• Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 5th, 2014

fic Write Off


T

Writefriends from all over PonyChan gathered in a war of words on the weekend of April 27. But who is the greatest a/fic/ionado? The decision is yours. Vote, rate, and choose your favourites!

Authors are anonymous, so you won't know who wrote what until the voting stage is over.

Vote Here

(See: http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/98078.html for info on how the competition went down.)

Cover image by http://milkman213.deviantart.com, captioned by Uma.

Chapters (25)
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Comments ( 143 )

It's a decent entry, but I felt that the Luna-Celestia dialogue around the middle went on for too long, and the writing got a little telly towards the end. Also, it's quite a run-of-the-mill take on the prompt.

This started off very well with that intro hook, but it got a little messy and confusing towards the middle. The ending was abrupt, as if you ran out of time to write or something. It’s still a really good entry though.

BEST. ENTRY. EVER!

I laughed. I cried. I ate sunflower seeds.

WHY AM I STILL BANED FROM YOUR WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!


Im sorry :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

-love,
!derpy

Ezn

Random humour is hard to pull off and I don't thing that this succeeded. You pretty much just spent the whole fic saying "look, Rick Rolling, it's funny, please laugh!" and "look, Tumblr ask pony, it's funny, please laugh!" You really need to put your own spin on these references to make them truly funny.

Love is a complex game, with set rules for every occasion and encounter.

There are some interesting places you could take this premise (think Scott Pilgrim), but I suppose this was written in a big hurry for the sake of entering something.

Oh, and you had a needless and irrelevant descriptor in place of a name or two ("timid animal-lover") and one or two instances of double punctuation ("!!").

Detailed thoughts through this link.

Ezn

After he pushed it open, a lone manuscript lay inside.

Only after he pushed it open?

These were supposed to be anonymous.

Eh, amusing idea nonetheless, and competently written given the time constraints. Bit violent, but in a funny overkill sort of way, so it can be excused.

I do believe this worked better in another form.

Ezn

And that's why I wrote my guide out in MS Word. Fewer distractions.

Obviously, this kind of appeals to me, as both an insufferable poser hipster ironically posing hipster and the author of a writing guide. I usually hate fourth-wall-breaking nonsense, but this had a somewhat interesting spin on it. Fakeout fourth wall shenanigans followed by actual ones (or not, who knows?!). Colour me amused.

And avoiding Lavender Unicorn Syndrome should be the first rule of writing. Even some of the pre-readers screw it up. :derpytongue2:

Ezn

I liked it. It's my personal headcanon the princesses aren't traditional gods and didn't create the world, but I still liked it. It's a neat little incorporation of the Hearth's Warming Eve story into broad strokes "princesses as goddesses" season one fanon.

One wonders how Discord fits into all of this, but I don't fault you for not including that. Would've made things schizophrenic.

Also, you'll want "windigos", not actual wendigos.

Ezn

I liked the way the framing device melted into the story. That was pretty neat.

Woah. After reading this I feel like I'm standing on tiptoes to try to reach something on the highest shelf. It certainly makes you think.

Ezn

Bleurgh, get the formatting away from me.

This is just sloppy. I don't expect perfection from something typed out in a hurry for a write-off, but this is really just too sloppy. You've got missing words and missing punctuation all over the place, and I think a fair amount of it comes from a lack of grammatical knowledge. Brush up on that and please type more carefully.

Also, you called Carrot Top Golden Harvest. That's a pet peeve of mine, because Golden Harvest is a bloody stupid name and there's no good reason for us to take blindbag names as canon, because then we may as well call Big Mac a girl.

I'm sorry, but I have no desire to finish reading this.

Ezn

Your title is hideously derped. A shame. Not anymore.

You might want to learn a few things about dialogue punctuation by clicking these words. Brush up on general grammar and comma placement as well, and avoid using unfamiliar words. Oh, and please type more carefully.

Overall, I can't say I liked this piece. It felt pointless – like it was just a list of stuff that happened, not a story. There's nothing that really ties all of these events together thematically, and the attempt at having a moral is trite and obviously grafted on at the last minute.

Ezn

Just read the first paragraph. Urge to punch smarmy narrator rising. And it doesn't help that I am not a fan of ponies plus sex.

And then the smarmy narrator gets lost halfway through. I'm not sure whether to chide you for inconsistency or thank you for giving him the boot. I'm leaning towards the latter option.

This was supposed to be anonymous.

All in all, an amusing little tale. I liked the HiE parodying, and I do think that these "character gets transported to Equestria" stories are probably better as little one-shots like this, as it diminishes the amount of time spent waffling in pointlessness and Pinkie Pie parties. I'd probably get more out of it if I were familiar with the source material, but I'm not.

Antimony Carver is best fire-elemental.

This was awesome. How you wrote it in 3 days is beyond me. Bravo, author, bravo.

Wat.

That's the best I can come up with - wat?

Ezn

Interesting and cleverer than I thought it would be.

The fun thing about stories like this is that you can write off awkward writing and stuff like that as intentional bits of mood.

Truly bad fanfiction writers are horrible people who torture and pervert characters. They belong in the same circle of hell as people who talk in the cinema.

Ezn

This story doesn't really leave an impression on me. The writing is fairly competent, but it feels rushed and some parts of it are lazy. I also don't really get why an inter-species creature would need to change their name, but it is magic, I suppose, and magic does tend to have funny little rules like that, so fair enough.

Telling Rarity was a really dumb idea.

Ezn

That's got to be the most tragic cutie mark story I've read.

Of all the entries I've read so far, this is by far my favourite. I came in expecting a run-of-the-mill Daring Do story, but got something much better. Good job, author.

Ezn

That was good. That was really good. You took self-referential fourth-wall-breaking shenanigans and instead of beating randumb humour out of them, you deconstructed the whole idea and played it for drama. This story was captivating, interesting, and inspiring. Thank you for writing.

But some of Celestia's lines sounded a bit off, and you left the close quote off of the end of the story.

Ezn

Derpy's role made me chuckle.

Can we do that? Can we spell it Shining Armour? I want to, but I've never been certain of whether I should.

This is an interesting story with a lot of intriguing ideas. There's a lot that's unexplained, and the bits about "the human" are downright perplexing, but I guess that adds to the mystery and weirdness. Your interpretation of the changelings is one I like and feel makes sense, and this certainly casts the season finale in a different light. I liked it. Good job.

Ezn

Krastos

It's funny how many fics this guy turns up in. Thank you, NPR!

You're using en dashes (–) when you want to be using em dashes (—). En dashes are only to be used in place of em dashes if you put spaces around them.

Another great story. I feel like it should be longer, but you already wrote a staggering amount in just three days. Job well done, author, and maybe give some thought to extending this after the comp?

I messed up parsing this one. Almost 30% of the story just disappeared; no wonder it seemed to keep jerking between perspectives. So, um... yeah. I think I'll go bury my head in the sand. It's been fixed now, though. Again—sincerest apologies to the author here.

Ezn

Of the four Trixie stories entered into previous write-offs, I've read two and cared for neither. I really hate Trixie and Trixie fanfics.

But I hate bureaucracy even more.

Well done, author. By putting Trixie in a situation where her arrogance and pushiness actually help her overcome something far worse, you've written a Trixie story I actually like, and a very solid comedy piece besides.

Ezn

Heh. Reverse Sunny Skies All Day Long with Chrysalis. Neat.

This wasn't really that funny, though – at least not to me. The concept isn't bad at all, but I just didn't really laugh at any point. Read Celestia's Teeth and The Purple Menaces and tighten up your comedic writing a bit. This is definitely a solid idea, and the execution is competent... just not anything more than competent.

Ezn

That was pretty funny. Predictable and formulaic, but with some amusing moments, and competently written.

i couldn't help but chuckle during the first few hundred words. You make a very good point about which animals exist in Equestria. i only noticed a few spelling errors. Not bad.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
I found nothing even remotely funny until she first arrived at Canterlot. As I read on the story was enticing but lackluster in the way of humor. As the pieces finally fell together however my sides completely came apart. this is genius. Top of my list for now. We'll see once I've read all of them but it has amazing potential for the gold.

527728

>These were supposed to be anonymous.

If you think this was written by me, you are both sorely mistaken and greatly lacking in the ability to suss out my writing style.

>I do believe this worked better in another form.

I have no idea what this means. Should we have music next?

Double mystery? I have never seen a successful doubly layered mystery story before, and to think it was all written in three days. Excellent job. I figured it out right after Rainbow Dash opened the barn door. :scootangel:

Ezn

531536
The different form thing was a failure of a subtle attempt to mention how this amused me more when it was a set of sentences written for Vanner's bootcamp.

I can only think of one pony who could have written this. I knew you the second you named Alfea.:moustache:

Compromised anonymity aside, I'm really not sure what to make of it. I like the concept; humans being a regular occurrence, and Twilight is like the Men in Black of Ponyville. It's well written, I find no Grammatical errors, it's certainly creative... ish, but somehow it just didn't click with me, there was no "wow that was so amazing" feeling when I read it, it wasn't enticing. Not to mention there was nothing that had anything to do with the prompt, although i do seem to recall a comment addressing that factor all the way back in the first round. Meh who am I kidding, mine was worse, way worse, and we only had three days to write anyway.

Ezn

Best use of the prompt I've seen; this story reminded me that there was a prompt, in fact.

Your explanation of how Night Guards work is now part of my headcanon. I like a fic that expands my headcanon. Good stuff, author.

Ezn

An intriguing premise and one that I wouldn't mind seeing more of.

This was sad. Don't really have much more to say than that. Although I feel like maybe this same story could have been told without ponies and not changed very much at all.

Ezn

I'm a sucker for stories narrated by children. It's got shades of Pipsqueak's Adventure Journal! and Sword, Hammer, Stallion... shrewd, very shrewd. Also reminds me of John Wyndham's The Chrysalids a bit.

You need to capitalise "Mommy" and "Daddy" in the places where the narrator uses them as names.

That last section punched me in the gut. This is yet another strong contender. Oh, and extra points for not having the wall be the fourth wall.

Ezn

IT CLEANS THE DISHES ON A MICROSCOPIC LEVEL

I do like the concept. I wish there were more stories about Vinyl and Octavia as roommates and friends instead of lovers.

But there's something off about this piece's execution. It's all kind of... lukewarm and not really engaging or memorable. Vinyl does a bunch of stuff because she's nervous and stressed, but she doesn't seem nervous and stressed at the time and we only get that explanation later. I think that's part of the problem.

“Vinyl!” Octavia screamed. “Don’t you know how to knock?” She scrambled back in the water. “There are certain privacy protocols regarding the bathroom and I’d appreciate it if you followed them!”
Aren't they nude anyways?

Both their ears perked up as something splintered. Looking down, she gasped. “Oh... I’m so sorry! I didn’t see it there.”
Vinyl records don't splinter by being stepped on, they're flat silly. She might have scratched it but it wouldn't just break like that.

Inconsistencies aside, this is an excellent piece of writing. I only noticed one or two spelling mistakes and the storyline is just brilliant. The emotions nearly flow right off the page, and the writing style is near seamless. The prompt draw-in was obvious from the moment Octavia showed displeasure toward Vinyl's behavior, but I can't find fault with it, and all within 72 hours. Great Job:pinkiehappy:

Ezn

There's probably a fun story buried somewhere in here, but this needs a lot of work. It's confusing, fraught with mechanical errors and not well-paced (draggy in the beginning and rushed near the end). The whole thing feels weird and random.

hoofs

Gotta say, I really hate how that's a legitimate word. It just sounds so dumb.

You may want to brush up on the rules of dialogue punctuation.

This is the sort of fic that works much better in the form of a dramatic reading... or does it?

You have the following in your favour:
1) You drove me to press Ctrl+N at least once;
2) Discord and Pinkie's voices filtered in really naturally;
3) there was even the imagination of the clickety-click sound you get with typing;
4) you knew just where to end it, meaning that the whole thing was neither too short nor too long.

Deliciously meta. Well done. Now there's an idea: perhaps /fic/ could consider branching off into scriptwriting, and collaborate with the other circles in the fandom...

Ezn

Loved the switcheroo at the beginning.

A few dialogue punctuation errors, and also some extraneous commas here and there.

I enjoyed this one a fair bit, but it's not complete. Obviously, you need to have the bit that the last paragraph was leading into, and I also think the story would be greatly improved if you showed us some of Celestia and Luna's fight. You were under a time constraint, yes, but stories in these write-offs are supposed to be complete.

I don't think this will do well because of those reasons, but thank you for writing and please write more. I want to read the rest of this!

Well stab me in the eye and call me a unicorn, that's a bit rough.

I shall do my best to not let headcanon get in the way while reading this fic. Even if I don't think the Princesses are "Goddesses," this was still a nice story. I liked the bit about the sentient elephants, hehe. One thing that made me stop was "a pregnant pause." It took me a while as I tried to think of what this could mean, until I just decided to pretend it didn't exist. Hehe, inanimate objects can't become pregnant silly (I'm sure you probably meant loaded). I like the fact that this is a fic with Celestia and Luna in it because I feel that they don't receive as many fics as they should. So any fic with Luna or Celestia is a plus in my book (Yes, that's bias speaking). Somewhere along the way, I felt like it was starting to drag a bit, and at the end, the ending did seem noticeably telly. Long short short, I agree with all of the above three commentators before me.

Anyhoo, a nice little piece, but unfortunately I can't say that it will be too memorable only because my headcanon does not think of them in that way. I apologize for that, so the story isn't the kind that I would normally read. That being said, thank you for writing this entry and don't lose heart.

Never give up, never surrender.

I thought this story was brilliant. Trixie was in-character the entire time and used her wits to beat the system. Puns are normally always groan-inducing, but I thought it was funny how you incorporated them into the story. As it pertains to the prompt, it definitely works here. I thought the entire story was hilarious. The way you portrayed the tension of waiting in the waiting room, Trixie's personality as she interacted with every one of the characters, how some ponies were afraid of her, and finally the confrontation at the end when she had all of the suitcases. This was a very enjoyable story and I think that it will hit one of the top five for sure. Since it is one of my picks for the top five, have a picture.

pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/131900433120.png

I liked how this story poked fun at many of the atrocities that fanfiction writers do in their stories. It looks like you know what you're doing and that's why you were able to pull off the awkward writing. It was a nice piece and I enjoyed reading it.

Is it disturbing that I figured out this was a Winx crossover over when Alfea was mentioned? I totally skipped over the Bloom part because I assume the author wanted to create a human that was as close to a canon pony name as possible. Once I saw Alfea, my mind immediately went to all of those pictures posted over the past few days...

At the very least, it's a twist on the HiE genre and you get props for that. Twilight was in character because she was organized, yet freaked a little when she found out Bloom could do magic. It kinda fell off near the end though, imo, when they were discussing why she was brought there in the first place. I guess it sorta sounds like the first chapter to another story. If this was just a one-shot and you intend to keep it that way, then I have to say that it's quite unsatisfying. I'm not sure if it was a joke entry because of the dare or Winx, but I shall give you the benefit of the doubt. Still, it was a nice read. :twilightsmile:

Ooo, a VinylScratchxOctavia fic. Nice. I liked the characterization of Octavia (even though I hated that she was mean and a bit petty) and how she eventually made up with Vinyl. It's refreshing to find a fic that has them as roommates instead of lovers as well. I did find it weird that the vinyl didn't break when falling, but it did when it got stepped on. Assuming they were on a flat surface, it might have just scratched but who knows? Perhaps Octavia is just heavy.

I agree with Ezn that it doesn't feel particularly memorable though. Like he said, Vinyl does stuff but besides that, I'm not really feeling it. I'm sorry, that doesn't really help you that much, does it?

Anyhoo, characterization of Vinyl was also good and I'm glad that I read this fic. Keep up the good work and don't stop writing.:twistnerd:

This is definitely a tragic story and a bittersweet way to get her cutie mark. This is my first Daring Do story so I really have nothing to compare it to, so I'll just say that I liked reading it. I thought it was a bit confusing at some parts, but assumed it was the point due to the whole dream thing. Anyhoo, keep up the good work and keep writing!:yay:

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