Spike and Fluttershy accidentally end up on a pirate ship and embark a high-seas adventure to the mysterious Blacklands! Join Spike as he and his friends discover uncharted lands and go on a quest to destroy an ancient dark power before it awakens!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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New chapter! (Finally... haven't been getting a lot of time lately.)
Instead of merely adding all characters in the list above right off the bat. I felt It would be better to reveal the characters as the story progresses to show I'm adding more content. (Just an idea of mine...)
If I remember correctly there is a species of bloodsuckers from myth that many confuse for vampires, but they were able to do everything a vampire couldn't including move around in daylight, these beasts were enemies of the Vampires and despite needing to feed on blood were far from evil.
One thing I would suggest is, when describing how people sound after dialogue, try to stay away from saying the emotion they're feeling. Instead, use descriptive language to show how they sound.
For example:
Instead of directly saying fear, maybe you could say that he shouted in urgency. Maybe you could also have him usher more crew members on board with Gin in this same instance. It gives the reader more insight into what the characters are actually doing rather than letting their imagination create most of the description. This is just me giving input, mind you. The story is good and I like it so far; I just think a bit more description of the surroundings and less direct use of emotion words would improve things.
Ooooh-kay, so... after the vampire fruit bat debacle. Good to know, I like Flutter-pire.
below, but that's only a small mistake.
I think it would be My, not Mine. But other than that, AWESOME! This chapter was so cool! I wish I could write this good!
Very rough around the edges, progression is much too quick. The vampire thing is very sudden, some allusion to it earlier in would have made the reveal much smoother