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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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This story is gold, keep it coming.
5149911 Don't worry, more will be along soon.
very interesting, can't wait to see what happens next
I haven't read it yet, but the synopsis confuses me for two reasons:
The first is how they were able to imprison Malthael. I've played D3 extensively and if an entire planet of humans (and nephalem) and angel intermediaries couldn't, how did ponies?
The second is the inclusion of clop. I do not want to read about Malthael having sex with Twilight Sparkle.
5150252
Well the obvious reason is that he didn't have full control over his powers, thus making him extremely easy to capture. At least, that's what I feel will be the reason.
You get a like and fave from me
There are MANY possibilities here and I plan on being around to read them
Only 2 words. MORE please
none can stop death buuut sunset did huh
My only question is why the fuck twilight was at the crystal empire.
5151490 Question do you not like it?
Its so....
I feel like its going to be a truly epic story ..... why can't I have nice ideas
Keep it up.
While the story itself is original,(haven't seen Mathael being used)I don't think that you should start off the romance this fast.
The fact that Sunset likes him just like that is bizarre at best. Why does she like him? She was originally a pony, so why the sudden love interest for a human? There is alot of explaining to do in the oncoming chapters.
Other then that, kewl story.
5151511 weird yah?
Is he based death from darksiders 2?
That fight scene out of Tartarus would have been nice. No one seems to actually care that someone just died. If he wasn't in his right mind than how did talking to him work, we could have used more of a struggle. I have no idea what was the point of that ancient but new magic thing you were talking about. You tend to do things for no reason, like discord pulling out the key. Why did he do that? Who was supposed to take it from him, if he is so much stronger than the ponies, than it wasn't them.
Everything has a reason. Why did he pull it out? For nostalgia, did he want to glare at out of hate, contempt, did he want to make sure whoever this powerful being that could have taken it from him didn't take it? And do you know the saying show don't tell? That is your biggest problem so far. And your pacing. His backstory is exposed in the first chapter. And you keep repeating yourself. You tell us what happened to sunset shimmer in her description, than you have to repeat yourself to tell the character. Than you repeat his backstory again.
He originally calls himself an archangel yet they both act like he said Angel. There is more but I'd have to re-read the chapter to tell you.
So it's a nice start, I'm really liking the idea of Maltheal being a MC.
Two words...
Fucking AMAZING!
Human Sunset is a bit of a turn off here. Does she stay human, or does she turn back into her real self?
Wow, really? Clumsy execution. Abort approach, Malthael, abort, abort!
Wait, what? Diablo angels are beings of light and sound, Malthael and his followers I think replaced the light with shadow or darkness or something. Either way they are more like energy beings and are in no way organic. For example, their "wings" are actually part of their body escaping through gaps in their armor.
NICE!
Incoming Shipping?
Yep. Definitely incoming Shipping.
...I made it through about five paragraphs before I gave up. The dialogue just feels forced as hell, and the grammatical errors are rampant.
I really hope that the quality of this story increases as it goes on. The idea is good, the premise excellent, the execution? Nothing short of garbage. I'd say copy and paste this, then rewrite the whole chapter so it follows the same basic structure, but change the dialogue so it isn't so choppy, the character interactions so they aren't wooden, and the beginning definitely needs reworking, because suddenly throwing everyone into conflict right out of the gate is sloppy writing. I get that the beginning is, more often than not, the HARDEST part to write, but it must be done well, as with stories like this, first impressions are hugely important.
Regardless, I shall continue, and when my other projects are completed, I offer my services as a proofreader, and if need be, reviewer and rewriter (the latter only in extreme cases), and hope to see an increase in quality.
Interesting idea and lore, but the execution fails a bit short.
I love you for making discord see the ponies blatant racism, and calling them out on it.