Several hours later, David regretted his decision. Was it supposed to turn bad that quickly? His belly rumbled and protested in painful jabs of pain as he forced one foot in front of the other. How long had it been? He looked up to the sky to see the sun already starting to sink again. Maybe it hadn't been a few hours after all? Nothing for it. Either he found some ponies, or he'd just die in an interesting place.
"Hey," came a new voice. David looked across the grassy terrain to see an earth pony. It was white with brown splotches over its form. It had a belt of supplies around its midsection and a fishing pole was attached that wagged with the pony's movements. David tried to determine if it's a boy or girl, but the pain was being far too distracting for that. "You ok?"
Alright! They didn't immediately assume he was some kind of horrible monster. Things were going to be OK. David nodded at the pony, "I need help. Please. My name's David."
The pony leaned forward, looking all the more curious. "David? Well you don't look so good at all." That sounded like a male voice, now that David could hear more of it. "I'm Wet Hoof. Follow me and I'll take you back to town."
He turned away from David and started heading away. David tried to keep up, forcing his aching body faster and managing it for a short time before he collapsed behind Wet, panting for breath. Despite the pain, he just frowned instead of groaning.
Wet paused and circled around to look at David. "Maybe you're worse than I thought." He sighed loudly before moving to heft up David onto his back, "You're heavy. Good thing you didn't get found by a pegasus or a unicorn. C'mon!" The world began to jostle and bounce as he was carried along on the helpful stallion's back.
David closed his eyes and tried to relax. "Thanks," he said softly, "I think I drank some bad water." Wet Hoof didn't reply. Soon David could hear the sounds of life and opened his eyes. It was a tiny town. He mostly saw earth ponies, and most of those were inside in well lit houses. They were a riot of colors as he expected them to be. Suddenly he heard knocking. He looked towards the sound to see Wet Hoot rapping his hoof against a door.
The door swung inwards to reveal a unicorn that was a red color that reminded David of Big Macintosh. He didn't have the stature of the stout earth pony, however. Emerald eyes went wide, "What is that and why are you carrying it?" He... she? moved out of the way of Wet Hoof despite his words.
Wet Hoof carried David inside and deposited him on one of several beds. The bed was a bit short, and his legs dangled off. Still, it was comfortable and soft. One of the other beds was also occupied, but the lump was under the covers. "I found them on the way to the fishing hole. He says he drank bad water, so I brought him to you, doc. He seemed like a nice enough sort."
The unicorn rolled her eyes, gender dispersed as she spoke more, "I bet you barely exchanged a sentence with him. You are far too trusting, Wet." She bonked Wet Hoof on the head, "Don't worry though. I haven't lost a patient yet and I won't start now, assuming he's as well behaved as you say he is. What is he, a new kind of furless diamond dog?"
Though David wanted keenly to listen in on the conversation, the comfort of the bed lulled him away, and he was soon retiring to the world of dreams.
David was busy typing up an important proposal about a new video game, somehow placing game elements with swipes of his mouse between keystrokes. Suddenly Luna appeared in the screen, "We meet again." She faded away as David started back and was suddenly face up, looking at the stars. If only he could find the right one, he could stop the world from being destroyed. "Your dreams are as chaotic as ever, human," came the familiar voice, bringing David into lucidity again as he looked around, finding Luna seated on her haunches beside him.
"Hello, Luna. I didn't think I'd see you," said David.
She tilted her head at him lightly, "Have you already forgotten our last meeting? What is your name, human?"
David tried to remember seeing Luna before even as he provided, "David. Nice to meet you."
"Ah, you do have a name." Luna said as she spread her wings, which was enough to prompt the dream to change again. They were flying through the sky. David had his arms out to the sides, while Luna flew easily with her wings. She asked, "Are you still in danger?"
David shook his head, "I don't think so... I drunk some water I shouldn't have, but some ponies found me."
Luna gave a slight smile, "This is good. I do not feel ill intent in you, so I must go if you are safe. There are nightmares to banish." With that, she as gone, and the dreams were allowed to proceed.
David woke up with a powerful, if natural, need. He swung his feet over the edge, noticing that he wasn't wearing his shoes and socks anymore. At least he had been left with his other clothes, even if ponies weren't very clothing shy in the show. He looked around for a moment before he realized, "I'm not sick anymore."
"No you are not," replied the unicorn as she stepped out from a small office. "It was just a minor infection, nothing we couldn't fix. Most ponies in this town chew on the herb that fights off this infection as a condiment. Now then." She sat down in front of David, "I am Patch Up, the doctor of this town. And you are?"
"David," he replied, looking over the red unicorn mare. "This is going to sound strange, and maybe rude. You can tell me no without hard feelings, but can I?" He reached out a hand towards her.
Patch looked perplexed before her expression brightened. She thrust a hoof up to meet his hanging hand, "Minotaurs shake hands, don't they?" she asked. Accepting her excuse, David shook her hoof, amazing at the feel of the hoof. While the outside of the hoof was hard, the limb was warm and alive. "Now that we know each other, where did you come from, David?"
David shrugged at this, "A mountain. I don't know what it was called. I could see a railroad and tried to get to it. Where are we now?"
Patch Up nodded, "Well, you didn't make it to the railroad, but this town's a little speck on the map named Long View. Think they called it that on account of the flat grass to all sides. So where were you from, before the mountain? Or are there minotaurs up in the mountains?"
David shook his head, "I know I might look kinda like one, but I'm not. I'm a human." He wriggled his toes, "As you can see, no hooves, no tail, no horns."
Patch seemed to accept this, "I never heard of a human, but you're just a pony in need of help as far as I can see. You are a good pony, aren't you?" she asked, staring David in the eyes.
He quickly nodded, "I'm not here to cause trouble."
"Good enough," agreed Patch. "Do you plan to move through, to the rail?"
It was a good question, and one he didn't have an answer for yet. This little town would probably accept him as he was, but what talent did he have that would be useful here? Heck, they probably didn't even need writers, just farmers, fishers, and other such rural jobs. "I'm not sure. I'm a little lost, you know? Is there a rail station close by, and how could I earn some, uh, bits, to ride on it?"
Patch smiled brightly, "I'll put the word around town. I'm sure someone could use the help and you can earn those bits."
"Good, I doubt they take credit," grumbled David as he fished out his defunct credit cards.
Patch moved up to peer at the curious card. "May I," she returned the question. When he didn't object her horn began to glow a soft green and lifted one of the cards over for her to look at. "Funny looking cards. They use this kind of thing in Manehatten?"
"Back where I came from," offered David truthfully as he stuffed the one still in his hand away. "It let you spend money in a bank without holding the money."
"That's a funny kind of thing," said Patch as she returned the card to him. "You should rest. If you were looking for the rest room, it's that way," she pointed to the back, "Second on the right."
Reminded of his morning needs, David thanked her quickly and was off to take care of things before they became a more pressing matter.
Interesting story so far. I'm pretty curious about where it's going to go now.
No real issues with it, a couple small things here and there. We'll just have to see where you go with all of this.
5577686 Thanks for joining the party. You are more than free to call me out on errors, so they can be fixed. You're also welcome to shout out ideas for things to happen to our protagonist, good, bad, or odd.
Hey, not to sound like a dick or anything but this story has a male protagonist named David (well, shortened to Dave) as well. Just to avoid any confusion, you might want to consider changing his name. I know you were going for a 'you-in-Equestria' sort of deal but the trouble is, so has he. Again, not trying to come off as a jerk, just a heads-up so no one gets confused and this story gets ignored as a result.
5577947 That is... hard, being that I am David Silver. My choices are Dave and David. Being called Silver is irritating.
I mean, I don't want to run anyone/pony's story over but I did not pick my name.
5577964
Fair enough, fair enough. Like I said, just a heads-up, not trying to step on toes here.
5577947 Just cause they have the same name doesn't make two stories similar. Look at all the Anon in Equestria stories. They all have the same name, but they are all different.
5578143
I realize that, believe me. Again, just trying to save confusion, that's all. Not trying to upset anyone.
Well, if you really want us to tell you what you did wrong, the shitty description is a start.
5577947 I have read multiple stories with a human in Equestria named David. Who cares
a credit card is more like an encrypted code printed on a plastic card that, when use it, send a message to the bank who spend the money he hold for his client.
5578949 This is entirely true, but I'm not sure the relevance? There was no reason for David to go into how it works, since that just brings up more questions about a chunk of plastic he can't even use. Ultimately it would come down to 'magic' 'oh'.
5578492 What are you looking for in the description?
5579578 In a description I look for something actually about the story, not the author sarcastically apologizing that the story exists. It needs to summarize the story you set up, hook potential readers, and still not give anything important away. Some people on this website might ignore it, but others like me will walk away without even reading it when you have a description like that. I have several hundred unread stories in my to do list and I won't add another one if it doesn't interest me first.
this story is good keep it up man
5580010 Sorry, I really don't have a lot more to say. Dude shows up, and I'm making things up as I go, as I did/still do with my other story. It has an even less cohesive start, which makes writing a description ahead of time quite a challenge. I'll be sure to come back later, when stuff has happened.
There's no grand and epic narrative to describe, besides dude shows up and deals with pony life. Hmm, actually, I think I just thought of a better way of describing it.
PS: The apology was humor, sorry if the joke fell flat.
5580039 Well I see that you intended it to be funny, but I'm going to be perfectly honest and say that my first impression was that you were trying to give people the "middle finger" by telling them that "they can like it or get out." I can't speak for others but that was my impression, at least.
5580058 How is it now?
5580062 Better. I would say to leave all meta-info out of it completely, but that's your call.
5577686 You've been quiet. Like, dislike? I hunger for feedback.
5580128 You'll be happy to know all meta information has been scrubbed.
So what do you think of the story?
You know, normally self inserts are icky, but I'm liking it. It reads less like a typical self insert and more like the narrator decided to join the adventure, which is different from the AUTHOR doing it.
6032883 Thanks! I am quite harsh on 'myself'
Im rather liking the story for now, and mention of this ponyfinder game is quite interesting I've been a avid fan of table top games for a very long time so it was quite a shock for me to find a new one belonging to a fandom I've come to cherish. Thanks for the story so far and the possibility of more table top adventures to come!
I don't know why I didn't see the comedy tag earlier.
6543581 Is this good or bad?
5578949 that's a debt card a credit card is spending the credit company's money as a loan.
You get points already for not having him start out at Ponyville, or meeting any of the show characters (save Luna, who would have logical reason to investigate something strange like him appearing in their Dreamworld).
6712445 What's my tally at so far?
ditch the slash.
Wet Hoof sounds like the name of a disease.
6812379 Fixed!
*attention get*
Ooh, this is gonna be interesting! I can tell
You managed to perfectly capture how volatile and simple dreams are. Well done
7222651 I do what I can. Welcome to the saga!
7262085 While technically correct, the modern linguistics rarely draws a difference between them, and no difference in usage as most banks issue credit-enabled debit cards that function exactly as credit cards, except the part where the money comes from.
Ultimately fruitless, as David isn't about to break down the nitty gritty of the human financial system.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/96/b3/1e/96b31e7d7cf007254c759e4579a89dcc.jpg
7262246 you must be going to a special bank, as I have never heard of these credit-debit cards
8209320 Name a major bank.
I thought he was going to ponyville for a second
8209376
Just felt the need to share. I actually have a line of credit through my bank; key bank if anyone was curious.
8209320
Credit cards are those cards that you can use first and then pay later, usually in the end of each month. It's like you're given a loan, e.g: $5000. You will pay the bank back the amount you spend, usually with an additional fee. Failure will result in a guarantee item you previously made the contract with be taken by the bank.
Debit cards are your savings, where you store the money first before you can use them. Savings generate interest overtime, the usual deal. This is the usual bank cards you get when you put money in the bank, what regular people think about "saving money".
great plot, character has no OP powers, perfectly normal. story sounds like it could happen at any time, any place. the names though... a bit akward. only minor problem.
11055115
Which names?
5578949
Originally they appeared as easy and more secure replacement of cheque. Before computers. Shopkeeper would make a relief carbon copy of card and ask owner for signature. A pony familiar with finances, like Filthy, would recognize it as what it is -- a "reusable cheque".