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Chapter 1: When They Found Me414 words
Chapter 2: My New Experience 597 words
Chapter 3: Why Can't We Find Her Part 1703 words

Chapter 3: Why Can't We Find Her Part 1

Author's Note:

WARNING: This chapter does not contain Crystal. This is based around The Doctor, Derpy, Sparkler, and Dinky trying to find Crystal.
Enjoy!!!!

Dinky's P.O.V
I ran through the TARDIS hallways, keeping a look out for Daddy or Crystal. I've had no luck with finding either of them I started to think of placed in which both of them would be in.

"Ok since I don't know much about Crystal the best thing to do is to look for Daddy", I said to myself while running through the hallways, "The main control room that's where he is most of the time", I continued.

Doctor's P.O.V
I started to panic about not have Crystal

"How could I have not been watching her ever so carefully, she's a foal, you have to watch a foal closely or well this will happen", The Doctor paniced.

"Ok let me just find Dinky ahe's really good with finding things so she'd br the best choice right now", The Doctor said as he stated to run through the hallways to look for Dinky.

I ran passed a lot of door to look for Dinky but no luck, finally I thought, "She's probably in the kitchen with Derpy and Sparkler".

I got to the kitchen expecting to see Dinky but no luck. The only pony's I saw were Sparkler and Derpy making muffins.

"Derpy have you seen Dinky?", I asked Derpy trying not to sound worried.

Derpy turned to me and said "She just went out to look for you"

"Do you know which way she went", I asked with my voice getting a little worried. Derpy shook her head "no".

"Daddy you look worried is there any thing wrong", Spakler asked, looking worried at me.

I started to sweat a little. I opened my mouth to say what;s wrong but was interupped with Derpt making a high pitched squeak and she said, "I just relized where's Crystal".

Sparkler and Derpy turned to face me and I finally told them the truth and said, "I...lost her!!!".

There pupples dialated, almost so small that you couldn't see them.

Derpy's P.O.V
"What do you mean....lost her", I managed to squeak out,

"She was following me through the hallways then I picked her upand put her on my back then we stopped for a second then I kept walking thinking she was on my back but she probably jumped off of me when we stop in the hallway", The Doctor said.

"Doctor...when you have a foal...you have to watch them closely...or this will happen", I said getting closer to the Doctor's face.

Spakler's P.O.V
Moma was standing right in front of Daddy's face and I could tell she was angry.

"Hmmm, maybe I can sneek out and find Crystal myself", I thought to myself

I ran out of the kitchen and into the hallway to look for Dinky and/or Crystal.

"Please be safe you two. Please be safe", I said to myself.

Dinky's P.O.V
I was running faster than I ever have before to get to the main control room. When I finally got in there I did not see anypony.

"MOMA, DADDY, SPARKLER, CRYSTAL, ARE ANY OF YOU HERE!!!! WHERE ARE YOU ALL!!! top of my lungs.

I stopped to think and catch my breath from all of that running that I did to get in the main control room. I light bulb light over my head (not literallly).

"Oh maybe Moma and Sparkler are still in the kitchen", I said before running back to the kitchen.

Derpy's P.O.V
I backed up from the Doctor and turned around to find that Sparkler was gone.

"Why is everypony going missing", I said then ran out the room

"DERPY WAIT", I heard the Doctor say but I kept running

Dimky's, The Doctor's, Derpy's, Sparkler P.O.V
"WHERE ARE YOU ALL!!!!!"

To Be Continued

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The Guardian and Friends

The Guardian and Friends #1 · Dec 24th, 2014 · 6 · ·

Another edgey self insert character story. Let's have a looksee.

IceCrystal

What, it's just one word? Wouldn't it make more sense if she was named Ice Crystal?

IceCrystal as a foal abandoned and found by The Whooves family.

Doctor Whooves is the only Whooves. I think you mean HOOVES.

As she comes to marehood she roams the street's of Ponyville, she finds a letter in front of The library.

Can you be specific as to what this library is?

As she confront's her fake parents to tell her the truth, it's not satisfying.

And what was this "horrifying truth?"

As she runs off in depression she comes meets a mare that is pure evil.

Of course she would.

The mare leads IceCrystal to her side and IceCrystal and her spread havic. But soon IceCrystal learns the real truth.

And what is this "real truth"? Can you be specific?

The Guy on Your Right

The Guy on Your Right #2 · Dec 24th, 2014 · 3 · ·

Hello there, fellow fimfictioner. I was just passing by and I noticed your story, and based on the title and the description, it isn't going to be greeted openly by other fimfictioners.

I've also read-- skimmed through the three chapters, and let me tell you this, the pacing just pours fuel to the fire, especially the part where Sparky -- probably another oc of yours -- founds the foal. It's like you summarized a short story.

scientits

At least you managed to make me giggle. I suggest writing a different kind of story. If you're going to write a story about your oc, I suggest making what happens to his/her life a little less unlikely. Also, something that involves less interaction between ponies in the show, and OCs.

Again, welcome to fimfiction. Your next stop, shitstorm.

null_name5656

null_name5656 #3 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · ·

derpicdn.net/img/2013/7/31/387796/full.png 2edgy4me bro/sis.
But seriously, this is just an over-edgy self insert OC story, the guy beneath me kinda already pointed this out but I added in a pic to go along with it

thechicken95

thechicken95 #4 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · ·

Ugh, already there's another self-insert OC whos bland as all hell, grammar is horrid, telling and not showing, edgy teen is edgy, and pacing is thrown out the window. Did I miss anything?

ThunderWonder

ThunderWonder #5 · Dec 24th, 2014 · 8 · ·

this is my first Fimfiction so please no rude comments.

If this story was actually somewhat decent, you wouldn't have put that in there. If you don't want rude comments, either post a decent story or don't post at all.

I am old enough to know that's a sign but not old enough to read it.

Then how are you old enough to have ~~not really~~ complex thoughts?

(sorry if this color is wrong, this is what google gave me)

WARNING: This chapter does not contain Crystal. This is based around The Doctor, Derpy, Sparkler, and Dinky trying to find Crystal.

Oh darn, whatever shall we do without your OC I don't care about?

To Be Continued

Don't care about that either.

To be honest, I'm kinda tired about pointing out areas in badfics where they could improve, but I'll gloss over them, just for you.

The spelling, grammar, and punctuation is atrocious.
The sentence structure is clunky.
The pacing is awful.
The characters don't feel real.
The dialogue is awful.
There is no logical progression.
The OC isn't given any personality.
The OC is extremely unrealistic for a two-year old.
The POV changes are jarring and happen too often.
No background for the story is given.
The chapters are way too short.
And probably a ton of other stuff that I'm forgetting.

Seriously, you need to work on this story if you want it to be acceptable. Go and try to improve your skills as an author if you want to make a good story. You can do it if you really try, but it will take hard work and determination.

EDIT: Wait, why is this story in the Adagio Dazzle, Sonata Dusk, and Aria Blaze fan group? AND the Under-Rated Group when the author hasn't been online to view the negative feedback?

Conclusion: the author knew this story was shit but posted it anyways.

FunFunFUN

FunFunFUN #6 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · 7 ·

5418557 Sheesh we get it! It was bad! Don't have to be a dick about it!

ThunderWonder

ThunderWonder #7 · Dec 24th, 2014 · 3 · ·

5418658 Sorry if I came off as that way, but it kinda gets tiring after reading so many poorly written fanfics. I want to see authors improve and make good stories, really, I do, but it just gets frustrating when they don't seem to give any effort on their stories. If someone is going to post a story on this site, it is generally expected that they look over a story and think it through before posting.

I try to not be overly harsh, and I do try to say that any author can improve, but sometimes I can't help but give stories some serious tough love. In the end, if a story is bad, I'll say so and point out why.

FunFunFUN

FunFunFUN #8 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · ·

5418732 Yeah I get yea but I mean we read things with bad grammar all the time, text messages, facebook, etc. tough love is fine but that stuff you typed meant to crush that person's feelings, near X-mas too! IDK give tough love..but...let them done easier than...

The spelling, grammar, and punctuation is atrocious.
The sentence structure is clunky.
The pacing is awful.
The characters don't feel real.
The dialogue is awful.
There is no logical progression.
The OC isn't given any personality.
The OC is extremely unrealistic for a two-year old.
The POV changes are jarring and happen too often.
No background for the story is given.
The chapters are way too short.
And probably a ton of other stuff that I'm forgetting

...that

but I can agree...the fic is shit but can be fixed with help! I write shit fics too, and no one have said THAT to me! but thank you for your criticism, he does need that.

Elric of Melnipony

Elric of Melnipony #9 · Dec 24th, 2014 · 3 · ·

As she confront's her fake parents

No one taught you to use an apostrophe like that. Stop it.

Pirate Jesus

Pirate Jesus #10 · Dec 24th, 2014 · 1 · ·

5418541
Wouldn't be another day on Fimfiction if we didn't have at least one.

IceCrystal The Freezer

IceCrystal The Freezer #11 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · 7 ·

For you all who are wondering the truth there's a reason I didn't tell what it is. It's supposed to add mystery
I know IceCrystal is not suppossed to be one word but you can name your OC what ever you want it to be.

thechicken95