First of all, I highly suggest having a few spoiler tags (like saying that this story has futanari in it) to dissuade people that don't like it from down-voting your story
i liked it needs some work but who am i to talk.( look up my story silence of ponies it is horrible with errors and such.) don't give up i would some more stories like this. message me if want some help and maybe a little advice.
This is good but punctuation! It makes a difference. When Spike was screaming pleasure "." These made me read it in a subdued tone. Personally this detracts from the story for me. Aside from that well done.
There is too much to be done to simply post corrections here.
In all honesty you need to either rewrite this or have an editor download it, edit it, send it to you, have you edit it again, and then reupload it.
Things that can be corrected before then: capitalize the first letter of names, type out numbers instead of using alphanumeric characters, capitalize "I"s, and possibly pick words you are more comfortable using (every now and then there is a mistake that suggests a thesaurus was used to just swap from one word to another, without changing the sentence to better house that new word).
Smut/Clop stories don't attract editors (common called Betas) like epics and adventure stories do, so you'll need to do the heavy lifting for the editing yourself.
Best I can say is to try and look over the formatting and grammar again. For example some parts weren't capitalized at the start of a sentence and the countdown had one of the numbers our of place. Where it would be 3 2 1 Rather than 3 2 1 Otherwise, very, VERY good.
I find myself intrigued by the differences between a good clop and a bad one. Pacing, build up, tone, grammar, and so many other factors determine whether or not my attention is grabbed or I stop half way through. The tone is relaxed as the characters admit their interests almost immediately and they just silently agree to give it a try. Definitely something I enjoy. The build up was nice, establishing normalcy and gradually hinting at ulterior motives until it's all out in the open. The genuine comradery shared by the characters doesn't hurt either. Typos were minimal, but I'd definitely recommend a reread, especially out loud. If you find yourself needing to take a breath, it means you need punctuation.
First of all, I highly suggest having a few spoiler tags (like saying that this story has futanari in it) to dissuade people that don't like it from down-voting your story
i liked it needs some work but who am i to talk.( look up my story silence of ponies it is horrible with errors and such.) don't give up i would some more stories like this. message me if want some help and maybe a little advice.
This is good but punctuation! It makes a difference. When Spike was screaming pleasure "." These made me read it in a subdued tone. Personally this detracts from the story for me. Aside from that well done.
5209337
I concur.
This story needs some serious editing.
5218435
Sure does, like i said before first thing ive written like this. If you have suggestions im very open.
Very nice
i like it
There is too much to be done to simply post corrections here.
In all honesty you need to either rewrite this or have an editor download it, edit it, send it to you, have you edit it again, and then reupload it.
Things that can be corrected before then: capitalize the first letter of names, type out numbers instead of using alphanumeric characters, capitalize "I"s, and possibly pick words you are more comfortable using (every now and then there is a mistake that suggests a thesaurus was used to just swap from one word to another, without changing the sentence to better house that new word).
Smut/Clop stories don't attract editors (common called Betas) like epics and adventure stories do, so you'll need to do the heavy lifting for the editing yourself.
Spike should get gender-bent.
It needs a lot of work. I'd suggest trying to find someone willing to edit it.
However, I would be lying if I didn't say that it didn't arouse me, which is the important thing for this kind of story.
Wow
that was awesome
Update?
5946636
Started writing second chapter, re wrote, got tired of the whole thing, came back and am rewriting the first chapter for grammer/spelling.
5954788 Put up a blog post with this tagged when you do.
If rewriting for grammar and ortography issues is too tiring, you should ask for proof readers. That way you don't exhaust yourself so much.
7043830
Do tell. I don't want to stress out anyone unwilling. Where can i locate a proofreader?
7044017
Check out The Proofreader Group.
Best I can say is to try and look over the formatting and grammar again. For example some parts weren't capitalized at the start of a sentence and the countdown had one of the numbers our of place. Where it would be
3
2
1
Rather than
3
2
1
Otherwise, very, VERY good.
I find myself intrigued by the differences between a good clop and a bad one. Pacing, build up, tone, grammar, and so many other factors determine whether or not my attention is grabbed or I stop half way through. The tone is relaxed as the characters admit their interests almost immediately and they just silently agree to give it a try. Definitely something I enjoy. The build up was nice, establishing normalcy and gradually hinting at ulterior motives until it's all out in the open. The genuine comradery shared by the characters doesn't hurt either. Typos were minimal, but I'd definitely recommend a reread, especially out loud. If you find yourself needing to take a breath, it means you need punctuation.
Would recommend getting an editor. Spotted many mistakes and errors in this story.
This does not bode well, you forgot to capitalize the name of a character
Probably would be a good idea to go through everything you have posted thus far and make corrections, preferably with an extra set of eyes or more.
Give this story a once over, lots of uncapitalized names.