As the trio entered the oval office, the President was giving a rather nonsensical speech to the cameras about a "pudding embargo". It was a little above Trixie's understanding, so she wasn't able to follow it at all. She turned to Sam and Max for an explanation.
"It's worse than we thought!" Sam proclaimed. "He's crazier than a caffeine-addled dingo in an Adelaide maternity ward!"
"So it's okay that Trixie doesn't understand it?" Trixie asked.
"It doesn't really make much sense," Sam confirmed.
"I think he makes a lot of good points!" Max disagreed. "Those puddings are trying to steal our jobs! And I especially like how he does that spinny thing with his eyes!"
As the trio looked closely at the diminutive President's eyes, Sam let out a gasp. "By the whiskey soaked beard of Ulysses S. Grant!"
"He's been hypnotized!" Trixie gasped.
"You're right!" Sam agreed. "We need to snap him out of it, and pronto!"
"How do we do that again?" Max asked absent mindedly.
"We hit him over the head to knock him out," Sam explained, "like we do with all hypnotized people."
"We didn't hit Myra over the head," Max pointed out. "I was rather disappointed about that."
"Or we have Trixie work some sort of magic that breaks the hypnosis, however that works," Sam continued.
A rather burly, angry looking secret service agent stepped up beside the diminutive POTUS.
"As soon as we figure out how to get past that guy," Sam muttered under his breath.
"You're here for the photo shoot?" the angry looking SS agent growled.
"Aww, ain't you just the cutest, sweetest little thing to ever walk through those doors!" the President said happily. "Those cameras still rolling? Good! Now you come here and gimme a big ol' hug!" He held his arms out to Trixie.
Trixie lowered her head so her hat would hide her grin. "Opportunity..." she whispered. Raising her head, she smiled wide and innocently. "Hug!" she called happily in her cutest voice. Rushing forward, she leapt into the diminutive President's lap, her hoof just happening to impact the underside of his chin. "Oop-"
Her 'accident' proclomation was quickly cut off. Instead of the President's head smacking back against his chair, knocking him out to allow them to break the hypnosis, it popped right off his neck to bounce around the room before crashing through the window.
"Trixie didn't do it!" Trixie shouted in panic.
"They don't make Presidents like they used to," Max commented.
"That's not the President!" Sam cried out. "That's a hypnosis puppet, like that bear that was controlling Myra!"
"The drawstring in his back should have been a tip off," Max commented.
"So...knocking his head off on live TV is...good?" Trixie asked nervously.
"Yes!" Sam proclaimed proudly. "You've just saved the entire country from a massive brainwashing conspiracy!"
"Oh. Yeah, then Trixie definitely did that!" Trixie said proudly.
The Secret Service agent stepped back off camera and put his hand to his ear. "Agents Jackson! Burr! N'degayembe! We are moving the timeline forward. Commence phase two of the operation. I'll prepare the candidate." He then immediately left the oval office.
Trixie glanced around. "Umm...what just happened?"
"He's the bad guy!" Max exclaimed.
"And he has a backup plan!" Sam added. As the ground began to shake from footfalls, he turned to the window. "What's that?"
Running outside, the trio saw the SS agent riding on the shoulder of a statue of Abraham Lincoln...which began giving a speech to the press about how he was running for office in a special election.
"Blessed scuba diving Buddha on a banana boat with cocktail onions and a map to the stars' homes!" Sam proclaimed. "They've reanimated America's most beloved President!"
When the nearby phone rang, Sam raced over to pick it up. Trixie, meanwhile, was watching the platform. "Daddy?" she asked. "Why's the other podium empty?"
"Cause he doesn't have an opponent yet," Max replied.
"So...anyone can get up there and run for President?" Trixie asked eagerly.
"As long as they were born in America and are over 40," Max confirmed.
Trixie pouted. Then she got speculative. "Daddy? Do you meet those criteria?"
Max gasped. "What a great idea!" He raced over to the podium.
Sam came back over. "That was the commissioner," he told Trixie. "If this new mecha-Lincoln wins the emergency election, the nefarious forces controlling him will have unchecked power to destroy the entire free world!"
"So it's a good thing Daddy's running against him?" Trixie asked, pointing to where Max had taken the podium.
"God help us all," Sam muttered.
After managing to actually get Max up on the podium, Sam did his best to try and keep things under control regarding the actual debate. Unfortunately, Max seemed to be doing his best to skew the debate as far as possible into total chaos.
Out of desperation, Sam asked for both candidates to state their views on family values. After Lincoln gave his speech about his loyalty to Mrs. Lincoln, Sam hung his head as Max started to clear his throat.
"Daddy?" Trixie spoke up from beside the platform. "Can Trixie field this question?"
Max smiled. "Sure, schnookums." He turned to the camera. "Rather than answer this question myself, I want to let my daughter, the Great and Powerful Trixie, give a statement she has prepared. You may know her as that adorable unicorn filly who's been topping the charts in that single episode of Midtown Cowboys, and the one who revealed the mass hypnosis conspiracy by breaking the fake-President puppet on live, national TV! She also blew up the secret hideout of the Toy Mafia! Presenting, Trixie!" Max stepped back, clapping, before turning to help Trixie onto the podium.
Looking at the polls, Sam saw that just Trixie's introduction had shifted the polls quite a bit. Lincoln only had 50% of the public approval, and Max had the other 50%. Nader was holding strong with 1% somehow, but the polls did mention the possibility of a 1% margin of error.
Trixie cleared her throat. "Trixie is an orphan," she began carefully. "A foundling. Trixie doesn't know where she came from, and has no certain memory from before she was found. Trixie was found by Max.
"When he found Trixie, he could have turned Trixie over to any number of government programs that handle unwanted children...but he instead made sure Trixie wasn't unwanted. He took Trixie in. He became Trixie's Daddy."
Trixie smiled warmly at Max. "Daddy made sure Trixie was fed, was clean, was taken care of, was loved. Daddy saw to it that Uncle Sam provided well for Trixie, even when Uncle Sam didn't always agree. Daddy was just that good to Trixie."
Sam privately assumed that the sudden swing of the polls in Max's favor was because most of the public thought Trixie meant the government, rather than an actual Uncle.
Trixe continued her statement. "And now Trixie is happy, and healthy...and loved. Trixie doesn't know much about family...but Trixie loves her Daddy! He's wonderful!" Turning, she threw herself into Max's arms, snuggling against his cheek. Max held her gently, cradling her.
...Max won the emergency election by a total landslide...100% of the votes.
"How is that possible?" the SS agent demanded in shock.
"Are you kidding?" Lincoln proclaimed. "That little filly's a national hero, and adopted? Even I voted for him after hearing that speech! How could you not?"
"Dammit!" the agent swore as Trixie bounced happily around, cheering about Max being President and her being First Daughter. "Then we'll just have to go with plan C and mass hypnotize-"
"Nope!" Lincoln countered. "Trixie's made it plain that politics is now nothing more than a popularity contest about who looks best on TV. I don't want anything to do with that!"
"But the plan!" the agent complained.
Lincoln picked the annoying suited individual up off his shoulders. "As this generation says...fuck your plan!" Dropping the man, he brought his foot down on him, squishing him flat. "I'm heading to Hollywood. Maybe I can get a job killing vampires or something." And with that, the reanimated statue of Abraham Lincoln set off west.
Trixie, however, began to sing about her success. "Trixie's...the First Daughter of the First Family of the First Country in the world...so worship her you lowly peasants!"
Trixie's approval ratings skyrocketed for being too adorable.
Anything you want, O Gweat and Powerful Twixie! We're your loyaliest servants!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
You messed with the natural timeline too much! There will be severe consequences!
Cute and funny chapter.
Lincoln was hilarious
I'm pumped just by reading the title.
A SAM AND MAX FIM FICTION IS WHAT WE NEEDED.
Trixie's got my vote, and I'm not even american.
I NEED MY OWN TRIXIE! SERIOUSLY! SHE IS OP!
Abraham Lincoln is pretty much very different...
Unless he falls for Sybil like in the original.
ALL HAIL TRIXIE!
th07.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/245/d/1/request__trixie_missing_poster_by_pixelkitties-d48n731.png
Well, the inevitable happened. Trixie is now (practically) acting Vice President. Protect your wheels folks.
Wait... If she does have this violent reaction to wheels, why is she not aggressive against their police car? Is it because it belongs to her dad (in a sense)?
5758300
Trixie: Those aren't wheels. They're tires. ...and rims. ...and the steering thingy. ...what are wheels, anyway? Trixie knows she hates the idea of them, but she can't quite recall exactly what they are...
well max cant do much worse than obama... IM SORRY i had to take that cheap shot
i admit i laughed more than i should have at this line
atomicanxiety.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/abraham-lincoln-vampire-hunter.jpg
you know... why did anyone think it would be a good idea to make that kind of movie? then again i never watched it so i wouldnt know if its good or bad i just find the concept weird
Nice, Trixie's overall cuteness wins the election by a landslide. This is going to be a good year to run.
I bet a Trixie can unite Congress with her cuteness.
Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one.
"Trixie has a presidential Pardon for the crime of counterfeiting? Uncle Sam, what's counterfeiting?"
"Ahem, it seems using magic to convert different types of money is not exactly legal. And we had to Pardon you or PETA would have gone burn the witch with your adorably little pony body. Turn out they are completely immune to cute when it comes to equines and other animals" Sam said. "Also, people are actually starting to listen to what you say in your speeches, and your popularity had dropped to about 60%."
"What? But Trixie just been saying what Max taught her!"
5759561
Nice alt script there. Won't be using it, though.
5759572
Just trying to make Trixie less Mary sueish... but whatever.
5758313 If that's the case, how do you feel about... Cartwhelling?
5759851
Karts are mostly made for kids, Trixie would enjoy it.
I. WANT. THIS. TO. NEVER. FUCKING. END.
And I also want Sam to get his psychic powers.
5760115 That was actually intended for a pun. Cartwheeling VS Cart wheels. I guess Karts are slightly included but not as much
Did you really have to swear?
Oh, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was a pretty good movie, mostly because it took its own concept seriously. There's a book, too. I haven't read it. There's also one for Queen Elizabeth. She kills zombies.
5762169 So you've never seen a space used after an ellipsis..? That seems very strange. I see it all the time... at least when I'm reading books where ellipses are used. Which isn't as often as I use them.
5762286
I have seen spaces after ellipses.
I've also seen them absent. Both in published books. Sometimes in the same published book.
5762291 Ugh. I hate it when such errors slip by the editors. I just looks so unprofessional. And not just in Harry Potter books, but in those by Orson Scott Card, whose works I have always enjoyed reading. I suppose its okay as long as you stick to the same form. Sort of like choosing whether to capitalize Earth Pony, Pegasus, and Unicorn.
5762305
I always stick to no space after ellipses, unless someone makes a huge fuss about it.
Lincoln picked the annoying suited individual up off his shoulders. "As this generation says...fuck your plan!" Dropping the man, he brought his foot down on him, squishing him flat. "I'm heading to Hollywood. Maybe I can get a job killing vampires or something." And with that, the reanimated statue of Abraham Lincoln set off west.
There are two things, no, three things right with this paragraph, as well as a nod to the head to a movie. Can you tell what they are?
But they never even used the truth serum or tried to blow up Bosco's Inconvenience or Planet Krypton, or started a war.
5762313 Mother of cheese! If they come up with some kind of hypnotic monster for the next part of the chapter, (which I really hope), they then definately have to use the ICBMs to kill that sucker!
Good luck with the story, it's spiraling into insanity.
-The Character
Make America Great and Powerful Again, Max!
5762493
I know of the movie. I didn't catch the rest of it specifically, but it DOES sound like Lincoln. It's also weirder than usual, which doesn't say much with Sam and Max around.
5758476
NO! Fuck you! Obama did a great job!
8879023
This is Fimfiction can we PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE avoid the discussion of poltics here and avoid any general presidents jokes about the previous and current president
8937032
INDEED! We should focus on our NEW President! The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie!