37. Even more SASS... wait, what?
"Is this place always this... empty?" Asked Thunder Snow, looking over the wide, deserted room. Red Hope, the one who guided him here after a near suicide incident (explained in the previous episode), scratched his head.
"Weird. This time of the day it's usually rather crowded. Where is everypony?"
Thunder shrugged. "Maybe they went to the toilet?" He proposed, earning a tired look from Red.
"All three dozen of them? I highly doubt it!"
As soon as he ended his sentence, a sound came from behind a door.
FLUSH!
The door happened to have a picture of silhouettes of a little filly crossed by a little colt, which was a universal symbol for a 'little foal's room'. Red's eye twitched at the mental image he just developed, while Thunder Snow shrugged, grinning in an 'I told you so' way. The door opened, but only a single stallion came out of it. Red recognized the navy blue unicorn with a fiery red short mane as Lightpost Fixer, who was, as his name and cutie mark (a lantern) implied, a light-post maintenance pony, taking care of all the lanterns in Canterlot.
Everypony in S.A.S.S. filled some role, to some extent. High Roller was the leader, Ice Cold was the token evil teammate, Red Velvet was the token chick, Sun Praiser was a reformed jerk, and the list went on. Does that make me the snarky outsider? He wasn't sure which role Lighthouse Fixer filled as of yet.
"Oh, hey Red! I didn't expect to see you here!"
"Destiny is a mysterious mistress," Red shrugged, earning a good old 'been there, done that' nod from Fixer. Remembering why he came here in the first place, Red pointed at his newest find. "This is Thunder Snow. I found him at the last possible moment."
"What do you mean 'last possible moment'?"
"He means," Thunder Snow interjected "that if he had been a few minutes too late, I would've killed myself because I was rejected by a mare I loved, but barely knew anything about... Yes, I realize how stupid that sounds, after the fact."
There was a short bit of silence. Lightpost Fixer swallowed. "Huh, that's... heavy!"
Thunder Snow waved his hoof. "Nah, I got over it. You know what was heavy, though? The anvil I had tied to my neck when I tried to jump from an abandoned building to my death."
Fixer blinked. "Why did you jump with an anvil?"
"Because if I jumped without it, survival instinct would've taken over and I would've landed safely on the ground, duh!" He rolled his eyes and groaned. "What is it about you unicorns not knowing anything about pegasi common knowledge? Sheesh!"
Another moment of silence ensued. Red was the first one to break it with a cough. "Can we change the topic?"
"Certainly!"
"Absolutely!"
"So..." Red looked around the eerily empty room. "Where is everypony?"
"They went to get the banners."
Red blinked. "What banners?"
"The ones we ordered a week ago. There's a ton of them, so they all had to go there to help carry it. I stayed behind to hold the fort in case more ponies appeared. Like you two!"
Red thought more about it. "I don't remember anything about any banners."
"We established them on another, members only, meeting."
Okay, that explains it! "Sure. When are they coming back?"
"Any minute now."
Another moment passed in silence, until...
"AH, FRESH MEAT!"
"GAAAAAAH!" Thunder Snow jumped away from the... pitch black alicorn (?) that came out of nowhere.
"A new body parts donor, yess, I can feel your misery in my bones. Want to give me your soul? Or body? Or both? I promise, I will take good, good care of it, or them!"
After an obligatory facehoof, both Red and Fixer protected their newest comrade. "Bash, get out!" They said simultaneously.
"B-but..."
Red started. "GET!"
"OUT!" Fixer ended.
If it was one pony, Daemon Bash would've kept on going. Opposition of two? That was too much, so he gave up and left, with his head hung down, cursing under his nose.
"Wh-what was that about?!" Asked Thunder Snow, terrifed, his heart still kept on beating faster than ever.
"That's Daemon Bash," Red explained, waving his hoof "he's kinda like a Flu Shot around here."
Thunder blinked. "A what the what now?"
"You don't like him and you want him to go away," Fixer explained "but he's necessary, healthy in right doses and you get used to him after a while."
Thunder Snow blinked. "I see..." he nodded, only now noticing that the horn of the so called alicorn was fake.
No other distractions lent themselves to any other awkward topics, as they heard voices coming from the hallway. The door opened and one after the other, more and more stallions entered the room. There were stallions of all kinds, tribes, sizes, colors, cutie marks, genders, and even a single yak (they were 90% sure he was a he). Each carried at least one, if not two or more, rolled up banners on their backs or in bags. As they entered, they all welcomed the ones inside, especially the new Thunder Snow, who quickly overcame his anxiety and was instantly accepted as a part of the club.
Standing back in the shadows, Red Hope nodded with approval, grateful that a pony who just an hour ago tried to kill himself over nothing found a place to belong. But there was one problem with this situation. One tiny, teeny little thing that was somehow off. One thing that couldn't stop bothering Red, as he observed them from the distance.
Who are all these ponies? And yak?
He couldn't recognize a single pony (or yak) present in this room, except Thunder Snow and Lighthouse Fixer, who acted perfectly normal.
Is this a prank? He thought to himself, scanning for any more familiar faces. He couldn't find High Roller, or Con, or Ice Cold, or anypony else. Red Velvet was nowhere to be seen, but he counted not one or two, but three different mares, shuffling around and socializing. Okay, this IS a prank! Anytime now they'll jump out and scare the living Celestia out of me. He waited a while, looking around suspiciously. Anytime now...
This was when another pony approached him.
"Duuude!" It was a cream coated earth pony with long, black dreadlocks. His cutie mark was a certain kind of 'not quite illegal, but...' leaf, which explained his accent and behavior before Red could think of a question. "Don'cha worry none, we don't, like, bite! Like, we do bite, but only food. And we don't eat ponies, ya know? An' you don't look like an oat, I think. Dude, your eyes are big!"
"Uhm... thanks?" Red scratched his head at the stoner pony before him. Okay, they went very far with this prank. Kudos! "So, um... what's up?"
The dreadlock pony rolled his eyes. "Duh, the ceiling!" He looked up. "I mean, it's a ceiling for us, man... but for ponies, livin' up there? It's the floor!" His eyes went wider from the revelation. "Woah, this is so deep!"
"Okay, I'll go and stand over there, bye!" And he moved away, leaving the stoner to contemplate the meaning of life by himself. As if I wasn't surrounded by enough weirdoes already! Besides, this is the last floor! He didn't go three more steps before somepony else approached him.
"Greetings, I'm Pen Pusher, the chairpony of this gathering!" The short, overweight grey unicorn with glasses greeted him, extending his hoof forward. "It's always nice to meet new ponies here, in S.A.S.S!"
"Uh, yeah, sure," he shook the hoof, keeping his eyes sharp for any pranks, like hoof buzzers or whatnot "so, how long have you guys been doing... this?"
The short pony hummed, before shrugging. "I'm not sure how long this club existed. I've been here for seven months, and two months ago I was appointed to be the chairpony. Nopony is really sure when it all started, but we don't let the small details like that get in the way."
"Seven months? Here, in this room?"
"Yes. Sometimes we meet up in a bar or a cafe when this place is unavailable."
Red nodded. So far so convincing. "What do you guys do here usually?"
"Most of the times we share our stories. And even though nopony, or yak, is like the other and our origins couldn't be any more different, we find a great sense of community between us, ponies and yaks, uh, 'beings' with broken hearts."
"That sounds noble," He knows way too much for it to be a prank! Last I checked this place isn't called A.S.S.! At that thought Red snorted, almost letting out a laugh. The other pony tilted his head at him.
"What? Was it something I said?"
"N-no, it's just... I remembered something funny."
"Really? I like jokes!"
"Uh, this one's a... private joke. You had to be there."
"Well, that's a shame; we could all use a morale boost after... you know..."
Okay, this is getting really suspicious! None of Con's previous pranks had THAT much thought put into it. What is going on? He looked around for anypony that looked even remotely familiar. Sure, some he recognized from his classes, one was probably a royal guard he saw in passing once or twice and he could've swore he saw the owner of 'Pencils and Beds', his favorite store with the best pencil selection in entire Equestria and beyond, which was a weird business plan, but somehow worked. The only one he knew was Lightpost Fixer, who seemed awfully familiar with everypony inside, which indicated that if this was an elaborate prank, he was in on this. That left one more pony he could rely on.
I can't believe I'm actually going to do that! "Excuse me, I need to be somewhere else right now!" He left the little overweight pony and did the last thing he ever expected himself to be doing with his life.
"Daemon Bash, can we talk?" He said to the faux-alicorn, who at this point was busy gathering empty bottles and replacing them with ones full of multicolored beverages.
"Yesss? Want to donate a body? Offer your soul? Do you prefer blue or green soda?"
"No, I'll keep my body and soul, thank you very much, green and who are these ponies?"
Bash shrugged, putting a bottle of green soda at the table. "They're your S.A.S.S. buddies."
"No, they're not my buddies!" He replied, but quickly corrected him. "I mean, sure, S.A.S.S. is full of odd jobs and weirdoes and they're rather friendly most of the time and I consider them my friends, but... but those ponies here," he pointed at the gathering of ponies and a yak "are not S.A.S.S.! I've been on every meeting since the last few months and I don't recognize anyone! Except Lighthouse Fixer."
Bash blinked, looked at the other ponies and a yak, then back at Red. "Nah, they're the same guys I see all the time. For example," he pointed at one earth pony "that's Jingle Jangle, born with an extra kidney and he still won't let me have it! And there," he pointed at a pegasus mare "is Morning Rain, who came here so depressed she almost, ALMOST took up my offer but others were all 'no, Bash, you don't get to kill that poor mare and use her for your experiments' crap, and she’s since gotten better and now rejects me on her own! And don't even get me started on Blunt Roller over there!" He pointed at the stoner that Red had the opportunity to meet just a few minutes ago.
Red blinked. "Blunt Roller?"
"I know, right? I see those ponies all the time. And none of them gave me any organs to work with, what a bunch of cheapskates..." He paused, then his ears perked as he grinned. "Speaking of, do you..."
"No."
"Tsk, worth a shot."
"So this isn't a prank... You sure this is S.A.S.S.?"
"Yep."
"100% sure?"
"Positive."
"As in 'Secret Association of Sparkle Suitors'?
Daemon Bash opened his mouth and was about to answer, but he stopped himself, closed his mouth and nodded. "Ooooooh, I see..."
"See what?" He received no answer, so he asked again. "Bash?"
Instead of telling him outright, Daemon Bash pointed his hoof behind Red. The red maned unicorn swallowed and slowly turned his head around, afraid of what he was going to see there. He expected literally everything: a raid of Al Capony's gangsters; every single one of S.A.S.S. members shouting 'surprise prank!' in unison; a unicorn twin brother of Daemon Bash, with fake wings, holding a chainsaw and about to brutally kill him and everypony gathered in this place; heck, he even expected Twilight Sparkle finding this place and suing everypony involved for stalking; or worse, he expected to see Shining Armor and his royal guard friends about to make a mess of this place or even messier.
He expected every morbid possibility he could think of. But it went in a completely different direction.
"Ah, it's perfect!" The little overweight pony praised a pair of pegasi that floated in the air with hammers and nails in their hooves. "But that one on the left needs to go a tiny bit higher! No, not that high, lower! A bit to the right... left... my left, not... okay, perfect!"
"Anypony has spare nails?"
"Ah, this one's colors are more washed out than others. Should we demand a refund?"
"Nah, just wash it with lukewarm water, that should do the trick."
"Any unicorn knows a spell for this?"
"I do!"
Red hissed, covering his eyes as the walls of the room exploded with flames. Not normal flames, but a living, magical fire, dancing on the banners spread around the walls. Not all were captured by imaginary flames, but those that were shined so bright, even Celestia would wear sunglasses and tell them they overdid it.
"So worth the extra 50 bits per piece!"
"Totally!"
Everything started making sense. All the puzzle pieces lined up perfectly together. There were signs. Not the most obvious ones, but they were there nonetheless and Red wanted to smack his face over the nearest table if he wasn't paralyzed with fear. And from the looks of it, he was the only one, as everypony and a yak burst into cheers.
This... this is...
A stream of sweat ran from his head to hooves, which trembled, disabling his motor functions, which meant he couldn't turn away his head, let alone run or cast an unfinished, undeveloped and dangerous teleportation spell that could save him or turn his body inside out, which might've been worth the risk. He finally swallowed, as his pupils scanned the room from left to right then left again and so on. And everywhere he looked, he saw the same thing. The same pony.
Sunset Shimmer.
There was a picture of Sunset Shimmer reading a book.
Sunset Shimmer eating hayfries.
Sunset Shimmer in a 'wet mane' pose (where did they get that?).
Sunset Shimmer in a 'draw me as one of those prench ponies' pose (HOW did they get that?).
Sunset Shimmer in a Maid Uniform (that one I know where they got from).
Filly Sunset Shimmer (WHEN did they get that?).
Sunset Shimmer in a 'Great and Powerful' cape and hat (I don't even...).
Sunset Shimmer in a fancy, gala dress.
Sunset Shimmer in a swimming suit.
Sunset Shimmer with a magically burning mane.
Sunset Shimmer with a glowing horn.
Sunset Shimmer casting a fireball spell.
Sunset Shimmer here!
Sunset Shimmer there!
Sunset Shimmer everywhere!
The one thing that wasn't Sunset Shimmer on the banners was a sign.
S.A.S.S.
Secret Admirers of Sunset Shimmer
"...what... the... buck..."
Meanwhile, in her own room, Sunset Shimmer suddenly growled, ripped a page from her notebook, made a ball out of it and violently threw it at the door. If it was something with more mass it might've made a dent, but a paper ball? Not a chance.
"Sunset, what's wrong? Why are you so angry?" Asked Twilight Sparkle, pulling her head away from the books.
"I don't know."
Moondancer jumped away from her bed and went to see her face up close. "Sunny, why are you smiling?"
Sunset Shimmer, having the biggest grin on her face, shrugged. "I don't know!"
"No..." Red whispered to himself, shaking his head. "No! No! Just... no!"
A few ponies noticed him and went to him with concerned looks. "You okay there?"
"No!"
"Oh my, are you hurt? Do you need--"
"NO!"
"Maybe we could..."
"NO!" He yelled, finally getting the attention of everyone in the room. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"
"What's going on here?" The chairpony, along with everypony else, joined in on the commotion. "Is there some kind of problem?"
Red's eye twitched. Where do I even begin? He extended his hoof to point at the walls around him. "For starters, what the buck is all this?" He asked. Everypony looked around the room, blinked and shrugged, unaware of what he was referring to. "You just decorated the room with the brightest, eye destroying pieces of restraining order I've ever seen in my life!"
Everypony gasped in terror, but the chairpony quickly hushed them. "Now, now, I know what it might look like to the newcomers. Don't worry, all the photographs you see here have been taken and used with permission of her Greatness, Sunset Shimmer herself!"
Red's jaw dropped almost to the ground. He looked at everypony (and that gosh darn yak!) to confirm that, yes, he wasn't lying. "W-what... how...?"
"Why, it was easy! All we had to do, was ask politely..."
'Can we take a photograph of you so we could worship you properly', was easily in the Top 5 of weirdest things said to Sunset Shimmer. She blinked at the four stallions that asked this question, bowing their heads so low, she could swear she heard a nose being cracked on the stone pavement. She looked around at other, sane, ponies looking at the scene and gave them the 'move along, nothing to see here' glare, which they understood perfectly as they scurried along. She then moved her eyes towards the four groveling ones.
"Uh... why?"
The pony with the camera raised his head and answered. "Because we wish to have your likeness shining through our lives always with us, even though we're not worthy of looking at your magnificence!"
Sunset moved a step backwards, blushing. I'm not sure if I'm creeped out, or flattered. Creettered? Flatted? I'm not good at short names. "What are you going to do with my pic--" she grinded to a halt, as realization hit her "no, actually don't tell me, I don't want to know!" She shook her head, removing the unwanted mental image from her head.
The four raised their heads slightly and looked at each other, puzzled. "So, is this a no?" One of them asked, their ears dropping.
Sunset Shimmer was torn on this, but eventually gave in. "This is creepy beyond belief, but... since you know what's good in life, sure, why not?"
All four ponies perked up and jumped and hoof bumped.
"That'll be 20 bits per piece!"
The cheer ceased. "B-but..."
"But since I'm feeling generous today, I'll let you take six pictures for 100 bits. That's a 20% discount you won't be getting anytime soon."
The quartet hummed. "Please excuse us for a minute!" Then they huddled in a circle, whispering between each other. Sensing the doubt in their voices, Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes and used her secret weapon.
"I'll pose any way you want, within reason, no extra charge!" She said, as her magic conjured an electric fan, which made her hair flow in the air gracefully as she gazed wistfully into the distance. "Hurry up, before I change my mind!"
The quartet nodded to each other and produced a bag full of coins. "We'll take two six packs, mistress!"
Sunset grinned, gladly accepting the bag of easily earned bits. "Clever boys... Suckers!"
Pen Pusher nodded, grinning widely. "Worth every bit!"
Red looked around the room. "There's a lot more than twelve pictures."
"That wasn't the only time we asked her. But it was the only time she gave us a discount."
Red decided NOT to ask about the filly picture. One thing's for sure, this S.A.S.S. has a way closer relationship with their idol! Kinda. Sorta. "Well, that's cute and all, but I gotta go now!" He hastily made his way towards the exit door, but a large, hairy figure blocked his way.
"WHY YOU NO STAY?" The yak asked with a deep, baritone voice. "YOU NOT LIKE MISTRESS SUNSET SHIMMER?"
Red swallowed, creeped out by the giant. "Umm, it's not that I hate her or anything, but..."
"Hey, wait a minute!" One of the ponies from the crowd yelled. "I know him! He's one of the... OTHER S.A.S.S. guys!"
A mass gasp ensued. Red started sweating again, especially now that a bunch of deadly glares were aimed at him. "Umm, I can explai--"
"GET HIM!"
"AAAAAH!"
Outmanned, outmatched and overpowered in every other way, Red ended up tied to a chair, with an inhibitor placed on his horn. I have a strange feeling of deja vu right now. "Umm, guys, can't we talk this one out?"
The answer wasn't quite clear, but he assumed it was a no. At least that's what he guessed when a bunch of ponies started making circles around him, interrogating him as if he was some kind of a spy. I wouldn't be surprised if S.A.S.S.'s spy on each other like that.
"Who sent you?"
"What's your agenda?"
"How did you find this place?"
"What do you know?"
"Anypony wants tea?"
"Loud noises!"
"This ceiling is not a floor, but a roof!"
"Guys, he's not..."
"When you're done, can I get his body?"
"BASH, GET OUT!"
"Tsk..."
"There is no spoon!"
"GUYS!"
All of a sudden the noises stopped. Now everyone was looking at the Lightpost Fixer, who coughed and explained. "He's not a member of the other S.A.S.S."
Everypony blinked, tilting their head in confusion. "Really?"
"But I saw him with those losers!"
Fixer rolled his eyes. "He's not an official member. He was never technically rejected by Twilight Sparkle, so he's not qualified. He's more of, I dunno, an honorary member? A snarky outsider, if you will."
Pen Pusher, along with everypony else, scratched his head and shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "Well, this kinda awkwa--"
Red deadpanned. "Just untie me already!"
And so they did, within a few seconds Red was free from his bindings. The yak still blocked the only way out and he was afraid to ask him to step away. Not much is known about the yak culture, but from what he heard, they enjoyed destroying things for little to no reason. But before he even started hatching his plan, he approached his savior in private.
"Hey, thanks for the save, but aren't you... you know?"
Fixer sighed deeply and nodded. "Yes, I suppose an explanation is in order. It's a long story."
After having one more glance at the yak bouncer, Red turned back to Fixer. "Apparently, I have time."
Lightpost Sparkle
It was a day like every other. Lightpost Fixer was doing his namesake job, which was keeping all the lanterns in peak condition by the day so they wouldn't go out by night. It was a tiring, not very well paid job, but it was rather satisfying for him and he was really good at it. Usually, he didn't leave the ladder until he needed a different tool than his saddlebag had, or when his job was finished. But when he noticed something, no, somepony on the ground level passing by him, he stopped everything, dropped all his tools and rushed after the lavender beauty he was smitten by.
"Excuse me, miss!" He called to the mare in question and she, along with her firey maned friend, turned toward him. "I couldn't ignore the way you walked by and I would like to tell you something very important, if that's okay with you?"
Twilight Sparkle scratched her head, turning to her friend who offered only a shrug. "Umm, okay? What is it?"
"Please go out with me!"
The mare blinked once, before recoiling backward. "WHAT?"
"You are the most beautiful mare I've ever seen in my entire life, I promise I'll take good care of you!"
"N-no, thanks, but no thanks!" Twilight turned her head away, blushing furiously.
His ears dropped a bit, his smile soured. "B-but... are you sure? Can't you... give me a chance?"
"I-I'm sorry, but I'm not interested... I mean, I don't even know you and... well... sorry..."
"Oh," Lightpost Fixer lowered his head and sighed deeply "that's okay... I tried."
Red waited for a moment, expecting the story to take another turn. "So... is that it?"
"That's only the beginning..."
Lightpost Shimmer
Just few seconds after getting rejected for the first time, Fixer took a deep breath and turned towards the other mare. "How about you, miss?" He looked her in the eyes. The mare was, justifiably so, taken aback. "You are the most beautiful mare I've ever seen in my entire life, will you go out with me?"
"WHAT?" Both mares yelled at the same time.
"Y-you just said the exact same thing to her!" Sunset said, pointing a hoof at Twilight, who was every bit as confused, if not more.
"I changed my mind."
"That wasn't even ten seconds ago!"
Fixer shrugged. "I learned to adapt. So, will you..."
"NO!"
His ears dropped again. "A-are you sure?"
"YES! Now get out before I combust you!" She hissed, as her horn started charging with magical energy.
Fixer shrugged. "Oh well, I tried." He turned back and left uncombusted.
"...and that's the whole story. Red, why are you banging you head on the wall?"
BANG! BANG BANG! BANG!
"N-no r-, ra-... raisin!" Red babbled in between rolling for balance and contemplating over the ceiling dilemma. Lightpost Fixer just shrugged and decided to leave him be for a while. The moment when Red recovered and shook his head to work out an escape plan from this hellish place, Pen Pusher made a speech.
"Fillies and gentlecolts, before we begin the meeting proper, I have a very special announcement to make! We have a new member here with us!"
Red's eyes shot open. By that time he was sweating so much, he was getting thirsty, but he was worried that he'd end up spitting the first sip of any drink over outlandish announcements. Like this one. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't agree to anything! I don't want to have anything to do with this crazy place! Let me out of here alrea--"
"Actually," Pen Pusher interrupted him "I wasn't talking about you."
Red froze. Then blinked. "Y-you didn't? Then who..."
"WHOOOOHOOOO! Let's get this party started!" Thunder Snow flew into the center of the gathering. He was wearing a white shirt with a face of, who else, Sunset Shimmer on it. Red smacked his head over the wall once again. "This place is awesome! I can't tell you how happy I am to be here! Just an hour ago, I wanted to end my life for the tiniest, stupidest reason, but now? Now I have a new purpose. A new goal in life! A new place to belong! PRAISE THE SUN!"
The crowd started stomping with cheers. "Preach on brother! PRAISE THE SUN!"
PRAISE THE SUN!
PRAISE THE SUN!
PRAISE THE SUN!
PRAISE THE SUN!
Dear Princess Celestia, I now know what purgatory feels like. Yours for the last time ever, Red Hope.
"Ugh, it's that feeling again!" Sun Praiser stood up from his seat, almost knocking over his mug, along with the ones of his comrades. "Our chant is being misused for nefarious purposes! Praise the Sun!"
All the member of the S.A.S.S. (Twilight Edition) After party looked at their Paladin of the Sun member, then shrugged, going back to their drinks.
"Are you sure this isn't one of your Paladin friends this time?" Asked Con.
"Positive! This one has a very malicious feeling about it. Praise the Sun!"
There was a silence in the room. Or at least, as much silence as there could be in a bar filled to the brim with patrons drinking alcohol.
"So," Red Velvet broke the silence "are you going to do anything about it?"
Sun Praiser thought for a moment, then shrugged. "No. It's probably best to stay away from it. It doesn't seem to be a threat to anypony, at least for the time being. Praise the Sun!"
Red Velvet shrugged too. "If you say so."
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I suppose that does, yes. Ice is also that one guy who's always making puns. And I wouldn't quite say EVIL though, I mean, he WAS, but, now, not really, I mean I guess SOMEPONY has to fill the role and I'm taking this way too seriously.
How much do you know about unicorn common knowledge?
Heh
You ever met Tree Hugger?
Err...
Huh?
Wait what?
Really?
She's right.
Indeed.
It's fine, he asked you just like that out of the blue.
Oh dear.
To forget the stupidity. Also, banging youR head.
If you say so.
*double facepalm*
I wonder how Hemp Leaf and the other hunters-in-training are doing.
Anywho, new (well, seven months old... Come to think of it, did these guys get their start in Chapter 10?) group of loonies in town! I'm guessing Moonie would have her own loony group, except that she generally... welcomes her admirers.
Aaaand now I have 'Praise the Sun' with a dirty context in my head. I wonder if Sunset is remotely pleased about this for reasons other than how easily exploitable these guys are. It may not be for the best reasons, but she has ponies that don't hate her, right?
...well, apparently there are even more crazy ponies out there then I had previously thought. At least Sunset is probably making a lot of bits off these idiots, er, admirers. Poor Red Hope, now he just has to run into a Moondancer fan group, and then his nightmare will be complete. Well, Moondancer's "fans" probably wouldn't have to be so secretive around her. Hm, maybe Trixie? Well, I hope not, Red Hope's sanity is already in bad shape.
Dear Princess Celestia,
There are two groups of ponies, both calling themselves SASS, that are full of ponies that have either been spurned by or are worshiping one of your students. For their own sakes, I ask you to round them up and see that they get the psychological help they are all in desperate need of.
Your loyal subject, Red Hope.
6711392 P.S. : And while you're at it, please book one for me too. I need help.
*sigh*
There's a 50/50 chance I would end up in S.A.S.S. (Sunset Edition.)
Great story by the way! Will you be doing more Q&A's in the future? I have to come up with a good question if so.
6711486 There will most likely be a Q&A episode before this year is over.
How are the ponies in Sunset's SASS even weirder than the ones in Twilight's? That should not be realistically possible. And yet it is true...
Oh the humanity!
Wellllll, it's my opinion that pony Sunset, even with less than a minute of screen-time with her hood down in Equestria Girls, is still the hottest thing on four legs in the series with her colour scheme and smirk. I suppose it's only fitting she gets her own 'secret' society of admirers, so secret they straight up buy pictures from the source.
Also:
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The best way for Red Hope to not go insane from this is to tell Moon Dancer about both groups.
The insanity in that building will only get worse as a result though.
If Red tells this Moonie would she tell the whole story to her friends?
PRAISE THE SUN AND STAR! I whould like to join both SASS....Shadow Hero, a sea-pony/Nocturne-unicorn.. Mother was a sea-pony and father was a unicorn nocturne.. A student of the school that attend night class. Cutie mark a sword and shield...
Another hilarious chapter. This story, especially the SASS clubs, is starting to remind me of one of those schoolgirl anime shows. You have the shy but earnest girl, the proud campus queen, the promiscuous best friend, and the awkward nerdy guy, and most importantly most of the guys are in weird clubs worshiping one or more of the girls. Somehow I am sure the two SASS clubs have pennants they carry into battle when they go fight each other.
Also, I would love to hear about the time that Yak hit on Sunset Shimmer.
Hmmm...makes me wonder if he'll walk into a group that 'partnered' with Moondancer next.
6711697 Are you kidding? She'd probably start giving them advice hoping that one of them will succeed!
6712124 One wonders what place in Equestria is large enough to hold such an event.
In the words of War Machine in Avengers: Age of Ultron: OK, what?
Red Hope needs to get that date, just so he can escape this insanity, of course he needs to be careful, because if he get rejected, he will be trapped FOREVER!
But seriously, he's not as blunt, awkward, or strange as the other members, so his chances are already improved, he even has common interests.
All he has to do is, get in a position to talk to her, NOT be a general creep, establish a dialog, find common ground, and establish himself as a guy who is alright to be around, then most importantly DO NOT ask her out at the first opportunity, wait for a few more instants of friendly interaction. then ask her out.
This is what he SHOULD DO but its funnier when he doesn't.
Wow lightpost fixer got in
.... Praise The Sun!!!!
6712124
SASS Satified Admirers of Sexy Shenanigans
6656336 Machine guns, or any projectile based weapony doesn't work on Changelings. The bullets just go through the holes
6723864 Use mini nuke, miss by a centimeter, explodes a foot away from the target, does zero damage.... "Piece of crap BFG wannabe!!"
6722573
And they are perfectly sane, well adjusted, if a bit of overdeveloped libidos, bunch who gather more to socialize than anything else. Some of them are even in stable relationships.
They Celebrate Moonie as the angel and prophet of free love.
Just by the way, you typed Lighthouse Fixer three times this chapter, and I think all three of them were meant to be Lightpost.
6716337 Nah, what he needs to do is DM their Pathfinder games, befriend Twi normally during that time, and then try the date.
Normal relationship escalation is probably safer, especially if he enters as a friend of Moonie(and not one with benefits), who Twi trusts.
Poor poor Red Hope.