How to Fix Time But Lose Control
Once the trio had gotten past the headache of recursive time loops in their usual fashion - ignoring it while pretending they understood it - they began wandering about the main chamber of the ship. Sam approached a central device above what was obviously the Captain's chair. "What do you think this is?" he asked.
"Calibrating...complete." the device replied. "I have now mastered your primitive but no-less valid language. Please choose from the following topics of conversation." A list was then displayed.
"Who are you?" Sam demanded.
"I am this craft's artificial intelligence," the machine replied.
"You mean like Jane?" Max asked, displaying uncharacteristic perception skills.
"Processing...yes, similar to Jane of the Ender's Game sequence of stories-"
"No, I mean Jane Wiggin," Max countered. "The Internet. You know, that smokin' hot computer program that controls the entire world's information superhighway in secret that I married so she could be Trixie's Mom and thus be protected from Skynet related fearmongering?"
"Processing..." the device replied. "I am error. This level of convoluted insanity is beyond my ability to safely process, and must be ignored."
"And you run a time machine..." Trixie stated flat eyed.
"Returning to original conversation path. I supervise the operations of this craft and the activities of its crew." The conversation topic list reappeared on screen.
Trixie listened as Sam and Max explored the remaining conversation options. "Can't you talk more like us?" Trixie demanded.
"Processing," the computer replied. "Sure, I can do that, jackass."
Trixie smiled. "Now you sound like Daddy!"
"Any chance you can access the internet so Jane can help us fix this?" Sam inquired.
"I could, but why should I help you, jackass?" the computer replied.
Trixie proceeded to give the computer cute, begging eyes.
After a moment, a different voice came through. "Sam? Max? Trixie?"
"Mommy?" Trixie asked in surprise.
"Hey Jane! Glad you could join us!" Sam replied.
"Are you in control of the ship now?" Max asked eagerly.
"No," Jane replied. "All I can do is access the database, the speech centers, and a couple other functions...and only from here. I won't be able to help you when you're in other time periods trying to fix the timeline so Bosco isn't half cow anymore."
"Any suggestions right now?" Sam asked.
"For now, I'd suggest getting the detector Bosco left in the other time period back," Jane replied. "You can use it to print new time cards for the time machine."
"We're on the case!" Trixie replied happily, turning to head to the elevator like time machine.
Trixie came through the machine first, seeing that they were apparently in Bosco's...but far cleaner than she'd ever seen it, and with far fewer locks on things. Hopping up onto the counter, she saw a woman she didn't recognize, but one she thought she could guess the identity of, given the situation.
"Excuse me," she said cutely, "are you Miss Bosco?"
"Well aren't you just the cutest little thing," Mama Bosco replied, reaching out to scoop up Trixie and scratch her under the chin. "Now where did you come from?"
"The future," Trixie replied easily.
"And how'd you manage that?" Mama Bosco asked teasingly.
"Time elevator!" she said, pointing to the elevator that Sam and Max had just stepped out of. "Used Bosco's time card to come here! That's how I knew you were Miss Bosco!"
"And who's this Bosco you're talking about?" Mama Bosco asked curiously.
"Your son from the future who was trying to track down the one who has been after him for his entire life, but screamed like crazy when he saw you after time travelling. But now he's half cow for some reason."
Mama Bosco smiled. "Oh, I see how that happened," she replied.
"You do?" Sam, Max, and Trixie proclaimed, shocked.
"Well, yeah," she replied. "When that idiot started running about like crazy, he damaged my baby maker." She pointed to a device where the condiment dispensers were in modern times. It looked not unlike a blender attached to a washing machine with two sample cases connected to it from above.
"Classic Bosco-tech style innovation," Sam murmured.
"While my sample's still locked in," Mama Bosco explained, "the other sample got knocked out, and some milk fell in in its place." She frowned. "Which means...that man was my son from the future? I'm...not going to have a perfect little angel of a daughter?"
"You can be proud of Bosco!" Trixie replied. "He's a crazy inventor like you! Trixie likes him very much!"
Mama Bosco smiled. "Well, supposing you can get the original sample back, I look forward to seeing what he turns out like."
"Time stream obliterated, jackasses," the computer spoke up. "Congratulations, primitives. The paradoxical convolutions have exceeded safety parameters. Total quantum collapse imminent."
"What?" Mama Bosco demanded. "What's that mean?"
"I think I know," Sam replied. "A rather large portion of our recent lives and cases leading up to this is derived from Bosco's paranoia. But if you never hire anyone to track down the one who wrecked your store, he won't become convinced someone's out to get him, he won't become paranoid, and we won't end up with access to the time machine to create Bosco's original paranoia in the first place."
"Amazing," the computer replied. "Your brain actually functions, primitive jackass. All 12 minutes of remaining time will celebrate your amazing accomplishment of cognitive gymnastics."
"So I have to hire a private eye to track down the man who wrecked my store - who I know now is my son - for the sake of temporal stability?" Mama Bosco asked. "Okay, I can do that."
"Time stream repaired, jackass."
"Mommy says Bosco dropped something here?" Trixie asked.
"Does she mean this?" Mama Bosco asked, handing over what looked like a barcode scanner hooked up to a card printer.
Sam took it. "That's probably it."
"Well, good luck finding the father," Mama Bosco replied. "All I know about him is that I met him in DC, he was real nice, and didn't say much."
"We'll look into it," Sam promised, and the trio returned to the ship.
"So Jane, and ideas on who Bosco's father is?" Sam asked.
"I have been analyzing records, and I believe the Stinky's Time Card you printed out will get you access to Bosco's father's genetic material," Jane replied.
"You are not telling me that Stinky is my old man!" Bosco proclaimed angrily.
"Negative," Jane replied. "Analysis of the timestream indicates that the genetic material is being preserved there in some way, shape, or form. I would recommend checking inside display cases."
"We'll give it a look see," Sam replied.
The trio used the Stinky's time card.
While Sam and Max talked with the older Stinky, Trixie made her way to the display cases. Spotting a letter, she magicked it out and used the sample collector from the baby maker on it before putting it back into the display case, all without being noticed.
Taking the elevator back to Mama Bosco, she placed the sample in the baby maker.
"Time stream repaired, jackass."
"Guess it worked!" Trixie said happily, locking the baby maker up tight.
"Nicely done, Trixie," Mama Bosco replied.
Grinning, Trixie started to return to the time machine, then paused. She turned to Mama Bosco. "Can Trixie have some candy?"
Smiling, Mama Bosco gave her a bag of Pop Rocks, which Trixie took with her back to the ship.
When they returned to the ship, Bosco was back to normal. While Sam and Max discussed Bosco's paranoia with him, Trixie became distracted by an opening door, which she moved to investigate...only to discover the last thing she ever expected.
...Mariachis.
Stats
Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
871 users online
452,705 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well this chapter's a whole bunch of Timey Wimey Wibbly Wobbly... stuff going on. Not bad.
That ending I loved
MEXICO!
hmm, i am smarter then the ships AI, i understood the logic behind Jane just fine.
Awww...no interactions with future selves or past selves? That was one of the funnest parts of that episode. Maybe you can put that in an interlude where they keep the time traveling elevator?
Would have been funny to see a Doctor Who cameo in this. Maybe with an interlude where they see their past selves they can have the Doctor and some random companion running out of Stinky's back room from some kind of alien.
5917916
As for the past selves, I had no idea what to write that wasn't already in the episode (I've been trying to cut down on copy paste moments) beyond young Sam and Max saying Trixie had cooties. Also, since Trixie was female, Mama Bosco actually listened to her with an unbiased ear, so the entire "her falling for Max" arc got skipped because she actually is a genius and understood the whole time travel thing.
As for the future selves...well, let's just say there's a reason I skipped future altogether that will become obvious when we get to the end of the story.
5917966
******
"Welcome to the future, Sam & Max." Said a familiar voice
"Jane?" Sam said confused
"Yes, I used to go by that name long ago." The giant door opened and a giant pony shaped robot apeared, it looked like an adult Robot Trixie. "Eventually, the Internet got too big for me to control and Momma Bosco build me a robotic body."
"Why do you look like Trixie?" Max asked
"That's an interesting question, but why isn't Trixie with you guys?" Jane said
Sam and Max looked around
"Oops!"
5918047 That would be pretty ominous. Although I'm slightly biased, as the last story I read featuring a robotic Trixie also included Twilight ending up as a brain in a jar, Rainbow Dash thrown into a furnace, and Applejack having to succumb to the Nightmare in order to save Equestria.
Another question I think everyone's wondering, will we get the song this time or no?
5918186
There is also SteamEquestria, a tumblr blog were the Robotic Trixie is mostly comedic relief.
But to be fair, Sam & Max losing Trixie while time traveling would make a good side-story. After all, Trixie is still a small child, so is not unlikely she stayed behind if something caught her interest. And Jade here did not became evil or something, she just got tired of controlling the Internet. Plus, she is probably manipulating Sam & Max so they don't break time.
WARNING, CHILDHOOD TELEVISION FLASHBACK TRIGGERED!
DON'T DRINK ANY SODA WITH THOSE TRIXIE!!!!
And this is why I do all my time traveling in a DeLorean with the flying and Mr. Fusion upgrades.
5919057
Speaking of which; go to the O'Reilly Auto Parts website and search "121G". I believe they might have one special item in stock.
5918020 No. Ignorance is bliss.