A dimension away, Sonata sat listlessly across the counter from Drowsy End. "It's really nice of you, I mean, letting me stay here and all."
Drowsy made a dismissive wave of a hoof, "You are welcome here. We are like friends? Besides, I feel you will not remain here for too long. There are greater things in your future than to spend your days with a sleepy mare."
Sonata reached across the counter and gently ruffled Drowsy's mane, "You're still nice, drowsy or not. Thank you." She sniffed loudly, "Still can't believe they all left so quickly. Do you think they'll come back?"
Drowsy shook her head, "I could not say yes or no. It is uncertain at best, but we can wait a while to see." She didn't object to the petting, so it continued. It made her fall into a light nap, but most things in life seemed to have that effect on her.
With no warning or fanfare, the door to the inn suddenly burst open and Lex stumbled in. He froze in place as he saw her. "Sonata?" he called her name in mild disbelief, before a relieved look crossed his face. He started to make his way over to her, dragging himself with the slow steps of somepony that was utterly exhausted.
Sonata jumped in place at the voice, then spun around. A broad grin spread over her face, though it was tinged with doubt. This was not the same Lex she remembered, but close? "Lex? Is that you? What happened? I mean, besides looking as tired as Drowsy." Drowsy had no comment, being asleep. Sonata advanced to offer a supporting hoof. "You came back for me!"
Contrary to how he usually acted, Lex didn't refuse her offer of support, leaning against her. He idly wondered if she knew that he wouldn't have accepted that gesture from any other pony, with the possible exception of Twilight.
"I came back to Everglow because I needed to leave Equestria in a hurry," he admitted. "But I came back to Viljatown because I wanted to see you again."
It had been a dizzying last two days. He had fled with all haste to the Tree of Harmony, the one place in Equestria that he knew radiated enough ambient magical energy that it would let him recharge his magic immediately. The trip there had been one long flight through the wilderness, avoiding open areas as much as possible so as to try and escape any search parties that had been dispatched to try and subdue him.
He'd been lucky to make it to the Everfree Forest without encountering any other ponies, but he'd very nearly had to fight a cragadile when crossing through it. Even after that, it had taken an hour-long ritual to siphon off enough of the magic that the Tree had naturally radiated to replenish his magic and prepare the plane-shift spell that he had learned from Twilight. He was just glad that her copious notes had included instructions about the proper tuning fork to use, and that he'd had the foresight to purchase one before they'd gone back to Equestria.
It had been obvious to him by that point that he was done in Equestria, at least for now. With his attempts at making Celestia see reason via diplomacy having failed, force was now the only option remaining, and for that to stand any real chance of working, he'd need to acquire more power. The best way to do that was on Everglow, which had greater magic to match its greater dangers.
As it was, casting the spell had been far more draining than he'd anticipated. He'd been forced to simultaneously lengthen the casting time to draw in additional ambient magic while he'd worked the spell and channel the excess magic painfully through his own body. It had pushed him to his physical limits...but it had worked. He had arrived just outside of Viljatown, having visualized it instinctively because he knew Sonata was there, and had returned to the inn that he'd stayed at before...it was to his good fortune that she had been there.
"Things didn't work out as well as I'd hoped in Equestria," he admitted as Sonata guided him to a seat.
Sonata tilted her head with some confusion, "What happened?" She frowned with imagined situations, "Was someone being a jerk? Let me talk to them and we'll get it fixed, like, yesterday or something." She helped him settle down before plopping herself beside him, "It's so quiet without you guys around! I thought I was gonna go nuts by myself, uh, no offense to Drowsy End."
"None taken," replied the seemingly still sleeping mare between soft snores.
Lex shook his head. "It's not going to be fixed... and I doubt we're going to see the others again for a long time," he said, before telling her what had happened when he'd returned to Equestria. He left nothing out, unashamed of how he'd acted. After all, he had been right to do what he did.
Sonata listened to the telling, then blinked with confusion, "Why did you pick a fight with their qu--Princess? You could have totally been a national hero for keeping Twilight safe!" She snorted loudly, "You're really smart with some stuff, Lex, but you're kinda dumb with people, and I say that as a friend so don't spaz out at me." She leaned in a little, "Tell me what you wanted to get done, like, really get done, assuming everyone said 'Yes Lex, you're totally right!' and tossed Celestia onto the curb."
He started to speak, then caught himself. He could have gone into major detail, but he was certain that that would only have confused her. Instead, he sighed, "I would have done everything I could do, within the moral boundaries I have set for myself, to make life better for all of the ponies in Equestria. That's what I want to do. It's all I've ever wanted to do." He looked at her levelly as he summarized everything he'd done. "It's the only way I know how to try and engage in the reciprocal altruism that is the basis of friendship."
Sonata nodded, "Alright, that sounds mostly good." And some of it went flying over her head, "So now let's pretend you wanted to do that anyway, but Celestia wasn't going anywhere. How would you get that done then?" She held up a hoof, "This is a game. Assume Celestia is like a magic-proof rock, she's not going anywhere! Too bad, so sad, she's stuck. You still want to do your stuff. How?"
"By smashing the rock," he said simply. "I want to do the most good possible, and I explained why and how that was the case. If she's intent on stopping me from doing good, for ideological rather than practical concerns, then she's corrupt, and needs to be removed from the equation."
Normally, he'd have engaged in Sonata's game, finding the exercise to be a good chance to teach her something, but in the state he was in now he was in no mood for it. Instead, he moved on to another topic, "Have you gone back to your swim-instructor job to finish your sentence?"
Sonata snorted, "Heck no! I told them how we busted up those gnoll things and freed a bunch of people and how we saved all of those people in the train. They heard about it and were like 'Well I guess you learned your lesson!' and practically kicked me out. Like, that part was OK, but then you guys were totally gone, off to start wars with princesses." She stuck out her tongue a little, "Is Equestria that bad? The way everyone else was going on about it, it sounded like a really nice place."
A surprised look crossed Lex's face, "You received a pardon?" He almost asked if she'd used her magic to enchant some unwitting official into pardoning her, but decided against it. If she had, there was no way to prove it now, and besides... she didn't seem like she'd do that.
"Equestria is a good place," he admitted, "a wonderful place. It's my home, and I care about it deeply. That's why I want it to be as good as it can possibly be, and I'm not going to stop striving for that." He sighed, standing up, "I'll help you find someplace to live here, and then I'm going to recuperate and head out. The sooner I can acquire more power, the sooner I can head back there and work to improve the situation."
Sonata raised a hoof to point at herself, "I tried that. Me and the other sirens. We took places over, made them do what we wanted to get done. Was that right?" She rose with him, "If we did good things after brainwashing everyone, would it suddenly be OK?" She shuffled a little, "I don't think it does..." She moved to nudge against Lex, "I'm staying with you either way, you big dolt. I just think..." She trailed off. What did she think? This stuff was complicated. "I want to be friends with Twilight, and her friends. Can't you make things better without more fighting?"
He froze as she momentarily pressed herself against him, but slowly relaxed. "It's not the same, Sonata," he replied. Normally he'd have snapped at her, but he was too tired to muster up his usual indignation. "Using magic to bend the minds of others is immoral, regardless of what you use it for. Violence, if used in a moral fashion, can sometimes be the correct answer. If those gnoll slavers we fought had peacefully refused to give up their slaves, we would not have been wrong to fight to make them comply, because it was the only measure left by which to achieve a moral goal that needed to be achieved."
He paused to toss several coins on the counter, making Drowsy blink as she lifted her head. "Get me a room," he said curtly.
Drowsy smiled, "You can use Sonata's" She took the coin though, and was soon drifting off again.
Sonata gave a brief giggle, "She's been letting me stay for free." She nudged Lex, "From what the girls were saying, Equestria just isn't like that. They don't live with constant violence, and you know what? That sounds pretty nice. I mean... what if you did beat up the Princess and took over, what's going to stop someone else from beating you up? I don't want to live in a world where everyone's beating each other up for the right to wear a stupid hat." She let out a slow sigh, "I'm sorry if I sound stupid, but I really think you can do a lot of good without being bad for a moment to do it. We've both been bad before, when does it stop?"
He could feel his patience wearing thin. "Then what do you suggest, Sonata? That I give up on my goal to help the ponies of Equestria just because Celestia doesn't like it? That I just allow her to continue ignoring the virtuous undertakings that she has a responsibility to enact? Because she won't compromise, and neither will I. Furthermore, I-...wait, hold on." His head snapped back around to Drowsy, suddenly turning red. "We can't sleep in the same room!"
Sonata reached for Lex's head, trying to direct him back towards herself, "There is more than one way to help the ponies of Equestria. Just because you can't have the whole cake doesn't mean a slice is suddenly bad or something." She sat down, trying to hold his cheeks in her hooves, "Look at me. We could be happy, and help make other people happy. It won't be everyone, but it will be some, and that can be enough. I will stand by you and we can become heroes and help out all the ponies you can reach, but you're not getting that whole cake, and that's OK."
Lex tried to reach for his usual counterarguments, but was suddenly finding it difficult to order his thoughts. He could feel his heart pounding at Sonata's touch, at how close her face was to his own. "I, um... I think, I mean... I don't cede the argument, but I'm willing to, you know... have the discussion."
Twilight moved around her crystal tower. It had grown dusty over time and she was hard at work fixing that. Spike wasn't being as helpful as he could be, but she forgave that. Applejack had gone off to reunite with her family, and Rainbow Dash was... somewhere... That girl! Twilight let out a satisfied sigh as she approached her journal and flipped it open. She had so much to write about, it might take a while to get it all down, months even! But she'd give it her best shot.
"Princess Sparkle?" came a new voice.
Twilight glanced up to see a pony looking at her expectantly.
"Cleaning crew's ready to go, ma'am," he said.
Twilight nodded, "Do proceed, thank you."
There were some benefits to being royalty at least.
Elsewhere, Grass Patch, Spike, and Soft Mane sat around a table. Spike was looking forlorn. Soft shrugged a little, "It isn't that bad..."
Spike cocked a brow, "I appreciate the thought, but c'mon. You tower over me now."
Soft nodded, "True, and eventually you'll tower back over me. Nature's funny that way."
Spike rubbed behind his head, "But now I'm all round and useless again..."
Soft prodded Spike in the ribs, "Don't ever say that again. You are not useless, in any shape."
Grass Patch looked out through the window, "Your friend, Miss Sparkle, arranged a very nice plot of land here. Not fit for peat, but I'm certain I can coax something good out of it."
Soft smiled gently at her mother, "I know you can, and we won't even be far away now! That sounds like everything worked out to me."
Spike joined in the smile, "Yeah... I guess there are good parts. So, uh, are we still going to?"
Soft raised a brow, "If you're asking what I think you're asking, doing so in front of my mother is not appropriate."
Grass Patch snorted, "I'm no blushing maiden, and I'm still waiting for grandchildren."
Soft placed a hand over her face in mortification, "Mom... Anyway, Spike, you look... young? Like real young. Like how old are you anyway? Nevermind that, are you, you know, mature? I'm not voting to break up either way, mind you, but I can wait a year or two if you need to, uh, get to dragon puberty?"
None present knew much on the subject of Equestrian dragon development, but waiting seemed like the best course of action.
Rainbow landed lightly before Carousel Boutique. She rapped on the door thrice and waited. The door swung open to reveal a smiling Rarity. "Darling! You're back! Come in, come in!"
Rainbow followed her inside, looking around. "Hey Rares, nice to be back, uh, didn't you go off with a donkey?" She saw no sign of any other occupancy.
Rarity made a dismissive wave, "It just didn't work out. He wanted to be useful and couldn't settle into home life, and off he went. A shame, really, but I do hope the darling finds what he's looking for."
Rainbow nodded, "Alright, guess I wouldn't want to be tied down to one spot either." She spread her wings, enjoying the feel of her older, faster, pair, "How're things around here? Fluttershy feeling better?"
Rarity smiled brightly, "It was the most fantastic thing, dear. Pinkie Pie held a week of 'therapeutic parties'. She invited different ponies each day, and they shook Fluttershy out of her shock and got the poor thing smiling again. Things are almost back to normal. In fact, I have an appointment to keep with her for a spa day. Care to come along, my treat?"
Rainbow was not normally keen for spa treatment, but... "Sure. It'll be a gift from me, to me, for this adventure."
Rarity nodded, "And you simply have to share all the details, minus the bloody parts. I don't think poor Fluttershy can handle those."
Applejack had one leg thrown over Big Mac's withers, hugging her brother warmly a moment before she fell back to all fours.
Apple Bloom cried happily, "Ahm so glad yer back!" She bounced on top of Applejack, riding her. "It was so lonely without ya around!"
Applejack moved to give Granny Smith her turn, hugging and nuzzling warmly, "Ahm sorry for staying away for so long, but ahm back now, and I got something y'all are not gonna believe!"
Granny raised a wrinkly brow, "What's that ya got that we won't believe? I'll believe it when ah see it!"
Applejack turned to face the nearest tree and pointed up at an apple, "Watch this." She took a firm stance and spoke an odd word. The apple quivered, then tugged gently away from the branch before lowering to hover just before Applejack, where she bit into it, "Mmm, Apple quality."
Apple Bloom went wide-eyed, "But how'd ya do that?! Yer not a unicorn!"
"Nope," agreed Big Mac.
Eager to show off, Applejack said a few other strange syllables before she waved a hoof at Big Mac, turning him from a big red Apple to a big green one. Big Mac didn't notice, but Granny and Apple Bloom did and they began to snicker softly.
Granny adjusted her glasses a moment, "Lands sakes girl, ya done something funny. Where'd you get them fancy tricks from?"
Applejack reached into her saddlebag with her mouth and pulled out a book that she put down, "Twilight showed me how to do a fancy new kinda magic. Don't matter none what kinda pony y'are. Not too many fancy spells for apple harvesting, but that's fine, Ah got perfectly good legs for those."
Big Mac nodded in agreement, "Yup."
Apple Bloom grinned widely, "That mean ah can learn to do magic tricks?!"
"Maybe," said Applejack with uncertainty. She picked up the book and tucked it away, just to be safe.
I wonder if this should say We are, like, friends?
Confirm it with someone else first.
5814703 She didn't pause there, so no commas. She said 'We are like friends', Sonata would probably say 'We are, like, friends'
5814707 Okay. Glad I checked.
Some very off-the-cuff comments and critiques about the grand finale.
This is a very abrupt way to end the scene with the two of them. I'd have it close on more of a conclusive note, ideally with something ambiguous yet suggestive about how things are going to go for them (e.g. a closing scene of a smiling Sonata leading an unsure Lex up the stairs to her room).
(I also feel slightly abashed, as my OC ended up dominating the last quarter or so of the story.)
Er, what? The whole thing with Rarity taking Long Road away from Twilight - right when Twilight needed him the most - was a major plot point when it happened. But now it's waved off as "and then they broke up off-screen?" I'm not sure what the hoofed version of a middle finger would be, but this felt like it.
This, however, is my biggest complaint. Not the scene itself, which is very amusing and entirely true to the Apple family, but the fact that it's the last scene. It doesn't feel like it concludes the entirety of the story - there's no sense of overall closure or finality; instead, things just continue along and then come to an abrupt stop.
The story needs to close out with somepony - ideally Twilight, but possibly another pony that's in a position to have a holistic view of things, such as Celestia - reflecting on everything that's happened, what it's meant for them, and what it could lead to now. We need to have a tone of totality, and potential finality, invoked for things to really feel like we've reached the end of an epic saga.
If you do reinstate this fic please bring back Spike as one of the main characters.
Wait, what? Just line that? OK, it does make some sense, they're not that kind of adventuter that keeps goog for the sake of XP and treasure, but... It was too sudden. They just went and kept their normal lives, not with a bang but with a poof.
Seriously, it does desperately need either some whomp, a more detailed ending or to keep going.
And that's not evento saying about Lashtada's plot. You "promissed" US, with the doppels and book stealing and small ppnies that it would be something major, some great campaign to truly bring her worship back.
But now Everglow hás nothing about her (the only text hás been stolen), her Oracle ia in another world, and evento if Equestria has her as a new deity via Cadence her people (the 2 of them) was abandones by her, as was Everglow. Kinda seems like Soft failed hard on this.
Or ia that the sequel? =p
As someone who eagerly looked forward to each chapter with rapt attention, I can safely say I throughly enjoyed this story. Heck before I discovered this story I did not even know what Ponyfinder was! Yup total noob here. Still kept me coming back for more each time despite its growing length. My personal favorite stand out characters were Dawn Event, Long Road, Fast Shadow, Soft Mane, the evil Demon chick, and Droswy End. Out of the offical characters it would have to be Spike and Sonata. It was a thrilling ride. Bravo my good sir!
So... I don't think this ending really satisfies, with the way everything suddenly was superficially identical to the Status Quo, even though at least 2 of the major characters went through huge life-changing events, but it was all reverted.
Since Spike is my jam, Spike himself feels like his revert was basically a new conflict being introduced right at the end. The self-confidence, feelings of pride and usefulness, and even the different relationships (getting over Rarity, camaraderie with RD, Soft Mane existing but basically stepping their relationship back because Spike is now a baby dragon again) all feel like they're being reverted to become back in line with the status quo.
I know this isn't the show, but in a theoretical universe where this happened and then S5 happened... then the events in the show would have been frustrating rewinds of characterization, relationships, and forgetting of abilities...
I guess there was no other way to necessarily make it congruous with S5, though, and Dangerous Sparkle must come to an end sometime. I still quite enjoyed the ride, and maybe I'm mostly just disappointed the ride has stopped.
5814853 It was a pleasure bringing the story to you. I'll surely write something else in time. Right now, robots... er Clockwork ponies. That book is almost done, hm.
5814874 I'm glad you enjoyed the ride, but, like a roller coaster, it had to come to a stop close to where it started.
I admit I'm not that awesome at endings.
...
That's it?
Don't get me wrong, it was enjoyable from start to finish, but... that's it? That was the climax? The way I see it, we're about halfway through the current narrative arc. Lex's foregone conclusion has been reached; now's the point when the story should really be getting interesting.
I guess the main reason for my complaint is that I never knew this was a "between seasons" story. From the moment Twilight found herself in Everglow, I had assumed that that was a divergence point, and anything after this that will come up in canon could be disregarded. Indeed, the sheer number of changes should have altered Equestria drastically. Celestia and Luna are being worshipped as gods. Cadence is high priestess of another deity. Elemental incursions are probably still going to happen. Non-unicorns can cast spells. You can't just switch back to status quo after that. These are events that should have ripples. And that's not taking the numerous dangling plot threads into account: Lashtada, Lex, Spike and Soft Mane's relationship...
Obviously, I can't make you write more, and even if I could, I wouldn't. If you feel this is where the story should end, fine. But you really stumbled here. I'd call this the typo to end all typos: You forgot the conclusion.
And furthermore, the question mark notwithstanding, this chapter has the same title as Chapter 99!
A bit rough in clean up, but, given its an RPG scene, gametime, and that you want to see just how the writers of Season 5 are going to work you over, Id say, given the constraints and deadlines, that youve pulled out a better Product than Microsoft.
After all, this hasnt blue screened on its first public presentation.
Just imagine, the CMC casting Everglow magic, just by reading words they cant understand from a book they cant read, and so have no idea what effect they want.
Where is Discord?
Great story! This was one that I was happy to come back to again and again! Though I am a little sad it's ended. Still, if you ever write a sequel or some side stories, I am sure that we would all like to read them!!
petting
With no warning or fanfare, the door to the inn suddenly burst open and Lex stumbled in.
plane-shift
Sonata is originally from Equestria, and Celestia was around back then.
might
extra space
5815466 Fixed!
This ending is kind of abrupt. You set up a lot of chaos in the penultimate chapter, and we're all wondering how Lex's war of self-aggrandizement is going to turn out. Then this chapter says, "Eh, never mind. We're done." It makes sense if you are planning to do a sequel, but since this story already has 132 chapters and multiple arcs, it would make more sense to just keep this one going until you're done. You can always split the story into books when you publish the boxed set.
5815466 Actually, there wouldn't be a hyphen in "plane shift," since Lex is referring to the specific spell of that name that he learned from Twilight.
Sonata's going to be hanging out with just Lex for the foreseeable future, and if she's still upset about being left behind, I can see a future visit to Everglow going something like this:
Spike: "Yay, I'm a sky dragon again!"
City Guard: "Halt! You are under arrest by order of Queen Sonata!"
Twilight: "What's the charge?"
City Guard: "Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Rainbow Dash...etc,etc...are wanted for desertion, being, like, totally mean, and that thing Lex said."
5815490 I guess now you are waiting to see whether season 5 gives you more ideas or just blows you out of the water, eh?
5815583 I'm sure it'll be both!
Cutiemark Crusader Magic Users YAY!
Scoots: Magus
Bloom: Alchemist
Sweetie: Bard
That combination is bloody dangerous.
5815496 It's not an unusual way to break it up, although you're right that it leaves a lot of loose ends.
This is basically the 'Twilight Sparkle deals with Everglow' story, and that's legitimately over.
The loose ends are stories that focus on Applejack/CMC, Spike/Soft Mane, Long Road, and Sonata/Lex, possibly as four separate stories.
5816309 It is called 'A Dangerous Sparkle', right?
Wait, what?
...this was an extraordinarily sudden ending. And, worst of all, it wasn't just an ending - it was a "everything returns to the status quo" ending, after characters had gone through some fairly major changes, both physical and mental.
Twilight, early in the story, promised to find a way to let Spike keep his sky dragon body. Celestia, even when she had the option to restore Twilight's original form, opted not to do so and merely restored her normal abilities without altering her new form. Both of these points have apparently been suddenly tossed out the window. There was a fairly major split between Rarity and Twilight over Long Road, which has just been ignored in this ending.
I'm split as to whether to consider this ending an April Fool's joke or not. I guess I'll find out in a week or so...
5815521
Oh, man, if illiana was one for practical jokes, that'd be hilarious...
They'd think Sonata had gone evil again, and suddenly they're brought to illiana instead...
And then the punch line: "gotcha".
5835399 I was thinking Sonata could actually take over the kingdom. Iliana is in a somewhat vulnerable position and Sonata has the charisma to get massive public support. She could let Lex take care of all the administrative and financial stuff. This is actually what Lex should have done in Equestria: Make himself the top adviser to a popular ruler. He could have even tried to get Tia and Luna to make a new position for him, it would have been a much easier sale than unconditional surrender.
5835697
Aww, but then Twi and co. would be obligated to take down the Villains with Good Publicity.
5835697 Or alternately, Lex could act as head of government while Sonata acts as head of state. If they each played to their strengths that way, especially as king and queen, they'd be a nigh-unstoppable team.
That said, you're right that asking for a high-level functionary position would have been much more palatable, while at the same time allowing him to accomplish most of his goals. It's a shame that his position on the issue was "everything or nothing."
5835721 As long as Sonata threw the occasional party where she gave away free stuff and told the people that everything was fine, Lex could do just about anything he wanted with no interference.
5846366 So you and Lashtada have something in common, then?
5846395 Wings and horns look lovely on those born with them.
5849446 With Long Road getting 24 rounds for free and then making Con checks, and Spike getting at least 3 minutes before he rolls, maybe 3-4 minutes? I was being hyperbolic before, I just love taking shots at the pathfinder suffocation rules.
5850006 It's things like this that make me believe Celestia deliberately let herself get photographed gorging on cake, to "equinize" her, so to speak.
I Love it a vary good story, I must say 1 or 2 dry spots but that is any story.
and it ended perfectly leveeing lost of way's for spin offs.
exultant work David Silver. or should I call you Rough Draft or maybe Silver Stars.
any name will do we the readers enjoy a good story.
Harts Fire
Hi! Your story's been reviewed by the Pleasant Commentator and Review Group! Hope it helps!
5861773 Ooo, I will have to read that when I get home.
... Yeah, like others said, ya dun goofed. You had the climax, but very little falling action, and that certainly was not a resolution. Sorry, but this was poorly written as an ending. There wasn't anything in the chapter that really warned me "Yo! This is the final chapter, fool!"
5863330 The start and end of this mess have been criticized quite heavily, yes.
5863330 So I actually had the urge to write another chapter closing things out... but... after re-reading this chapter... that's exactly what I did. This entire chapter, minus Lex and Sonata, are the characters winding down from the excitement, settling back into their old lives, and generally cooling off.
I really don't know what I'd add? Open to thoughts.
5864370 Fixes applied all over the place, except worry:
(of a dog or other carnivorous animal) tear at, gnaw on, or drag around with the teeth.
"I found my dog contentedly worrying a bone"
(of a dog) chase and attack (livestock, especially sheep).
5864517 Interesting use of a definition I had never heard of for a word. I will give you that one, it's not often someone else teaches me new things about words. cool ^_^ That just made my day.
on another note, would you like me to keep making posts like these? I mean this story is brilliant so far and I'd be more than happy to keep pointing spelling and stuff if you'd like. The over wordiness bits as well? Like I said in my one post, Technically it's grammatically correct but I find that awkward wording like that Breaks up the Sense of immersion.
5865562 I'm told the story needs the help so please continue.
5864324 Fast Shadow was never trained as a teacher as far as I know. She just ended up the default pick because she is willing and an experienced fighter. Her school-of-hard-knocks approach is probably the way she learned it herself.
5861922 Sheesh, I hope he wrote that review before you updated the first 10 chapters. It sounds like he only read the first six chapters though, and all (well, most) of the really cool stuff came after that. I think the sequel improves on all of the issues he highlighted, especially the pacing and the point-of-view.
5867765 Yes, they did, and no, they are terribly unlikely to reach any of the interesting bits.
5603598 Have to agree with you on Twilight's alignment. Girl is addicted to checklists and organization. Does everything literally "by the book." Total loyalty to her sovereign ruler. She's one of the best examples of a Lawful alignment in fiction.
I don't even.. What? why? Holy crap did this jump off the mountain. Was enjoying it for a while.. but just WOW. Nothing about these last 3 chapters make's a bit of sense.