• Member Since 7th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen May 17th, 2015

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Source

Fate is a cruel mistress, and so is the sea. Daring Do is but a filly, a filly on vacation with her family. During a routine cruise, her life is turned upside down and she learns what it means to be an adventurer. Everypony knows the tales of her heroism, but here is the origin of the famed explorer.



Inspired by the art of Destiny Freedom. Cover Art: http://destinyfreedom.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4xqjse

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 2 )

Okay, I like this. You space your paraghraphs.
you indent.
you use quotations right.
you know how to write a sentence right.
The story is good! I like this very much.

Oh, and I hope you don't mind, I added this to the "Daring Do" group.

Well, that was certainly amazing.

I can't help but notice a connection with Tomb Raider 2013 (really good game, I should say), and it's in more than just the cover image. You've captured the feel of the game in 5,000 words. I also like the additional themes you put: facing reality and letting go of the past. Your characterization of Daring fits well into Lara Croft's, but doesn't rip it off. Compass Rose was also a pretty good OC despite only appearing in the flesh in the beginning, and you got me to care for him, so consider that an accomplishment. You have good description in your writing, too.

But I'm concerned about the length of your story. In my opinion, it's not long enough to properly and completely capture the theme of survival. Daring doesn't go through enough horseapples to be called a survivor in my eyes, at least when compared to Lara. In Tomb Raider 2013, Lara goes through half a week of hell, complete with seeing friends die and being forced to kill many people. Here, Daring just makes a camp, gathers food, passes out, encounters a fierce animal, runs from said animal, passes out, and is then rescued.

There were also a lot of unused, unexplained plot elements. Was the storm that shipwrecked Daring natural or not? What was that animal that tried to attack Daring? Does the island have native inhabitants? If so, are they friendly? The storm part is kinda jarring because the story implies that it has significance in terms of lore (especially given the story's roots in Tomb Raider), but then we never get an explanation for it (not even "it was just a normal storm").

Overall, your story is really good. Maybe it had lots of untapped potential, but as it currently stands, it does its job well. I'd give it an 8/10.

Meanwhile, I made this little thing based on the Tomb Raider Reborn trailer and your story.

When I washed up on the island, my life as I knew it was over. But my life as you know it had just begun.
No one is here to help me. I am on my own. So now I must fight to survive.
I must embrace who I am.
I am fast.
Bold.
Brutal.
I am agile.
Tough.
I am adventurous!
Courageous!
Dangerous!
I am strong!
I…am…Daring Do!

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