• Published 10th Oct 2014
  • 11,772 Views, 1,116 Comments

On the Corner of Straight and Narrow - Tatsurou



Sam and Max raise a filly Trixie while solving mysteries.

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How to Handle Undead

Sam leaned back against the wall by the phone, shaking his head. "Doesn't being the new High Priest of Easter Island and President violate the Separation of Church and State?" he asked.

"Blasphemy!" Max proclaimed as he continued to bathe Trixie.

"Besides, that article only forbids the legalization of a religion, or the enforcement of a state religion," Trixie pointed out as water poured over her head, cleansing her. "There isn't actually any legislature preventing a religious leader from becoming President, or the President becoming a religious leader." Seeing both Sam and Max staring at her, she smiled. "Mommy's been giving me an education."

"One of three, given her other parental influences," Jane teased.

"Don't you think bathing Trixie is a misuse of the holy water?" Sam asked, changing the subject.

"Sam, Trixie is the sacred best pony of the Underfeet's volcano god," Max explained. "How do you think the water becomes holy?"

"Why is there a zombie in the office?" Trixie asked curiously as a one handed zombie shuffled in through the door.

At that moment, the phone rang. Sam picked it up. "Hello? Commissioner?"

"Hnnngggaaah...haaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnndddd!" the zombie moaned, lunging for Jessie James' hand where it hung from a plaque.

As Sam attempted to communicate with the commissioner, Trixie dried herself off and approached the zombie. "Need a hand?" she asked teasingly.

The zombie turned to face her. His eyes widened. "Triiii...xiiieeee! Cow...boy! Siggggggggnnnnnn!"

Trixie giggled. "Of course. The Great and Powerful Trixie is always happy to appease her fans!" Levitating a pen over, she promptly signed the zombie's bare chest. "That show was Trixie's big debut, after all."

"All...cowboys...jealous!" the zombie crowed happily, staring down at the signature in fannish pride. "Paaaarrrty?"

"Trixie would be happy to visit the party where so many of her adoring fans are gathered," Trixie replied. "Where is it?"

The zombie responded with guttural muttering that could not be phonetically translated.

"The Zombie Factory in Stuttgard?" Trixie confirmed. "We shall be there! Tell all your friends!"

"Rarrrghhh!" the zombie cheered, quickly rushing outside.

Sam and Max were both staring at Trixie. "You speak zombie?" Sam finally asked.

"Mommy taught Trixie to speak Slavish Fanboy," Trixie explained. "Said it was necessary for keeping fans. Zombie is pretty similar."

"So how many people do you think she just offended there?" Max asked.

"No idea, but I think we're going to Stuttgard," Sam replied.

"Have fun you three," Jane said happily as she programmed the Desoto's GPS Max style.


As the trio pulled up in Stuttgard before a large, spooky castle, Max held an umbrella over Trixie to protect her from the storm. It had been Sam's idea. She had, apparently, been invited as some sort of celebrity guest, so it made sense to treat her as a celebrity. "So is this the place?" Max asked.

"Considering the zombies lined up politely outside, I'd assume so," Sam pointed out.

"Make way for the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie proclaimed, striding forward and leading Sam and Max after her.

The zombies immediately stepped aside, moaning happily and waving their arms in the air.

"You know, Trixie has a point," Max mused. "From the perspective of the celebrity, just how much difference is there between slavish fanboys and zombies?"

"Zombies generally have more disposable income by the time a celebrity meets them," Sam pointed out.

At the door, Agent Superball was acting as the bouncer. However, he had been informed of Trixie's VIP status, and the trio were guided into the castle immediately.


Inside, Sam and Max were surprised to discover that the Zombie Factory apparently had nothing to do with making zombies, and was actually some sort of zombie dance club.

Trixie wasn't surprised by that, as the zombie who had invited her had told her this. What surprised her was the music that was being played. "Hey!" Trixie complained. "Who butchered Trixie's hit single?"

"It is not butchered," a red haired, yellow eyed vampire scolded. "It is remix! It is art!"

Trixie, however, was busy hiding her eyes in Max's bunny tail to avoid being mentally scarred by Jurgen's appearance.

"Put a turtleneck on or something!" Sam snarled. "Trixie's too young to see something like that!"

"Yeah!" Max added. "The only one allowed to mentally scar Trixie is me!"

"What?" the vampire demanded. "But I-" Hearing angry growls from the zombies witnessing Trixie's distress, he sighed. "Tch. Fine!" With a snap of his fingers, an orange and green crocheted turtleneck sweater reading 'Mommy's Little Digger'(1) covered his torso. "Better?" he asked.

Trixie took one look at him and started to snicker, a behavior echoed first by Max, then Sam, and then the watching zombies.

"What?" the vampire demanded. "It was the only one I had!" When no one stopped laughing, he 'harrumphed' and turned away. "It doesn't matter. My army of zombie followers still love me! Who needs your opinions, Sam und Max!" He then looked down at Trixie. "But please do not laugh at Jurgen's turtleneck, oh Great and Powerful Trixie!"

"I'm a bit surprised so many undead are fans of yours, Trixie," Sam pointed out.

"Oh, all of Stuttgard loves Midtown Cowboys!" Jurgen proclaimed. "And little Trixie has propelled the quality of the show to untold heights with her appearances!"

"Appearances?" Sam asked. "As in...plural?"

"You did know that Bosco made Trixie her own little go cart to take her back and forth to W.A.R.P. after she got a permanent role on the show, didn't you?" Max pointed out. "It's why we have such good TV service."

"No one ever mentioned it," Sam pointed out.

"You never asked," Trixie proclaimed. "Trixie will sing now!"

Pushing her way to the stage, she sang both her big hits, "Tricks Up My Sleeve" and "Will the Real GaP Trixie Please Step Out", even going so far as to enchant the spotlights to emit sunlight to give the best shine to her coat and mane.

Jurgen attempted to best her dance moves, but was forced to flee from the burning of the magical sunlight, causing even more laughter from the zombies. Jurgen growled angrily. "Well then," he proclaimed, "Jurgen will just have to claim Trixie's abilities for his own!" He teleported beside her, leaning down to bite her neck.

The moment he touched her, however, he pulled back. "It burns!" he hissed, clutching his smoking hand.

"Well, we did just bathe her in holy water," Sam pointed out.

"Who is this 'we' you speak of?" Max questioned.

"No....hurt...Trixie!" the zombies proclaimed angrily, shuffling up to take a protective circle around Trixie, glaring death at Jurgen.

"Sam und Max und Trixie!" Jurgen proclaimed angrily. "You will pay for how you have thwarted my plans-"

"Protect...Trixie..." the zombies roared, charging Jurgen as he fled upstairs to his lair. In the distance, all three could hear some sort of machinery slam shut, and much of the dark atmosphere vanished from the castle.

"Max, keep her downstairs," Sam cautioned as he went up the stairs the zombies broke open. Before long, he came back down. "Well...I don't think we need to worry about Jurgen."

"And the zombies?" Max asked.

"They are Trixie's fans!" Trixie pointed out.

"And they killed Jurgen with one of his own death machines," Sam pointed out, shuddering. "Rather grisly. Although something showed up and collected his soul, which was unnerving. I think we'll need to keep an eye out for that."

"Later!" Trixie proclaimed. "Trixie wants more undead worship!"

At her command, the zombies proceeded to worship her. While at first their offerings were just as bad as those of the Underfoot, they could understand requests and soon had offerings much more pleasing to Trixie's eyes and taste buds.

Max sniffled, wiping his eye. "Already enslaving an entire populace to her whims...they grow up so fast."

"You crack me up, little buddy," Sam chided, shaking his head ruefully.


(1) In Season 3, it's revealed that Jurgen was an archaeologist before he became a vampire.

Author's Note:

And...another case that solved itself in a single chapter...

Although Jurgen and the zombies being Midtown Cowboys superfans - and Trixie stealing the show way back when - kinda made this obvious...at least it was longer than the previous chapter, right? ^^;

Hopefully, the remaining two cases in Season 2 will be more than one chapter each...