• Published 2nd Feb 2015
  • 16,316 Views, 1,159 Comments

Clueless in Equestria - David Silver



A middle aged human ends up in Equestria dropped in the middle of nowhere. He wanders into town and quickly discovers pony folk are kind folk. Maybe there's a life to be made here.

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2 - Civilization

Several hours later, David regretted his decision. Was it supposed to turn bad that quickly? His belly rumbled and protested in painful jabs of pain as he forced one foot in front of the other. How long had it been? He looked up to the sky to see the sun already starting to sink again. Maybe it hadn't been a few hours after all? Nothing for it. Either he found some ponies, or he'd just die in an interesting place.

"Hey," came a new voice. David looked across the grassy terrain to see an earth pony. It was white with brown splotches over its form. It had a belt of supplies around its midsection and a fishing pole was attached that wagged with the pony's movements. David tried to determine if it's a boy or girl, but the pain was being far too distracting for that. "You ok?"

Alright! They didn't immediately assume he was some kind of horrible monster. Things were going to be OK. David nodded at the pony, "I need help. Please. My name's David."

The pony leaned forward, looking all the more curious. "David? Well you don't look so good at all." That sounded like a male voice, now that David could hear more of it. "I'm Wet Hoof. Follow me and I'll take you back to town."

He turned away from David and started heading away. David tried to keep up, forcing his aching body faster and managing it for a short time before he collapsed behind Wet, panting for breath. Despite the pain, he just frowned instead of groaning.

Wet paused and circled around to look at David. "Maybe you're worse than I thought." He sighed loudly before moving to heft up David onto his back, "You're heavy. Good thing you didn't get found by a pegasus or a unicorn. C'mon!" The world began to jostle and bounce as he was carried along on the helpful stallion's back.

David closed his eyes and tried to relax. "Thanks," he said softly, "I think I drank some bad water." Wet Hoof didn't reply. Soon David could hear the sounds of life and opened his eyes. It was a tiny town. He mostly saw earth ponies, and most of those were inside in well lit houses. They were a riot of colors as he expected them to be. Suddenly he heard knocking. He looked towards the sound to see Wet Hoot rapping his hoof against a door.

The door swung inwards to reveal a unicorn that was a red color that reminded David of Big Macintosh. He didn't have the stature of the stout earth pony, however. Emerald eyes went wide, "What is that and why are you carrying it?" He... she? moved out of the way of Wet Hoof despite his words.

Wet Hoof carried David inside and deposited him on one of several beds. The bed was a bit short, and his legs dangled off. Still, it was comfortable and soft. One of the other beds was also occupied, but the lump was under the covers. "I found them on the way to the fishing hole. He says he drank bad water, so I brought him to you, doc. He seemed like a nice enough sort."

The unicorn rolled her eyes, gender dispersed as she spoke more, "I bet you barely exchanged a sentence with him. You are far too trusting, Wet." She bonked Wet Hoof on the head, "Don't worry though. I haven't lost a patient yet and I won't start now, assuming he's as well behaved as you say he is. What is he, a new kind of furless diamond dog?"

Though David wanted keenly to listen in on the conversation, the comfort of the bed lulled him away, and he was soon retiring to the world of dreams.


David was busy typing up an important proposal about a new video game, somehow placing game elements with swipes of his mouse between keystrokes. Suddenly Luna appeared in the screen, "We meet again." She faded away as David started back and was suddenly face up, looking at the stars. If only he could find the right one, he could stop the world from being destroyed. "Your dreams are as chaotic as ever, human," came the familiar voice, bringing David into lucidity again as he looked around, finding Luna seated on her haunches beside him.

"Hello, Luna. I didn't think I'd see you," said David.

She tilted her head at him lightly, "Have you already forgotten our last meeting? What is your name, human?"

David tried to remember seeing Luna before even as he provided, "David. Nice to meet you."

"Ah, you do have a name." Luna said as she spread her wings, which was enough to prompt the dream to change again. They were flying through the sky. David had his arms out to the sides, while Luna flew easily with her wings. She asked, "Are you still in danger?"

David shook his head, "I don't think so... I drunk some water I shouldn't have, but some ponies found me."

Luna gave a slight smile, "This is good. I do not feel ill intent in you, so I must go if you are safe. There are nightmares to banish." With that, she as gone, and the dreams were allowed to proceed.


David woke up with a powerful, if natural, need. He swung his feet over the edge, noticing that he wasn't wearing his shoes and socks anymore. At least he had been left with his other clothes, even if ponies weren't very clothing shy in the show. He looked around for a moment before he realized, "I'm not sick anymore."

"No you are not," replied the unicorn as she stepped out from a small office. "It was just a minor infection, nothing we couldn't fix. Most ponies in this town chew on the herb that fights off this infection as a condiment. Now then." She sat down in front of David, "I am Patch Up, the doctor of this town. And you are?"

"David," he replied, looking over the red unicorn mare. "This is going to sound strange, and maybe rude. You can tell me no without hard feelings, but can I?" He reached out a hand towards her.

Patch looked perplexed before her expression brightened. She thrust a hoof up to meet his hanging hand, "Minotaurs shake hands, don't they?" she asked. Accepting her excuse, David shook her hoof, amazing at the feel of the hoof. While the outside of the hoof was hard, the limb was warm and alive. "Now that we know each other, where did you come from, David?"

David shrugged at this, "A mountain. I don't know what it was called. I could see a railroad and tried to get to it. Where are we now?"

Patch Up nodded, "Well, you didn't make it to the railroad, but this town's a little speck on the map named Long View. Think they called it that on account of the flat grass to all sides. So where were you from, before the mountain? Or are there minotaurs up in the mountains?"

David shook his head, "I know I might look kinda like one, but I'm not. I'm a human." He wriggled his toes, "As you can see, no hooves, no tail, no horns."

Patch seemed to accept this, "I never heard of a human, but you're just a pony in need of help as far as I can see. You are a good pony, aren't you?" she asked, staring David in the eyes.

He quickly nodded, "I'm not here to cause trouble."

"Good enough," agreed Patch. "Do you plan to move through, to the rail?"

It was a good question, and one he didn't have an answer for yet. This little town would probably accept him as he was, but what talent did he have that would be useful here? Heck, they probably didn't even need writers, just farmers, fishers, and other such rural jobs. "I'm not sure. I'm a little lost, you know? Is there a rail station close by, and how could I earn some, uh, bits, to ride on it?"

Patch smiled brightly, "I'll put the word around town. I'm sure someone could use the help and you can earn those bits."

"Good, I doubt they take credit," grumbled David as he fished out his defunct credit cards.

Patch moved up to peer at the curious card. "May I," she returned the question. When he didn't object her horn began to glow a soft green and lifted one of the cards over for her to look at. "Funny looking cards. They use this kind of thing in Manehatten?"

"Back where I came from," offered David truthfully as he stuffed the one still in his hand away. "It let you spend money in a bank without holding the money."

"That's a funny kind of thing," said Patch as she returned the card to him. "You should rest. If you were looking for the rest room, it's that way," she pointed to the back, "Second on the right."

Reminded of his morning needs, David thanked her quickly and was off to take care of things before they became a more pressing matter.

Author's Note:

A little sleepy town to get a start in? What could go wrong! You tell me.