How to Exorcise a Demon
The trio returned to the cross-streets where they lived. "Alright," Sam spoke up. "It's time to gather the four horsemen of the apocolypse action figures - which are conveniently somewhere in our neighborhood - and use them along with the friendly demon song on the satanic Christmas carol record to draw out the Shambling Corporate Presence before using the Spirits of Christmas to defeat him!"
"We know this," Trixie pointed out. "We just left the North Pole!"
"Our last update was three days ago," Sam pointed out, "and Max has a short attention span."
"Did you say something Sam?" Max asked. "I was distracted trying to shoot the shiny quarter."
"I was just recapping," Sam explained.
"Yeah, I never pay any attention to that anyway."
Trixie rolled her eyes. "Daddy, you're silly."
"I have isolated the common occult frequency of the horsemen action figures and have managed to locate all four," Jane spoke up from Trixie's goggles. "The most readily accessible one is in Stinky's Diner."
"Hey, how come you don't give random plot relevant information via my goggles?" Max demanded.
"Because the visuals from your goggles leave you too distracted to listen," Jane replied. "The safe search is off, after all."
"Oh...yeah," Max replied with a lascivious grin...which was visually indistinguishable from his normal expression. Sam immediately led the way into Stinky's.
Sam took a whiff as he stepped into the diner. "Ahh, the smell of desiccated eggs, congealing bacon fat, and rye bread gone awry!"
Trixie gagged. "Is it normally like this?"
"Yup!" Max said happily. "It's like Stinky's Diner never closed!"
"Welcome to Stinky's!" the woman behind the counter said. "We never close! Except when we're closed."
"Who are you?" Sam demanded.
"I'm Stinky," the woman proclaimed.
"The Stinky we know was a cantankerous old man who transformed his seething hatred for humanity into a misanthropic smorgasbord of culinary horrors," Sam pointed out.
Trixie tilted her head. "Looks about right to me."
"You said all humans look the same to you," Max pointed out.
"So?"
"That does sound like Grandpa," the blue haired woman replied with a fake sounding sniffle.
As everyone started paying attention to the Trivia, Trixie walked around behind the counter and managed to snatch the Horseman of Pestilence action figure without being noticed. Looking around, she spotted the Horseman of War being held by Jimmy Two-Teeth, along with an apple. She walked over to him. "Can Trixie have the action figure?" she asked, giving him cute eyes.
"Beat it, filly!" Jimmy snapped. "It's Timmy's Christmas present, and I ain't disappointing my boy again!"
"Again?" Trixie asked curiously.
"I thought I'd won it big with the last few scams I'd pulled, but most of the money's been eaten up by Timmy's medical bills. I couldn't throw a big Thanksgiving feast for him like I promised." Jimmy wiped at his eyes. "I ain't disappointing him and the Missus again. I'm keeping my family together!"
Trixie nodded. "And the apple?"
"It's for Christmas dinner," Jimmy replied. "Not really enough, but all I can-"
"If Trixie makes the apple gigantic, can Trixie have the horsey?"
Jimmy chuckled. "I'll believe that when I see it!"
Smiling, Trixie levitated Jimmy, the apple, and the horseman outside and cast a preservation spell Jane gave her on the apple before pouring the elf tears onto it. It immediately expanded to the size of a building.
"This'll feed the whole extended family for a year!" Jimmy gasped in amazement.
"And the spell Trixie placed on it will make it last that long," Trixie pointed out.
"Timmy gets to eat all he wants, and we're set for food for a whole year? I can buy him the present he really wants with our food budget!" Jimmy eagerly pushed the apple along, leaving the Horseman of War behind. Trixie happily slipped it into her hat.
Sam and Max stepped out of the diner. "I don't know what Jane was talking about," Sam complained. "There was no sign of action figures in there anywhere."
"Trixie already got both action figures!" Trixie proclaimed happily.
"And without causing Christmas problems!" the Spirit of Christmas Past pointed out from the bottle.
"And fixing ones that haven't happened yet!" the Spirit of Christmas Present added.
"The remaining two action figures are in the garage further down Straight Street, and at Bosco's," Jane intoned.
"We'll take the garage!" Max said happily.
"Trixie will handle Bosco!" Trixie proclaimed happily.
"I will keep an eye on Trixie," Jane mentioned.
"And I'll keep Max under control," Sam agreed.
With that, the two groups went their separate ways.
As Trixie stepped into Bosco's, she noticed it was very different. For one thing, everything was cast in red light. For another, there was a massive steel door where the bathroom used to be. For a third, there was a full body scanner at the door.
"Welcome to Bosco's Inconvenience," the scanner proclaimed dryly. "Please wait while I determine if you are truly welcome or if I am just uttering idle pleasantries."
"This is...different," Trixie mused.
"You have been deemed 'adorable'. Welcome!" the scanner proclaimed.
"Trixie!" Bosco said eagerly, stepping up from behind the counter. "Thank goodness it's you! You're the only one I know for a fact isn't out to get me!"
"Nope! Just your candy!" Trixie agreed. "Why no disguise?"
Grinning widely, Bosco handed her a lollipop. "The time for disguises is over! Before long, I'll be hiding out in my secret bunker where T-H-E-M can't find me!"
"Is it where the bathroom used to be?" Trixie asked.
"Don't tell anyone...but yes."
Trixie giggled. "Will you tell me how to get in if I need to see you?"
"The passcode is 5318008," Bosco admitted. "But don't tell anyone."
How immature, Jane typed into the HUD she offered Trixie.
As Trixie opened the lollipop, she asked, "Any chance you have one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse action figures? Trixie needs them to save Christmas!"
"I don't have any of those as far as I know," Bosco replied. "But I did get this package recently, and it might be a bomb. I've got an X-ray of it up above the counter, but I don't dare step out from behind the counter to check."
Trixie looked up. "Looks like the Horseman of Famine to Trixie."
"But it might be a bomb disguised as an action figure!" Bosco proclaimed in a panic.
"If it is the action figure, can Trixie have it?"
"Sure," Bosco agreed.
"Can Trixie have it if it's a bomb?" Trixie asked. "Trixie can transport bombs without setting them off in her telekinesis."
"If it gets it out of my store, sure," Bosco agreed. "Just be careful, okay?"
"Trixie will be careful!" Trixie said happily, levitating the package out of the store.
Once outside, she tore it open and stuck the action figure in her hat. Not long after, Sam and Max came up. "Bosco gave it to Trixie as a Christmas present!" she proclaimed happily.
"Max and I won ours in a driving minigame," Sam pointed out.
"To the North Pole!" Max proclaimed.
Back in Santa's Workshop, they prepared everything needed for the exorcism. Once the action figures were properly arranged around the actual north pole, they played the record. "While it's playing, we need to fill in details about the demon in question in order to draw it out."
Max and Trixie nodded, cudgeling their brains for details they'd gathered.
"There was a fearsome demon," the music played, "who had a very scary form-" The music began to jump at that.
"Like gelatinous goo!" Jane proclaimed, having the details in her memory banks.
"He was the most unholy, creature who was ever born-" The record began jumping again.
"In Lower Manitoba!" Trixie proclaimed, having read it off the shipping crate's label.
"Even the other demons, were scared to let him join their games-" The record jumped again.
"Like Mimesweeper!" Max proclaimed loudly.
"And if you want to meet him, you just have to shout his name!"
"Hey, Shambling Corporate Presence!" Sam called out.
The four horsemen action figures flew up into the air in a bright glow. The demon itself dragged its way out of the supervisor elf. Max then popped the bottle of spirits open, releasing the Christmas spirits to purge its demonic nature, reducing it into a Christmas pudding. Trixie then put the pudding back in the shipping crate, sticking a 'Return to Sender' label on it after sealing it back up.
Santa stepped out of his office. "I'd never believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes! You three saved Christmas! And with no casualties!"
"Where did I go wrong?" Max wailed, causing Trixie to giggle happily.
"You crack me up little buddy," Sam chortled.
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KAWAII DESU!
Shouldn't it be '5318008'?
5870532
Yes. Yes it should. And now it is.
Mimesweeper eh? Wonder how that works.
5870581
No idea. Playing the computer at the north pole wasn't an option.
...it was frozen.
5870614 Darn, guess we have to let it go then. Can't hold you back anymore with this idea.
5870581 I think it's that one screensaver with the mimes and the cross-hairs randomly shooting at them... Fun for the Whole Family in Play Mode!
Coming over from The Technological Technicolor Technomare after being impressed by the author's writing, I continue to enjoy the stories and humor wholeheartedly. Huzzah, I say, for good writers!
Well it is the holidays and you have to have a free day of no casualties sometime, right ?
I cannot wait to see what happens next in this great tale of yours.
This was fun and cute.
I freaking love this fic!
...is this another Anti Rudolf conspiracy? At least it's more interesting than Rudolf Hitler.
"Immature"? Why would that...
Wait a second...
*turns phone upside-down*
Oh that sneaky little...
8180618
Ah the pre internet days of calculator 'porn'.
8180618
Yes. For me, I learned that little terror back when I still watched the Big Bang Theory show. (No, not that kind)
It's quite clever.
7734 (or 07734) are more family-friendly.
The pic stinky is broken it seems.