Hello! I'm a younger Canadian girl that loves to sing, and draw! I have a DrawCast account by the name of @cinnamon songs , as well!i like to write short little Flutterdash things ^^
So Fluttershy finally finds the courage to tell Rainbow she's in love, but not just to anypony, but to the Rainbow-haired mare herself! How will Rainbow Dash react? Will she love her back? Will Fluttershy even have the heart to move on if she doesn't?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is an alright story, but I see it as 'Rushed' that you want this story to be over, and done with. Earned an like by the way.
6125917 Thanks for your review! I started writing this story back when I had no writing experience. I took a break from this site - A long one, and found this old thing and just decided to edit it, then post it. That's probably why it seemed rushed, I wasn't a very good writer yet, as this was one of my first real stories ♥️
I like this story so far, the dialogue flows nicely and there aren't any major errors in your writing. Of course it is pretty brief, I definitely think you could elaborate in some places. For example, Rarity would probably be very eager for details when Fluttershy tells her about her crush. Also, so far there isn't really anything terribly original for a romance story, but this is just the beginning so that's not necessarily an issue.
Looking forward to more.
. Umm... I'm sorry I just couldn't read anymore after this line... First of all Rarity would be the last pony to say that. I'm surprised she even had to ask Fluttershy what she needed, I would have taken her to just jump right into advice and make the dress etither way without asking. This is just way too OOC as well as fast paced. As well as this idea is starting to get a bit over used. I think mostly you just really need a pre-reader as well as a editor.
It as well would be a great idea to just delete all this and just rewrite this.
The idea and concept of the story is really good, I must say. But the pacing is a bit... Eh. I would suggest describing the scenery a bit more, and describe the feelings more too. Also try keeping characters in character. The way you described Fluttershy was accurate, but your Rarity could use a little work. I imagine Rarity wouldn't question why Fluttershy would need a fancy dress for asking some pony out, I'd see her suggesting it. Your grammar could use a little work too, always try to read your story before submitting it to make sure it makes sense. Other than that, I can see a lot of potential in this story. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.