You Really do Love me? [Flutters x Dashie fanfic]

by Cinnamon Songs

Getting Ready for the Big Reveal...

It was the day after Fluttershy had requested a dress, and Rarity had worked very hard on said dress. She was expecting Fluttershy at any minute. Soon, a light knock on the door alerted Rarity that the shy pegasus had arrived, as she trotted over to open the door. "Oh, hello, Fluttershy! I suppose you've come over for your dress?" Fluttershy nodded.

"Yes please, Rarity! I'm sure it's absolutely beautiful if you made it!" Rarity smiled at Fluttershy's remark.

"Okay then, Darling, right this way!" Rarity led the way to her room, where a beautiful dress lay on the bed. The dress was white, with pale green trim, some pink flowers, and a small, silver tiara. It also came with beautiful silver shoes and some pink flower clips to go in Fluttershy's tail, to be honest, it looked more like a wedding dress. Fluttershy gasped.

"Oh Rarity, it's beautiful!!! I never expected something like this!" Fluttershy beamed. Rarity smiled at her.

"I still don't know why you need such a fancy dress to ask a pony out, but, I'll always help a friend in need! Now, why don't you try it on? We need to see if it fits!"

Fluttershy picked up the dress delicately in her hooves. She slipped it over her head, and slipped her wings through the wing holes. She stepped into the silver shoes, and Rarity placed the tiara on her head, before showing Fluttershy to a mirror. Fluttershy looked, then beamed. "Oh, thank you thank you thank you Rarity! It's beautiful!" She hugged Rarity, happy tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment. Rarity giggled.

"Don't forget to tell me how it goes! I need to know if I should start on a wedding dress!" The unicorn teased gently. Fluttershy blushed.

"M-Maybe some day..." The shy mare whispered, smiling slightly. She thought about how she always imagined her wedding day, bright and warm, with all her friends. There would be singing birds, as it would be outside. The fantasies always included... 4 of her friends watching hopefully. She always wondered where a cirtain rainbow-maned Pegasus was, but she knew now. She kinda lik- no, loved her. The way her rainbow hair blew in the wind, or maybe it was her energy, or maybe- Her fantasies were inturrupted by a certain unicorn waving a hoof in front of her.

"Hello? Fluttershy?" She smiled, giggling as Fluttershy awoke from her trance.

"H-Huh?" Fluttershy shook her head, her face taking on a pink tone.

"RARITY!!! YOU PROMISED YOU'D TAKE US TO THE PARK!!!!!" a familiar squeaky voice stated, rather loudly.

"Just a second, Sweetie!" Rarity shouted back up at her sister, who was leaning on the "balcony." Rarity stood up, looking at Fluttershy. "I'm terribly sorry, I completely lost track of time! I promised I'd take Sweetie and her friends to the park." Rarity said before stepping out of the room, trotting down the hall to get the picnic basket.

Fluttershy quickly gathered up the dress and accessories before making her way to the front door. Shouting a quiet, "Thank you, Rarity!" The shy mare started to make her way home. The whole time, she was thinking hard. 'What am I going to say? What will I do if she rejects me? What if-' She caught herself. 'Easy, Fluttershy, you can do it...' She gathered up her courage and continued.

Author's Note:

Yaaaaay! A [slightly] longer chapter! I hope it's okay so far, please tell me what you think

Comments

[Twyla In Wonderland]

This is an alright story, but I see it as 'Rushed' that you want this story to be over, and done with. Earned an like by the way.

[Cinnamon Songs]

6125917 Thanks for your review! I started writing this story back when I had no writing experience. I took a break from this site - A long one, and found this old thing and just decided to edit it, then post it. That's probably why it seemed rushed, I wasn't a very good writer yet, as this was one of my first real stories ♥️

[Excursive]

I like this story so far, the dialogue flows nicely and there aren't any major errors in your writing. Of course it is pretty brief, I definitely think you could elaborate in some places. For example, Rarity would probably be very eager for details when Fluttershy tells her about her crush. Also, so far there isn't really anything terribly original for a romance story, but this is just the beginning so that's not necessarily an issue.

Looking forward to more.

[SpookyPrincesssa]

"I still don't know why you need such a fancy dress to ask a pony out, but, I'll always help a friend in need! Now, why don't you try it on? We need to see if it fits!"

. Umm... I'm sorry I just couldn't read anymore after this line... First of all Rarity would be the last pony to say that. I'm surprised she even had to ask Fluttershy what she needed, I would have taken her to just jump right into advice and make the dress etither way without asking. This is just way too OOC as well as fast paced. As well as this idea is starting to get a bit over used. I think mostly you just really need a pre-reader as well as a editor. It as well would be a great idea to just delete all this and just rewrite this.

[CrystalTheUnicorn]

The idea and concept of the story is really good, I must say. But the pacing is a bit... Eh. I would suggest describing the scenery a bit more, and describe the feelings more too. Also try keeping characters in character. The way you described Fluttershy was accurate, but your Rarity could use a little work. I imagine Rarity wouldn't question why Fluttershy would need a fancy dress for asking some pony out, I'd see her suggesting it. Your grammar could use a little work too, always try to read your story before submitting it to make sure it makes sense. Other than that, I can see a lot of potential in this story. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.