Twilight started awake with a powerful shudder. All around her hovered small motes of light. It all felt familiar... She felt a ground beneath her hooves though she couldn't see any. She began to walk forward slowly, looking around for other features beside the endless field of stars.
"Hello?"
"Is anypony there?"
The ephemera before her coalesced rapidly into a large form. Celestia stood before her, snout already stained with prior tears. "My most treasured student. You were not supposed to be here again so soon."
Twilight bounded forward to embrace Celestia, but Celestia backed away a step, "This is serious, Twilight."
Twilight glanced around and back at Celestia, "Alright... what happened?"
Celestia raised her delicate brows, "There is no gentle way to put this, darling Twilight. You died."
Twilight frowned, "But the last time I was here, you sent me back, with wings!" She stomped a hoof on the unseen ground, "Why can't you do that again?"
Celestia leaned forward, brushing the tip of her snout against Twilight's, "You have not ascended, Twilight. I... cannot turn the wheel back, only send it forward. Your last entry here was very special. This time... merely violent." With a wave of her hoof, the screens appeared hovering in the air, showing Twilight's many battles through Everglow. "I blame myself. I allowed you to remain in such a dangerous place, learning dangerous things. Violent living leads to a violent end."
Twilight frowned, swatting at the closest mirror, "What else would we have done? We had to protect Equestria! Did we do it? Is Manehattan safe?"
A wing extended, Celestia pointing at a rapidly approaching screen that showed Manehattan, not burning. "Why..." asked Twilight, "Are so many buildings collapsed? It wasn't like that when we flew over it."
With a soft wave, a new screen took its place, showing the mountain of shards of metal Rainbow had been buried in, though then scattered about by a wave of elementals. "The bolts that held them together," spoke Celestia. "Buildings can be repaired. You died a noble death, Twilight Sparkle. I will miss you."
Twilight shook her head violently, "Don't talk like that! We're here, right now, talking. We can get past this, like anything else!"
Celestia's head hung slightly, "I have had this discussion with far too many of my dearest friends, young Twilight Sparkle. You cannot know the pain." Celestia raised a hoof and set it on Twilight's shoulder. "It is time for you to go. Forever."
Twilight threw herself back, leaping away from Celestia, "No! I won't give up! You can't give up..." Tears stung at her eyes as she stomped in place, hooves failing to make an impression on the unseen floor. "You told me to believe, in the magic of friendship. Don't give up on that now."
Celestia took a slow inhale before she extended a wing to Twilight, gently pulling her closer. "Maybe you can surprise me, but I cannot hold that... faith. I have seen so many friends here. Most beg for me to help, some scream endlessly. A few attack me, assured I am responsible for their end. A few have that hopeful look in your eye." She leaned in, brushing her snout against Twilight's, "Hoping someone will save them. But they all faded away, and then I was alone, again."
Twilight jumped as something dropped on her and she glanced up, seeing fresh tears falling from her mentor. "Celestia, please... My friends. They won't give up. We traveled between worlds just to set things right. They will move mountains if it takes it. I believe in them, all of them. You must too." She buried her face against Celestia's warm barrel. "Believe in all of us."
Celestia gave a slow nod, "Perhaps they will do what I could not. Your life has been one full of surprises, Twilight Sparkle. Perhaps your death will continue it." She drew in a quiet breath before a look of determination returned to her, "I will delay speaking of your... passing... for now. While you remain here, I will... try to hope. The people of Equestria do not need to know until all hope is gone."
Celestia began to fade and Twilight leaped forward, passing through her fading form. "Wait, don't leave me here!" she called, but Celestia was already gone. Twilight sunk to her haunches, looking around the star field that had returned to normal, all the screens gone.
The Returners of the Dawn, plus Rarity and Fluttershy, were gathered around the fallen form of their friend. Long Road broke the awkward silence that had built, "The queen."
The eyes turned to look at him. "Princess, I mean," he corrected, "Celestia. She has the measure of a god. Can't she revive Lady Sparkle?"
Those who had come from Equestria looked doubtful. "I don't mean to throw doubt on the princess," said Rarity, "But I've never heard her doing that before."
Soft Mane crossed her arms, "Then we get her to someone who can."
Rainbow thrust a hoof up into the air in a pump, "Yea! I like the sound of that. No way a little thing like this is going to stop us."
Fluttershy flicked her ears back, doubt growing more intense. "I've... seen..." She shrank on herself, "My little friends, they don't live forever. They die so quickly. Then they are gone." She sank to her belly, "I have to accept that. Our lives are precious... That... that...." she swallowed heavily, tears flowing, "That's why I have to take care of them! You don't get to bring them back." She fell to quiet tears, burying her snout in a fetlock.
Pinkie Pie stomped a hoof, "No! Bad Fluttershy." Fluttershy looked up at Pinkie, baffled. "We are Twilight's bestest friends. I'm not quitting until I get to throw a 'Welcome back from the dark place' party!" She spun in place, facing the bridge out of the city, blocks away though it may be. "Long, get Twilight. We have a job to do." Though Pinkie's words were full of fiery conviction, her mane lost its bounce as she trotted away, slowly falling flat as she turned her head away from her companions to cry privately.
Long moved towards Twilight's prone form, but Spike thrust a claw out in front of him with a snarl. "I got this." He hefted up Twilight gingerly, cradled in his arms before he moved to follow Pinkie, quiet other than those three words.
Soon the party moved as one, weaving through the damaged cities. Words were few between the lot of them with heavy emotions dragging on any fledgling conversation, choking it to death before it had a chance. The train was where they left it. As they approached it, the conductor burst out of the train and began clopping his forehooves in between eager ground stomps. "You did it! Manehattan stopped burning!"
He grew confused when the returning heroes didn't return his jubilance, but that turned to horror when he saw Twilight hanging limply in Spike's arms. "Uh... oh... is... is she?"
Pinkie shouted at him, "She's just sleeping!" Her voice lowered instantly, looking away, "Just sleeping...."
"Right..." said the conductor, looking increasingly uncomfortable. Not prying further, he turned away to enter the engine car. When the others had filed into the car, the train began rolling backwards, making its way back to the capital with barely the noise of the chugging engine to interrupt the party.
The ride back was long and morose. This seemed to agitate Rainbow further and further. "Come on, guys. We're heroes! I mean, yea, Twilight got a little hurt, but we can fix that. We can fix anything! Nightmare Moon, Queen Chrysalis, even that Sombra thing. We're not going to let some creepy alicorn with a pain fetish mean anything! Besides, we--"
"Rainbow," said Rarity firmly.
"What?" she replied, tilting her head.
"Be quiet, darling, please," said Rarity.
Rainbow sank back onto her seat with a scowl, forelegs crossing as a full pout developed. Her seat jostled as Soft Mane parked beside her. Rainbow squawked with surprise as the half-human began hugging her softly. "Hey, what?"
Soft Mane whispered in a cyan ear, "I know how you feel. We did good, but give everyone a chance to... cope."
Rainbow huffed angrily, but did not refuse the hug. She whispered tightly, "We'll get her back."
The train eventually arrived at Canterlot, pulling into place smoothly. A great riot of stomping hooves started and Spike cringed. "We can't just carry her out past them all," he said in a strained voice.
Pinkie suddenly hurried forward, grabbing the limp form of Twilight in her fetlocks, "Meet me at the castle." She vanished promptly from sight, leaving the others to exit.
They emerged into the crowd of eager celebrants, all cheering and clopping their hooves on the ground. As each member disembarked, the noise only grew louder. They seemed oblivious to the subdued energy returned to them. Rainbow rushed up above the crowd, "Hey thanks everypony! We're, uh, glad to help, but boy saving Equestria sure is tiring," she said, lying poorly through her teeth, "So we're going to catch some Zs and report to Celestia. You all go spread the word." She gestured with her hooves in a shooing motion, "Tell everypony how awesome it was and how everything's OK!"
Fortunately, Equestrian ponies can be very trusting souls, and the crowd was soon dispersed, allowing the party to proceed to the castle at a sedate trot. When they arrived, the guards waved them in silently. Any stragglers were turned away at the gate and the castle had a strange feel about it that well matched the mood of most of the party.
They arrived in the throne room to find Celestia seated before an ornate coffin that held Twilight. Pinkie was there as well, frowning deeply. When they came into sight, she hurried over to them, "The Princess won't let me move Twilight!"
Fluttershy and Rarity looked away, both flustered and sad, unable to formulate a reply. Rainbow had no such reservations and zipped up towards Celestia. "Hey! We're not done with her."
Celestia looked up at Rainbow with a witheringly hostile glare. Rainbow had never seen the Celestia so furious and she fell from the sky as if frozen. Landing in a heap she scampered away, heart beating rapidly, escaping the furious monarch.
Luna emerged from behind her throne, "She is in grieving. It would be wise to allow her some time." She gestured with a wing at the coffin, "A day. Return tomorrow and perhaps sister will be able to speak."
I'm split here. Celestia has every right to mourn, and I can't condemn her for knowledge she can't possibly have, but still, there are ways to fix this! Ones that are very time-sensitive! Heck, most of the party has already come back from the dead before!
Okay. Deep breath. See if Celestia will give them the chance come tomorrow. A full twenty-four hours later, while Twilight's body is slowly decomposing as her microbiome starts consuming her since nopony in Equestria has any idea what gentle repose does and—
Sorry. Sorry. This one's entirely on me, but I'm having trouble taking a neutral standpoint here. I'll try to consult with a psychopomp on the matter.
Twilight failed her rolls the hard way. I know how That feels.
GM wont allow four freinds to Spell Assist Pinkie in Planes Walk, or Ressurection?
Dont ask me, theres a whole collection of reasons I took Alchemy with Elven heritage.
With the number of levels, classes, abilities and such the Mane 6 (including spike) have between them, Twilights only problem should be Celestia refusing to allow the game to play.
That, and Pinkie not being allowed to reroll the dice.
Pinkie uses spell, Q13, and places matress of softened landing. Pinkie cant use the spell? thats ok, Twilight can. but she cant at this time. That is correct. So she uses it after Pinkie has gone back and saved her.
Okay, *now* she's dead on-camera.
Time to start speed-levelling Soft Mane, then, I think.
5632861 This was a difficult chapter to write for. The emotions of the characters were running ridiculously thick, and it kept rubbing off on me, which feels silly. I kept crying all the way through it, even though it's a story. Even though it's a story I'm writing! Man...
It doesn't help that I only have a vague idea of how it could resolve. I wonder if this is easier on authors who plan out the whole story ahead of time and follow the script.
Either there weren't any typos in this chapter, or something is blocking my power.
I like your portrayal of everypony's differing reactions to this crisis. Rainbow's combination of stubbornness and denial feels especially spot-on. On the other hand, Soft Mane has become very mature and wise rather suddenly. Part of that may be due to her steep learning curve and the influence of her deity, but she's still just a kid. Don't get me wrong, I like kids that act like grownups, but she got there really quickly.
Everyone is offering lots of suggestions for how to resurrect Twilight within the game rules. However, since this is an original story and not a game session transcript, rules are only there for convenience. A story-driven method would be much more effective in this context. For example, if the party comes up with a way to physically go to the bad place (Tartarus, Hades, Hell or whatever it's called here) and bring her back through overwhelming force. That way, instead of rule-lawyering, you get an epic quest with constant peril and heroic deeds.
Oh, and don't forget Zecora. Everyone's more concerned about Twilight at the moment, but Zecora's still a hostage as far as we know.
5633165 Everyone else writes a story. Your style is closer to...a personal account of something that didn't actually happen. I can only imagine that you must have to immerse yourself in your own fictional world for that to work. I've tried to do that, but it's really hard. It must be an invaluable skill for GMing.
5633229 Soft Mane's broken up inside, but she has a few advantages over the rest of the mane six. One, she is aware of the idea of resurrection as a 'thing', something only Long Road shares knowledge of. She really -wants- to glomp onto Spike and hug him forever until he stops crying, but Spike is... very not approachable, which hurts.
Rainbow, for all her brashness, will accept a hug. Sometimes you just need a hug damnit.
5633251 I am good at making things up as we go, for better or worse. It's been my thing since I was a kid.
As for GMing, it swings both ways. When I let things just... happen, it tends to get interesting, and yet I also have no maps to work with since, again, just making things up, so it's harder. I suck so hard at making maps.
5633229 Oops, just realized I never pointed out the the name of the chapter is kind of a give away. Twilight's kind of in an astral pocket. She went there before, when her body was ripped apart by the power of friendship. Celestia formed her a new one, with wing upgrade! Then she got sent back. There's not much there, good or bad, without the presence of a god/neargod like Celestia around to shape it.
Did you originally plan for the "bits" Rainbow got to be rivets from the buildings, or did you get the idea from the comment someone made on that chapter?
5633308
Well wherever Twilight is, you should definitely make the Returners do an epic quest to get her back, because epic quests are epic. I would especially enjoy it if you force them to get help on the quest from some of their friends back in Everglow (especially Under Score and Fast Shadow, because they're cool)
5633263
When you first introduced Soft Mane, she was impulsive, clueless and did not have much respect for authority. Obviously, her innocence is long gone now, but she is still very inexperienced at everything. Soft Mane is clearly one of those people that performs well under pressure, but her current maturity level looks about the same as a 60-year-old mother of 13 kids.
5633424 She only had... like two lines! Was that one line about giving the others room that profound? Or was it the angry one of denial saying they could get Twilight fixed? I'm so confused.
I never admit where I got my ideas from... well ok, it being the rivets from buildings just felt so right I kinda had to go with it. Much like the ring Spike pocketed over 80 chapters ago suddenly finding a use now.
I do have plans for Everglow, worry you not.
5633263
Something you've done very well in this story is everyone's reaction to Spike. Spike is probably the most considerate and sensitive comic-relief character of all time, and he's long overdue for some appreciation. Although Soft Mane is currently attracted to him romantically (which can only end tragically), their mutual concern for each other's well-being is really sweet.
5633438
That's exactly what I mean. Everyone else is freaking out and she just stands there and listens. She also didn't lose her cool when she was put in a melee situation even though she has zero melee skill and she didn't criticize everyone for leaving her unprotected. On the whole, what she doesn't do speaks more to her character than what she does.
I'm certainly not saying you should go back and make her a whiner (truly, I like the new Soft Mane more than the original). I'm just commenting on the way her character is developing.
5632872 No one in the party is higher than what, 9th? And their only divine caster is much, much lower, which rules out plane walk and raise dead. You can do a lot of clever things by combining party abilities, but raising the dead and travelling between planes are both 'atoms' that you just don't have at lower levels.
I don't think 'spell assist' is actually a thing. And Q13? What *are* you talking about?
Within the rules, going by party assets, they're boned. Their best bet would be Celestia or someone sending them back to Everglow where buying a Raise Dead would be trivial.
5633229 Story-wise, Celestia could very well raise the dead as much as she wanted, if she was willing to become a goddess. This is something she's been actively avoiding forever, though.
Cue Princess Luminance making Twilight her eternal waifu, make it so.
5633770
Q13 is the name of the special device in the spoof movie Galaxy Quest, where you get sent back 13 seconds. In the episode, Time and Again? Twilight goes back a week, but only for 13 seconds. I still suspect that was a deliberate limitation by Starswirl, and the writers, cos otherwise things get silly. Can only cast it once a week, and once only on a given person? You would have a whole line of freinds waiting for their chance to help for those 13 seconds. Once a week and go back at most one week? you still have one chance, and Pinkie has a Lot of abilities.
I ran the numbers for Earth ponies through one of the other Game systems, and I pretty much got an Earth Pony or equivalent, can hit the ground at terminal velocity, and get up and walk. Light concrete, such as the couple inches of a normal sidwalk, crumples. The best thing to land on is a double decker bus. It acts like an extra stiff airbag.
5634445
Omega 13
Don't forget she was gutted first. She was probably done for before she even hit the ground.
5633770
There's no shortage of story-based options. Even if nobody personally has the power, they could always go on a trek to find The Lost Doohickey of Whatshisname in the Temple of Whomever....
....
Ooh, that's a thought:
What exactly is in that book of Lashtada that they so clumsily lost earlier? I call bragging rights if that book has something to do with this by the end.
5634445 Oooh, that makes sense. So you were talking about Equestrian magic.
I'm not sure the time magic actually lets you change things (they kind of implied it didn't?), but some versions of stable time loops let you make changes as long as you end up setting up a stable time loop. And creating a duplicate Twilight to 'die' is as easy as visiting the mirror pool.
C'mon, Lashie! Now's your time to pull out a miracle and wow an entire population of potential believers!
And suddenly I'm wondering what'd happen if Lashtada and Cadence met.
5634826
I think you replied to the wrong comment
5635018 Huh. When I went to edit it the number was the same, but saving the edit pointed to a different comment. Something werid went wrong, I guess.
Hmm, so in this canon, Twilight actually died before she ascended? Interesting.
5718601 It was all the same thing. Even in the cartoon they obliterate her. She is reduced to ash with a face of calm acceptance, and Celestia rebirths her.
7527245 True, and trying for "this world is far from perfect" is not bad, again the issue is not so much WHAT, as how it was done in the narrative. On how the story presented it then on the actions being taken, but also, just the whole execution of the thing (o pun intended). Most of it made little sense as to why it was being done the way it was, felt far to rushed, and if that was the intent, it did not work due to the story as a whole feeling kind of rushed most of the time so this not seeming intentional to show issues with things. The whole thing just, had a hard time following how the internal logic was working beyond the broad strokes, and stuff like, doing it that fast, that publicly, and just the whole.. everything, it felt more like the story trying to rush through and get it done as quickly as possible then it being meant to be something in 'verse that is off. With no explanation for why a lot of that was done like it was, no context to fully understand.... just the whole trial felt very, not well done and didn't like it, beyond the unsettling aspect which was just that first thing, the rest was kind of eye rollingly "Wait, seriously?" Between Adiago only getting what seemed to amount to community service because she sucked up in a blatant "I'm going to suck up to you but only to save my neck and try and get into a position to get power back" way. The lack of an SOP for dealing with mind controlled guards, a lot of it just, the whole thing was pretty much the least liked part of the story for me and the 'unsettling' aspect was only one of those reasons, and more exacerbated by the story as a whole just, not feeling very well done in that section.
Okay, on from 'worst' part of the story to HOLY FREAKING CELESTIA THAT WAS AMAZING! part, and the first part that I just, really REALLY enjoyed all around and was just.. immersed, engrossed, edge of my seat needing to see what came next, YES! The fight in Manehatten, really that whole segment was really well done and just.. actually immersive, exciting, all of it working (still a bit to fast paced and rushed BUT this is more at the YMMV I just prefer slower pacing rather then story actually needing to slow down). Really am loving this section of the story, Equestria dealing with the invasions, how ponies are handling it, even the differing types of outsiders coming through, rather then just all Elementals. And that fight, ALL of it... again by far the BEST done portion of the writing as a whole is how well the story translates the game mechanics into narrative form and makes them feel natural, just, so good, and this fight, the whole trip into Manehatten was SO well done in that regards, while still just being a freaking awesome fight in and of itself. Immersive, gripping, it was just spectacular. It actually managed to keep a serious aura of read and tension, make the party feel outmatched, but not surely doomed, the right balance of they MIGHT be able to pull this off, but it will take a LOT of work. The attitudes of everything involved, the outsiders and the ponies et all. Seriously, amazing job on this fight, even going os far as to outright kill somepony off like that and make it work rather well, far better then the last time this time just.... WOW!
Even that aspect was handled well and feels legit, you can feel the sadness, the grief, the denial.. and it all makes sense..... for most of the characters. Still a nagging "that ain't quite right" to it however given the circumstances. For the Equestrians to be mourning makes perfect sense and that aspect was handled really well. Long Road... not quite so much. He knows the whole deal with adventurers and how much of a revolving door the afterlife can be... and he DID actually kind of bring that up, asking if Celestia could do what he knows is possible. So nice on on that, but he really couldn't make the leap from being told Celestia can't to saying "Well, I know a place where ponies CAN do that, so Miss rarity, if you would grab the biggest diamond you can find, we'll talk to your princess about getting sent back to Everglow, find a decently high ranking priest, and she'll be fine in about ten minutes." Maybe not in that wording. I mean it is not impossible he wouldn't think of that but, kind of a disservice to his intelligence that he didn't think of that since he'd know it's possible but, just a minor could have been done better. The bigger issue is Twilight herself not coming up with the idea while talking to Celestia, when we know from her own mouth (well writing) that she explicitly IS aware of resurrection magic and has learned it exists and is commonplace, and has outright TOLD this to Celestia already, so given how intelligent they are, and lacking in major emotional issues clouding her judgment in Twi's case, that Twilight didn't suggest this to Celestia as a way open for them is just..... odd. and feels kind of forced. Then there is Celestia herself and.. just... not well done. It did not feel like her at all. Note, the overall sentiment is fine, the issue is not the ideas being presented it is the execution of those ideas just, not feeling right, she came off as far to over done, the story trying way to hard to make her emotions clear, and way overdoing it. I am not saying she would not be sad just that.. the story kind of drove that point a bit to hard to buy this actually being Celestia.
But those aside, the battle itself, also fun little bits through it of noting who was making what moves, realizing some of them clearly do not have many points in Knowledge Planes given they call them both Devils and Demons (oh and AWESOME job on the ponyfing the Bearded Devils and the Fury had to look up what the mare was when I got home, but only cause I haven't done much with devils yet, but the Bearded ones were obvious and well done and Fury... damn was she freaking creepy, evil, vile, just everything she should be and unlike the earlier unsettled nature with the trial, this was 100% on the character being like that as intended rather then on the story just not presenting it well.) Fluttershy needs to start taking levels in Druid ASAP, her Diplomacy skill is already off the charts, add in Wild Empathy to that and... damn. "Either through skill or luck etc.." for Soft Mane beating out the healing block.. couldn't help but read that as "Rolled a Nat 20 on the check" One kind of bit, why isn't Twilight packing any banishment spells? Yeah doubt she's level 10 and able to legit cast Dismissal, but that's only going by that half of her power, she has her FULL power now, all the glory of Twilight "I can cast any bucking spell that exists even unknown dark magic that had never even been hinted at before just after seeing it done once because I am the bucking Element of Magic for a reason" Sparkle. And we know from Celestia doing it there is a pony version of it. Even just a quick line about Twilight mentioning that having that type of magic would be useful, but she hasn't learned it yet, has no access to Everglow magic books to try, and the Equestrian version works, but requires far more of a ritual type set up that can't be done on the fly like they would have to. Just, it's not her not having it, it's that the story didn't address it at all that feels a tad off. But, minor quibble overall.... yeah the fight was AMAZING, oh and whole learning about dealing with Geniekind and wishes.... at least they learned quick and didn't screw things up. only had on case of dealing with one of those so far while playing, and there the character who got the wish was smart and just used it for a stat point.
Really just.... I know I seem overly critical maybe or just whining but, there is a lot of great stuff to this story it's just.. a lot that also could be so much better and If I didn't care about it I wouldn't put all this effort into the feedback and critique. This fight was just, a great example of how the story really can be just so so damn amazing! And over thinking and working through stories to see how they worked, how they could be better, feedback, just look at the massive reviews and the list of Commentary fics.. this is what I do! And only for stories that I really do think are worth it and really do enjoy overall, just, feel the need to give that feedback and make clear what I think did and did not work AND WHY! that's the tricky part a lot people forget. So, again, do enjoy the story, and wouldn't put so much effort into discussing it and giving feedback if I didn't think it was worth it... and damn that fight was incredible.
7530240 So far as Mr. Donkey knows, only specially trained people can hop between planes. They have none.
Assuming they could just skip over to Everglow seems a stretch.
Back to ye court, you're stretching there too. You're imagining a dream scenario of the bad guy doing nothing. That's a dangerous world with things that make her look like a chump. Why would the Queen put her somewhere safe? She doesn't like the sirens. There are ways of murder that don't involve dirtying your hooves and can still reap a benefit for your people.
Glad you liked the conflict though!
Ah, I thought it was suspicious that Pinkie started putting hooves over people's shoulders and such, but mystery solved: She gave her arms to Dashy!
8082603 Fixed
Uhhhh.... is Twilight going become an undead? Isn’t that what normally happens to souls that don’t pass on?