. She values her friends, old and new, and with that in mind, it's unlikely she'd be using the cloaking sphere to hide from them."
His smile grew as he looked away from Sunset's wide-eyed expression to scan the streets. "But what do I know, right? You're one of her closest friends, after all."
There was again only the sound of hoofsteps between them, but this time Sunset dearly hoped to keep it that way. At least until she could wipe this stupid, stubborn smile off her face.
"Teen rating for slightly edgier humor, occasional innuendos and Moondancer."
Think this chapter hit all three notes. 
I figure the reason Sunset and Twilight weren't employing scanner spells was because of the four using magic in their searches, only two had access to OP alicorn magic or tons of stalker experience, respectively.
Jetto says: Sorry for the delay. The chapter was ready for weeks, but I couldn't find the time for edits and spellcheck all this time. And here I thought Holiday clusterbuck was over... silly me.
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... Now that I think about it, Spike hasn't been all that Spikely boastful, has he? He can learn from Trixie!
Don't learn too much from her, though.
Moondancer's attempts to have some fun with her captors (possibly in multiple ways) don't work very well.
Twilight's discussion with Blitz Shield was also a nice read and Celestia would naturally agree with Twilight's points.
I don't think Spike knows who Trixie's beau is yet, does he? I'd like to see the spittakes when more people learn about it.
The problem for Moondancer is that she's dealing with reasonable kidnappers, who are reasonable to the point that they won't even budge for offers of sex.
Holiday clusterbucks have a terrible tendency to stick around for a while. I can easily attest to that.
You have to go shopping at some point.
Charlie Horse makes an excellent point. He's kinda like Winnie the Pooh, he sees things in a simple way, and adheres to simple logic. He's kind of aware he's not the smartest around, but he doesn't let it bother him. Besides, be glad that they didn't do anything to you.
Moonie, lovable nypmho or not, this is not the time to think about sex.
Oh, oh dear...
The irony is hilarious.
You got fired?
Moonie's mother fired you.
Apparently.
What?
WHAT?!
...
I see.
Indeed.
Quite.
One wonders indeed.
Indeed.
Charlie.
That's fair I guess.
Cool it.
She does.
Fair enough I suppose.
Weird?
It's half the fun.
Who knows?
Shocker.
HEH!
You should, yes.
Not as far as I know.
Smart.
I do like how smart Twilight is here.
Ouch.
Indeed.
Heh.
I've gotta say, I really liked Spike here. He really does play off Trixie well, and his observation on her questionable mental state was quite amusing.
"I'm not readddyyyyyy ......"
6785169 Fire Strike is not gay, Silver Sword is. At least, that's what's officially estabilished
I'm still wondering if when the daring rescue occurs if they will be rescuing Moondancer or her foalnappers...
Good work.
6785277 It has been about a year since I last saw My littlest petshop and I still remember that characters little jingle about sprinkles on her head... Why, why do I remember that!?!
6788369 Because Sugar Sprinkles is awesome and she's the best animated kitty ever.